16 #4
I moved closer but stopped before touching her. “Then let them.”
Charm lowered her hands. “What?”
“Let them give me a chance.”
Her eyes searched mine.
“If they mean it, great.”
“And if they don’t?”
“Then I don’t care.”
“You will care.”
I exhaled hard, exhausted by having to explain who I was to the woman who should have known.
“I’ll be pissed that they’re pulling this manipulative shit on you, but hear me when I tell you I will never give a fuck about a rich man’s approval.
Unless the pendejo is signing my fucking check, que se joda el rico. ”
“That sounds like caring.”
I threw both hands into the air, too exhausted to keep arguing semantics with her. “Fine. I’ll care enough to think they’re assholes.”
A broken laugh escaped her, but I didn’t smile.
“I’m not going to leave you because Lance doesn’t approve of me.”
Her face twisted. “That isn’t what I’m afraid of.”
“I know.”
“What if they leave me?”
The question took some of the edge from my anger, but it didn’t erase it. I stepped closer.
“Then they make that choice.”
Her eyes widened. “You make everything sound so fucking black and white.”
“Sometimes it is.”
“They’re my family.”
“You share blood, mi hada, but this isn’t what family is supposed to do.”
“They’re all I have left of Charles.”
“That isn’t true.”
Her face hardened. “Don’t.”
“You have his memory and your own life. You have people who love you.”
“It isn’t the same.”
“I know.” My chest tightened. “You still can’t sacrifice your life to what you lost.”
Her breath caught.
I had pushed far enough and probably too far, but I couldn’t walk it back.
“I have lost people too. You know that better than almost anybody now.” My voice roughened. “Loss doesn’t earn the right to control whatever survives it.”
Tears slid down her face. I wanted to hold her and promise I would wait forever.
That was exactly why I couldn’t.
“I’m not asking you to stop loving them,” I said more quietly. “I’m asking you to decide whether loving them means they get to decide if you love me.”
Her mouth trembled, but she didn’t answer.
I waited until the silence hardened something inside me again. “Okay.”
Fear flashed across her face. “Ryan.”
“I need details and the truth. I need to know where I stand before I put any more of my fucking heart into this.”
“I just told you.”
“You told me what happened at dinner.” I stepped back. “Now you need to decide what happens next.”
Her breathing turned uneven. “You’re giving me an ultimatum.”
“I’m telling you where my boundary is, and I’m warning you before you cross it.”
She flinched, and I hated that, but I meant every word.
“I want you at that game as my girlfriend. I want you in the stands wearing my number. I want to walk out of that locker room afterward and know exactly who I’m looking for.”
Charm cried silently.
“I want Thanksgiving with you. I want all our friends to know what we are. I want your parents to know I’m not some phase they can wait out. I want the whole fucking thing.”
I swallowed against the pain gathering in my throat.
“I’ll be damned if I beg you for it.”
Her face broke. “Ryan.”
“You need to choose.”
“I’m trying.”
“You’re stalling, and eventually, this becomes yes or no.”
“Then give me time.”
“I have.”
The answer landed hard.
“So what?” she demanded. “If I can’t magically undo twenty-three years before Thanksgiving, you’re done?”
“No.”
Charm waited.
“If you can’t decide whether you’re willing to stand beside me when they hate it, I’m done.”
Her face went white. I felt sick, but I didn’t take it back.
“If it isn’t me, I’ll get over you.”
Charm looked like I had slapped her. I almost hated myself for the next sentence.
“I’ve lost much worse.”
The silence that followed was brutal.
Charm stared at me with tears running down her face, and I watched every soft thing between us disappear behind the hurt. Maybe hurting her was what finally made the danger real to her, or maybe I had just destroyed the best thing that had ever happened to me.
I couldn’t tell anymore.
I turned away before I caved.
“Ryan.”
I kept walking.
“Ryan, don’t do this.”
I stopped at the hallway without turning around. “I’m not disappearing.”
Her breath caught.
“I’m not punishing or mistreating you.” I looked back at her. “I’m pissed, and I need space before I say something worse.”
She hugged both arms around herself. “You said you’d get over me.”
“If you choose them over us, I’ll have to. It will hurt like fuck, but I will get over you.”
Her face crumpled again, and I hated everything about the moment.
I still meant it.
“Hold your ground, or I’m done, Charm. I won’t take any more edited versions of their bullshit. I won’t watch you protect everybody from the consequences of what they say, and I won’t keep guessing whether I’m human enough to sit at their fucking table.”
I walked toward my bedroom.
“Ryan.”
My hand closed around the doorframe. I looked at her one last time.
“I love what we have too much to keep pretending this isn’t destroying it.”
Then I went into my room and slammed the door, leaving Charm alone in the living room.