Chapter 47
Lily
It’s been a few weeks, months even, since I’ve felt this numb.
Completely detached.
He brought me to life, made me feel everything. Everything I never thought possible.
He’s my calm, my light, my peace.
People are talking around me, maybe even to me, but all I hear is a faint buzzing and the thumping beats of my heart. They taunt me with their steady rhythm.
How many beats do we get?
Why are some of us granted more than others?
Where was he going?
Why was he driving in that weather?
Staring at the picture on the wall in front of me, I try to make out the colors, but they’re all the same.
Gray.
Everything around me is varying shades of gray.
Dull.
Lifeless.
Dark.
The bright lights of the hospital are muted; nothing is shining bright. Every light that was shining in my life flickers out with every moment that passes.
Every moment where he isn’t with me, safe and smiling, I’m losing him.
Someone squeezes my hand, their touch momentarily gifting me some semblance of feeling.
I register Beck as he kneels in front of me.
My longest and best friend has always tried to keep my head above water, even when he’s swimming in his own grief and plagued by his own demons.
But even his touch is doing nothing to stop my spiral into darkness.
The overpowering sense of loss and fear that claws at my every sense, making me shut down.
I try to focus on him, try my best to make out the parts that I know by heart. The parts of my best friend who had to drag my boyfriend out of his crumpled wreck of a car and then had to relive it all again to tell me.
I know it broke him.
I know he’ll be at war with himself over being strong and wanting to break down.
He’s seen so much.
And holds so much back.
But right now, as he grips my hand so tightly, as he focuses solely on me, he isn’t thinking of himself.
He rarely does.
Still in his uniform, which is so wet it’s clinging to his frame. His untamed hair is plastered to his face with sweat and rainwater, his face is filthy, and his eyes are dull and sunken. “Lils, you with me?”
I nod. But I know I’m not. And so does he. I’ve slipped away to that place that enjoys my misery.
“Babe, don’t go there. Please don’t do this.” He squeezes my hand harder, like I’ll fall apart if he lets go.
I’m almost there, almost utterly broken.
He closes his eyes briefly before he brings his gaze back to me, and they gloss over as his voice cuts through the chaos inside my head. “I can’t lose you again.” A lone tear falls from his unique eyes as he pleads with me not to fall further into the darkness.
But how can I not, when my light is fighting for his life?
“Here.” Taking the mug of tea Kai offers, I wrap my hands around it.
The heat radiating through should have me wincing in pain, but I still feel numb.
All I can do is nod my thanks and stare down at the drink that brings back stupid memories.
Memories of me taunting Marcus on how to make a perfect brew.
Memories of him wordlessly handing me my morning brew on the balcony as we took in the sunrise.
Sunrise. A new beginning.
He’s my new beginning.
For the first time since Beck told me what had happened, tears stream down my face. This damn mug of tea is making me feel.
Making me feel everything.
The memories trigger me into reacting and not turning in on myself. My tears drop into the mug, and I watch the way the liquid ripples every time one falls free. That’s what Marcus is to me. He’s my ripple effect.
Him being in that same hospital as me was meant to happen.
We were meant to form this strange bond, which rippled into a strange but perfect working relationship, and then a beautiful personal relationship.
Every time Marcus was involved in my life after that accident, even if I thought he was making my life harder, something amazing happened.
Until today.
Kai takes my mug off me, placing it to the side, and wraps his arm around my shoulder, pulling me into his embrace.
And that’s when I hear him sniffle above me.
I pull away and take him in. His eyes are bloodshot, and he has dark circles under his usually bright green eyes.
We silently hold each other as we let our tears fall.
“Excuse me?” A quiet voice questions as Kai releases me. “I notice you two have been waiting here for quite a while. Are you Mr. Diaz’s family?”
“Yes, she’s his fiancée.” The lie rolls off Kai’s tongue, and it sends a sharp pang through my heart as his words hit deep.
“Good, I’m Dr. Raven. Can we sit?” She motions with her hand to the sofa, and I wordlessly nod as my legs carry me over and I sink down with Kai and Dr. Raven bracketing me.
She affectionately holds my hands and her warm touch calms my racing heart a beat as my eyes connect with hers. “Are you his only immediate family?”
“No,” I say almost inaudibly. “His parents live in Spain.”
“Do you have a way of contacting them?” I nod. “Okay, if you don’t feel up to it, I can call them for you?”
“I can do it.” Kai chokes out. “But please, Doctor, is he okay?”
“Mr. Diaz is out of surgery. We’ve successfully reset his broken legs and ankles. He was extremely lucky that they weren’t crushed in the accident.”
“Okay, great, that all sounds promising,” Kai says hopefully.
“Yes, that part of the surgery went well, but…” She trails off as she gathers her thoughts.
“Please don’t sugar coat it, doctor, tell us everything.” I plead.
“Due to the impact of the accident, he sustained a very serious head injury, which has resulted in a bleed on the brain.” Bringing my hand to my mouth, I stifle a cry.
“So, what does that mean, doctor?” Kai takes over as I can’t form words.
“We have tried to release the pressure and have done everything we can, but the next twenty-four to forty-eight hours are integral. We’ll know more then about what the full effects are.
But right now, we have placed him in an induced coma to rest. We will monitor his brain activity while he’s under.
Only time will tell if he’ll come round. ”
As I process everything she is saying I’m certain my heart physically cracks in two.
Harris helps me to my feet and guides me to take a seat. He grips my face in a soft embrace and stares deep into my eyes. “You have to believe he’ll pull through.” I drop my gaze, but he tilts my face back up. “Do not hide, Chambers.”
The phrase makes my heart clench.
He’s right, I can’t hide, not from Marcus. I never could.
“He needs you to be strong. When he comes through this, your face will be the first he’ll want to see.
Your smile.” He offers me a small smile as he continues.
“Your twenty-seven freckles dotted across your nose.” That makes me frown, and he chuckles.
“He hasn’t told you he counted them, has he?
” I shake my head, and he releases his grip on my face to hold my hands.
“The moment he told me he’d counted your freckles, I knew the man was long gone. ”
The fog that has engulfed my every thought starts to clear with every word Kai says. He’s reminding me just what I should be fighting for.
Fighting for us.
He has managed to open the dam, and I can’t control the tears that fall. But I’m finally feeling something.
“I’ve never seen him as happy as when he spoke about you.
Even playing the sport that’s etched into his very soul never brought him so much joy.
You have to fight, Lily, because I refuse to see another one of my friends fall into darkness, and I do nothing about it.
” The pain is written all over his face, and with that solitary look, the fog dissipates completely.
“You did do something and you’re doing something now.” I cup his cheek and smile weakly at him. “You’re a good man, Kai Harris, and an even better friend.”
“I didn’t see him spiral. I didn’t see his pain.” His voice breaks, and he takes a few deep breaths. “He was breaking right in front of my eyes, and I did nothing until it was almost too late.”
“You did everything and more. You brought him back.” He looks a far cry from the vibrant man I’ve come to know.
His beautiful green eyes drift back open, but they lack his usual bright sparkle.
“And you’re right, he won’t leave. I won’t allow it.
” I smirk across at him, and he huffs out a short laugh.
“God, you two are meant for each other. Both as stubborn as each other.” He shakes his head as he sits a little taller.
“Makes for some pretty fun conversations.” I shrug.
“I bet.”
We’re silent for a while, both lost in thought. “I’m going to call Fiona,” I say quietly.
“Fiona? Wow, he really did tell you everything.”
“I need to get myself better for when he wakes because, you’re right. He’ll need me to be strong for when he comes back to me.” Looking over at him, I say gently. “Comes back to us.”
After what feels like an eternity, we are finally allowed to sit with Marcus. And I refuse to leave his side all night. My hand never leaves his as I watch his chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm.
Beep… beep… Beep.
That sound is something so familiar that I try so hard to keep those memories at bay.
I will not go there.
Marcus deserves the woman he believes I am. I will be that strong woman. I will take back my power.
His hand twitches in mine, and I gasp, but there is no other moment. His eyes don’t even flutter.
Nothing.
But when a stream of light from the morning sun shines through the small window highlighting his tattoo that I’m so obsessed with, I get the sense that someone somewhere is telling me it will be okay.
The sun will rise again, and we will get our new beginning.
We just need to find the light together.
“Has she been here all night?” Jade’s soft voice drifts through, and I lift my head gingerly from Marcus’s side, my hand still encasing his like a lifeline.
“She has,” I mumble, and four worried faces look at me.
Jade stands tucked into Hunter’s side, where he has a protective arm hooked around her.
Trixie is on Jade’s other side, her normally glossy hair is pinned up in a messy bun, tendrils falling loose, and she chews on her thumbnail.
But it’s Beck’s grief-stricken face that makes tears well in my eyes.
“Beck,” I whisper as I’m torn between running to my best friend to comfort him or keeping hold of the man I love more than I ever thought was possible.
He must see the conflict in my eyes because he wastes no time in coming to my side and wraps me in the type of hug that feels like home, and I sink into him, but I can’t bring myself to loosen my grip on Marcus. “I’m okay.”
“You sure?” he mumbles into my shoulder, and I hear the others move into the room and surround us.
“I will be.” I kiss the top of his head, and he pulls away, assessing me. “No chocolate buttons in sight.”
He smiles, taking a seat in the spare chair next to me. “Lil’s, you scared me.”
“I know. I’m sorry. And I’m sorry you were the one who had to tell me.”
“I wanted to be the one to tell you. I needed to be there for you when you found out. I knew you would need support.”
“Are you okay?”
“I will be.” He echoes my words back at me, and Hunter grips his shoulder in solidarity. I know he and Beck have formed a bond since Jade started dating Hunter, but their friendship has obviously grown even more since I’ve been away.
“What have they said?” Trixie asks from her spot across the room.
“He has some head trauma from the accident. He had a bleed on the brain.” I pause as I try to gather my thoughts. “They’re monitoring his brain activity, but they haven’t really given me anything else.”
“Dr. Arnold is still here looking after Olivia. I'll get him to add Marcus to his patient list,” Hunter chips in.
“I can’t ask you to do that.”
“You aren’t. I want to do this. Don’t fight me on this.” And I see why Jade fell so damn hard for this man. Selfless, kind, giving, and dominant.
“Thank you,” is all I can muster.