Chapter 27
twenty-seven
Standing outside the door of Brian’s apartment, I mentally run through what I’m going to say. The words I rehearsed more than a dozen times on my way here. The ones I desperately need him to hear so he understands how I’m feeling and what I need.
I inhale and exhale slowly, willing myself to remain calm and have the strength to get through this conversation. I knock on his door three times, taking a step back as I open and close my fists, digging my nails into my palms.
When the door swings open, Brian’s mouth drops and his eyes widen. “Oh my God, Kate! What are you doing here?” He walks out of the apartment, pulling me into a hug and squeezing before releasing me. “I didn’t expect to see you. I thought you wanted to talk on the phone.”
“Thought it might be best if we chatted in person. It’s been a long time since we were in the same room. More than a month.” I tuck a stray strand of hair behind my ear and drag my lower lip between my teeth.
Brian runs his fingers down my face, cupping my chin, and placing a soft kiss on my lips.
A genuine smile of contentment appears on his face as he takes my hand, bringing me inside.
He walks me over to the huge black leather couch in his living room, gesturing for me to sit next to him. Just like old times.
“What do you want to talk about, beautiful?” Brian asks, gazing at me curiously.
“I hope you’re not too mad that I had to miss the party.
You know how much I wanted to be there.” He leans against the arm of the couch, crossing one of his legs.
He’s dressed for bed in light gray sweatpants and a ratty college T-shirt, the type of outfit that is usually my kryptonite. Not tonight.
The air in the room vanishes, and my chest tightens, making it difficult to breathe, almost like an elephant is sitting on me. I’m frozen for a second, unable to utter a single word as the reality of what I’m about to do hits me.
After blowing out a deep breath, I shake my head, forcing myself to do what has to be done. “I’m disappointed you couldn’t come to the party. It was—” I look at the ceiling for a minute, wanting to get out these words without crying. “It was humiliating. Let’s—”
Brian’s smile vanishes. “So, you are pissed about the party. You know I had to work,” he says defensively. “What did you expect me to do?”
“This isn’t about the party,” I reply.
“Then what’s going on?” he asks, his demeanor shifting from frustrated to concerned.
“It’s about us. Our wedding. Our relationship.
All of it,” I answer, clasping my hands together and placing them in my lap.
“Nothing this year has gone as expected. My mom’s accident made me see my life through a different lens.
It’s caused me to question what I want out of life.
I’m not the same person as I was six weeks ago. ”
He nods, a tranquil expression on his face. He’s not going to see this coming. Hasn’t picked up on any of the signs over the past few weeks. Believes missing our party, constantly letting me down, and ignoring my needs aren’t a big deal.
I swallow hard. “I think—”
“Do you want to make a career change? Have kids sooner? Money won’t be an issue once we’re married,” he blurts with a smirk.
I shake my head, closing my eyes and forcing down the anger building inside me.
“Is this about the wedding? Do you want to make changes? You know I’m okay with whatever you want. You don’t even need to talk to me about it.”
For the love—
Why can’t he let me talk? He’s mansplaining how I feel without having any idea what’s going on.
“You’re not understanding what I’m trying to say. This isn’t about my career or the wedding. It’s bigger than that,” I reply, taking one more deep breath and bracing myself. “I don’t think we should get married.”
His mouth falls open, his eyes widen. His brow furrows as he processes what I’ve said. It’s complete silence for a minute; neither of us daring to breathe too loudly.
“Okay. You want to postpone the wedding. We can do that. It might be hard to get our deposits back if we move the date, but I’m sure my lawyer can find loopholes in the contracts,” he explains calmly, reaching for his phone like he’s about to text his lawyer.
I gently place my hand on top of his phone. “I’m not talking about postponing the wedding. I don’t want to marry you, Brian.” Tears immediately stream from my eyes as I shudder. “I’m so sorry.”
He quickly pulls his arm away, leaning back, like he’s trying to put as much physical space between us as possible.
His previously serene face turns to one filled with anger.
“This isn’t funny, Kate.” The muscle in his jaw flexes.
“I get that you’re upset about the party, but you can’t joke about something like this. ”
“I’m not joking. This has nothing to do with the party.”
“Then why? Why would you throw away five years completely out of the blue?” he yells, clenching his fists.
I flinch at the tone of his voice, coiling back until I hit the armrest with nowhere else to go. “I’m not happy. You can’t give me what I need.” My voice trembles. “What I deserve.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
My body shudders as I wrap my arms around myself, gripping my shirt sleeves tightly to anchor me.
“You don’t treat me like an equal partner.
Everything in our relationship is on your terms. What you want, how you want it, and when.
Any time I try to communicate my needs, you either don’t listen or act like my request is unreasonable.
” I pause for a moment, inhaling and exhaling deeply while maintaining eye contact with him.
“You don’t even make time to talk to me anymore.
Do you know how much it hurts to have your fiancé not respond to your texts and rarely call? How lonely I’ve felt the past month?”
He clenches his jaw. “It’s my busy season. You know how hard it is for me to do anything but work during this time.”
“I do, but this isn’t only about the past month.
It’s been going on for a while. I never…
I never saw it clearly until now,” I reply, my body shaking with anger.
“You put everyone and everything in your life before me. You always have. And I deserve to have someone in my life who believes I’m the best part of their day.
The best thing that’s ever happened to them.
I don’t want to be someone’s afterthought. Not anymore.”
He stands, pacing the room, running his hands through his thick, dark brown hair.
“You’ve been through a lot. I want to be supportive and understanding, but you’re pushing my limits.
” He stops, staring directly at me. “We’ll take a break for a few weeks.
Give you some space to deal with whatever’s going on emotionally, then we’ll have another discussion about the future of our relationship.
I bet you’ll change your mind once you’ve calmed down.
” He crosses his arms with his chin held high, confident he’s right.
“That’s not what I want, Brian. I’m not going to change my mind.”
“If you end our engagement, it’s over, Kate. For good,” he says sternly, gritting his teeth. “I won’t take you back.”
I nod, swallowing hard. I take a final deep breath, fully resolved to what I’m going to do next, and tug the engagement ring off my finger. I walk over to him and hold it out.
“You should take the ring back. I don’t want to keep it,” I say softly, tears staining my cheeks. “Take it.” I place the jewelry in Brian’s hand, closing his fingers around it. “I’m really sorry it didn’t work out between us.”
Brian doesn’t say a word as I take one final look at him before walking out the door. And out of his life forever.