Chapter 39
thirty-nine
“Keep, donate, or toss,” I ask, holding up another snowman figurine from Judy’s collection of holiday decorations.
Some people claim Christmas is their favorite holiday, but no one loves it more than Judy did.
The thirty boxes of Christmas decorations that Jake and I are attempting to sort through are concrete proof.
And the snowmen. So. Many. Snowmen. I gave up counting after we reached fifty.
“Keep. It was one of her favorites,” Jake replies, glancing in my direction from across the living room, where he’s rummaging through another box.
Working our way through the house was going fairly well until we uncovered the treasure trove of Christmas decorations and quickly realized Jake couldn’t determine what to keep until he saw each item.
“How many boxes of Christmas decorations should I expect in our future? Are you as invested in the holidays as my mom was?” he asks casually, without even looking up, as if it’s already a foregone conclusion that we have a future together.
And the butterflies are back. Has a kaleidoscope of butterflies taken up permanent residency in my stomach?
That’s the only explanation for how often this fluttering appears, making my heart soar.
Does he know what he’s doing to me with these comments?
How hopeful it makes me, while also terrifying me? Does he realize what he’s saying?
“Probably not as many as your mom. I’m limited on storage space in the condo,” I answer, trying to subtly remind him that I live in Chicago, seven hours away from him.
The physical distance between us is one of my biggest concerns about pursuing a relationship.
It’s not realistic career-wise for him to move to Chicago, and I’m not sure I’m ready to move anywhere else.
Not to mention, he’s on the road most of the year.
How could a relationship between us work in those conditions?
He strolls across the living room to me, reaching for my hand and pulling me up.
It’s been days since we’ve been only inches apart.
Both of us trying to respect the boundaries we’ve set and the undeniable chemistry brewing between us.
“Do you have a question you want to ask, Kate?” His eyes focus on mine, instantly making me regret the decision to take it slow.
“Does it make you uncomfortable when I mention our future?”
“Yes. No. I can’t think when you’re this close,” I reply, taking two steps back, hoping the distance will allow my brain to function again.
I place one hand over the other on my chest, trying to slow my breathing and racing heart.
“It’s just… You say things so casually about the future.
I can’t tell whether you fully understand the implications of what you’re saying or not. ”
“Ahh.” He moves closer to me, not as close as before but enough that his woodsy scent envelops me.
“Let me make it clear. I know exactly what I’m saying when I talk about the future.
Our future. You may still need time to decide what you want, but I don’t.
I want you.” He reaches his hand out like he’s going to stroke my cheek, then pulls away. “Fuck. Not touching you is impossible.”
I chuckle, a grin spreading across my face. “Glad to know I’m not the only one affected by all of this.”
“You’re not alone. The things I could tell you…” His eyes darken as he smirks.
“Now I’m curious. You have to tell me.” He knows better than to dangle a comment like that without telling me the details. I have a must-know mentality.
“Oh, Kate. I wish I could tell you what being around you does to me,” he murmurs, biting his lip and eliminating the space between us.
“What I lie in bed and think about.” He moves close to my ear, his warm breath cascading down my neck, eliciting goosebumps on my arms. “But we agreed to take things slow, so I have to keep those thoughts to myself. For now. When you’re ready to be mine, I’ll make sure you experience all of it. ”
I gasp at his directness. What he’s saying without uttering a single word. This might be worse than him telling me, because now my mind is running wild with possibilities.
He winks at me and strolls back to sorting through decorations.
Like nothing happened. As if my panties aren’t soaking wet and I’m not on the verge of climbing him like a tree.
What is wrong with me? How can I feel this way about another man so quickly after ending my engagement?
I may not be devastated about leaving Brian, but shouldn’t I have more self-control?
Be inclined to take time for myself before jumping into another relationship?
Especially one that has all the makings of being very serious.
Jake’s voice pulls me out of my downward spiral. “How are you feeling about having your mom come home this week? I know she can be a lot.” He looks across the room at me, genuine concern in his eyes because he knows how much I struggled living with my mom growing up.
I sigh, setting down yet another snowman figurine as I try to find the words to explain the battle raging inside me.
“I’m glad she’s doing well enough to get released from rehab.
Although I do question whether she might have bullied the physical therapists into letting her go home. She’s not the easiest patient.”
“Yeah. I’m not sure who is more excited for your mom to leave rehab. Your mom or the staff.”
“I’m sure it will be fine. We’ll be together twenty-four-seven. In a small house. My life will be a reenactment of the GIF of a character sitting in a room on fire, saying, ‘everything’s fine.’”
Jake chuckles. “You won’t be alone. I’ll be there as much as I can to act as a buffer.
Keep her from being more…herself. I’ve already tweaked my writing schedule to make sure I can take her to and from physical therapy every day.
” He leans back against the couch, stretching out his legs on the floor.
“I’ve also got lunches and dinners covered, too. ”
“You don’t have to do that,” I reply, heat climbing up my face. He mentioned helping out when my mom came home, but I didn’t expect this level of support.
“I know. I want to. I’m here to help you anyway I can, Kate. Anytime. Day or night.”
I swallow hard. He’s doing what he said he would. Proving to me with his actions that he wants to be part of my life. Plans on staying in my life. And I start to let myself briefly imagine what a future with Jake could look like if I’m willing to take a leap of faith and trust him with my heart.