Chapter 40
forty
Mom’s been home for less than three days, and I’m ready to send her back. Willing to pay any amount of money necessary to get her out of my hair and make her someone else’s problem because she’s driving me insane. Completely fucking insane.
I’d be drowning if it weren’t for Jake. He chauffeurs her to physical therapy and stays to watch her, so he can make sure she’s doing the exercises correctly at home.
That man has the patience of a saint because nothing makes her pricklier than being corrected on her physical therapy.
He also stands up for me anytime she goes on a tirade about something I’ve done wrong or could improve upon.
He does it without question, refusing to let her diminish my light, reminding her how talented and wonderful I am.
I don’t know if it’s necessarily changing her behavior, but it’s making a huge difference in my life.
What he’s not allowed to do is mention that anything is brewing between us. She may love Jake like a son, but she’ll lose her shit if I date him. She’d instantly assume I’m having a midlife crisis.
“I still don’t understand why you want to go bowling,” Mom says now, skeptical about the two of us going out with our friends from high school. “You never liked bowling as a child. What if I need something while you’re gone?”
The disapproving look she gives me is one of those stares that would’ve caused me to bend to her will only a few weeks ago.
Not anymore. I’m done chasing her elusive approval and trying to live up to her ever-changing standards.
It’s time for me to live my life. Focus on what I want for once.
“I don’t hate bowling. I’m just not very good at it.
There’s a difference. And I’ll only be gone a few hours.
You can call or text me if you need something. ”
And with that, I grab my purse and phone and head out the front door.
“Come on, come on. Little to the left. Strike, baby!” Dylan shouts loud enough for the people four lanes over to hear.
He spins around on the balls of his feet before slowly strolling over to us, pretending to dust imaginary dirt off his shoulders.
“And that’s how it’s done. Didn’t realize you were playing against a professional tonight, did you, Jake? ”
Jake chokes back a laugh. “No, Dylan. I was not anticipating your bowling skills.” He nudges my thigh with his knee, arching his eyebrow in a silent request to help him out of this situation.
The Dylan we knew in high school loved to prattle on and on about his prowess in various activities.
For hours. Jake’s fake smile tells me he remembers all too well what it felt like to get stuck listening to Dylan ramble.
“For the love, Dylan. It’s the first frame of the game.
How about you wait to gloat until we’re halfway through?
” Hannah teases, blowing him an air kiss.
As soon as Dylan turns to brag about his strike to the unknown group two lanes over from us, Hannah motions for Jake and me to lean in.
“Dylan is actually horrible at bowling. I’m not sure how the fuck that happened.
Whatever you do, please don’t encourage him.
I can’t spend a lifetime hearing about the one time he almost became a professional bowler. ”
“That was a fluke?” I ask, taking another sip of my cold beer.
“Yep. We usually do bumper bowling when it’s just the two of us.
That’s how bad he is,” Hannah replies, shaking her head in disbelief.
Jake arches an eyebrow and displays a wicked smirk.
He doesn’t have to say anything; it’s obvious what he’s planning to do next.
Hannah glances at Jake and immediately frowns.
“I swear to God, Jake Caldwell. If you say anything about bumper bowling, I’ll deny it.
And I’ll make sure retribution is extra sweet.
Throw a little chaos into your quiet life. ”
Jake immediately grimaces. “You wouldn’t dare.”
“Try me,” Hannah replies confidently, leaning back against the seat bench with a look, knowing she’s already won. Whatever Jake was planning has been kiboshed, thanks to her threat.
“This is high school all over again,” I mutter, shaking my head at the bickering between them, while Brandon, Shawn, and their wives are completely oblivious to the almost throwdown happening over here.
Jake and Hannah loved to push each other’s buttons, constantly instigating shit to rile the other up.
For some reason, she seems mostly resistant to Jake’s charms, never chasing after him like every other girl in school did. Like most women still do.
How can I blame women for finding him ungodly attractive? For lusting after his raspy voice. Anyone lucky enough to truly get to know Jake can see the incredible man he’s become. It’s no wonder women gawk at him wherever he goes. He’s the entire package.
Sitting right next to me. His thighs touching mine. Laughing with our friends. Dressed in dark jeans, a light gray Henley, and a navy baseball cap, casting a shadow over his eyes. So fucking gorgeous.
And so out of my league.
He could have any woman he wanted.
Why is he interested in me?
My smile falters as I compare myself to the long list of women he’s dated in the past. Assuming you’d call it dating, which is being very generous.
Jake leans toward me, his lips almost brushing my ear. “Are you okay?”
A shiver runs down my spine. I don’t know how to answer his question.
This isn’t the type of conversation we should have in front of other people.
“I’m fine. Just got a lot on my mind,” I whisper, choosing to leave out how I’m actively sizing myself up against every model-thin blonde he’s dated and losing.
“I see. Want to talk about it?” He doesn’t move an inch. His breath flames my skin, making the thoughts going through my mind even more devastating.
I shake my head, unable to reply without telling him everything. Wanting to hear him convince me that I’m different from the other women. That I mean something more because of who I am. Who we are to each other. What we can become.
And that’s when it hits me.
I want this with him.
A relationship.
A future.
My decision has already been made. The only thing holding me back is the fear of what happens if it doesn’t work out. What I would lose if he changed his mind. And that scares the ever-living shit out of me.
“Come with me,” Jake whispers, placing his beer on the counter and standing. “Hey, Dylan. Can you bowl these frames for Kate and me? She needs to find a quiet place to make a call.”
“Hell, yes! Just remember who helped you start off the game with a high score,” Dylan says, high-fiving Jake as we walk past, completely oblivious to the evil eyes his fiancée is giving us at the moment.
“There’s a quiet spot near the video games. Let’s go over there and talk,” Jake says, placing his hand on the small of my back as we walk to the dimly lit area.
I lean against the wall next to a claw machine filled with stuffed animals that were trendy five or more years ago. Talk about the world’s worst location for confessing my fears about how I stack up against other women.
Jake stands in front of me, gazing into my eyes and making it almost impossible to concentrate. “What’s bothering you? And don’t pretend it’s nothing because I know better. I know you.”
I exhale loudly, almost obnoxiously, because telling him this is the last thing I want to do tonight. Or ever. But if I want a chance with him, I don’t have a choice.
“You and Hannah bickering reminded me of high school.”
He nods, urging me to go on.
“I started thinking about all the girls you dated in high school. The women you’ve dated since. How women watch you. Eye fuck you.” I tilt my head to the side, biting the inside of my cheek. “I’m not like any of them. I’m so different from anyone you’ve dated. It makes me worried that—”
“I’m going to stop you right there. None of those other women holds a candle to you. No other woman in this world is as beautiful as you are,” Jake says in a low voice, caging me in between his arms and lifting my chin gently. “I don’t want any other woman. I only want you.”
I inhale sharply.
“I can’t control how other women look at me.
Can’t stop them from staring or apparently ‘eye fucking’ me.
But I don’t notice any of them. None of them captures my attention like you do.
” He leans in closer until his lips are brushing against my ear.
“I haven’t looked at another woman since I realized how I feel about you. ”
I gasp. “But that means…” My mind flashes back to the dinner we had at the Mexican restaurant. The countless women who watched him, the ones he swore he didn’t see.
“I’ve been falling for you for a while. Everything changed for me a couple of weeks after I got back in town.”
I squeeze my eyes shut, pressing my lips together tightly, preparing to ask the next question that could make or break everything.
The one that’s even more relevant, given the timing.
My eyes open, meeting his intense gaze. “How can you be sure this isn’t grief talking?
How can you know these feelings for me aren’t caught up in your mom’s death?
” I hold my breath, fighting back tears as I watch him for a sign.
Anything to help me determine whether these feelings are temporary.
“I’m very serious about wanting us to be together.
This isn’t the grief talking,” he replies in a serious tone, his face filled with sincerity.
“I’ve been attending therapy virtually at least once a week since my mom died.
That’s how I know what I feel for you isn’t tied to grief.
That it’s extremely real. You can talk to my therapist if you want. ”
“You’ve talked to your therapist about me?” I blink rapidly, completely thrown by this piece of information.
“At length. She knows everything about you and us.” He takes a deep breath, adjusting his position until he is supporting himself against the wall on one arm, and his other hand slowly slides up my body until it lands on my waist. “How I feel about you is real. And I’m pretty sure you feel it, too. ”
I nod silently.
His grip on my waist tightens, igniting a fire between my legs. Making me long for his touch. His kiss. All of him.
“Fuck. I can’t wait until you’re ready to be mine.
Have your lips against my skin. It’ll be the best fucking day of my life, Kate.
” His smoldering gaze does nothing to dampen the raging inferno inside me.
“We should go back to the group before I lose all self-control.” He pushes off the wall, staring at me with longing before we start heading back to the lane.
This is real.
He wants me. For me. No one else.
Now all I have to do is find the courage to jump into his arms.
Brandon’s voice startles me from my thoughts. “Everything okay?” he asks, glancing from me to Jake and back again. “You were gone for a while.”
“Everything’s fine,” Jake replies smoothly, picking up his beer and taking a long drink without breaking eye contact with me. “Kate had to get an answer to a pressing question before she could enjoy the evening. It’s all good now.”
“Thanks for unleashing the monster in Dylan,” Hannah says, a hint of frustration in her voice.
“He threw two spares for the two of you and has now convinced himself the ball is magical. He’s currently trying to negotiate buying the crappy bowling ball from the manager.
Completely convinced it’s the first step toward going pro.
” Hannah sits across from us, shaking her head.
“I sure do love him, but the things that this man believes.”
“The heart wants what the heart wants, Hannah,” Jake replies, eyes locked intently on me, as if we’re the only two people in the room. “No one can help who they fall in love with, nor how fast they fall.”
Talk about knocking the wind out of my lungs and sending my heart soaring. The rest of the night is a complete blur; my mind focused solely on what Jake meant by that comment.