Chapter 13
Nikki has to be at work by noon, so after we enjoy some coffee together, Nikki sends me on my way with my groceries. Before I start my journey, I sit in the driver’s seat and read through my notifications. Right away, I notice three texts and a photo from Oliver.
Oliver
hey Jude
missed ya last night at the EQA meet
I may have made a new best friend
I load the image Oliver sent and chuckle out loud. It’s a rainbow-colored foam stress toy shaped like our school mascot, the Eidola Phantom.
Jude
I love it! very cute
did you guys enjoy the EQA meet?
Oliver
yeah we all had a great time! got lots of swag and talked to some members
they have a lot of events coming up so hopefully you can join us next time
Jude
absolutely!
Oliver doesn’t reply right away, so I start up my car and navigate back to The Village.
I never expected to miss having a Friday class to go to, but during the first week of school, I don’t have enough studying or homework to keep me busy.
Plus, it’s essentially a four-day weekend for me with Monday being Labor Day, so being bored is a legitimate concern of mine.
Thankfully, though, I have Max, who is fantastic at keeping life interesting. Surely, he has some big plans for the three of us.
Opening the door to room 714, I nearly swoon as all the delicious aromas of Max’s cooking hit me at once. I also recognize the unmistakable rhythm of Bad Bunny playing in the background.
“Jude!” Celeste calls out from a barstool facing the front door. “Welcome back!”
“Morning, Papi!” Max chirps from the kitchen while actively sautéing something on the stove. He’s sporting his Dune apron with the iconic sandworm and the words “he who controls the spice controls the universe” printed across it. “How was your night with Nikki?”
“Mostly good,” I answer, plopping my overnight bag by my bedroom door before putting away my groceries. “What are you making? It smells heavenly.”
“Arroz con Pollo Cubano,” Max says, grinning widely. “I hope you’re gonna be hungry in about an hour.”
“Oh, definitely,” I vow. “Do you need any help?”
Max shakes his head. “Not at the moment, but if you pull up a stool with Celeste, I’ll probably start shouting orders at some point.”
“Heard, chef.”
“In the meantime, how is Nikki?” Celeste asks.
“Good,” I say, settling into the barstool next to Celeste. “I talked to her about hanging out with all of us, and she’s down.”
“Great!” Celeste claps her hands together. “See, that wasn’t so hard, was it?”
“Apparently, she was reluctant about hanging out with Max because she doesn’t feel comfortable around men,” I say, giving Max a wary glance. “But I told her you’re gay, and she felt a lot better about it.”
“Huh,” Max frowns. “I guess that makes sense. Just wait until she finds out I’m trans. That should be interesting.”
“She’s not a TERF, is she?” Celeste demands, her brows in a hard line.
I cringe. “I certainly hope not! I think I would know at this point if she hates trans people.”
“I mean, if she doesn’t know I’m trans…” Max slows his stirring to meet my gaze.
“Guys, she’s dating a nonbinary person. I think if she hated trans people, it’d be obvious.”
“Fair enough,” Max concedes.
“Mmkay,” Celeste adds, still clearly dubious.
Max stirs a small bowlful of spices into the pan, covers it, and sets a timer. “Anything else happen?” he asks.
I hesitate. Should I tell them about what happened in the car? They’re my closest friends, but do they really need to know everything?
“I know that look,” Celeste says, leaning in and bumping my shoulder gently. “Come on, hon. What happened?”
Fine, I guess I’ll spill. “My mom called me while I was with Nikki last night.”
Celeste goes stiff. “Yeah?”
“And now Nikki knows my deadname. Yay.”
Celeste and Max exchange glances. “Oh, shit,” Max laments.
“I’m so sorry, honey,” Celeste says.
I can’t think of anything to say, so I simply shrug.
A few moments pass with only Bad Bunny and Max’s sizzling pan to fill the quiet. I’m almost ready to change the subject, but Max opens his mouth to speak.
“You should really say something to your mom about it. Just tell her that while you’re at school, you’d prefer that she call you by your chosen name.”
I snort. “Yeah, I’m sure that would do the trick. ‘Hey, Mom, I know you don’t accept or acknowledge my gender identity, but would you mind pretending to be a decent person while you’re giving me money? Thanks, you’re the best.’ Man, why didn’t I think of that?”
“Jude, don’t take your anger out on us,” Celeste says, a warning in her tone. “You know we’re on your side.”
“You’re right, I’m sorry.” I sigh. “It doesn’t matter, anyway.”
Max shakes his head. “Don’t say that. It does matter.”
“It really doesn’t,” I insist. “It’s not worth another fight.”
“Isn’t it, though?”
“Max.”
Max’s dark brown eyes bore into mine. Max, of all people, understands what I’m going through better than anyone else in my life. I know he means well. But his situation is different. It always has been.
“I appreciate you. Both of you,” I say with as much sincerity as I can muster. “I know I should stick up for myself, and I do most of the time. But not to my parents. There’s too much at stake.”
Max releases my gaze and shakes his head.
“It’s such bullshit,” Celeste interjects angrily. “Holding your future over your head the way they do. It’s fucking disgusting.”
I shrug. “It is what it is. But it’s not forever. As soon as I get my MSW—”
“Right, and how many years will that be?” Celeste asks.
“Not even five years if I stay on track. And I will stay on track as long as I don’t have to worry about money or a job.”
“So, you have to lie about who you are and just let them misgender and deadname you for five more years so that you can get a free ride through school?”
Anger swells in my chest, but I swallow it down. “That’s the deal.”
“And you don’t see how fucked up that is?”
“Of course I do!” I snap. “Look, they’re shitty for being bigots, but I’m just as shitty for taking their bigot money.”
Celeste gapes at me. “They’re your parents, Jude!”
“Yeah, and?”
“They’re supposed to love you for who you are!”
I scoff. “Well, that’s too bad. Life dealt me an unlucky hand, but at least there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.
All I have to do is suck it up for five more years, and I’ll have a master’s degree with no student debt.
Then I’ll get to live an authentic life of my own with my dream job, and I’ll never have to talk to my parents again. ”
Max stops what he’s doing and stares at me again, and I resist the urge to squirm under his gaze. I know how awful this makes me sound, especially to him. Like I’m a sellout. A coward. A career-obsessed traitor to the queer community. A selfish, privileged little brat.
But this is how the world works. I don’t see any other way around it.
“You deserve better, Jude,” Max finally says. “That’s all we’re saying. I know why you’re doing what you’re doing. It just…sucks.”
I nod. “Yeah, it does.”
Celeste doesn’t speak. She stares at Max’s covered pan on the stove, unmoving.
“I’m going to go shower off and change,” I announce, dismounting the barstool. “I’ll come back to help in a little bit.”
“Okay, babe,” Max responds gently. “Take your time.”
Retreating to my room, I collapse on the bed and bury my head in my hands. I spend several minutes here, trying to regain my composure, until I hear my phone buzz from my bag. Curious, I retrieve it and smile at the texts waiting for me.
Oliver
soooo what do first-years get up to over the weekend if they don’t have a job?
Theo has to go home and work, so I’ll be all alone for a 3-day weekend
too young to drink, too poor to go out
I don’t even have a car to drive around and loiter
clearly I didn’t think this through
Jude
I mean, most first-years are probably just hooking up with other first-years and buying booze with fake IDs, but if that’s not your speed, I’m sure there are plenty of wholesome things to do instead
also, you don’t have a car?
Oliver
nah
Theo does, so I usually just ride with him
Jude
that sucks, dude
fortunately you now live in a city where you can walk and take public transit though! Marta’s pretty cheap, too.
Oliver
my parents said I should never go alone though the city is a dangerous place
Jude
you’re a white guy, you’ll be just fine in the city lol
plus, you don’t have to go out to have fun. you have the internet, a tv, and video games. I think you’ll survive three days without Theo
Oliver
ugh, you’re right
do you know if Max will be around?
or is it weird to ask if you’ll be around?
Jude
Max and I will be around
especially if you’re cool with letting me play smash bros again
Oliver
hell yeah! you can come over any time after my lab today
Jude
you have a Friday lab? yikes, sucks to be you lol
Oliver
yeahhhh I didn’t know any better
but rest assured, next year I’m gonna shove all my classes in on Tuesdays and Thursdays and have a four-day weekend every week
Jude
good luck lol
Oliver
ye of little faith
I’ll find a way
you’ll see - you’ll ALL see!
“Jude, you okay?”
Celeste’s knock startles me. “Yeah, I’m fine,” I call back, locking my phone and reaching for my housecoat.
“I thought you said you were going to shower,” she questions, voice muffled against the door.
“Yep, sorry, I got distracted.” I swing open my bedroom door to find Celeste waiting. She’s about six inches taller than I am, so when we’re standing, I always have to look up at her.
“Look, I’m sorry,” Celeste says. “Sometimes my outrage towards your parents and society as a whole comes out as anger towards you, and that’s not fair.”
“I know, Cel,” I say. “It’s okay.”
“It’s not. You need support right now, not more negativity.”
I offer her a smile. “It’s okay, really.”
Celeste shifts forward and envelopes me in a hug. “I just need you to know, okay?”
“Okay,” I reply, squeezing her back. “Love you.”
“Love you, too.”
“Now I’m going to go shower for real,” I declare, pulling away. “Then I’m ready to chow down on some Arroz con Pollo!”
“Arroz con Pollo Cubano,” Max clarifies from the kitchen. “It’s my Abuelita’s recipe from Santa Clara, passed down for generations! Show some respect!”
“Arroz con Pollo Cubano,” I repeat. “Now, let me shower, por favor.”
“Vamanos!”