Chapter 20 #2
“We still need to watch that one together,” Theo says quietly, mirroring my nerves with all the tension in the air. He points to I Saw The TV Glow. “I’ve heard it’s really queer.”
“Oh, Theo, oh my god,” Max exclaims. “Next movie night, we’re watching that. It’s a queer masterpiece. Absolutely magnificent.”
Theo smiles at Max, then at Oliver. “Sounds like a plan.”
Oliver nods, then turns his gaze to the I Saw The TV Glow poster. It occurs to me that he hasn’t smiled or made eye contact with me since the movie began, and my chest aches.
Where did things go so wrong tonight?
“Well, not to be lame,” Theo continues. “But I’ve got a little bit of homework to finish before bed, so I’m going to turn in for the night.”
“Good call,” Nikki says, stretching her limbs and exposing a sliver of soft ivory skin around her stomach. She catches me ogling, and grins. “You ready to head back up, babe?”
I nod, disgusted with myself. My horniness knows no bounds.
“Oh,” Theo exclaims, snapping his fingers. “I almost forgot. Nikki, are you coming to my sister’s Halloween party?”
Oh, fuck.
Nikki frowns. “Me?” She looks at me, perplexed. “This is the first I’ve heard of it.”
Theo’s eyes go wide, bouncing between Oliver and me. “Oh, um, I’m sorry, I thought Oliver mentioned it to Jude, who I assumed would have mentioned it—”
“He did,” I stammer. “I’m sorry. I just completely forgot about it.” I shoot Nikki an apologetic look. “We can talk about it tonight.”
Nikki’s brows knit together, but she concedes. “Okay.”
“Okay, cool,” Theo continues. “For the record, you’re all invited. My older sister lives in a house in Druid Hills. She and her roommate are throwing a Halloween party—costumes are not required but encouraged! She just needs a head count by, like, next weekend or something.”
I nod. “You got it. I’ll let you know our answer soon.”
“Great! Okay, goodnight!”
We all exchange our goodbyes and goodnights—even Oliver puts on a happy face just long enough to maintain appearances—then Celeste, Nikki, and I head upstairs. Celeste and Nikki exchange pleasantries, but I’m too emotionally drained to even bother.
After wishing Celeste a goodnight, Nikki follows me into the bathroom, where we remove our makeup and brush our teeth in silence.
Finally, when we’re back in my room and climbing into bed, Nikki speaks. “So, you ‘forgot’ to invite me to that Halloween party?”
I sigh. “I know, I’m so sorry. But it sounds fun! We should go.”
Nikki scoffs. “It’s fine, I don’t have to come.”
“Wait, what?” I shift so that we’re face-to-face. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You don’t forget things, Jude. Either you didn’t mention it because you don’t want me to come, or you just assumed I would say no, so you didn’t even bother asking.”
My mouth hangs open for several seconds before I finally sigh. “Yeah, okay, I didn’t think you’d want to, but I swear I was going to ask you anyway. I just forgot.”
Nikki studies me a little longer before closing her eyes. “If you say so.”
“I’m really sorry,” I say, curling into her.
Eventually, she quietly chuckles. “You know me pretty well, though. I definitely would have said no.”
I pull away to look at her, once again perplexed. “What about now?”
“Well, now I have to come. It would be weird not to.”
I frown. Not exactly romantic, but I guess that’s better than nothing.
“Plus, I don’t trust Oliver to behave if I’m not there.”
Ah, there’s the catch. “Nikki–”
“I’m just saying.”
“You were kind of rude to him tonight,” I remark. “He wasn’t doing anything wrong.”
Nikki groans. “I don’t want to argue about this all night, okay? I just… I have a sixth sense about these things. That boy wants you, and nothing you say will convince me otherwise.”
I shake my head, experiencing a weird sense of déjà vu. I want to explain that Oliver is asexual so that Nikki understands that Oliver isn’t a threat, but I know it’s not my place. I don’t think Oliver is out as ace to anyone but me, and I really don’t want to risk losing his trust.
But really, I shouldn’t have to work so hard to convince Nikki of anything. She should trust that even if Oliver was trying to pursue me, I’m committed to her. I wouldn’t cheat on her or leave her for someone else like that. It’s a little hurtful, if I’m being honest.
Finally, I sigh. “Yeah, I guess we’ll just have to agree to disagree about Oliver. But…” I take her hand and press it to my chest. “I hope you’re at least able to trust me.”
Nikki’s pale blue eyes study me with intensity, then soften. “Of course I trust you.”
“And I trust you.” I give her an earnest smile. “That’s what matters. Right?”
She returns my smile. “Yeah, I guess I’m a little paranoid. I just—I don’t know. I think it would absolutely wreck me if I lost another partner to a mediocre white man.”
My eyes widen as I recognize the self-doubt in her voice. Despite her stunning beauty, enviable ambition, and seemingly unshakable confidence, Nikki is still human and experiences insecurity like anyone else. Her behavior is finally starting to make sense.
I cup her jaw in my hand and swipe her cheek soothingly. “You’re not going to lose me to anyone,” I promise. “If anything happens to us, it’s not going to be because someone stole me away, okay? You’ve got to have a little more faith in my autonomy than that,” I tease.
Nikki rolls her eyes, but her smile is sincere. “I know. Trusting people has always been hard for me. But I’ll work on it.”
Relieved, I smile. Nikki kisses my forehead, and I snuggle closer, releasing the tension throughout my body.
And, for the first time since we started dating three months ago, we drift happily to sleep, wrapped in each other’s arms, without having sex.