Flashback
“So, there’s something really important that I need to tell you guys, and I need you to keep it between us for now.”
A spicy blend of panic and confusion surges through my veins. “Wait, what’s happening right now?”
Elise punches me without warning, and I yelp. “Ow, what the fuck?!”
“I’ll make it quick, I promise,” Theo continues, a nervous smile on his face. “So, um, Caleb and I have been kind of…seeing each other for a few days now. Like. Romantically.”
Time slows to a stop. Terror grips my chest, and I’m paralyzed.
“YES!!” Elise squeals next to me, but Harrison and Theo quickly shush her. “Sorry, sorry. I knew it!! I called it, didn’t I, Harry?” More punching sounds that I can only assume are hitting Harrison this time, not me.
All I can think about are the rows upon rows of crosses lining the walls upstairs.
Theo’s a Christian. Theo’s parents are Christians.
Christians don’t take kindly to boys who like boys.
Oh, god. Theo’s parents are going to ship him away.
“Literally a week ago, I saw it at the pool, and I told Harry immediately, didn’t I, Harry?
” Elise is still talking. “And he told me I was crazy! But you knew that I was on to you, Theo! You know that I knew something even then! We were supposed to have a conversation, remember? I told you this wasn’t over.
Wow, I can’t believe it took you a whole fucking week to come clean! ”
Theo’s church is going to banish him.
Theo’s parents are going to disown him.
He’s going to be so devastated. He loves that church. He loves his parents.
“Oliver? You still with us, man?”
I blink until Harrison comes into focus. He and Theo are watching me—concerned. “Uhh, yeah. Sorry,” I mutter. I want to say more, but what can I say? That I’ll miss him? That I’ll avenge him? That I won’t let him do this?
“Dude, what is your problem?” Elise waves her hand in front of my face.
I shoot her a glare. She’s not helping. She doesn’t get it. Why doesn’t she get it?
But then I see Theo again, and my heart aches. He thinks I’m upset. He thinks I don’t accept him for who he is. I need him to understand.
“Sorry,” I tell him. “I’m—I’m not good at this kind of shit, okay? But like…I don’t know, isn’t that—like, aren’t you not supposed to date guys? As a Christian or whatever?”
Wow, why am I so bad at this?
“Oliver–”
“No, I’m serious!” I continue desperately. I must keep trying. “Like, I don’t know, I’ve heard horror stories of this kind of thing ending badly, so I guess I’m just trying to, I don’t know, assess how big of a deal this is? Make sure we’re all on the same page?”
Theo keeps staring at me, then looks at Elise and Harry. He’s not getting it. He doesn’t understand. He doesn’t see why I’m afraid for him.
“Okay, look, sorry, I’m clearly not responding correctly. Let me try again.”
I close my eyes and reset. I can pretend to be someone else for this. I meet Theo’s gaze and hold eye contact. “Theo. Thank you for entrusting us with this information. Does being with Caleb make you happy?”
Theo’s expression shifts from confusion to unease. “Yes?”
I press on. “Okay, good. You want us to keep this between us, though. So, do your parents know yet?”
“Oh my god,” Elise groans.
“No,” Theo replies. “They don’t know, and I—I don’t want them to yet. I’m not ready for that conversation.”
I have to make him understand. “Why not?”
“Oliver, that’s enough,” Harrison says.
“Let him answer the question.” He has to understand. “Why not, Theo?”
Theo falters. “I—I mean, you know why.”
“Exactly. So that’s why I didn’t immediately get excited.
Like, I’m happy that you’re happy, but I’m worried for you.
I mean, Theo, you’re like the most goody-goody person I know.
You don’t break the rules. You don’t rock the boat.
You never break curfew, you always do your homework, and you go to church even when you don’t want to.
And now all of a sudden you have a boyfriend, and if your parents find out, they’re gonna go apeshit, and I just—I don’t know, that’s kind of scary to me.
So, like, if it’s worth it—if Caleb is worth the risk to you—then I’m on board.
I just want to make sure you know what you’re doing and that the rest of us are all on the same page about this if shit hits the fan. ”
Theo considers it. I can only hope my explanation makes sense. I don’t know what I’ll do if I lose him. I can’t lose him. Not to this, not to his parents, not to anything.
“Wow, Oliver, you weren’t kidding,” Elise breaks the silence. “You are really bad at this. Look, Theo, we’re here for you. We all love you and would absolutely fight anyone who has a problem with you being with Caleb. Even your parents.”
Theo laughs. “Thanks, Elise.”
Elise doesn’t get what I’m trying to say, but maybe Theo does now.
“I’m also here for you, and I love you, man,” I add.
“That’s why I’m scared for you. I don’t know, I’m sorry.
I just want you to be happy. People suck.
You deserve to like who you like without having to worry about it, but it may not be that simple. ”
“You have a weird way of showing you care, dude,” Harrison mutters.
Theo steps forward and places a hand on my shoulder. “I think I know where you’re coming from, Oliver. Thank you.”
The tension in my chest finally relents. He understands.
Now, I can finally make a joke.
“Look, guys, I don’t know how many times I’ve tried to warn you that I don’t do serious conversations. Hopefully, now you’ll finally believe me, and we can avoid this in the future.”
“I’ll say, Elise grumbles. “I’m never sharing anything personal with Oliver for the rest of our lives. Jesus Christ.”
I dramatically embrace Elise, taking both her hands in mine and pressing them to my chest. “Thank you, Elise. That means so much to me.”
And just like that, everything returns to normal.
At least for a little while.