Chapter 21
Theo
hey, so I put your gray duffel bag in the car - was that your only bag for this weekend?
Oliver
yep, that’s all I need
I appreciate you waiting up for me man
my lab is at MLK, and I’ll be out at 2
Theo
no worries bro!
I’ll see you soon
Right on schedule, Theo pulls up to the curb in his bright red Honda hatchback and unlocks the door before I tug on the handle. I gently toss my backpack into the backseat, then climb into the passenger seat.
“Eileen, my love, we meet again,” I say as I buckle my seatbelt and adjust the seat back to accommodate my legs.
“She’s missed you, too,” Theo teases, cautiously merging back into traffic. “How was your bio lab?”
“Ugh, so boring,” I whine. “We didn’t even do anything today. It was basically another lecture.”
“That sucks,” Theo says, carefully checking his blind spot before changing lanes. I’ve always considered Theo the safest driver I know. Now, he and Jude share that distinction.
“I’m glad the week is finally over,” I say with a relieved sigh. “Now it’s time to party with a bunch of preteens!”
“God, I can’t believe Charli’s turning thirteen,” Theo muses, shaking his head.
“Right?! It makes me feel so old. Did I tell you that Bella got her learner’s permit, too? Ashley and Dad are teaching her how to drive.”
Theo shudders. “Oh, that’s terrifying!”
“So terrifying. But fortunately, I think they’ll be too busy with Charli’s birthday shenanigans to let Bella drive this weekend.”
“Yeah? What are y’all doing?”
“No idea. I’ll find out when I get there.”
Theo laughs. “Lucky you. I’m working all weekend.”
“Damn, really? Even on Sunday?”
Theo nods. “I’m working five to close tonight, then I’ve got morning shifts tomorrow and Sunday. We’ll head back to school around five or six, if that works for you.”
Jesus. Just thinking about Theo’s schedule makes my muscles sore. “Yeah, man, whatever you need. I’m simply along for the ride.”
He manages a half-smile. “I’m happy to have a co-pilot, especially for the drive back on Sunday, because I’m going to be exhausted. In fact, I’m going to talk to the scheduling manager tonight about cutting back some of my hours before it starts affecting my grades.”
“Good, you should,” I reply. “Are you seeing Caleb at all, or will you even have time?”
Theo’s smile fades. “I hope so. Depending on how I’m feeling tomorrow night, I’m supposed to spend the night at his place.”
“Hell yeah! Getting laid should help with the stress, right?”
Theo barks a nervous laugh, then risks making brief eye contact with me before turning his attention back to the road. His cheeks darken, and he grins. “I mean, it definitely doesn’t hurt.”
“Good! Please send Caleb my love. Not during the sex part, preferably. I mean, unless that does it for y’all.”
“Jesus, Oliver,” Theo chides, his face bright red now. “You know, for someone who doesn’t have sex, you joke about sex more than anyone I know.”
I open my mouth to make another joke, but I come up empty. The two of us stay quiet, leaving only Theo’s soft indie music to fill the silence.
I let my head fall back against the headrest. I can’t believe I still haven’t told Theo I’m ace.
There’s literally no point in keeping it secret.
In fact, I think it’ll help keep serious conversations to a minimum once he knows I’m not interested in romantic or sexual pursuits. It’s a win-win for both of us.
“I’m sorry,” Theo blurts abruptly. “That’s really none of my business.”
“Actually, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something,” I say with a sigh. “And honestly, while you’re driving is probably the best time because you can’t stare at me while I try to put my thoughts together.”
Theo straightens in his seat, keeping his eyes straight ahead. “Okay, what’s up?”
“So, you remember that first EQA meeting we went to during the first week of school?”
Theo nods.
“Well, I met this girl named Quinn that night, we exchanged numbers and started talking. It turns out we had a lot more in common than I ever could have imagined.”
“Huh,” Theo says. “I’m not sure if I remember her.”
“Are you familiar with ‘asexuality’?”
Theo’s brow furrows. “Like, the lack of sexuality? Or like, asexual reproduction?”
I snort. “I mean, like the orientation. Like, there’s gay, straight, bisexual or pansexual, and then there’s asexual.”
“Okay.”
“Well, I’m that last one. Kind of the opposite of bisexual, I guess. I’m not really attracted to any gender. At least, not in the way most people are.”
Theo’s expression twists with confusion. “Wait, so you didn’t hook up with Quinn?”
I scrunch my nose. “No, dude. I haven’t hooked up with anyone. And I don’t particularly want to, because I’m asexual.”
“Oh,” he says pensively. “Huh.”
I watch him curiously, waiting for more of a reaction, but he remains deep in thought. “So, yeah, I just wanted you to know.”
After a few moments, Theo’s brows knit together again, and he inhales sharply. “So, wait, what’s the deal with you and Jude, then?”
Now it’s my turn to be confused. “What do you mean?”
Theo scoffs. “There’s definitely something going on between you two,” he insists. “Y’all flirt like crazy, and you’re constantly texting or hanging out.”
I shake my head. “We’re not flirting. We’re just really good friends! Like, I think they’re my Harrison.”
Just when I think Theo’s face can’t show any more confusion, it somehow twists even further into bewilderment. “Huh?”
“Jude’s my Harrison. My best friend. Like, I love all my friends equally, but there’s just something extra between Jude and me. Something special, something stronger. You know?”
Theo lets out a nervous chuckle. “That sounds more like how I would describe my ‘friendship’ with Caleb, dude. Are you sure you’re not attracted to them?”
“Look, you just have to trust that I know what I’m talking about,” I insist, suppressing my frustration. “Besides, Jude has a girlfriend, remember? Nikki?”
Theo taps his thumb on the steering wheel. “Yeah, I know, but…sometimes the heart wants what the heart wants.”
“It’s not like that,” I assert. “My heart doesn’t want like that. My heart wants friendship and camaraderie. And probably less saturated fats.”
Theo gives me another quick glance. “So, if Jude and Nikki broke up, you seriously wouldn’t even try to be with Jude?”
With growing irritation, I shake my head emphatically. “Not romantically, no. We’re friends. Nothing more, nothing less. Why would I lie about this?”
“I don’t think you’re lying, I just worry you might be in denial.”
I roll my eyes and cross my arms over my chest. “Whatever, dude, just… Can you trust me to know my own feelings?”
Theo hesitates. “Feelings have never been your strong suit, Oliver.”
“Well, maybe I’m working on that, Theo,” I snap. “I thought you, of all people, would sympathize with me grappling with my new and unfamiliar sexuality, but I guess I was wrong.”
Theo says nothing for several seconds. Refusing to look at him, I stare out the window, watching the scenery pass by. Why is this so hard? Is it really so unimaginable not to feel attraction? Is this my fault for being so unserious all the time?
“You’re right,” Theo finally croaks. “I’m sorry.”
I turn to look at Theo, and while his focus is still on the road, there’s a distant look in his eyes. “It’s okay,” I mumble.
“No, it’s really not,” he continues. “You’ve always been so supportive of me, even when you didn’t understand what I was going through, so the least I can do is trust that you know more about this than I do.”
A small laugh escapes my lungs. “I thought about that day recently.”
“What day?”
“The day you came out to us.”
Theo’s lip twitches up into a crooked smile. “And how weird you were?”
“Yeah. I think in hindsight, my reaction makes at least a little more sense now.”
“How so?”
“I couldn’t understand why you were so insistent on being more than just friends with Caleb, knowing how much your parents would disapprove. Like, couldn’t you simply wait until you moved out on your own and then make the relationship physical?”
Theo considers this, then erupts into laughter. “Oh, my god, I’ve never thought of it like that. You thought I was risking everything just for sex.”
“Basically, yeah!”
“Wow,” Theo remarks. “And here I thought you just couldn’t handle change.”
“Well, I mean, I don’t handle change well, either, but that may be related to something else. Perhaps a touch of the ‘tism?”
“Same,” Theo mumbles. “Maybe someday we’ll get properly diagnosed.”
“Nah, where’s the fun in that?”
“Ollie-bear!”
“Hey, Charli Horse!”
My now thirteen-year-old stepsister throws herself into my arms, and I lift her into the air in a bear hug. Is it possible that she’s grown a few inches taller in the month since I’ve seen her?
“How is grown-up life?” Charli asks as I set her back on the ground.
“It’s tough sometimes,” I answer. “But I get to eat junk food and go to bed whenever I want, so it all works out. How does it feel to be a teenager?”
“Not different yet,” Charli says thoughtfully. “Maybe after my party tomorrow, it’ll feel real.”
“I hope so. Where’s your sister?”
Charli sneers. “How should I know?”
I snort. “Well, you’re already starting to sound like a teenager, that’s for sure.”
She rolls her eyes and leads me into the house. I take a deep breath and savor it—it smells like home.
“Mom!” Charli yells. “Oliver’s here!”
“You don’t have to yell, sweetie, I’m right here,” Ashley calls from the kitchen. She peers around to wave at me. “Hi, Oliver! Welcome home!”
“Thank you,” I say as I join her. “Where’s Bella?”
“She has soccer practice until four,” Ashley explains, glancing at her smart watch. “One of the assistant coaches is driving her home, so she should be home in the next thirty minutes or so.”
There’s a familiar tickle at my ankle. “Oh, hello, pretty baby,” I coo, crouching to pet my family’s seven-year-old Calico cat, Cookie.
Cookie purrs loudly, pressing her head into my hand as I pet her.
She mostly belongs to the girls, who spent years begging Ashley for a cat before Dad and I came along, but Dad caved almost immediately.
I came home from school one day to find a tiny fluffball that Bella introduced as Cookie.
She’s been a perfect little angel ever since.
“So, did Charli tell you the plan for tonight?” Ashley asks, typing away on her laptop.
I scoop Cookie up and continue scratching under her chin. “Nope. I know zero plans for the weekend.”
Ashley exhales a laugh. “Classic. Well, we’re headed to El Espectro for dinner tonight, then we’re coming back home for ice cream sundaes. Tomorrow, a handful of Charli’s friends are sleeping over, and they want to watch KPop Demon Hunters.”
Cookie licks my arm with her sandpapery tongue, and I bend down to set her free. “Oh, is that all?”
“That’s all Charli wanted to do. Dinner and ice cream tonight with you was very important, so thank you for being here.”
I grin. “Of course! I wouldn’t miss it. What about Dad?”
“He’s on his way home right now.”
“Cool! Should I change?”
Ashley glances up at me from her laptop and gives me a once-over. “No, you’re fine. It’s El Espectro.”
My mouth waters at the reminder. El Espectro may be just a local family restaurant unique to our little suburban community, but it is also, without a doubt, the best Mexican restaurant in the world.
It’s almost always the family's pick for birthdays because everyone loves it.
Even Bella, who used to be the pickiest eater, adores their menu.
Cookie nudges at my leg again, letting out a squeaky little mew, and I crouch down again to give her more pets. While she thoroughly enjoys my affection, I pull out my phone to snap a quick photo and send it to Jude.
Oliver
Cookie says hello
Jude
oh my godddd Cookie is adorable!
Oliver
she’s just as sweet as she looks too
Jude
tell her I love her with my whole heart <3 <3
Oliver
will do!
“Oh? Who are you texting with such a big smile?”
I peer up from my phone. “Hm? Oh, just a new friend from school.”
“Just a friend, huh?” Ashley smirks at me. “Does this friend have a name?”
“Their name is Jude,” I reply. “And yes, they’re just a friend.”
Ashley’s grin stays put. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you smile like that when texting any other friends, but I’ll mind my business.”
For a moment, I consider telling Ashley about my asexuality. She’s younger and more culturally informed than my dad, so she might be familiar with the concept. But would she understand? Would she get it? Would she also assume that I simply “haven’t met the right girl yet”?
Having only recently dealt with Theo’s unexpected hesitance, maybe now isn’t the time.
“Eww, who let this weirdo in the house?”
I whip around to see Bella approaching the kitchen in her navy-and-white soccer uniform, her shoulder-length brown hair pulled back in a stringy ponytail. Her cheeks are flushed, and I can tell she’s been sweating. Despite her exhaustion, she wears her trademark sassy grin.
“Porta-Bella! How’s my favorite mushroom?”
Bella visibly cringes. “Ugh, you know I’m fifteen now, right?”
I bark a laugh. “I’ve been gone less than two months! You act as if I’ve been away for years.”
“Yeah, but that nickname is cringe.”
“Wow.”
“Really, Bella?” Ashley interjects. “Is there anything that’s not cringe?”
“Nothing that either of you would know anything about.”
I snicker. “Wow, way to make the nineteen-year-old feel old. I can’t imagine how your poor mom feels.” I shoot Ashley a sympathetic look.
Ashley rolls her eyes. “Alright, that’s enough elder abuse for today. Go take a shower and get ready for Charli’s birthday dinner.”
“El Espectro?” Bella asks.
“Si, senorita,” I answer, waggling my eyebrows.
“Eww, save that for your college girlfriends,” Bella teases dryly before disappearing up the stairs.