Chapter Twenty-One
Carter
It’s been a couple of days since our talk in the shop, and while I was a little worried my confession might have scared Billie off, it hasn’t. Every night we still end up in the same bed and yesterday she even closed the store for ten minutes and sneaked over to the workshop for a quickie, something I very much enjoyed but that now has me getting hard almost every time I look over at the workbench she bent over as she pulled me into her from behind. The sex has been more mind-blowing than I thought it would be, and I know that it’s all because of Billie. Not only is she attentive to my needs and very responsive, but her being with me has given me the confidence to be more myself, in and out of the bedroom.
These days, I’m walking a little taller, laughing a lot more freely, and am generally a lot more pleasant to be around. Even some of the artisans we work with have remarked on it whenever they stop by, telling me that I look happier than they’ve ever seen me. It’s because I am, and while I wasn’t sure about telling Billie my feelings before, I’m sure about it now. Ever since my talk with Maya, I’ve thought about what she asked multiple times. Would I do a long distance relationship? Absofuckinglutely. It’s only a three hour drive, and even though I only get one day off a week, I would happily spend it driving back and forth to see Billie if she really wanted to stay in Denver. And, if things progressed the way I would like them to, I would move there.
As much as I love the shop and want to honor my family by keeping it open, the more I thought about it, the more I knew my parents would want me to honor them by living the life I deserve, by falling in love and starting a family of my own. I’m in love with Billie, and as soon as she’s ready, we can start a life together. Before it was easy to doubt whether or not she had feelings for me, too, but ever since our little talk in the shop, I know she does. I can feel it and I can see it in her eyes anytime we’re together. What started off as just something to help me gain confidence quickly evolved into much more than that, and I’m not going to wait any longer to tell her.
Billie surprised me a few weeks ago with scented candles, lingerie, and the most amazing first time together. Tonight, I’m going to give her a surprise of my own to help convince her to give us a chance. I wanted to show Billie that even though I may have been helpless when it came to dating before, I’m not helpless when I’m with her. If anything, she makes me stronger than I think I ever have been, and I want her to see how well I can fit into her world, if that’s what she wants from me. Dressed in my finest date night outfit of a dark green button down that Billie says brings out my eyes and a pair of brown slacks, I make my way into the shop carrying the dozen roses I purchased from the florist a few doors down.
Billie is in her usual late-summer uniform of a sleeveless jumpsuit, this one a light pink color that offsets her bronzed skin nicely. As much as I would like to skip to the end of the night where I can get my hands and mouth all over her, I want to treat her right and as she’s meant to be treated, like the absolute marvel of a woman she is. When she finally turns to see me, her eyes widen and her mouth gapes open. “Wow. You look really good.”
Stepping up to her, I hold the blooms to the side and lean down to brush a light kiss against her lips. “Thank you. You do, too.” Presenting her with the flowers, I smile as she accepts them with a wide, pleased grin. “For you.”
Billie dips her head near the rose buds and inhales. “They’re beautiful,” she tells me, hugging them to her chest. “You didn’t have to get me flowers. I already have my favorite one next to my bed.”
The wooden rose she’s talking about has been next to her bed since the day I gifted it to her, and while nothing makes me happier than seeing her enjoy something I made especially for her, I also need her to know that I can be more than just a woodworker. “I wanted to get them for you.” Leaning down to take a hit of the rose aroma, I sigh at the way they smell just like her. “They remind me of you. Besides, I was pretty sure that the wooden gifts would get old after a while, and I can’t have you getting bored with me.”
“I’ll never get bored with you,” she confesses instantly, smiling shyly as she walks over to the front door to lock up. When she’s done, she gestures at my outfit and then the flowers. “Between the roses and the fantastic way you look tonight, I take it we’re not just doing our usual Friday night pizza but are going on that date you promised me?”
Nodding my head, I lead her outside and to the passenger seat of my car. The small sedan isn’t nearly as impressive as her sporty red car, but it’s what I have and Billie has never minded it. In fact, she seems to prefer being the passenger to driving, even if it means being hauled around in my decade’s old car. “Yes. I’m taking you out tonight. Somewhere nice.”
Her eyes flick to her outfit and she gasps. “Am I dressed for it?” There are parts of her that seem so different than when I first met her, but her desire to always look her best and be dressed appropriately hasn’t changed.
“You look beautiful,” I tell her honestly. She’s the most beautiful person I have ever met, inside and out, and after tonight, she’ll know exactly how I feel about her. I lean down and give her a quick peck on the cheek before helping her into the car. Once I’m in the driver’s seat, I look over at Billie, watching her admire the flowers for another moment before resting them on her lap. “Buckle up. We’ve got a bit of a drive.”
She raises a brow in question, and when I don’t answer she does exactly what I asked and secures herself. “That’s fine as long as I get to be DJ the whole time.” Before I can agree, she already has the radio on and is searching through stations. We’re almost to the highway by the time she settles on a pop station. “You really need to invest in satellite radio, my friend. There is a dance station that plays all the best numbers to move to.”
Tossing a wry smile her way, I steer us onto the road that leads to Green Valley. “Call me crazy, but the last thing I think about while I’m driving is dancing.”
“Have it your way,” she says, her body swaying. She looks so good doing it that I have a hard time keeping my eyes on the road. “More dancing for me.”
“I think we both know you’re the one that looks good doing it anyway.” The more she moves, the more my desire to turn around and head straight home ramps up, but I steel my resolve, white knuckling the wheel to keep my blood from rushing south. She does look really good dancing, and even though I look like a man throwing his back out whenever I attempt it, I can’t wait until she sees the surprise I have in store for her tonight.
As our journey continues, we chat and laugh a lot, sharing stories from our days and some from our pasts. Billie talks about some of the wilder things she did in her youth, and I blush when she admits to skinny dipping in a swimming pool at college with some of her girlfriends. Luckily, I’m saved from her sharing any more memories that have my pants tightening when I steer onto the Green Valley exit and Billie takes in the sights.
“This place is so cute,” she remarks. The town is slightly larger than Starlight Lake thanks to the ski resort that’s located about twenty minutes further into the mountains. The lodge is a nice place and somewhere I would love to take Billie, but tonight we’re headed somewhere else. We drive down the main drag, finally pulling over into a parking lot that’s tucked away to the side of the major street. When I park, Billie looks out the window and then at me, her eyes wide. “This is where we’re going?”
Nodding, I step outside and round the car to her door. When she slips her hand in mine, she looks happy, but there is a reluctance on her face I didn’t expect to see. “Is this not somewhere you want to go?”
Billie shakes her head, a small smile on her face. “It looks beautiful,” she confesses. The Italian restaurant is a red brick building with a front patio lit up by hundreds of twinkle lights. The best part is inside where they have live music and dancing on Friday and Saturday nights. I made the reservation last week, hoping she would love it, but maybe I was wrong. “It’s just that I don’t need anything fancy.”
Narrowing my eyes, I loop her arm through mine and start toward the front door. “Are you sure about that, Miss Egyptian cotton bedsheets?”
Billie smiles at the comment, but pulls me to the side of the walkway. “There is a difference between liking nice things and needing them.” Her eyes search mine as she cups my face. “This is wonderful. I just wanted you to know that I don’t need it to have a good time with you.”
Nodding, I lean down and kiss her lips. “Maybe I need to show you that I can do nice things for you.” Tugging her arm, I start walking again. “Will you let me do this for you?”
Billie mock sighs and gives me a withering look. “If I have to,” she grumbles before bouncing on her heels and leading us up and into the restaurant. As she takes in the deep burgundy walls and dark wood floors, her expression looks pleased, but it becomes absolutely joyful when she sees the band in the corner and a few couples already enjoying a dance. “Dancing?” When I nod, she hugs me tighter than she ever has and kisses me on the cheek. “Best date ever.”
My heart swells at the exclamation and after giving my name to the hostess, we’re seated near the dancefloor. After two courses of stuffed mushrooms and pesto gnocchi, we sit back contentedly in our seats and stare at one another. Billie’s eyes flick to the dancefloor, and I don’t have to think twice about my next move. Standing, I go to her chair and offer my hand. “May I have this dance?”
Billie beams up at me and takes my hand, the zing of excitement I feel expected now since it happens every time we touch. “You can have all my dances”. A shadow crosses over her face for the briefest of moments, but it’s gone before I can decipher what it is.
When we reach the square of flooring sectioned off for dancing, I pull her in my arms as the band plays some song that sounds vaguely Italian but I can’t identify. All that matters to me is that the song has a slow tempo so that I don’t end up making a fool of myself. As we sway to the music, Billie leans her head against my shoulder, humming contentedly along with the melody of the song. One slow song bleeds into another as we continue to dance. With Billie secured in my arms, everything is right in the world and nothing else matters. The music, the other people, even the restaurant itself fades into the background as all of my focus rests on the woman pressed against me. I’ve never been in love before, but even if I had known what it felt like already, that past love wouldn’t hold a candle to what I’m feeling now. A warm glow fills my chest as I think about a future with Billie, a future that can only happen if I tell her how I feel. As I bask in the feeling of loving her, time passes in a haze, and when the band starts playing a faster song, it could have been minutes or hours since we first stepped out onto the floor.
Pulling her gaze up to mine, I stare into Billie’s brown eyes. Nothing feels as right as she does, no one will ever compare to her, and I need to tell her. “Billie.”
“Yes?” Her breath is feathery and light, like it could float away on the slightest of breezes, but I want to do everything I can in my power to keep everything about her right here with me, forever.
My eyes bore into hers, hoping to convey just how much I feel for her before I can say it. “I love you,” I confess. My voice is steady, never wavering because I have never been more certain of anything in my entire life.
“Carter,” she starts, her eyes widening at my words. She looks happy, but that happiness soon morphs into confusion. The old Carter would have seen that and balked, been too polite or too hurt to push forward, but the new me knows better. The confusion I see isn’t about us, but about her. For all her confidence, Billie still has that doubt that she’s nothing more than a pretty face, and while her face is beyond beautiful, she has so much more to offer than that. Clearly she needs to hear it again, so I quickly pull her outside to the small garden the restaurant uses to grow its own vegetables to tell her as much.
Turning to her, I cup her face, my heart swelling when she closes her eyes and automatically leans into the touch. “Billie, I love you.” Her eyes blink open and I see so many conflicting emotions playing there. “Maybe this wasn’t the best place or time for me to say it, but I needed you to hear it. And it’s okay if you aren’t there yet or aren’t ready to say it back because I don’t need to hear the words. I just need you.”
Billie’s eyes go glassy and I catch a tear that falls with my thumb. “But I don’t know what I’m doing. What if I find a job back in Denver? Or somewhere else?” She sniffles, so I pull her against my chest and lean my head against hers, inhaling the scent of roses to help calm myself and find the words to help comfort her.
“Then I will go with you.” She gasps lightly and pulls back to look at me, and I smile at her. “I can do what I do from anywhere, and, yeah, it might be a little harder than doing it in Starlight Lake where I have a shop all set up, but I don’t care. You’re worth the extra effort.” She starts to dispute me, but I kiss her instead. It tastes salty from her tears, but I can feel her putting the love she has for me into it, even if she isn’t ready to say the words yet. When I pull back, Billie nods at me, her expression thoughtful and slightly perplexed. “I can see that you need a bit of time with this, and that is something I can easily give you,” I tell her as I lead us toward the door. Spinning around, I hold her face in my hands and gaze at her, trying to express the seriousness of my words. “But I want you to know that no matter what you decide you want to do or where you want to live, I just need you. You are enough just as you are now, and I will tell you that every single day for the rest of my life if you’ll let me.”
Wide-eyed, Billie nods, but I see the corners of her mouth twitch with the need to smile. As I lead us back inside and to our table, I come up with a plan to help her see just how amazing she is, and just how much I love her.