Chapter 23
Chapter Twenty-Three
Bellcolor
“ W e meet again, beloved,” Libretto whispers with a smile, forcing me to raise my gaze to meet his.
“W-what?” I stammer in shock, glancing at my father and seeing him kneel before me, lowering his head with respect.
What in the name of every spirit and demon is going on here?
I look back at Libretto, and the lustful, admiring look on his face makes me nauseous and uncomfortable in a way I’ve never known before. I may be over the age of consent, but it’s a whole other fucking level of creepy. The man’s as old as time itself.
“Get your hands off me!” I withdraw and slap his hand away.
“Lilith?” he seems confused.
“Why are you calling me that?” I look from him to my father, now on his feet and looking just as confused.
“She hasn’t awakened,” my father tells Libretto.
“But look at her body, she’s completed the transformation,” he answers. They’re having a conversation and completely ignoring my presence.
It really boils my blood.
“I’m standing right here!” I point at myself.
“Bellcolor, sweetheart…” my father addresses me in a paternal tone, but Libretto cuts him off.
“Don’t call her that, she’s not your responsibility anymore,” he growls.
I stamp my feet to get their attention. “I’m not some ragdoll you can pass around as you please.”
“Something’s gone wrong,” Libretto again ignores my presence. “Tell me what she’s thinking.”
My father scans me, and I hold my breath in anticipation. Please don’t sell me out again, please , I repeat again and again in my mind. My father nods. “Our connection has been broken.”
Oh God, really? And my father shoots me a meaningful look.
“Pull her out of school,” my father demands.
“It seems we have no choice,” Libretto agrees.
“I don’t know what’s going on here, but I’m putting a stop to it here and now.” I turn to leave the hall, but Libretto forcibly grabs my hand and I let out a yelp of pain.
I shake my hand to escape his grip and he goes flying to the other side of the hall. I look at my hand in shock. Where did that strength come from? I didn’t even make an effort.
“Damn…” Libretto hisses, having trouble getting to his feet. “Her body has certainly awakened, but her mind hasn’t yet.”
“Bellcolor!” my father chastises me. “You mustn’t show such disrespect to the head of the Council!”
“I don’t give a fuck about him or your Council!” I scream at him. It’s just too much. If they think they can control me, they’re wrong. Now that I have the power I need, I can be free of them. I won’t be another puppet on a string, I won’t walk in the dark anymore.
“You!” The vein in my father’s forehead swells up, and I instinctively and fearfully withdraw.
Libretto raises his hand and my father falls silent, grinding his teeth nevertheless.
“Tell me, Bellcolor, what are your demands?” Libretto addresses me in a matter-of-fact tone. Gee, thanks .
“I want to know what’s going on here. I want to know everything. I don’t want to hear any more lies, I don’t want you to hide one more thing from me. All these secrets just led to an accident that led to another.” I turn to him, emboldened, with nothing more to lose. I’ve lost any grip on the familiar. If they don’t start giving me the answers I deserve, I might lose my mind altogether.
“All right, Bellcolor. I’ll accede to your request.”
His agreement raises my suspicions. Suddenly I’m very aware of my disproportionate reaction versus the tranquility in his voice.
“O-okay…” I straighten up, trying to project confidence, but it’s as phony as the smile Libretto gives me.
“Dine with me today in private, and I’ll tell you anything you wish. Adina will take you to your room.” I watch him leave the hall nonchalantly, as though everything that happened here was beneath his concern.
“I don’t need a room because I’m not staying here!” I stamp my foot and my fists tighten at my sides. But he says nothing, opening the heavy doors and leaving the hall. “I’m not…” I repeat in a frowning mumble. He’s not evening listening.
The doors behind me open, and the woman in the tight pantsuit – whose name I now know is Adina – hurries towards me, putting her hand on my back to guide me to a room I have no desire to stay in. She gasps as soon as her hand touches me, but doesn’t remove it as she pushes me forward. I try to avoid her touch, and see my father still standing there, mouth agape. I don’t say anything to him while Lady Tightpants leads me to the same exit Libretto left through. My father’s given me up, handing over ownership of me like I’m a car to be traded in.
Adina pushes me through twisting corridors, and we pass by works of art that practically scream of wealth, prestige and arrogance. She opens a door in a desolate corridor, pauses and says: “You’re in Libretto’s private wing, so stay in your room. Don’t wander the dark hallways and play games if you’re not willing to lose.” The warning in her voice sends chills down my spine, and I decide to listen to her. “I’ll come fetch you in an hour. You could use a shower. There are clothes in the closet, feel free to use whatever you like.” She bows and leaves in a hurry.
I enter the room allotted to me, feeling like I’ve invaded the private quarters of some unknown noblewoman. There’s dark blue wallpaper on the walls, white cornices, works of art framed in gold, drapes that match the wallpaper framed in white lace, and, of course, an exaggerated canopy bed.
I open the door to the right of the bed. The first thing that catches my eye is a white bathtub on golden legs, standing in the middle of the bathroom. I hurry over and turn on the golden faucet. I need a hot bath to calm my nerves. As the water flows I examine the room. The cabinet over the sink is full of cosmetics, modern stuff, and I wonder how many women stay here on a regular basis that the service cabinets are always stocked.
Did Libretto furnish the room for me? No, that’s ridiculous… right? I close the cabinet and I’m stunned at the figure staring back at me. Oh my God!
I squash my face and stretch it again and again, because there’s no way the image in the mirror is me. My eyes are white as snow, and when I blink my two pupils expand and shrink in an unnatural way. My face is full, my cheekbones are high, and my skin is flushed and alive as it never was, not even when I still had breath. My lips are plump, and I touch them with my fingers. They’re soft and full like I just got lip fillers.
I look at my body, peeling off my clothes one item after another to reveal a feminine body in all its glory. My breasts are full, and I thank God I wore an undershirt and not a bra. The small size wouldn’t have supported my breasts, which would look just right on an ‘80s porn star. A flat stomach and full curves lead to a triangle of pubic hair I’m afraid to touch, because it doesn’t look like it’s mine.
I run to the tub and shut off the water before it overflows. Good God, what’s going on here? What’s happening to me?
I gradually slide into the hot water, breathing out slowly, letting my skin get used to the heat. My development has reached its peak, and my body will stay this way, frozen in time. But unlike other demons, my body still retains heat. I slide on my back and fully submerge myself in the water, rising back up and letting out a full-throated scream that feels like I’ve been holding it in my whole life.
“Why me?” I whisper into the water, as though it holds all the answers to my existential questions. This is completely insane. It’s all just one big bout of madness.
I start soaping up my body, getting to know it anew. It feels wrong, invasive, like I’m touching another woman. My skin is soft beneath the water, combined with the scented soap, and I become addicted to its touch. I clean every inch of skin and hair, rubbing it harder and harder as though I can scrub down to my old body if I do it enough. But it’s pointless, I’m stuck with this amazing and alien body.
Libretto called me ‘beloved’. He referred to me as Lilith, and I wonder if this body belongs to her. They were surprised to see that she hadn’t awakened… Would she have robbed me of my identity, my very being? I dive into the water again and let the air out of my lungs. I don’t even need breath to exist here, the breaths I take are just for show.
I step out of the tub. If I want the answers to everything that’s been hidden from me, I need to hurry up and get ready for dinner. I don’t need to wonder about the menu. The thought of blood doesn’t drive me wild anymore, for which I’m grateful. Control of this new body belongs to me.
I wrap a towel around me, head into the bedroom and approach the carved wooden closet. All it holds are evening dresses that seem uncomfortable and impractical. I run my hands over one dress after another – rhinestones, lace, tulle, other expensive fabrics – and I choose the simplest one, a white silk dress. Its shoulders are slim and it reaches past my knees. The fabric is pleasant to the touch, and only now do I realize how suffocated I felt in my previous clothes, which no longer fit my new proportions.
I towel-dry my hair and comb it using a brush I’d found, deciding to settle for that and not touch anything else. I don’t want to feel indebted to Libretto, or make him think I’m settling into this strange room. I don’t even bother to put on shoes.
There’s a knock on the heavy door. I run to it, and I’m surprised to see Libretto there. Ms. Tightpants said she’d escort me, but I guess things are changing fast here, and I’d better keep up before they make the mistake of thinking they can control me.
“Good evening, beloved,” Libretto smiles, reaching out a hand. He glances at my body and stifles a laugh.
What’s his problem? I ignore his outstretched hand and leave the room. He leads me down the corridor until we reach an intimate lounge. A dining table for two stands in the center, with two goblets and a jug full of thick crimson fluid. The room is lit only by candlelight. If this were a date I’d think it was quite a romantic gesture, but I immediately remember who’s leading me in.
“So what’ve you got cooked for me?” I jab him, and he laughs in response.
“Only the best.” His voice is thick with pleasure, hinting that he’s aroused, and I immediately regret my comment. He pulls up a chair for me, pours the thick liquid into the two goblets and sits across from me. “You haven’t changed a bit,” he says as he looks me over.
“What?” I raise an eyebrow.
“I knew you wouldn’t wear any of the dresses I bought for you. You always preferred a white slip, like the angel you dreamt of being.”
I instinctively hide my body with my hands. I’m wearing a slip? Damn it. Way to go, Belle . I feel naked and exposed, and I want to bury myself in my shame. Libretto chuckles in response. Screw him.
He raises the wine goblet and takes long sips from it. I want to do the same, but when it reaches my nose I’m filled with disgust, and push it away from me.
“You don’t like it?” he asks in an intimidating tone. He seems upset, but also appears to be fighting his feelings.
I nod and give him a piercing stare. “Start spilling, buddy.”
He smiles and runs a hand through his hair. “Every soul that reincarnates in the lands of Adam takes human form. Every soul is unique in its own way, and the most special of those are marked. If they’re recruited to our side they become a demon, if they’re recruited to God’s army they become angels. You were born on the sixth of June, at 6 AM, the twilight hour.”
“Six-six-six? The Devil’s number?” I interject.
“Indeed, that number is tied to the Devil, to the End of Days. But it’s also tied to Good. This whole dialect is expressed in Lilith herself. She was created by God, but grew tired of him and her man, and sold her soul to the Devil. Lilith, the goddess of fertility and love, manifesting evil and devilry within her.” He pauses to sip from his wine goblet, and I try to follow the torrent of his words.
“But what does all that have to do with me?” I still don’t get it.
“Lilith obeys no one. Not her original creator, not the one she sold her soul to. They both fear her, and are drawn to her at the same time. The last time she walked the realms of Man, she nearly destroyed the entire world.”
“I don’t understand… isn’t she a demon?”
“No, she’s a winged demon. She’s neither good nor evil. She is all.”
“And you…?” I can’t finish the question that’s stuck in my throat.
“We were lovers. But every love story has a tragic ending. Our end was as tragic as Lilith’s soul and destiny.”
“Is she dead? I mean, she returned to her creator?”
He fills the empty goblet and brings it to his lips. “She has no creator. As I said, she obeys no one.”
“So why didn’t she destroy the world? Why is she back?”
He doesn’t answer, just stares at me deeply. Finally he says: “That’s between me and her.”
“Okay…” I draw out the word. “And why do you think I’m her?”
“Lilith always makes a dramatic entrance into the lands of Adam. The day Othello Fermi brought you to me, I suspected you could be Lilith’s incarnation. The human demoness so desperate to return to her original form, though it dooms her anew every time. The demon who is no demon, the angel who is no angel. I must admit, your healing abilities surprised me most of all. Lilith’s blood could create miracles or destroy entire cultures. If she wished it, of course.” He spills more and more information, and my head’s spinning trying to process it all.
“But I’m none of those things.” I stand up. “This makes no sense. What do you mean? She’ll wake up and you’ll pick up where you left off? Let me tell you something, I don’t even like you, so you’d better get that idea out of your filthy mind!” I strike the table and my goblet falls. Its contents spill out, dripping on his hideously expensive carpet. I don’t care, not even a little.
He frowns, apparently displeased with my reaction. “We’ll see about that. You might not see it, but everything about you reminds me of her. Let me love you again, let me remind you how good we were together.” He reaches a hand out to me, and I knock it away with a slap. He growls in response.
“Don’t you fucking touch me,” I hiss.
He drinks the entire contents of his goblet in one gulp and crushes it in his hand. “We’re done here,” he decrees, getting to his feet and leaving the room while I remain stunned by everything that’s happened here.
He didn’t tell me what I wanted to know, not even half of it. If anything, I’ve got a strong gut feeling that he twisted the information to his benefit. Libretto wants something from me. Something he can’t get until Lilith awakens.