Chapter 24
Chapter Twenty-Four
Bellcolor
I spent the whole summer at the Council’s castle. Despite Libretto’s attempts to awaken his Lilith, it wasn’t happening yet. He took me to places all over the world where they’d spent time together, he pushed me towards books Lilith liked reading, he went out of his way to bring her out of me. That perverted old geezer even tried sleeping with me. He left that fight bleeding, and finally had to admit defeat.
I had to fight to remind him that I’m not Lilith, I’m Belle Fermi. Fortunately for me, he absolutely loathed Belle Fermi. And indeed he finally tired of me. He agreed to my pleas to return to school. The only place where I’d managed to make a breakthrough, thanks to the only man who tried to tell me the truth. A man whose true identity I now know.
I hadn’t said a word to Libretto about it, or any of the Council members – not even my father, who’d become a member. I refused to speak with him, with any of them. I put up a wall around me until Libretto finally had to give in to my demands.
If I’m really who they I am, they understood it wouldn’t be wise to provoke me any more than they already have. It wouldn’t go well for them if I returned to haunt them with my full and true power. I snuck into the archive of forbidden books a few times, trying to glean as much information as I could, but the archive is huge and it was like looking for a needle in a haystack: Impossible.
I did find a lot of information about the church and God’s holy army. All the feelings he stirred in me when I was around him left me with no doubt – Dr. Bartimaeus Abano is a guardian angel. He’d incarnated into this world for a mission, and wouldn’t stop until he fulfilled it. I still couldn’t understand what made him different from the guardian angels I’d seen in the archive’s books. But I knew with all my heart that his mission was to banish me. And after everything I’d gone through, I suddenly understood the source of the impulse to take my own life. I’d wanted to die and failed, and now my body was impervious to everything, and I had to turn to the only person who could do it for me.
I have no desire to bring Lilith into this world, and I certainly don’t want to be Libretto’s consort. He makes me really anxious, and I know he’s hiding the truth from me. I know that what he wants from me contains within it a fate worse than death.
And now I find myself face to face with the man I wanted to take my life. I approach him and shut his mouth with my hand.
“Careful, you’ll get stuck that way.” Laughter rolls out of my lips and his eyes fixate on them with open desire. “So how did you do it?” I ask, bringing my face to his so I can breathe in his scent. He smells like a fucking demon in every way.
“Do what?”
“Dive directly into Hell without drowning.”
“Don’t play tricks on me. If you’re going to turn me in, do it quickly. I might disappear if you keep dawdling.” He’s provoking me, challenging me. I have to admit that I like it. I need a fearless warrior.
“Will you take my request seriously? Or do I have to play dumb and let you continue your plan uninterrupted? Do you like ‘em dumb, Barty?” I cluck my tongue, it’s really amusing. If my time in this world is limited, there’s no reason I shouldn’t have some fun.
A range of emotions flickers through his eyes, and for an instant I see the blue of his left eye. It’s so gentle… but it regains its green color quickly as he comes to his senses. Barty Abano picked green eyes for himself, interesting. I wonder what he’s hiding. His nostrils flare with rage and he grabs me by the neck, tightly, pressing me to the wall of his office. My throat yearns for air. It’s just for show, of course. I know, because I tried drowning myself and strangling myself every way I could. It’s pointless. But the pain? The pain is quite real.
“Bar…” I caress his arm, trying to free myself of his iron grip. Damn, he’s strong.
“I think I prefer Bar to Barty.” He smiles, and finally lets me go. I drop to the ground, clutching my throat and coughing wildly. Involuntary tears fall from my eyes as I realize I’ve been forever condemned to feel intense pain. I don’t look at Dr. Abano, but I hear his gasps for breath. I finally look up at him and he drops to his knees before me, running a hand over my cheek and wiping my tears away. He notes the moisture between his fingers, looking at my tears in disbelief. “How…?” Is he asking himself or me? He must know I don’t have the answers for him. I turned to him because I believe he has those answers himself.
I decide to ignore his pointless question. “So you’ll help me?”
He nods wordlessly.
I get to my feet, straighten my school uniform and walk out of his office, leaving him on his knees, dumbstruck. I served him my soul on a silver platter, all he has to do now is drag it back to damnation.
Bartimaeus, you’ve opened my eyes, just as your God opened yours. Now all I ask is that you put an end to all this.
The Tale of Bartimaeus’ Miracle
In the land of the Hebrews, among the Righteous, it is widely believed that sinners bear the punishment of their impurity on their very bodies. But only the saints knew the truth – “the righteous suffer”. The path to redemption is full of obstacles, some are true physical pain, though there were those who lost their sight, for they had been blind to He that created them and gave them Faith.
Bartimaeus was a known beggar in the Jericho area. A transparent man among transparent men, his story bore the lesson of faith lost. In those days faith was not a casual matter, fortune smiled on very few and it was quite easy to abandon it. For many people, when there was no future on the horizon, the consequences of present actions changed nothing.
One day Bartimaeus lay beneath the scalding sun, as was his wont, feeling only that his flesh was burning. Despite the pain the light caused him – it was how he could tell night from day, for all his eyes witnessed were an endless veil. Suddenly he felt the strong presence of a man looking at him.
How different those strange eyes felt, how foreign the sudden invasion. It was the first time the desire to see awoke in him – after he’d been given the privilege of being seen.
“Cousin!” Bartimaeus called out, believing the stranger had already given him the only charity he longed for. Rough fingers touched his sweaty forehead, and he gasped in response. Bartimaeus opened his eyes and said, in absolute faith: “Let there be light, and there was light.”