Chapter 36
Chapter Thirty-Six
Bellcolor
F uck, fuck, fuck! What the hell did I do? I shake Bar’s body and call his name again and again, but he doesn’t respond.
What we did in the barn was forbidden by any possible standard, but being so close to his body as the sweet intoxicating smell again appeared in the air around him, it shoved me off a cliff, diving free straight into the underworld. I couldn’t help giving in to the urge that drove me to taste him.
It was always Bar’s angelic blood, hidden well by the demon blood that filled his veins. It called my name, called me to taste it. But my damned soul is greedy. The drops were too few in the filthy flood he’d used to contaminate himself. And he filled me. Brought me back to life. Empowered me. I felt the hot currents flow through my bubbling veins, my still heart pounding in my chest and shrinking at the weight of the torrential emotions he awoke in me. Emotions that led me to a home I never knew, but longed for anyway. But there was something else there, something unclear. Something too elusive and dark for my mind to recognize. Bar was right, there’s a connection between us involving a higher power, and even if we wanted to, we wouldn’t have the power to fight it.
And again Lilith’s voice rises within me. Again it echoes in my temples with an almost-paralyzing strength. Warning signs and a plea to stop. But I wasn’t sated, the thirst overwhelmed me. And now he’s lying here lifeless.
“God, Satan, anyone who’ll listen to me! Please, please don’t let him pay for my sins!” I make my plea as I weep over Bar’s still chest.
I lift my gaze to his rugged, beautiful face, peaceful to the point of paralyzing terror. The face that hated me. Oh God, he was right to do so. I asked him to end my life, and he was the one who came to an end because of me.
I scratch his lips with my long talons, also driven wild by his intoxicating blood, and I accidentally injure them. How fucked up am I that his blood arouses me even in his fatal condition? Enough that I bend down to his lips and lick his blood. I kiss his thick, soft, cold lips. Damn it, Bar, get up! I scream in my mind, and my lips lose control over his. I grunt as his delicious blood sends all my senses into delirium.
A hand pulls me back, and I’m shocked to find Libretto standing over me. The other Council members are standing a safe distance back, including my father.
“Oh dear,” he clucks his tongue. “Everything Lilith touches ends up dying. Poor angel.”
“He’s not dead!” I shout at him. He isn’t… right?
“Maybe not, but he’s done for. Now his God will judge him. You couldn’t help yourself, could you, Lilith?” He tilts his head, and a dark smile splits his evil face.
Guilt gnaws at me. “I didn’t mean to…”
“Like you didn’t mean to kill Liam or Tyra?” How does he know what happened with Tyra?
“What are you doing here? How did you know we were here?” I demand to know.
“I have my means. There’s nowhere on earth you can hide from me.” He holds his hand out. “Come, let’s return home.”
“No!” I knock his hand away. My home is here, with Bar. “I need to help him. I can’t just leave him here.”
“His angels will be back soon, and they’ll take him. We mustn’t be here when they come, do you understand?”
I know Libretto’s right, but I have a feeling that if I leave Bar it might be the last time I ever see him. And the thought of returning with Libretto turns my stomach.
“No,” I whine over Bar’s still body.
“Bellcolor,” my father approaches. He leans down to me and whispers in my ear: “Choose your battles wisely.”
What do you mean? I ask in my mind, without meaning to.
“Now’s not the time,” he whispers closer to my ear. Stunned, I give in to his pull and follow him unwillingly. My father can still hear my thoughts?
“Well done, Othello,” Libretto pats my father’s back and I cling to him to draw some confidence. When Libretto kneels over Bar’s body I try to lunge at him, but my father’s arm fixes me in place.
“No,” he whispers to me. “Let it happen. This is what’s supposed to happen.” He fixes his gaze on me and I can’t respond.
“It’s not me who curses you, it was always your God,” Libretto says, placing his hand on Bar’s closed eyes. His hands conjure smoke that’s absorbed into Bar’s skin.
“W-what’s he doing to him?” My eyes don’t stray from the ritual before me.
“He’s curing him for daring to again covet what Libretto believes is his.”
“Again?” I almost shout, but my father hurriedly silences me.
“Bartimaeus is no ordinary angel, Bellcolor. He keeps reincarnating in the lands of Adam, just like you.” I have a hard time processing what he’s saying. I look at Libretto and the ground rocks beneath my feet. I hold myself back from leaping at him and knocking his filthy hands away from Bar.
“Why did he return to the realm of Man? What is he looking for?”
“You, Lilith, always just you.” My breath catches and I feel moistness gathering in my eyes. “But it’s over now, he’ll accept his punishment and the threat of him will be lifted from you.”
Libretto rises and kicks Bar’s body. I try to protest but my father stops me. No, no! Please, no! I scream in my mind.
“Yes, Lilith,” my father says.
Libretto grabs my arm and I wail in pain as his talons dig into my skin. “You’re mine now, as it was always meant to be.”
My scream is cut off as Simon teleports us back to the castle. Bar returned to the lands of Adam for Lilith. She’s the one he really wants. My father’s words echo within me. But now that he’s gone, nothing can save me from the worst of all nightmares.
And I’m drowning, drowning, drowning…