Chapter 12 - Hyacinth
After I hear Shane walk down the hallway, I begin to relax, but my relief doesn’t last long.
Great, Hyacinth. You got rid of him. Now what are you going to do, stay locked in here for the rest of your life?
I pace back and forth a little, letting my thoughts crowd into my brain. I don’t even try to control my emotions; I just let them flow through me, feeling my breath naturally begin to slow as the anxiety peaks and begins to wane.
That’s it… just like I learned to do years ago. Once I calm down, I’ll figure out what to do.
As my emotions begin to settle, no ideas come to me, but I feel calm enough to think critically about the situation.
Last night, I just bolted. I couldn’t stand to hear another word from him.
Shaking my head, I scratch at my scalp a little, trying to relieve my headache. I barely slept, and the lingering exhaustion is making it even harder to calm myself down.
Why would he say that to me?
The obvious answer is that he’s trying to get laid and would say anything to achieve that goal. The problem is, I can’t believe he’d be pulling a trick like that right now.
The situation is too serious. He’s genuinely cut up about his people, and I can’t see him putting on an elaborate ruse just to get into my pants. He doesn’t even seem to like me that much.
I start pacing again, very slowly putting one foot in front of the other and focusing on my breathing.
That leaves only the possibility that he was telling the truth.
My stomach twists with anxiety, making pain shoot through my chest. I want the emotions to be negative, but to my shock, all I can feel is heat flooding through my body.
The moment in the hallway when we were almost pressed up against each other flashes through my mind, and the excitement that washes over me is addictive.
What did I expect? This is always the way it happens, and that’s exactly why I’m freaking out.
Before that thought can develop, I hear a bit of commotion in the kitchen. When I hear female voices, I realize that Sadie and Trina are here. I go to the door, listening intently. I hear them talking briefly, then I hear footsteps in the hall.
“Hyacinth, are you in there?” Trina asks. “Can I come in?”
“Is… is he…”
“Yes, Shane’s gone to work. It’s just us.”
I open the door, and Trina opens up her arms to me. I give her a quick hug, but I don’t linger, pushing her back so I can look into her eyes.
“Tell me straight, Trina,” I say. “Is this shit true?”
“Hyacinth,” she says gently. “Let’s go and sit down. You’ll feel better after something to eat. It doesn’t look like you slept well, either—”
“Don’t patronize me,” I say in a steady voice. “I want to know the truth.”
“No one is patronizing you,” Sadie says from further up the hall. “It’s just a simple fact that the hallway is an uncomfortable place for any discussion—and for a difficult one, it really helps to have donuts and coffee.”
My stomach growls right then, so loudly that the noise seems to echo through the hall. Despite the tension, all of us break into giggles.
“Okay, you got me,” I say. “Let’s go eat.”
I follow Trina up the hall as Sadie leads us to the living room, where she’s already set up three cups of coffee around a massive box of donuts. I grab a massive strawberry iced ring and curl up in the armchair as I bite into it.
For a few moments, we just eat, and it isn’t until the silence starts to drag out that I realize the other two are waiting for me to speak.
“If you’re waiting for me to talk,” I mumble through a mouthful of strawberry glaze, “you’ll be waiting a while, because I don’t know what to say.”
Sadie sighs and looks at the floor. Trina fiddles with her fingers as she tries to catch my eye.
“Did you tell him this?” I ask suddenly. “Did Shane come up with this crazy idea from you guys?”
“No,” Sadie answers, shaking her head. “I mean, we didn’t speak to him directly. He would have gotten it from Rhys and Owen.”
“He said he spoke to them,” I say. “But I just wanted to make sure it wasn’t you, too.”
“Hyacinth,” Sadie says with a sigh. “You’re avoiding the real issue.”
“Oh, really?” I say, my voice rising. “Would that be the kidnapping, the loss of my freedom—not to mention my house—or the batshit-crazy world I’ve suddenly been dropped into?”
“Or the suffering of the pack?” Sadie asks. “They are real people, Hyacinth, and they are hurting.”
I shake my head, not knowing how to respond.
“Besides, that’s not what I’m referring to,” Sadie says impatiently. “The issue is with you, personally.”
“Sadie,” Trina says softly. “Be careful.”
“Yeah,” I reply, challenging her. “Are you saying this is my own personal problem, when I’m the one who got kidnapped?”
“Hyacinth.” Sadie looks right at me, and her eyes seem to turn to liquid gold. There is an aura of power about her, but it doesn’t intimidate me. Instead, it seems to awaken something deep inside me that rises to meet her energy head-on.
“Hyacinth, tell me exactly why you are so defensive about this topic?” Sadie asks.
I want to dance around and draw it out, pretending I don’t know what she’s talking about, but the directness of her gaze and the steady flow of her energy won’t let me.
If I continue to deflect, then I’ll look like a coward.
“Hyacinth,” Trina presses, “you can tell us.”
As I look at my friend, I realize they already know what my problem is, because they’ve been in the same position.
I close my eyes, taking a deep breath. The moment in the hallway comes back to me again, and I see Shane’s beautiful blue eyes glittering like points of light dancing on the surface of a shallow pool.
“I hate this because I want him,” the words come out in a rush of breath. “I want him so badly, I can barely breathe.”
I keep my eyes closed a second longer, dwelling on thoughts of when he grabbed me in the parking lot.
I’m truly over the edge now. I can’t be in a rational state if I’m looking back on that moment with lust instead of fear.
“Hyacinth—” Sadie begins.
“No,” I cut her off firmly. “This is exactly why you have to help me get out of here. My attraction to him is putting me in danger. I barely know Shane, and a whole pack of werewolves being in trouble doesn’t change the fact that I am here against my will.”
“We can talk to Shane,” Sadie says. “And make sure he gives you plenty of space and freedom. If you promise not to run, that is.”
I stare at her, my gaze slowly hardening into a glare. My earlier resolve to never run away wavers as I feel the urge to defy her just for its own sake.
“What are you saying?” I ask. “Are you seriously telling me that you wouldn’t help me if I wanted to get away?”
“Hyacinth,” Trina says, hurrying over to kneel at my feet and take my hands.
“Please, just listen. Both of us are fully part of this world now, even though we came to it suddenly, just like you. We care about you, but the people in the wolf packs have become our family. Letting you go will hurt them. It’s a fact. ”
“And me?” I ask, looking at my friend in disbelief. “What if it hurts me?”
“Hyacinth,” Sadie says, her voice rippling with power. “Are you sure this isn’t exactly where you are supposed to be?”
I look over at her, feeling that strange sense inside me again, as if a power of my own is rising to meet hers. Sadie tilts her head and hardens her gaze a little.
“Trina, are you getting anything?” Sadie asks.
Trina is still sitting on the floor, holding my hands. She shakes her head a little. “No, nothing.”
“Wait, what?” I snap, pulling my hands away. “What the fuck are you doing?”
“Testing you for power,” Sadie says, sighing as she picks up her coffee cup. “I was just pushing you a little to see if anything would happen. Are you absolutely sure you got nothing, Trina?”
“Not even a whisper,” she replies, going back to her chair. “But that doesn’t mean much. You couldn’t get a read on me at first, either.”
“That’s true. But you were always a witch and were trapped by a blocking spell. I’m not feeling anything in Hyacinth.”
“Neither am I,” Trina replies.
But I felt something. I’m sure I did.
I look up at Sadie again, wanting to tell her but not knowing how to explain.
Maybe she just pissed me off. I mean, she was trying to, so I could have just been mad at her. It doesn’t mean she was awakening ancient powers in me.
“If I truly have no powers, then I shouldn’t be here,” I say. “You’re wasting time and energy on me when you could be searching for the right person.”
“Even though I agree, that’s out of the question now,” Sadie replies.
“The ritual did name you—even if it was only once. That’s better than nothing, and it implies a magic link.
You’re bound now, and trying to cut you loose would create a negative ripple.
I want you to understand, it doesn’t matter if you’re the right person or the wrong one—Shane’s pack cannot survive the ripple of the tie between you being cut.
The bonding ritual is a serious thing. It can’t easily be undone. ”
“But that means in a worst-case scenario, all of the pack will die a bit slower,” I protest. “Either they get hit with negative energy from severing the bond, or slowly die because I can’t save them.”
“The second option gives us time,” Trina says. “We’re working on this as hard as we can. We may find a way to slow it down if we can’t break the bond.”
“It’s also true that it took some time for Trina’s power to awaken,” Sadie says. “I thought it was hopeless at first. So, it is possible your own powers will still activate.”
“How much do we know about the origin of the curse?” I ask, avoiding Sadie’s last comment.
“I’ve found pages from Lynette’s diary,” Sadie says.
“She loved Darian, that much is obvious. I don’t know exactly what happened, but he believed she had betrayed him, and he locked her up in the manor.
In her despair, she cursed him and all his wolves, but deep down, she never gave up hope that he would come for her and true love would win the day.
That’s why there is a way to break the curse—if we have love. ”
“But why me?” I ask softly. “How could the spell possibly choose me? You really expect me to just fall in love with Shane, just like that?”
“Of course not,” Sadie says. “I don’t have the answers, Hyacinth. Just like you, I’m trying to find them.”
“We should visit the pack soon,” Trina says. “Once you begin to meet them, then you’ll understand why this is so important. Innocent people are dying, Hyacinth.”
Pain turns over in my chest, and I feel genuine compassion for the people who are being hurt by this. A sliver of resentment still remains within me, though, and I can’t help wondering if they even deserve absolution after what happened to Lynette.
This curse contains her desire for love, but it was made from her thirst for revenge.
“What happened to Darian?” I ask, mulling over the history I already know.
“I’m working on that,” Sadie says. “It might not be important, though. The curse was broken for each pack when we committed to our love and our lives together. That’s all that matters, I think.”
“And that’s what you expect me to do?” I ask. “And I’m supposed to start by fucking him?”
Sadie narrows her eyes at me, and I meet her gaze. An icy sliver of resentment has pierced my heart, and the chill seeps through my chest like poison.
He brought me here, trapped me… I hate him. But I want him! I…
“Hyacinth.” Trina gets up and comes over to me.
Her arm around my shoulders feels more like she’s keeping me prisoner than comforting me.
“No one is telling you what to do. I’ve been in your position, and I felt the same way—but you should also know, I made things worse for myself by not accepting my own feelings. ”
“What are you suggesting?” I ask.
“What we were talking about before,” Sadie says. “You admitted that you were drawn to him.”
“Yes,” I answer. “But that’s all the more reason to be cautious.”
Sadie tilts her head, and I get the feeling she can see right through me, as if she’s rifling through my emotions.
“What happened to you, Hyacinth?” Sadie asks.
Something in my chest breaks, and I look down into my lap as hot tears fill my eyes. I almost spill the whole story right then and there, but the cold sliver in my heart doesn’t melt, even under the burning wave of shame that floods through me.
I feel like she’s manipulating me. Getting under my skin. I’ll be damned if I let her work her magic on me!
“Seriously, Hyacinth,” Trina says, hugging me again. “I know how you feel, and now I’m happier than I’ve ever been. Just go with it. Allow for the possibility there could be something wonderful here.”
I shake my head, wiping away my tears. The hot rush of shame fades, and the cold, stubborn lump in my chest helps me bring myself back under control.
“I know that neither of you understands, but I promised myself a long time ago that I would never give up my body unless I was absolutely sure I was doing the right thing. You can sit here and tell me all the stories you like—it isn’t going to change my mind.
It doesn’t matter if I’m attracted to him. I’m not sleeping with him.”
Trina rubs my shoulder again, trying to comfort me. Sadie gives me one of her calculated looks. I stare right back at her, almost daring her to read my heart and speak out loud what she sees in it.