33~ The declaration of love
AKRITI
Since yesterday I have been rethinking my decision.I know how it feels to not have a father and his love.
Adhyay is willingly trying to give an orphan a new life, give her a father's love which I never had.
I am ready to be a mother to the girl but now?
I am emotionally not stable and between that how can he expect me to agree instantly?
It's not like we have been in this relationship for a long time.
But on a second thought, maybe, it would be better if we had a thought.
Adhyay thinks a lot about everyone but he forgets to speak his thoughts aloud.
I know he didn't mean to be rude and dismissing yesterday but he was confused.
He sounded distressed. Like me, he is also having an emotional turmoil and what we need to do is communicate with each other.
When I start understanding him, he misunderstands me. How will we suffice if this continues?
I checked my phone for the millionth of time to see if he had messaged anything but there was nothing. He was trying to ignore me, I don't know why. Maybe, I am overthinking, he might be busy.
Straightening my kurti, I locked the door with a sigh. I am going to meet him myself, I can't wait now. He didn't see my texts nor did he call my back, so I am assuming that he is either too furious or he is sad, but he fails to think about me.
"Hey! Are you going somewhere?"Tushar's voice caught my ears. I turned to see my neighbour leaning on the door with a bag in his hand.
"Yeah, off to work", I replied with a smile.
"That's great! How's aunty doing?", he interrogated and I sighed.
"Her surgery is scheduled next week", I sadly said, replaying Adhyay's promise to me. He had told me that mumma would be fine, he will do his best.
"Oh! Maybe you should seek another doctor", Tushar advised, shaking his head.
I snorted at his advice and bitterly said, "I am referring to the best doctor Tushar".
He chuckled and humorlessly said, "that young doctor of yours, I don't think he has much experience. He looks quite young, don't you think?"
I forcefully smiled, hiding my anger because I didn't want to burst on my neighbour who was just mocking my fiancé. One thing I can't hear is someone questioning his capabilities.
"He is experienced", I said, my hold tightening on my kurti. I know he is, he printed his own papers a few years back, making a breakthrough. I know, I watch the news. He was offered a job in the US, but he declined.
"You never know Akriti. Look you are a woman-"
"Tushar, I would appreciate it if you please don't interfere in my matters. I am a woman, yes, and I am capable of judging people".
I stopped momentarily, looking at his expressions and then smiling, I said, "Thank You so much for your concern but I and my fiancé know what is better for mumma".
Colour faded from his already pale face and he forcefully smiled.
"Fiancé?", he gritted.
"Yes, I gave you the invite, didn't I?" I asked, tapping my foot.
"That maroon coloured envelope?", I tried to remind him and he nodded. Smiling, I pressed the button of the lift as he closed the door of his house with a thud.
I hate such people who poke their noses in others matters. Tushar might be a nice person, he even helped me but I didn't like how he mocked my Adhyay. Adhyay is perfect, he is the best and no man can be one percent the person Adhyay is.
He might be an idiot, he might not speak his thoughts aloud but I love him how he is. He is understanding, a gentleman and he tries to always improve himself. That is what I love about him.
Looking nice is one thing but having a big heart is what I need in my man. Adhyay's heart is the biggest. If that man can try to give a new life to a child, he can do everything.
I drove towards the busy hospital which was full of patients today. It was huge, a big red banner hung on the entrance which spelt, "Healthfit Hospital".
Usually, the hospital is quiet but today is bustling with patients and sounds of ambulances. I stepped inside and looked if I could ask someone about my idiot.
"Excuse me, I want to meet Dr. Adhyay", I said to the receptionist who looked at me as if I had come from Mars. She scrunched her eyebrows and asked, "Appointment?"
Wait! I forgot to take an appointment but last time he said that I don't need one, didn't he?
"Please call your sir, he knows me", I requested but the adamant woman spoke, "Ma'am, I can't let you in without an appointment. Sir is busy and he doesn't have time for talks"
I huffed, he doesn't have time for talks? Do I look like I am here to waste his time? That man is adamant and this receptionist is one step ahead of him. She could just ask him right? But no, she will argue!
"Akriti? What are you doing here?", I heard Yash bhai's worried voice from behind. I smiled in relief and sweetly said, "I was here to meet your friend".
"My friend or your future husband?", he teased with a laugh, running his hand in his hair.
"Isn't it the same thing?"
"It isn't, words matter and who would know it better than you, a writer?", he asked with a chuckle and I nodded understanding the intended meaning behind the words.
"Sir, this woman was arguing to meet Dr. Adhyay", the receptionist complained to Yash bhaiya who laughed as soon as he heard the receptionist.
"Akriti, my innocent sister! You should not argue or ask, he's yours, claim him before someone else does", he said and I bursted out laughing.
"Just like Adrija?", I teased and he groaned.
"Just like Adrija, she's wild".
"And Pankti, she doesn't need an appointment to meet Adhyay", Yash bhaiya said to the receptionist making my eyes bawl out.
"Y-Yes sir", she nervously obliged and embarrassed, started typing on her computer.
Smiling, Yash bhai guided me to Adhyay's chamber, passing through the white corridors of the hospital and greeting the doctors.
He slided the door open for me and informed me, "He is doing a surgery, you will have to wait for a while".
I nodded glancing at my digital watch and replied, "No problem, I will wait".
"Hmm you can call your best friend if you need anything. I am going to my clinic, by", he chirped and I nodded with a smile.
I nodded and patiently sat on the visitor's chair, looking at his cabin with great interest. The first time I had been here, I didn't pay attention to his chamber but now I realise how huge it is.
Even though it is painted white, I feel a sense of tranquillity and belongingness, as if he was here with me.
My eyes travelled from one corner to the other, looking at the certificates and photographs hung on the walls.
On the wall behind his table was a big framed photograph which captured the moment of him getting an award from the chief minister. My heart bloomed with pride for him and his achievements.
There was another picture of him in which he looked quite young, my guess was that it was taken when he was around twenty five. He was wearing a scrub and smiling at the camera. It seemed as if the picture was clicked when he performed his first surgery.
The third picture had him in a well ironed suit and his dad who were standing in front of the hospital proudly.
In all the pictures, he looked happy and content unlike me who only remains sad and always questioning herself.
He is sunshine in everyone's life while I?
I am the poison, the ice hearted egoistic woman who only hurts everyone.
Is it fair for us to remain together?
Won't he feel suffocated with me? Our recent argument proved this, we don't have that yet.
We misunderstand each other. It's my fault, I never gave him a reason to understand me.
I switched on the heater that was present in the chamber and sat back looking at his table which was clean and tidy. Not a single piece of dirt was to be seen on it and all the pens, papers were neatly kept.
There was a photo frame on the corner of the table which made me curious. Hesitantly, I picked it up and glanced at the picture. I expected it to be a family photo but instead it was a picture of me?
How did he get hold of my picture and that too when I was in college?
I remember clicking this picture at my graduation when I wore a saree and gave a long speech which embarrasses me till today.
I was such an idiot back then, I was carefree and spoke whatever I wished to but then life happened, my father's reality identity opened in front of me, I isolated myself, cried for days and the result is what I am today.
For years I had been thinking that my father was dead, but on my twenty third birthday, my mother told me his reality. She showed me the newspaper in which his and his witch wife's photograph had been printed.
"A happy family", was the headline. It was his happy family, not us. He left my mumma and me to suffer while he grew relations with another woman.
I removed my gloves and washed my hands properly removing the traces of blood. The surgery had been successful after seven hours of work and dedication.
My shoulders were in pain and all I wanted was to go home and rest for a while. I couldn't sleep the whole night due to two reasons, first was Amayra who had an intense fever and her temperature was not coming down. The second one was this surgery.
Akriti's talk resonated in my mind for a few hours but then I decided not to think about it. It is her choice and I will give her space to think. I don't want to superimpose my decisions on her and don't want her to think that I am taking advantage of her situation.
She wants to marry me because of her mother, there is no other reason and I respect her. I was expecting her reaction to be like that only, I knew she would deny it but at least now I am guilt free.
I don't want to leave either one of them but it is not in my hands now. Akriti can step away and decline to marry me if she thinks I am at fault or whatever reason she decides.
I can't adopt Amayra either because I am not married, so I guess I am losing both of them. How much will it hurt? I don't know but I will try to prepare myself for the upcoming pain.
It looks like I will have to remain single for the rest of my life and crumble into pieces seeing others happy with their spouses and families. What is supposed to happen will happen, I can not stop it but I wish I would have confessed earlier, maybe it would have been a better situation.
"Sahab, ek madam milne aayi Hai aapse", I heard the compounder ask and I sighed. I didn't give an appointment to anyone then who is it?
(Sir, a madam has come to meet you)
"Boldo doctor busy Hai, Kal mil lenge", I commanded and collected a clean set of clothes.
(Say that the doctor is busy, he will meet her tomorrow)
"Sahab Maine bataya unhe lekin wo bol rhi hai ki milna zaruri hai", he continued and I sighed in annoyance.
How can people be so shameless? I haven't made any appointments yet.
They are shamelessly visiting.
(Sir, I told her the same but she is saying that it's urgent)
And there are several other doctors on work today, they could have met her.
"Boldo aa raha hu", I said finally and went to the changing room. My plan of going home and resting has now flopped. Stupid people!
(Okay, say that I am coming in five)
Quickly changing, I went to my chamber whose door was slightly opened. Taking a deep breath,I entered inside and saw the visitor jumping on her seat.
"You always scare me", I heard her say and my eyes widened. Aadhya? What is she doing here?
"Akriti?", I confirmed and she stood up with a nod.
"W-what are you doing here?", I asked, expecting a harsh reply from her but she only smiled and sweetly said, "To meet you".
I can't! Someone give me insulin! I am dying! I can't handle this much sweetness. I will get cavities, what happened to her? Did she forget the argument we had yesterday?
"Why?", I asked a bit harshly because I wanted to test if she was angry today.
"To compliment you", she said and my jaw fell open. What the hell is she saying? Is she drunk? What happened to the rude Akriti?
"Are you sick?", I muttered but her smile widened, scaring me more. I swear mom didn't scare me as much as she does. I will spend my whole life but never understand her, she is complicated.
"Sick in your love", she whispered and I choked. God! Save me, I will die before I get married. Wait! I am not getting married either, I will die here and no one will be able to save me.
"Kuch ho gaya Hai tumhe, pi thi kya?", I asked carefully, taking care not to hurt her in any way.
(Did something happen to you? Did you drink?)
"Kyu? Nahi to, tum weird behave Kar rahe ho", she simply said, making me bewildered. Didn't we fight yesterday? Was it only me overthinking about our little argument?
(Why? Nothing happened to me, you are behaving weirdly)
"Akriti?"
"Bolo"
"You should be angry, we fought yesterday, do you remember?", I asked.
"We did?", she questioned and I nodded like a scared puppy. Why is she acting as if nothing happened and everything is fine when it definitely isn't?
"Did you hit your head somewhere? Should I get you checked?", I asked checking her forehead.
"No, I didn't. Why are you acting like this?", she interrogated and I looked at her with utter surprise.
"Because we fought yesterday and you were furious", I gritted and pin drop silence surrounded us. Only our racing heartbeats could be heard in my chamber as we faced each other.
She sighed and replied, "I am sorry for yesterday, I didn't mean to be rude".
"It was my mistake, I should have been thoughtful", I replied softly and she gazed in my eyes lovingly.
"It isn't, the situation is bad and I-I don't know what to do about it", she whispered painfully and I nodded.
"Adhyay", she paused momentarily and then said, "I want to adopt a baby but not know. You know how my mother's condition is, if something happens, I'll lose my sanity. I don't want it to affect the kid in a negative way. I don't think I can do it and I don't want her to suffer because of me".
I nodded understanding her words and replied, "It is okay Akriti, it is completely fine, you can walk awa-
"Shut up! Walking away is not an option and I am not going away from you", she yelled and I sighed.
Holding her soft hand, I said, "I am not right for you, I don't know if I will be able to keep you happy ".
She doesn't, I am not good for her.
She looked up with teary eyes and said, "I am not right for you. Look at me, who am I? A pathetic soul, I can't even do anything properly. You are perfection".
No one spoke for a while, we just gazed in each other's eyes, looking for the answers and promises.
"A-adhyay, I-I love you", she whispered after a while, making me shocked as well as confused.
"You don't have to say this for the sake of it".
"You think I am lying? I love you stupid! I love you. It took me so much time to realise it but it is true, I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you", she cried, bringing years to my eyes as well. She loves me? Really?
"B-but you said you don't", I said and gulped, wiping away her tears with my hand.
She interlocked our hands and painfully whispered, "I lied, I lied because I was scared that you would make fun of me or play with my feelings.
More than that, I was terrified that I would hurt you.
You will get hurt because of me, I always hurt the people I love"
The sadness in her voice broke my heart, she doubts herself when she shouldn't, she is perfect and she can never hurt me or anyone else. It is her who gets hurt by the cruel world.
"I know you are upset Adhyay but think of me once, you know how it feels when you have to stay away from the ones you love", she cried with big tears and I nodded. It hurts a lot seeing them with someone else, them ignoring you, talking utter shit on your face, it all hurts a lot.
"I do", I whispered.
"Then you should know how bad I felt when you said that I could cancel the wedding. I can't, I can't cancel the wedding because I love you. And just a stupid argument can't decide that", she yelled and I looked down, not able to meet her eyes.
I was so foolish to even say that, I was sad and at that moment, I uttered something that I never meant to say.
She cupped my cheeks, standing in between my legs and whispered, "Just talk to me, yell, shout or do anything but don't ever say things like that".
I nodded and mumbled, "I promise".
"And I want one more promise from you", she asked and I nodded looking in her eyes.
"Never break my trust, I am giving myself to you, trusting you, but if you do, I don't know what I will end up doing to myself. I can't bear another heartbreak Adhyay, it hurts a lot", she cried.
"I will never break your trust, Akriti, you won't complain about trusting me", I promised and held her hands.
"We can always solve things by communicating", she said, wiping away her tears.
"We can".
"Adhyay? I want to meet her", she said and I nodded, shocked with her demand.
"I want to meet her, we will adopt her after everything come back to normal. I love kids Adhyay", Akriti said with a smile.
"Really?"
I was not able to believe what I heard. Adoption is one other thing but Akriti is agreeing to meet Amayra and build a relationship with her. If things go well, she will soon accept Amayra.
"Yes!"
Bewildered with the happiness, I swiftly stood up and hugged her. She giggled softly and wrapped her arms around my torso. The feeling was pleasant, she loves me!
"You are the best", I said and kissed her forehead twice. She laughed and mumbled, "Just for you"
"I love you Akriti".
"I love you more Doctor", she whispered against my heart and looked up, her eyes shining like the sun does after rains.
I smiled and kissed her forehead once again.
She giggled and tiptoed to kiss my nose.
"Everything is fine", she said and I nodded. With her by my side, everything will always be fine.
A really long chapter phew!
They are finally together, I didn't wanted to stretch the drama and their argument because it can be solved by talking.