Chapter 11
Chapter Eleven
SOPHIA
A hand slid up my thigh, and I moaned, the crest of sleep beckoning while I was warm and sated.
And yet as soon as that hand touched my bare thigh, my body ignited.
Eyes closed, I shifted slightly, knowing that Carson would have already sensed my alertness.
It didn’t matter that I might look like I was asleep, he would know.
Soft stubble brushed against my shoulder, his lips grazing the outer shell of my ear. “Princess, it’s time for you to wake.” I let out a soft sigh, sinking into him, as his hands continued to roam over me.
We lay spooned against one another, the hard line of his cock pressed against my backside, and I knew he was aching just like I was. But he didn’t shift, didn’t move. Instead, he explored.
One hand lazily caressed my nipple, the other went to the apex of my thighs, spreading me. I let my outer thigh fall lightly, as he used his middle finger to slide up and down my slit, gently probing.
“For someone who is pretending to sleep, you sure are wet. Look at you, soaked for me.”
I groaned as he gently speared me with one finger, using the caress to gently tease me. It was hard to breathe with him touching me, but that wasn’t new. That was just Carson.
“Mm-mm,” I moaned.
“Look at you. Finally waking. Your cunt is tightening around my finger. Greedy. Hungry. Do you want this finger to be my cock instead?”
In answer, I shifted so my backside pressed against him even more, and he groaned.
I could feel a slight wetness against my lower back, and I knew his cock was already leaking precum.
I wanted to turn, to take him in my mouth, and to show him exactly how awake I was, but that meant I would have to move from this moment and not allow him to touch me anymore.
I was greedy for him, aching just like he said.
It should scare me, and perhaps part of me was terrified. I wanted this man. But I knew if I didn’t pull back, there would be no stopping.
I wanted to touch him, to hold him. I wanted him to be inside of me. I wanted him to know that he had already wrapped himself around my soul just like he had my body.
I was terrified of the truth.
His fingers clamped down on my nipple, the slight sting bringing me out of my spiraling thoughts, and I let out a deep breath.
“There she is.” And then he was lifting my thigh, his cock sliding against my pussy.
“I want you bare, holding onto my cock with that beautiful pussy of yours as if you can’t let go.”
I moaned again, wanting that, but knowing that I couldn’t.
Shouldn’t. I wanted him inside me so I could feel all of him, but I didn’t beg, I didn’t ask.
So when I heard the crinkle of a condom, I didn’t let the disappointment settle in.
Being safe was smart. And sometimes being with Carson felt anything but safe in some respects, and the safest in all others.
He continued to rub against my cunt, this time with the condom wrapped around him, and I arched for him, needing more.
“That’s it. That’s my Sophie.” My Sophie. As if I was his. It didn’t feel like that was the case, but perhaps it could be. Perhaps if I let myself be his, I could let myself be who I was when I couldn’t focus.
I had fallen for Carson Woods. I had done the one thing we had both promised each other we wouldn’t do.
But I wouldn’t think about that now. Instead, I reached between my thighs and maneuvered him so he was at my entrance. “Tell me yes. Tell me I can have you for this moment.”
I nearly frowned at the qualification, but then his hand was on my clit, and I couldn’t think.
“Please, Carson. Take me.”
He murmured against my neck, and then he was filling me. Slowly. Inch by inch. There were no more words, no other thoughts. Just Carson. There didn’t need to be anything else.
It took a breath for my body to acquiesce, my inner walls tight for a moment until I began to relax around him.
He shifted slowly, small bursts until he was seated deep within me, his balls pressed against me, and I couldn’t think of what else to say.
What else to think. There was nothing. Just Carson, just these moments.
“That’s it, that’s my girl.”
Mine. I let the smile spread over my face, knowing I was making a mistake.
Because in this moment I was his. Just like he was mine.
He kissed my neck, my ear, but didn’t tilt my head back to take my lips. That was fine, because he took me. He moved slowly, gently, both of us rocking into one another as my orgasm began to crest.
My pussy fluttered, stars dancing behind my eyes, I leaned back, my head on his shoulder, as I came.
He murmured against me, his hips thrusting harder, faster, and the sounds filled his room, as he filled me.
And when he came, his hand a bruising force on my hip, I smiled against him, and I was lost.
This was all too much, and I knew it. I shouldn’t be doing this, I shouldn’t have fallen. But I had.
It didn’t matter that I had lied to myself for so long. I had gone and fallen in love, and yet, as he held me, I could believe that maybe he felt the same. And perhaps he did.
What more could I ask for than this man who held me?
We laid there for a moment, our breaths coming in pants as he held me close, but didn’t say a word. He didn’t kiss me either, but it didn’t matter. I could still feel him hard within me, both of us shaking as we came down from our orgasms.
It had been reckless to stay the night, and I knew it, but after the wedding, we had been so tired, and I had already planned to be with him.
Aston had given me a curious look when I had asked him and Blakely to watch the girls overnight.
They had wanted a sleepover with their baby cousin anyway, and I had acquiesced.
My big brother—a man who I had not grown up with and hadn’t known until I was nearly married and a mother myself—hadn’t scolded me or teased me.
He hadn’t given me a worried look. Instead, he had promised to watch over my girls with everything he had.
And considering I wasn’t sure what would happen with Cale next, as we still hadn’t formed a plan for his supposed weekend visitation, that meant everything.
Blakely had given me a knowing glance, and I had promised to tell her everything.
Though I had known it for a lie right away. After all, how could I tell her what I didn’t know?
I wasn’t supposed to fall for this man, and yet I was. It would be so easy to continue to fall and to never let myself feel the pain, but he had not promised forever. In fact, he had done the exact opposite, and once again I had been broken.
But in this moment I could pretend. I could pretend there was such a thing as forever.
I had danced with Cora at the wedding, and then Juliet. And then I had found myself in Carson’s arms, never letting go.
Others had recognized me, surprising me, but as some of the brides’ friends had loved to dance, they knew who I was, and I had even given a few digital business cards for upcoming classes for their children.
All in all, it had been a successful wedding, and although there was always that ever present backdrop of darkness that came from parents who never understood, Carson had filled that moment and role with such sincerity, that it hadn’t signified.
Cora was loved and she knew that with every ounce of her soul.
Her parents would never be part of this, not in the end.
And I had been blessed to witness it.
After the wedding, I had gone home with Carson, to his large house only a neighborhood away from Aston’s, and we had gone to sleep after hours of clinging to one another.
I had never had so many orgasms in my life, and I knew my inner thighs would be sore for days to come, but it didn’t matter.
I was happy. It should scare me, and perhaps it did, but did it matter?
He made me happy, and that perhaps was all that was worth counting.
And I wanted to tell him. To explain to him that I could see more.
But then again, maybe that was just my body reacting and not my soul.
Because I had trusted before and I had failed. Failed to the point that scars covered my heart, my body, and could have touched my children.
Suddenly chilled, I sank into Carson, still feeling his length deep within me, and he wrapped his arms around me, holding me close. We were no longer covered with a blanket, both of us naked and stated, but we didn’t say anything. Instead, he buried his face in my neck and let out a deep breath.
Perhaps it would be okay for me to tell him. He was a rational, good man even though he didn’t think so.
Maybe he would understand.
He kissed the back of my neck, and gently, oh so gently, slid from between my thighs. I immediately felt the loss, the ache, and I let out a deep sigh.
He didn’t say anything as he shifted off the bed, and then did away with the condom. Water ran as he washed his hands, and I moved to lay on my back, my hands on my breasts, and smiled up at the ceiling.
I had never meant for this to happen, but here I was, in Carson’s bed and happy.
Carson moved from the restroom then, wearing dark sweatpants and a flat expression on his face.
Chilled, I slid the sheet above me, covering my body. I didn’t like to be naked when he wasn’t, that’s just who I was. Usually he came back to hold me afterwards, but we did have to go to work later. He had meetings all afternoon, I knew, and honestly I didn’t even know what time it was.
I had been so lost in him, I hadn’t even called Aston. I had earlier, right before seven in the morning when Carson and I had woken up in each other’s arms, but hours had passed, and I needed to again.
I was just about to shift to reach for my phone, when Carson moved to the side, and reached over the bed to brush my hair from my face.
“This was nice,” he said, his voice devoid of emotion. My hand hovered over my phone as ice slid up my spine at his tone.
I looked up at him and frowned. “Yes,” I said, and I cleared my throat. “It was.”
“I need to head to the office. You can stay if you want, but I’ll make sure you have a car to pick you up. I’ll be out of the state for a while, I have a few meetings and mergers to worry about. But maybe I’ll call you when I get back?”
This didn’t sound like the Carson I knew. No, I didn’t recognize this man. That was a lie. He sounded like the man that I had first met. The one who had promised me nothing and told no lies.
And just like that, the glass shattered around me.
And I realized what this was.
A brush off. A casual goodbye that was anything but casual.
I sat up then, not letting the sheet fall. I needed that armor.
“Oh. Sure. I need to see the girls.”
“I’m sure you do. Thank you for coming to the wedding.
You helped alleviate that burden for Cora, and I’ll be forever grateful for that.
You let me know if you need anything, and tell the girls hello.
” He took a step back, as if to say nothing at all, and I stared at him, wondering exactly who this man was.
There had been no promises, and yet this seemed something different. Something I had missed.
I had been the one to change the rules, even if he hadn’t known. And I couldn’t breathe.
I had let a man hurt me before, because I hadn’t seen the truth, and I wouldn’t do it again.
It might be a completely different moment in this breath, yet the agony twisted.
I shifted off the bed and walked towards my clothes, letting the sheet fall.
I didn’t need the shield, he had seen everything. Touched everything down to my soul.
And I hadn’t been enough.
I didn’t turn around as I dressed and gathered my things. I still wore the dress itself, not even a spare change of clothes or a toothbrush. Because that’s not who we were.
“Let me call you a car,” Carson said, and I finally turned to him, realizing he hadn’t moved at all. He had stood there, watching me dress as I tried not to shake, and I knew this was goodbye.
It should have been goodbye with that first kiss, but it hadn’t been. I had played with temptation and been burned.
I should have known.
“No need. I can do that. I want to go home and shower before I pick up the girls anyway. Give Cora my best. Juliet as well.”
Carson nodded and didn’t say a word. He didn’t move forward to kiss me goodbye, to tell me he would see me again.
He did nothing but stare at me blankly, as if he had no idea what to say.
Well, good. Because I didn’t either.
I gathered myself, left the bedroom, and quickly called a car, before pulling up my group text.
Me:
I need you. I’m safe. But I need you.
Just those simple words, and then each one of my sisters, by blood and marriage, answered back.
Isabella:
I’m on my way. I’ll kill him.
Blakely:
I’m coming too. I have the girls with me. You won’t be alone.
Scarlett:
I’m in town. I’m stealing one of Dorian’s cars.
Harper:
I’ll pick you up, Scarlett. I’ll be there soon, Sophia.
Phoebe:
I’m close to the house. Do you need me to pick you up?
Emily:
I’m already out the door. See you soon. We love you, Soph.
They would be at my home soon. And I wouldn’t be alone.
See? I wasn’t below nothing. I had family. I had friends.
I had people who cared about me. I slid into the car, once again realizing Carson hadn’t asked me to come back, hadn’t said a damn word to me after he’d made his peace.
I wasn’t alone, except in all the ways that truly mattered.
But this time, I didn’t break.