Chapter 12
Chapter Twelve
CARSON
Lack of sleep meant that I was a real bear to deal with, then again, it wasn’t anything new, right? After all, I was the asshole that people whispered about before I walked into the room, and then suddenly they were busy at their own jobs.
If I were any nicer, things wouldn’t get done.
I knew how that worked. At least that’s what I continued to tell myself.
But I hadn’t slept at all since watching Sophia walk out of my house, as if I hadn’t been the one to push her out.
I deserved whatever hell came my way. She had been so fucking strong.
Yet I had seen the absolute devastation in her eyes, when she’d given me that one look and realized that I was blowing her off. That I was pushing her away and doing my best not to reach out and never let go.
Because if I did, it would be a mistake. One of us would end up breaking the other. We would end up hurting the other person when things got too real, and I didn’t want to be the one to do that. She was so much better than me.
She had already dealt with one of the worst possible things imaginable, and had survived.
And I had just been a distraction, a stepping stone into who she needed to be.
And I hadn’t minded it. Fuck, I had relished in it.
And that had been the problem. I had wanted too much.
I connected too much. She had been everything, therefore I had to ensure it was nothing.
I knew that being as cold and callous as I’d been had been cruel, but I needed to ensure there was no space for miscommunication, or second guesses. We had both told each other there would be no promises, and yet the fact that we had promised it called us both liars.
She deserved someone better than me. Somebody who actually believed in something beyond a few nights. I shouldn’t have touched her at all, but I hadn’t been able to stop myself, and the way that she had melted in my arms had proved that we had been meant for at least those quiet moments.
So walking away when I had was smart.
Only she had done the walking, hadn’t she?
I may have been the one pushing, but she had held her chin high, like the damn goddess she was, and left.
And I hadn’t even driven her home. Not because I was an asshole, far from it.
But because if I had gotten in the same car with her, I never would’ve let her go.
And that scared me like no other.
I was not the man who wanted forever. I was not the man who needed it.
I walked away and didn’t look back. Because that was what me or my partners wanted.
There had never been a time where somebody came back to me, wondering what the hell I had been thinking because they had thought our relationship was something far different.
There had never been any confusion until now. The confusion was on my part. Not hers.
Because Sophia had walked away. Maybe to protect herself, maybe because she was done with me. Either way, I had hurt her, and there was no coming back from that.
And yet I hadn’t been able to sleep. Hadn’t been able to think without her coming to mind.
And it was going to break me.
What the hell was I supposed to do now?
“Sir?”
I turned towards Rose, trying to pull myself out of whatever thoughts I had been spiraling down, and shook off the concept of thinking about Sophia more than I should.
“What is it, Rose?”
“I was just making sure you were okay. You were staring off into the distance for longer than usual.”
Rose had been with my company since the start of it. Much like Andy, my driver, they had wanted to work for someone who would treat them with respect.
Rose had also worked with me long enough to be given grace for any snark or worry.
Because I wasn’t the monster that I pretended to be. Not always.
“How long have I been staring?” I asked, honestly curious.
She raised a brow. “Long enough I was getting worried. Are you coming down with something?”
That would’ve been an easier answer than what I was truly feeling, but Rose didn’t need to know that.
“I’m fine. Are we set for the next meeting?”
I hadn’t lied to Sophia completely. We had flown out to Seattle the day I had forced her out of my home, and part of me knew there would be no coming back from that. I might have ruined everything because I couldn’t stay away from a woman who shouldn’t be mine.
I was now dealing with another merger, an acquisition, and a company I wasn’t fond of. I preferred working with the Cages, and even the Montgomery family in Colorado, but there were other families in other states that required help, and who I knew we could be profitable with.
I knew my head wasn’t in the game, and that’s when mistakes happened.
“We have everything all set, and the rest could be done remotely. I can have the plane ready soon.”
I didn’t always travel private. In fact, I hated it.
It wasn’t good for the environment, and it was all pretentious.
But because I needed to get more than a few people in different places in a hurry, and we did our best to offset any issues, it usually made sense financially, economically, and environmentally. It just wasn’t my favorite thing to do.
“Give me a few hours. I want to make sure it settles with them, and being in person will help.”
“Will do. I’ll give you an update when I have it. Oh, and sir?”
There was a hesitancy in her tone that worried me, so I finally turned to look at her and frowned. “What is it, Rose?”
“You have two Cage brothers here. I wasn’t sure whether to tell you or not since they aren’t on the agenda, and frankly, I don’t know why they’re here. But they don’t look happy. I can do more reconnaissance to see if the next phase of the business deal we have with them is in jeopardy.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose, wondering why it had taken this long for them to show up.
I was surprised it was only two Cages and not all fifty of them.
I wouldn’t have been surprised if it had been all of them.
After all, I had hurt their sister, her pride, and her feelings.
I hadn’t hurt her heart. Because there was no way that she had fallen for me. She was smarter than that.
Then of course, I was reminded exactly why she had protected herself. “Send them in,” I said, the sudden urgency in my tone surprising her.
Because if Cale had done something and I had been looking the other way, I would never forgive myself.
“Are you sure?”
“Rose. I am. I promise.”
“I’ll have security waiting.”
I snorted. “I could take both of them, we know that.”
“I didn’t tell you which Cages are out there.”
“You didn’t have to.”
Not only would I know who they were no matter what, I also knew I could take them. Not that I would harm any of the Cage women. I wasn’t that much of a monster. Although I wasn’t sure Sophia would agree with me in that moment.
With a sigh, I leaned against my desk, hands in my pockets, as I waited for two Cages to show up and explain to me exactly how much of a terrible person I was. It wouldn’t be anything new, honestly.
“Well, looks like I’m going to have to kick your ass after all,” Flynn said far too calmly, his voice smooth as silk as he strode into my office, complete in a perfect suit and tie. James followed him, a deadly snarl on his face.
“So. It’s the two of you. I thought it would be. But honestly, I would’ve expected Isabella here with a pitchfork too.”
“She’s with Sophia, but if she had her way, she’d be here as well,” Flynn said.
I studied both of them, my jaw set. “Meaning no one else knows that you showed up. Does Aston?”
“He’s not our keeper,” James put in calmly. “But I would love to know what you were thinking when you broke our sister’s heart.”
I stiffened, my own heart squeezing ever so slightly. Because no, that wouldn’t have been the case. I hadn’t done so.
I would’ve known.
“What happens between Sophia and me is none of your business,” I said boldly. I ducked the first punch, Flynn glaring, but wasn’t fast enough to escape James’s hold. He hovered over me as he tugged at my shoulder and glared.
“You have no idea what you’re talking about. We weren’t able to protect her when that asshole hurt her. Physically, emotionally, financially, everything. But you? You were a friend.”
Were. “Past tense then?” I asked.
“You asshole,” Flynn said as he moved forward. I pulled away from James, and the other man let me go. I fixed my suit, pretending I cared about the lapels.
“Sophia and I are friends.” Or perhaps that was past tense as well. “We had a few moments, and then our time ended. We both made promises. I didn’t want to hurt her.”
“Maybe you did, maybe you didn’t, but you shouldn’t have touched our sister to begin with,” Flynn snapped.
I nodded tightly. “You’re right. I shouldn’t have.”
Both men looked at me in surprise, and I shook my head.
“Sophia’s way better than me. She deserves more than me. We had our time, and I walked away before things got more complicated. I’m sorry if I hurt her.” I shook my head. “No, that’s a cop-out. I’m sorry that I hurt her. But being with her would have hurt her even more. Believe me.”
“You shouldn’t have touched her,” Flynn repeated.
“What happened between Sophia and me was between two consenting adults, and I won’t answer to you for that. She deserves better than that. But please, don’t ever compare me to the spineless asshole that is her ex-husband. Because I’m not like that man.”
Flynn opened his mouth to say something, but it was James who spoke instead.
“You’re right. You’re not Cale. I’m not disappointed in Cale because I hate him so much it doesn’t matter. But you? Why did you have to walk away like that?”
I rubbed my hand over my heart, not even realizing I was doing so until it was too late. “I’m no good for her.”
“So you hurt her?” Flynn asked.
“I walked away. It made sense to walk away.”
“Maybe. Or maybe you should have found the courage to stay. To figure things out. She deserves everything and more,” James reiterated. “And you don’t deserve hell either, Carson. Maybe you need to think about that.”
And without saying another word, James dragged Flynn out of my office, and I stood there, wondering what the fuck had just happened.
I didn’t deserve more. I didn’t deserve better. Sophia deserved the world.
But I wasn’t it.
And yet...
I missed her.
“Fuck.”
That was the crux of it. I missed Sophia Cage. And I wanted her.
And I didn’t know what the hell I was supposed to do about that.
Because part of me needed her. Hell, every part of me needed her. Everything had felt so much lighter with her near, but that wasn’t how I operated. I’d done what I’d always done, and walked away before things got heavy, and now? And now I had hurt the one person who had actually seen me.
I was the asshole that didn’t deserve anything but pain. I knew that, she had to as well.
“But what the hell was I supposed to do about it now?” I asked, shaking my head.
With a sigh, I texted Rose to get the flight ready. Because I needed to go back to Denver.
I needed to talk with Sophia. Because I had made a mistake. Just like that, I had made a fucking mistake. And I needed to fix it.
Only I had no idea what the fuck I was supposed to do about it.
By the time we made it to the airfield, my hands shook, and my knee kept bouncing as we sat on the tarmac.
“Do you want to tell me what’s wrong?” Rose asked from her seat beside me.
“Nothing,” I lied.
“So it has nothing to do with Sophia Cage?”
I frowned at her, wondering where the hell she got her information.
“I’ve worked with you for how long now, boss? We know things.”
Andy snorted from behind me. “She’s a good person. We like her. And maybe if you gave in just a little, you’d like her even more.”
“Since when do you two care about my personal life?” I asked.
“Since always,” Rose teased. “You introduced me to my wife, and I will forever be grateful for that. You might be the big bad bachelor in most rooms, but you’re also a good person.
Sometimes you forget that. And I like the Cages.
We’ve done so much background work on the family, I feel like I know them.
Sophia? I’ve watched her dance for ages.
Hell, you’re the one who introduced me to her and the ballet.
She’s freaking amazing, hot, and probably too good for you. That’s why you should try harder.”
“I have no idea why I keep either one of you employed,” I grumbled.
We were up in the air then, on our way back to Denver, and I needed to figure out what the hell I wanted. Because if I wasn’t careful, I was going to break her.
Maybe I had already done so.
Sophia didn’t want anything serious or permanent, she had plainly said so, but part of me was afraid she had lied just like I had.
I missed her. With every ounce of my soul, I missed her and it had only been two days.
Two days since I had touched her, two days since I had broken both of us.
I missed her, her smile, the way she made me laugh. I missed the way the little girls made me laugh. And that wasn’t who I was normally. I wasn’t a man who knew what to do with a family like that. And yet here I was, wanting something more.
And that’s how I knew I was in trouble. The plane dipped for a second, and I frowned, looking up at the pilots.
“Everything okay, Josh?”
“We’re hitting a bit of turbulence, everybody make sure that you’re settled in.”
There was an odd note to his voice, and that worried me more than anything. Because I had worked with this team for years now, and they did not get worried.
I met Rose’s gaze, her eyes wide, the fear there startling more than anything. Rose was stronger than I was in so many ways and now I had to be the one who held it together.
“Everything will be fine, let’s get home. Then you can tell me exactly how I’m supposed to fix this with Sophia.”
“Well, good. You came to the right person for advice,” Rose said, although there wasn’t a hint of humor in her tone.
Then the plane dipped again, this one sharper. Rose let out a scream, and I reached out, gripping her hand. Andy was behind me, doing the same for our other team members.
And when the plane dipped once more, there were more screams, and all I could do was think of Sophia.