Chapter 14
Chapter Fourteen
CARSON
Forty-eight hours.
Forty-eight hours in which I would have to wonder exactly where everything had gone wrong. Forty-eight hours in which I had nearly lost everything.
And now I stood here on her porch, lost, never found, wondering what the hell I was doing. The car had dropped me off, only lingering for a moment before it took the hint and left. I knew my team wanted me to go home. To shower again and pretend all was well, but I couldn’t. Not until I saw her.
There were a thousand things I needed to be doing, other places all over the country that I needed to contact and be seen, but that didn’t matter.
There were only two places in the world I needed to be, and one I couldn’t contact yet. Here I was, trying to figure out what the fuck I was going to do.
But before I could even ring the doorbell, or walk away, the door opened, and then Sophia was in my arms. I clung to her, inhaling that sweet vanilla scent of her hair, and sank my face into her neck.
She let out a cry as my arms tightened around her waist. “How. How?” I set her down, careful not to hurt her. I had already done that enough.
“I’m sorry it took me so long to get here.”
That felt like an understatement, but I held back, trying to formulate the words I needed.
She ran her hands over my beard and glared up at me. “They said your plane went down. They said—” She shook her head. “They said so many things, and yet you’re here. How are you here?”
I cleared my throat and felt awkward as hell.
The last time I had seen her, I had walked away.
No, that wasn’t right. I had pushed her away.
I had made everything awkward as fuck and ensured that she would never want to see me again, and yet from the tears streaming down her face, the whole incident had worried her. I did not deserve those tears.
I reached up and used my thumbs to wipe her cheeks. “Don’t cry. Please, Sophia. Princess. Don’t cry.”
“Come inside. I mean, if you have time. Cora. You need to go to Cora.”
And just like that, every instance of when I had been an idiot slammed into me. Because I loved this woman.
She was here, breaking, in pain because I was a monster, and she could only think of my little sister.
It was no wonder that I loved Sophia Cage.
“I already talked to her. I promise. She’s on her honeymoon.”
“I know. We’ve been texting.” She pressed her lips together, as if she hadn’t meant to say that, but of course I had already known.
I kept my hands on her face, trying to collect this moment.
Because once she came back to reality and realized I was still the asshole I always had been, she would walk away again. Because I had been the one who pushed.
And I wasn’t good at groveling. Nor did I think any groveling or apologies I made right now would be enough. Not for the way that I had hurt an already broken soul.
“Can we talk? Do you mind? I’ll tell you the whole story. Are the girls here? Are they okay?”
Her face softened, and I swallowed hard. “They’re in the playroom. They don’t know. I didn’t tell them. And of course. If you can, if you have time. Carson. What happened?”
I slid my hands down her shoulders to her hands and squeezed. “I’ll tell you everything. I promise. I’m sorry for keeping you waiting. Sophia, I’m just so damn sorry.”
She frowned at me once again, before pulling me into the house, and I took those steps, knowing that they had to mean something. I would ensure they were worth it.
I wasn’t going to be the evil person that I was ever again.
I couldn’t.
“Can I get you something to drink or anything?”
I pulled her into my arms, selfish as always, and held her close. She stiffened for a moment, before sinking into my hold and letting out a deep breath.
“I’m okay. I’m fine. I promise.”
“I need to tell the girls you’re here because they’re going to hear your voice.”
“I won’t tell them anything.” I kissed her temple, and she pulled back, studying my face. I couldn’t read those gorgeous eyes of hers, but I watched as she walked away, down the hall to the girls’ playroom.
Part of me wanted to follow, but from the way that she had rolled her shoulders back, I knew she was trying to center herself, to find strength.
And hell, I needed to do the same damn thing.
I looked around her home, the one that she had made herself without that man, and with the family that she had cared for. Her little girls were growing up underneath this roof, within these walls, and were loved. They thrived.
I didn’t know how to tell Sophia that I wanted more. I didn’t even know what I wanted. Just more. I wanted her. I wanted those promises that I had failed to allow myself to keep. Because I had never meant them, and that was the problem.
How was I supposed to make sure she knew it was something I had been thinking about before the plane went down?
“Mr. Carson! You’re here!” Violet squealed as she ran towards me.
I knelt down, ignoring the twinge in my back, and held open my arms. She ran to me, and I gathered her up, Hazel right behind her.
They talked a mile a minute, and kissed my cheeks, before going down to their feet and bouncing around me.
I only understood around a third of what they said, but I merely smiled, loving how the girls were so animated. They looked like their mother in that instant, and I was so grateful that Sophia had even let me in the house, because I wanted this. I wanted to be part of this.
And I had no idea what the fuck I was supposed to do about that.
“Okay, girls, I need to talk with Mr. Carson, but thank you for welcoming him,” Sophia said, her voice oh so careful. I hated that I had done that to her, but I would make up for it. Somehow. And not with gifts or anything that came from who I was outside of this house.
No, I would need to find other ways.
I was not good at this.
No wonder the Cage brothers were ready to break me. Because I deserved it.
“I can talk to you soon,” I promised both of them.
“I’m happy you’re here,” Hazel whispered before she grabbed her sister’s hand and skipped down the hallway.
I tilted my head, studying them. “While they have never seen The Shining, my brothers thought it would be funny to teach them different weird things. Meaning they like to do that terrifying twin thing without even knowing they’re being terrifying.”
I pressed my lips together, trying not to laugh and failing. “Was it Dorian?”
“And oddly James,” she said with a laugh. “Theo may have helped as well.”
There was an awkward silence as I stood up, looking at this woman that I adored, loved…
“I thought you were dead,” she croaked out, and I took a step forward as the first tear fell. But she held up her hands, waving me off. “Just tell me what happened so I can breathe. I am—I don’t know what to think, Carson.”
I ran my hands through my hair and nodded. “I don’t know either. The plane did go down, but not fully,” I corrected.
That didn’t make any sense.
“There was a malfunction, and the engine just stopped midair. We went down hard. I was with my team, the people that I have handpicked for my business. They may not be family, but some of them are the closest people I have to it. And all I could think of the whole time was that they were going to lose... The people that they loved were going to lose them, and it would have been my fault.”
“How on earth would it have been your fault?”
“Because it was my plane. My pilots. My engines. Everything was mine. It doesn’t matter that we had countless checks on it, and we didn’t skimp on safety, it happened.
Thankfully, I have the best fucking pilots in the business, and they were able to ensure that we didn’t crash into the forest beneath us, but we landed hard, in a place with no service, no communication, and we couldn’t get out to anybody.
Then some asshole decided to tell the world that our plane went down.
Crashed. No survivors. I don’t know who started that rumor, but I’m going to find out.
Because it broke my little sister to think I was gone.
” I swallowed hard, knowing that Cora would forgive me, but I didn’t know if I deserved it.
My baby sister had spent part of her honeymoon thinking I had died.
And our parents hadn’t reached out once.
I might have been the one presumed dead in those instances, but now those people were dead to me. Just like they should have been years ago.
“Carson. That must have been so terrifying.” She moved forward then, and I held out my arms. When she sank into me, my heartbeat slowed slightly, and I realized how tense I had been.
“We spent one night in the forest until emergency services could find us. We were all okay, a little sore from the rough landing, but nobody was worse for wear. I contacted Cora as soon as I could, as well as most of the company, but apparently I had already been declared dead on the internet.”
“It was terrifying,” Sophia said softly. “And I know that rumors can just be rumors, but when you didn’t reach out—”
“I just landed like an hour ago at DIA. And the first thing I did was come here. I was going to call, and well…” I sighed.
“I didn’t even know if you would’ve cared.
Or noticed. That was selfish of me, I know.
But I didn’t want to worry you with a phone call to tell you that I’m alive, if you didn’t even know I was hurt, or if you even wanted to hear from me. ”
“Are you serious right now? Even if I hated you, I would want to know you were alive.”
“I know that. I’m just a chicken shit. And then as soon as I talked to Cora, I knew that you heard about the accident.
And I had to find the words. But all of this to say, no matter how meandering this conversation goes, it’s because I wanted to see you in person.
I wanted to hold you and tell you that I was safe. ”
“Carson—”
“Please? Just this once.”