Chapter 14 #2
And as she gave me an odd look, and nodded in understanding, I cupped her face and took her mouth with mine. She sank into me, and I brushed my tongue along her lips. When she parted them for me, I deepened the kiss, needing her taste.
“I was so scared I would never see you again,” I whispered against her mouth, and she pulled back and frowned.
“I thought you didn’t want to see me again,” she said after a moment, her voice devoid of emotion. “It’s why you pushed me away. We had no promises.”
I cursed under my breath and ran my hand over my chest. “Because I’m an idiot.
Because I’m fucking scared. I shouldn’t have done that.
Even if we were going to end things in that moment, I should have driven you here.
But I was afraid once I got you in my car, I was never going to let you go.
All I wanted to do was just be with you, and it’s ridiculous because I’ve never felt like this about anyone. ”
She shook her head, confusion etched on her face. “And this epiphany came when you thought you were dying?”
“No. I mean, yes, I thought of you because I didn’t know if those were my last moments. But before I even got on the plane, before your brothers showed up to yell at me, I knew I’d made a mistake and I was going to have to find a way to atone. To fix it. And I still don’t know how to do that.”
“Carson, I haven’t slept, and I know you haven’t either, so you’re going to have to be plain. What on earth are you talking about?”
“I love you, Sophia. I was so fucking scared that I was going to lose you, and then I nearly lost myself. I know you didn’t ask for this.
You didn’t ask for me or any of the drama that comes from me being in your life, but I love you.
I’ve never loved anyone before, I’ve never felt like this before.
And all of this was intensified even before I thought I was going to die.
And I don’t know how to prove that to you.
But no matter what, I will do all in my power to show you that I’m worthy.
Because I’m not right now. But I will be. ”
Tears were falling down her cheeks again, and she took a step forward, her hand on my chest.
“You love me?”
“I shouldn’t be so surprised that you sound flabbergasted at the thought, but I do.
I hope to god that you can take a chance on me.
I know you didn’t want forever either. And you didn’t want a relationship.
Hell, you’re still dealing with that asshole.
And you have your babies, and your family, the studio.
You have everything. But if you let me, if you let me just be part of it, I will do all in my power to show you that I love you, and that I can be your helpmate. ”
I took a step back, ready for her to reject me. After all, I would deserve it, but when she reached for me, I took her hand, unable to watch her reach for anything. To ache for anything.
“You love me,” she repeated.
“Of course I do. I think I loved you the first time you swooned in my arms.”
“I did not swoon,” she corrected, though a smile covered her face.
“Maybe a little. But I think I loved you then. Your strength, your tenacity. Your humor. I know I can be a better man for you, and with you.”
“You need to be a better man for yourself, but I don’t think you’re as evil and corrupt as you think you are. Or at all,” she corrected.
“Maybe. Maybe you see the light in me, and I wouldn’t mind fading out the darkness just a bit.”
She still hadn’t told me how she felt, and I was okay with that. I would wait, and I would earn it. But the fact that she hadn’t kicked me out had to count as a plus.
“I can go. I know I have a few things to do with the company later, and well, you said you hadn’t slept. I should leave you be.”
Then Sophia was in my arms. “I know you said you were scared. But Carson? I’m always scared.
” She pulled back, staring at my face. “I’m scared that I’m not being a good enough mother.
That I won’t be enough. I’m scared that I’ll lose what I have, and he’ll take more.
I’m scared that I’m not present enough for my family.
Because you know the Cages have their drama, and sometimes I feel like I can’t focus on theirs when I’m breaking within mine.
But Carson? I was so scared that I would never see you again, and then I was afraid that I would never tell you how I felt. ”
I ran my thumb over her bottom lip, my chest tightening. “How do you feel?”
“I love you. I love you so much, and it scares me. Because you keep showing me parts of yourself when you don’t mean to. You bared yourself to me, and it just proves how scared I am.”
“You have nothing to be afraid of, Sophia. I promise I will do all in my power to show you that.”
“So what does this mean?” she asked.
I let out a rough laugh. “I have no fucking clue. I’ve never been here before. But I love you, and I want to prove that to you. And frankly, I just want to hold you.”
“Don’t think you’re going to be walking out of this house tonight,” she warned. “Because I thought you were dead, and I’m going to need a moment to break down about that.”
I held her close, my grip tightening to the point of near pain. “All I thought of was you in the end,” I whispered.
And when she cried against my chest, I kissed the top of her head. “Don’t almost die again, okay? I’m still getting used to this whole love thing. Because I realized I didn’t love him before. But you? I would shatter the earth itself with what I feel for you.”
My knees nearly gave out, and perhaps I would be the one to swoon, so I held her close and sighed. “Those little girls mean the world to me too, you know.”
“And there I go,” Sophia said, before she sobbed harder, and I just held her, each of us swaying in the other’s arms.
I’d nearly died, and the world thought I had for those mere moments. But no matter what, I would prove to whatever gods were looking down and to the woman in my arms, that I was worthy of this second chance.
Even though I knew that this was only the beginning. Because I was missing something. I knew it.
That meant I would have to prove to Sophia I was worth it. And to whoever else may be fighting against what we could be.