14. Chapter Fourteen #2
She writes the story down, and I watch her mouth the words as she writes, almost like she’s trying to memorize them.
“And for the compliments thing, I think it’s a good idea, but what are we going to say about each other?” I ask, not because I can’t think of any compliments about her, but because I really want to hear what she has to say about me.
“Don’t make me say it now,” she protests.
“Please.”
“You are so full of yourself,” she says, but she doesn’t even sound mad.
She looks around the kitchen and then back at me, like she’s carefully choosing what she wants to say next.
“I think I’ll probably compliment your baking.
I think you’re seriously one of the best bakers I’ve ever met.
That could just be because you’re a better baker than I am, and I’m not very good.
But it could also be because you have real talent.
You’re also really kind. You’re always making sure I have something sweet or savory to eat while I’m at work because I’m so busy that sometimes I forget to eat.
It’s little things like that that show me you care. ”
Wow. I sit there stunned for a moment, saying nothing. I hadn’t expected her to say something so sweet about me. I thought I’d probably get a joke or a little more teasing. But I can tell she’s being sincere. Now it’s my turn.
“I’d probably say something like...”
I trail off and take a moment to really look at her. Which direction should I take?
Should I try to say something funny to lighten the mood. Not that the mood is tense or anything, but after the compliment she gave me, I feel like something has shifted. At least in me.
I don’t know what this contract thing is doing to us, but this whole plan already seems to be changing our dynamic. Maybe that’s not a bad thing. But I know now that what I say next is going to matter.
I can feel it. My heart starts beating a little faster as I look at her, and she looks back at me with those big brown eyes. Then I don’t have to think anymore because I know exactly what I would say if I had to compliment her.
“I think I’d just tell you how beautiful you are because I don’t think people say it enough.
From the moment I met you, you’ve known how to challenge me, make me feel better, and get under my skin all at once.
It’s more than your quick wit, which I do love.
It’s that look you get. That little twinkle in your eye when you come up with a new drink recipe or when you’re talking to your best friends.
It’s that smile that brightens your whole face and makes me want to smile too.
So, as your fake boyfriend, I’ll make sure I tell you, and everyone else, just how beautiful you are inside and out. ”
The look on her face tells me I’ve said too much. It’s like all the emotion has drained from her face. She doesn’t even look like she’s breathing or blinking. She’s just staring at me, dumbfounded.
And I feel like an idiot. Why did I go and say that? I just knew.
The moment I looked at her, I knew exactly what I would say about her. In the months I’ve been here in Selah Falls, she’s been the one person who made me break my own rule about staying focused on my dream of opening my own bakery.
There are lots of pretty women out there. I see beautiful women all the time. But I don’t care how pretty they are because no one holds my attention the way Lizzie does.
No one captivates me the way she does. Some people might call that romantic. To me, it’s just the truth.
It’s something I’ve known since the moment I met her. Something I know but don’t talk about. I’m glad I finally admitted it because now I’ll have something real to say. Something I truly mean when I compliment her. Something she’s worthy of.
But I wish she would say something. Because my revelation has left her speechless. I’ve only seen her speechless one other time.
When Billie came into the cafe the other day. And I guess you could count the times she ignored me and didn’t talk to me. Other than that, she’s always ready with a comeback or something to say.
Not now. She just looks at me. She finally blinks. Then she blinks again. And I find myself holding my breath because... why isn’t she saying anything?
“I’m sorry,” I say, instantly regretting what I said and wishing I could take it back. “I know that was a little intense. I just wanted to say something that sounded like something a boyfriend would say.”
I rush through the words, trying to make them sound believable. Her expression changes as understanding dawns on her.
Then I realize I’ve messed up again because now it sounds like I was only saying those things to make it sound convincing instead of because they were true. I open my mouth to explain, but she shakes her head.
“You are too smooth, Darcy,” she says, making a few notes in her journal. “But yeah, if you say stuff like that, people will think you’re in love with me. So, great job.”
People will think you’re in love with me. That’s the sentence that sticks with me. I’d never really thought about that. I’ve never been in love before. I haven’t had many real relationships.
All of my relationships were watched by my parents and orchestrated by them, so I never got to fully give myself to any of them. The last one wasn’t even really a relationship. It was an arranged engagement on paper.
But I know that at this moment, if I could choose to love anyone instead of just choosing to date them...it would be somebody like Lizzie.
I could see myself loving her. But I know I can’t. I have to stay focused because this is pretend.
We haven’t even begun yet. So if that’s true...why do I feel like this? Why does it feel like I just opened up a piece of my heart and handed it to her with one loaded compliment?
The realization comes slowly. Everything else seems to slow down too. I watch her looking down at her journal, writing something. I can feel the rise and fall of my chest. I can feel time passing. But I can feel something else too.
Maybe the reason I noticed all those little things about her over the months we’ve known each other...is because I fell for her before I ever realized I’d fallen. Before I was keeping track.
I’d already started looking at Lizzie differently. But I kept telling myself I couldn’t. That I wouldn’t. I never let myself think about it because she’s my boss and my friend.
She is off-limits. I wish I could tell my heart that. Because it’s beating so fast as I look at her.
I wish I could reach over and take another sip of my drink just to have something to do. Or take another bite of my cinnamon roll. But I’ve already finished my drink and cinnamon roll.
I can feel myself starting to sweat. And I can’t take my eyes off her. Because now I know.
I have feelings for Lizzie Bennet. Real feelings. For my soon-to-be fake girlfriend.