15. Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Fifteen
Lizzie
His words replay in my mind, crowding my thoughts, my fears, and my questions. Will is just making stuff up for the sake of the fake relationship, I remind myself. Don’t get caught up in getting offended if he isn’t being serious.
But wow.
He is really good at pretending, which is exactly what we need. He really had me there for a moment. That’s what he’s supposed to do, and I know that. So why does it sting that he took it all back?
My phone buzzes, and I don’t have time to think about that because I get a text from the one person I do not want to talk to.
Billie: Lizzie, can we talk, please?
“You okay?” I hear Will ask me, but his voice sounds far away.
I look up from my phone and lock eyes with him. He can probably read the expression on my face, and I’m sure it isn’t a happy one.
“I wish I could say I was, but guess who decided to text me.”
“Who? Wickham?”
I take a moment to thank God that George didn’t, in fact, text me just now. Then I remember he actually did text me earlier today, and I still haven’t responded.
When I saw him coming into the cafe, I hid in my office and told Will and Wolfsheim that I didn’t want to see him. Of course, they told me he’d asked about me, but I told them that no matter what he said, to tell him I was unavailable.
His text from earlier is still unread. I want to leave it that way. But I know I need to tell him to leave me alone. I don’t know if it’s better to do it over text, on the phone, or in person. But I know I’m going to have to do it eventually.
On the other hand, another person I really, really don’t want to talk to over text, on the phone, or in person is Billie. Probably even more than I don’t want to talk to George.
Billie and I have history that goes deeper than any crush I had on George as a teenager. Billie and I were together for years, and even though it all ended in shambles, something still pulls at me. I hate that it does because I know I’m not in love with him anymore.
Maybe it’s the fact that I’m sitting here trying to arrange a fake relationship that’s making me think about how I got here.
How I was supposed to be happily married to Billie by now.
Instead, I’m not married, not dating, and, quite frankly, not nearly as excited about the possibility of romance as I once was.
It makes me sad that a fake relationship is probably the closest I’m going to get to romance because I think I may be broken after everything I went through with Billie.
I look back down at my phone and consider typing something, but I just can’t bring myself to do it.
I lower my phone and set it back on the counter.
“It’s Billie. He wants to talk,” I say dryly to Will. “George texted me earlier too, but I still haven’t responded.”
“What are you going to say to them?” he asks.
“I don’t know. I really don’t want to talk to George or Billie.”
Will studies me, his thoughtful expression slowly turning into a smirk.
“What?” I ask, intrigued. “You look like you have something to say that I need to hear.”
“I do. What if you use this as an opportunity to announce that you’re in a relationship now? To both of them. That’ll really take them by surprise, and it might make them mad. But it’ll also most likely get rid of them and make them jealous.”
I consider it, knowing he’s probably right. If I text them both that I’m no longer interested and tell them I have a new man in my life, they may be upset. But what can they really do about it if I turn them both down and lean into my fake relationship until all of this dies down?
Finally, I say, “You’re on to something, Darcy.”
“Will.”
I look up from my phone after opening my messages app. “What?” I ask, caught off guard.
“I think you should call me Will if we’re going to be dating. Not all the time, but sometimes.”
I’d already thought about that too. Calling him Will makes me think about him as a whole person, not just as my friend or the baker at my cafe. It makes our back-and-forth dynamic feel different. Like I’m graduating to another level with him.
A first-name basis that I thought had already come and gone when we settled into our bickering stage. Now we’re in this brand-new stage. This strange, never-been-here-before stage. A whole new relationship status that we both have to adjust to.
“Okay, Will,” I say, like I’m learning a new word for the first time. “What do you suggest I text these guys so they know I’m taken?”
“What about something like, I know this may be hard for you to understand, but it’s not you, it’s me. I’m seeing someone else, and I can’t do this anymore.”
“That is so cliché.”
“But it works. Honestly, neither one of them deserves much more of your time. It’s really up to you how you want to respond, but I don’t want you stressing over what to say to them because they didn’t spend much time stressing over how they treated you.”
His words hit me hard. Because I think they’re sad but true. Both of these guys hurt me in different ways. If either of them had been more intentional, I wouldn’t have ended up in either of those situations.
I’m not as heartbroken over George as I once was over Billie because George was more of an almost relationship. But we still had a past together. The possibilities of what could have been versus what actually happened still hurt.
And Billie...he is a whole other story. I can’t help but think Will is right. He always seems to know exactly what to say at the right time. Just like he always knows what pastry I need, I guess he also knows what wisdom I need at times like this.
That’s something I really appreciate about him. We joke around all the time, but I honestly feel like he’s shown me from the beginning that he’s got my back.
“You’re right,” I tell him, acknowledging that his advice is spot on.
I start typing a text to Billie first.
Me: Billie, you and I have been over for a long time.
Mama wasn’t right for inviting you to dinner without talking to me first, and you weren’t right for showing up in town without giving me any notice.
You made your decision about us when you left all those years ago.
You did hurt me. I’ll admit that. But I’ve already forgiven you.
The other night, I wanted to know why you did it, why you left.
But the truth is, I don’t actually need to know why because I don’t think you’d be able to give me a truthful answer.
What I do know is that the girl you knew back then is gone, and we can’t go back to what we were.
I really do wish you the best. Please don’t come over again or stop by the cafe.
I’m seeing someone else now, and out of respect for my relationship, I’d appreciate it if you stayed away.
I press send. Taking a deep breath, I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Now it’s time for the other text.
To George, I type:
Me: I wish I had better news for you. I wish I could tell you I wanted to see you again and that we should go on another date.
But I can’t because I know you haven’t been truthful with me.
I know you have some things you need to figure out, but I hope you’ll do that somewhere far away from the college campus and leave those girls alone.
Including my sisters. I forgive you, by the way, but we won’t be dating each other.
Please don’t text me anymore. I’m seeing someone else now, and no, we can’t be friends.
It’s funny to me that I’m texting both of them goodbye when just last night my friends were telling me to give Will a chance and talk to him before I wrote him off.
The difference, I think, is that Will is worth giving another chance to.
The other two guys are so yesterday. They didn’t appreciate me while they had me, whether it was for years or only a short time.
And I’m ready to let them go. So I do. Ironically, through text messages. Just like Billie texted me goodbye all those years ago. And just like George texted me that he was on his way to my parents’ house for dinner not that long ago.
Two beginnings. Two endings. Just like that.
I guess I should be happy about it. And I think part of me is.
I do feel relieved that I finally sent those texts tonight. But I also feel guilty. What I said to them was true. But I also told them I was seeing someone. And that part isn’t really true.
As nice as it would be if it were, I’m selling my fake relationship. So two things are true at once. I’m happy that I can finally be rid of two guys who were never good for me. But what am I supposed to do with a good guy who isn’t really mine?