23. Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Three
Lizzie
When Billie shows up at the cafe, he looks smug. I thought calling him would make me feel better. But it doesn’t.
He goes in for a hug, and I can’t return it. Instead, I offer him a seat in the empty cafe.
His confidence fades, and his smile falters. “What’s wrong, Liz? I thought you wanted to see me.”
“I thought I did too.”
I look over at him, remembering the girl I was when I was in love with him. It’s like watching a movie. It looks good when you replay the highlight moments in your mind.
But when I look at him now, I see that we are not those kids anymore. I’m not the same girl I was. I’m not in love with him. He is not my person anymore.
He asks, “Why did you tell me to come?”
“I think I just needed to remember who I am and who I’m not anymore. To finally say goodbye to you and the old me.”
Silence settles between us. A late afternoon rain shower is the only thing I hear as the drops hit the cafe windows. Thunder rumbles in the distance.
Lightning flashes, making the windows glow. People pass by the closed cafe in a hurry, holding tightly to their umbrellas as they rush to get out of the rain.
Billie breaks the silence first. “I came back because I missed you. It was selfish of me to leave. I should have told you. I should have told you I was scared to love you for real.”
His words stick out to me. Scared to love. Sound familiar?
I want to laugh out loud, but I can’t seem to get the laugh out of my mind and into my mouth. I just shake my head slightly, looking around the cafe.
The cafe. The place I come to serve others. To make money. To be with friends. To see the man I love...
But when I look up, I don’t see the man I love. I just see Billie sitting across from me.
“I’m not in love with you anymore, Billie.
” I say it aloud because the truth hurts.
I see how he winces. But it’s better than lying to each other.
“I loved you once. But we’re not the same people we were back then.
I was mad at you. I’ve been scared to love too.
And I didn’t even realize it. But now... I’m ready.”
“And I just happened to be too late,” he says, more to himself than to me.
“Yeah,” I laugh humorlessly, nodding. “And for the record, I’m sorry for getting your hopes up. I think we both know that our time has passed, and it’s time to let go. For both of us.”
I smile weakly at him, but I mean it. I held on to him for so long and didn’t even realize I had. I held on to him leaving, and my love turned to resentment. I let it fester.
Looking at him now, I can finally let it go. I glance out the window and watch the sun peak through the clouds as it rains. The sunshine makes my smile widen, and I finally feel like I’m shining too.
It’s a new day. A new season for me. It’s time to move on. To let go. To love again.
I say goodbye to Billie, knowing this time will be the last time. He tells me goodbye too, saying he’s headed to Chicago to stay for good, where his new life is already in motion. When I watch him leave the cafe, I don’t feel sad.
My phone buzzes as I close the cafe door and lock it. When I pull my phone out of my pocket and glance at the screen, I see messages from the crew group chat.
Nic: Hey, Lizzie, is everything okay?
Jane: Yes, please check in. Not trying to be a stalker, but I can see your location, and I see you’re back in town.
Me: That is pretty stalkerish, but I love you both. LOL.
Nic: Well, you shouldn’t have shared your location with us if you didn’t want us to see it. Now, are you back in town or is your location glitching?
Me: Of course I’m back. I wouldn’t miss the wedding of the century.
Nic: Aww, thanks, girl. How is Will and his family? His dad?
Jane: Yes, we’ve been praying.
Me: I left him in Chicago... but last time I checked, he was going to see his dad since he was finally waking up.
Nic: You left Will in Chicago?
Me: Kinda.
Jane: Why???
Me: Long story, kid.
Nic: We can talk about it tonight at the sleepover.
Jane: You mean the slumber party extravaganza!
Me: YES! Oh, and what about the flowers for the wedding? And the dresses?
Jane: No worries. I picked them up. I’ll bring your dress tonight. And the flowers will be delivered to the church in the morning for the ceremony.
Me: Thanks! You’re a life saver. Oh, and Will prepped the sweets for the wedding yesterday morning before we left the cafe. And I prepped the latte mix. My sisters will bring everything to the church tomorrow for the reception.
Nic: Sounds good. But tonight, we PARTY.
Jane: Haha. We can only try to match that level of excitement. And, we’ve got it all covered, Nic! You provide the place. I am bringing the hair and nails supplies. Lizzie, are you still okay with bringing the snacks and drinks?
Me: Yep! Everyone wear your cozy PJs. Tonight will be fun! See you all at 6 p.m. at Nic’s. Love ya.
Jane: Love you too, girlie. But please check on Will.
Nic: What she said. Love ya too.
***
Pre-sleepover chaos has ensued. Checking on Will? Not so much.
I’ve gone to the local grocery store and stocked up on all the best snacks and drinks, ordered pizza from the place just up the street from Nic’s house, and am now headed home to shower, change into my pajamas, and pack an overnight bag before heading over to Nic’s.
My phone buzzes as soon as I pull up and park my truck.
My phone is connected to my truck, and an automated woman’s voice reads the text from my family group chat.
Papa: How’s it going, Lizzie? Do you need help with those groceries?
Me: Are you spying on me???
Mama: We can see you from our window. And your sister texted us saying that you were back in town.
Lydia: I was the cashier on duty, so of course I saw you.
Me: I know you saw me. I checked out in your line. Still, you didn’t have to snitch on me.
Lydia: It’s a small town. Someone was bound to report back to the folks that you’re home. Be glad it was me and not some other nosy neighbor.
Me: You all are my nosy neighbors, actually. Except I live with some of you.
Janet: Unrelated but I’m glad you’re back Lizzie. Sorry we were hard on you about Will. I just want the best for you.
Kitty: And I guess Lizzie is supposed to assume that the ‘we’ you are referring to is you and your husband?
Janet: Yes…he was being overprotective of Lizzie.
Mary: Or he was being a jerk…
Janet: You know what… I only chimed in to apologize to Lizzie. I’m gracefully bowing out now. Love you all.
Mama: Girls, stop fighting. Lizzie, I’m sending your father out to help you carry your groceries inside.
Me: Janet, thank you. All is forgiven. Love you too. And, I’m okay, Mama. I have my grocery wagon in the trunk. I can use that. Prepping for Nic’s sleepover tonight.
Mama: We’re coming over to help since your sisters aren’t home.
Me: I don’t need help. I’m fine.
I roll my eyes, not surprised when I see Mama and Papa head out of the house. I don’t have time to dwell on Janet’s apology, though I appreciate it because I know that’s all I’m going to get from her and Charlie.
I step out of the car and embrace that fresh after-rain smell, glistening sidewalks, and the hot summer air. I changed out of Georgiana’s clothes the moment I could. I stopped at home for a few minutes before darting back out to the store to get snacks.
I’m shocked I was able to get away with that before being spotted by my friends and family. I’m wearing sneakers, leggings, a baseball hat that says “Well-Behaved Women Seldom Make History,” and an oversized red tee.
Mama has on rain boots and a rain jacket even though it’s hot outside because she’s extra. Papa is close behind her in his sneakers, strolling toward me with a wave and not a care in the world.
“I told you that I didn’t need help,” I say, slipping my phone into my purse before hiking my purse up on my shoulder.
Mama waves me off and pulls me into a hug as soon as she gets close enough.
“You know my nerves can’t handle all of this drama, Lizzie,” she says, smothering me. “How can you just up and leave town and send us a text about it? Don’t ever do that again. How are you? How is Will? What happened?”
Papa gently tugs at Mama, pulling her away from me so I can breathe. To Mama, he says, “Give her a moment, darling.”
“I’m fine,” I say the words, but I don’t know if I believe them quite yet.
Papa and I lock eyes. He knows I’m not okay. I can tell by the sympathetic look he gives me.
When he pulls me into a hug, it’s not overbearing like Mama’s. He’s always been like that with me. When Mama digs in deep, a Papa hug is always moments away to make me feel a bit better.
“You baby her,” Mama says, frustrated at Papa.
And just like that, the moment is over. Papa releases me, and I have to face Mama again. This time, I don’t pretend that I am okay.
I don’t shrink away or compromise like I used to. Well... sometimes I did. But usually I stood my ground and challenged her, like with the dating thing.
I brought George to family dinner to make a point. But she’s stubborn, and she can wear you down. She used to be able to do that to me.
But something about spending it with Will and his family showed me how fragile life is. And how tired I am of trying to win a ridiculous battle with Mama.
So what if I’m single? So what if I don’t end up with the man she wants for me? So what if I don’t want to settle for less? Or settle at all? So what if she’s upset with me because of that?
The least I can do is stand up for myself, be honest, and let go of the pressure. I sigh, as if I could let it all go with a single breath.
“I can’t do this anymore,” I say, straightening my posture and squaring my shoulders.
“What do you mean?” Mama asks, her eyebrows raised, her voice bordering on hysterical.