23. Chapter Twenty-Three #2
“Mama,” I say, trying to calm her. “I can’t keep living my life for you.
I know that you want me to be happy. You mean well, but sometimes I feel like all you do is text me dating apps or critique me when I see you.
I just want to be able to talk to my mom without feeling like I have to be something I’m not. ”
For the first time in forever, she is silent and lets me talk. So, I go on.
“I love that almost everybody in our immediate family is in a relationship. That’s great.
But I want to know that you love me even if I’m not with somebody.
I want to know that I can come to family dinner at my parents’ house and not be bombarded by an ex.
I want to know that you trust me to end up with the person God has for me. ”
Still, she’s quiet and Papa is too. They look at me, really look at me. I have their full attention. I keep going.
“I want to know that I’m enough. And if I’m not enough for you, then I’m sorry, but I’m done trying to be something I’m not.
I’m done trying to impress you and anybody else.
I’m done pretending that I am okay with how you treat me and sometimes how you treat the rest of us Bennet girls.
And I’m sorry because I spent so much time going toe to toe with you, and I don’t want to do that anymore.
I’m also sorry because I lied about my relationship with Will.
He’s going through a lot right now. That’s why he’s back in Chicago.
But before all this, he and I were friends.
Long story short, that’s pretty much all we’ve ever really been until I went and ruined it with a fake relationship. ”
Mama gasps, but Papa grabs her hand and she is quiet again.
I say, “My best friend is getting married tomorrow, and I came back to be here for the wedding and all the festivities tonight. I don’t know if Will is ever coming back, but I’m going to be here. And I’m going to be happy no matter what.”
Mama looks stunned. I swallow hard, knowing that, for better or worse, I’ve just told her exactly what I needed to tell her. Papa looks shocked for a moment, but he recovers quicker than Mama.
“I’m so sorry,” Mama says, pulling me into another hug.
Even though she’s one of those huggers who practically buries you when she wraps her arms around you, it’s different this time. I feel like this hug isn’t squeezing the life out of me. It’s gentler. More intentional.
“I just wanted all of my girls to end up happy. I wanted you to have a date for the wedding. I know that you’ve always been the hardworking one who knew her own mind and knew what she wanted. I never wanted you to end up working so hard that you forgot to be happy.”
“I know, Mama,” I say.
But she’s not done yet. She holds on to me, saying, “And I still want certain things for you in life. But I’m going to trust God’s timing. And I know that one day, if it’s His will for you, you’ll have a husband, and you’ll bring me some grandbabies.”
I laugh because Mama’s apology means everything. Of course, hearing the rest of her confession brings me a little comfort too. She hasn’t changed too much.
But I think we’ll be okay now because she understands that I have to figure this out on my own. And I really, really hope and pray that God will help us navigate our relationship so it can be less messy and filled with more love.
“And Papa,” I say when Mama steps back, keeping her arm around my back, “I love you and Mama, and both of you inspire me and show me what a committed, loving relationship looks like. You both really do work well together. Thank you both for showing me how to love somebody through the ups and downs and how to support each other.”
Papa says, “It was you girls who helped your mama and me see how important it was to stick together. I have to admit that maybe I let too many things slide over the years. I think your mama and I both want what’s best for you girls, and sometimes it was easier to just not speak up when things were happening or when things were said. ”
He glances at Mama, who narrows her eyes at him, but then he wraps an arm around her and another around me, and her expression softens.
“I think it’s time for us to let the girls to find the path that God has for them,” he says, directing that part to Mama, and she nods cheerfully. “And it’s time for our Lizzie to live her life.”
We all hug. We cry a little. We laugh a little too.
Then, despite my protests, they help me carry my groceries inside. Well... Mama fills up the wagon, Papa carries the rest, and I’m ordered to unlock the door and make them lunch. So I do as I’m told, smiling the whole way.
***
Just like old times, we have our favorite romance movies playing, snacks spread across the makeshift table we put together, pizza boxes open, and conversation flowing as we quote movie lines and help each other put on the sage green press-on nails Jane bought, along with matching nail polish for our toes.
Jane picked the next movie, and of course it’s Breakfast at Tiffany’s because she’s obsessed with Audrey Hepburn. And rightfully so.
Nic’s family cat, Chai, wanders into the room. I set a kitty cookie Will made for her a few days ago on the floor. She nibbles at it before curling up nearby, happily watching the movie with us while enjoying her snack. After all, she’s one of the girls when she wants to be.
Nic’s parents pop in to say hi and, mostly, to steal a few slices of pizza before heading to their room for the night.
I smile at them as they go, loving to see them back together again after everything they went through.
Seeing them makes me think of Nic and Jay and how they got a second chance at love too.
All of this makes me think about Will. I wonder if we’ll even get a real chance at love. But I push that impossible thought away and try to focus on the evening ahead.
“I’ll pin up our hair in the morning,” Jane tells us as she shows us a picture of the Audrey Hepburn-inspired bun for the wedding look tomorrow.
This is the distraction I need, so I lean into the conversation.
She and I will have the same hairstyle, and she’s the pro when it comes to that look.
She scrolls to another image to show Nic the style she’s doing for her and talks us through the logistics.
Nic is going to have a half-up, half-down style with her long, naturally curly hair.
“I brought a new makeup kit, so I’ll be all set to give us all the most exquisite looks for the big day,” I say, since I’m in charge of makeup.
I watched like a million tutorials to get the look right and practiced on my sisters, so I pull up pictures of them as my makeup models and show the looks to the girls once Jane is finished talking about hair.
My phone buzzes, and a text from Will flashes across the screen.
Nic and Jane, both wearing under-eye masks like me, look comical as they glance over at me.
“You going to respond to that text, Liz?” Jane asks, nibbling on popcorn.
“I think you should,” Nic says, a faint smile on her face. “You wouldn’t want it to be awkward at the wedding tomorrow.”
“How do you know that he’s even still coming?” I ask. “He hasn’t told me anything about the wedding. His dad is in the hospital, so why would he come back?”
I put my phone face down on the floor, looking at Nic. I don’t expect an answer, though. What I don’t say is that I don’t think he will come back because of me. And I fear that I may have ruined his friendship with Jay and the wedding party too.
“He called and talked to Jay,” Nic says slowly. “Will asked if it was okay for him to still come, given the circumstances with you. He told Jay everything. And I know your secret too.”
“You know the truth?”
Jane raises her hand. “I know too. Will talked to Edward and Jay on a three-way call. I was with Edward at the time, and Nic was with Jay, so we overheard everything and kind of got included in the conversation.”
“Great. Well, now my two best friends know that I lied big time.”
“Yes, you lied, and you need to repent. But you also need to stop lying to yourself, Lizzie,” Nic says, her voice knowing and straightforward, which is exactly what I need.
Jane adds, “She’s right, so we ask you again. Will you respond to that text or not?”
I look down at my phone and pick it up. Nic and Jane clap. I roll my eyes and stick my tongue out at them as I read his message and decide what to say.
Will: Hey, Lizzie. I’m sorry about what I said. I didn’t want you to go. After the wedding, I’m staying in Selah Falls. I’ll live in my aunt’s old house. I want to start over with you and take you out on a real date.
Me: ...
***
Will’s text stays on my mind as I get ready the next day. It’s a Friday morning, an odd day for a wedding, but Nic and Jay wanted the big day to be on their shared birthday: August 27th.
“How crazy is it that you two have the same birthday?“ I ask Nic as I brush her thick, threaded eyebrows, completing her simple but elegant makeup look.
In the background, “Chapel of Love” by The Dixie Cups plays softly from my phone, filling the office room in Selah Church that we’re using for the bridal party.
The groomsmen are across the hall, so we have to make sure they leave first and get to the sanctuary before we do, ensuring the bride and groom don’t cross paths.
Jane has been coordinating with the groomsmen, going back and forth to talk to them when needed since I can’t bring myself to do it. I didn’t respond to Will’s text. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t want to spend the night worrying about him, so I decided to focus on my friends and the wedding.
Now the ceremony will be happening in less than half an hour, and I’m just trying to make sure Nic is ready to go and that everything is in order for her. Her mom and dad are making sure the wedding coordinators have everything set up the way it’s supposed to be in the sanctuary.