Chapter Two
Now
I’m rushing around the living room trying to make sure I’m not forgetting anything. Everyone will arrive in thirty minutes, and then we’ll finish packing the car and hit the road.
I haven’t taken a trip in so long; I’m sure I’ll forget something important.
A knock at the door startles me. I check my watch. They are a little early. Better than late, I guess.
I swing the door open with a big smile. As soon as I see him, my smile fades.
I haven’t seen him since the night of Mom’s funeral. Well technically, I haven’t seen him since the morning after Mom’s funeral when I kicked him out of my bed, out my house, out of my life. It was cruel, but I don’t regret it.
“Cash, what are you doing here?” My voice is flat.
I am nervously looking behind him. My roommate, Juliette, will be coming back any moment. I don’t want Cash to see her. God, I hope she’s slow. My mind is racing.
“Now is not a good time.” He needs to leave - now.
I start to close the door, but he reaches up and stops it with his hand. He’s coming inside whether I like it or not.
“Cash,” I sigh.
He walks into the living room.
“We need to talk.”
We do. We really do. He has no idea. I shut the door. We need to talk, but not right now.
“Maybe we can get coffee or something next week.” I’m trying to sound normal, but I’m feeling anything but normal.
“Now,” he says, firmly.
He stares me up and down. There’s a little flash of relief in his eyes. I look good. Healthy. Strong. Curvier than he’s ever seen me. It’s the best I’ve ever looked.
He’s noticing.
“I'm leaving for a trip in a few minutes. My friends will be here soon. It’s a bad time.”
My heart is pounding. I’m sweating. I’m hoping he can’t see. He crosses his arms over his chest. He’s not budging.
And then it happens. Juliette opens the door. Lily in her arms. I stop breathing. I’m pretty sure the world stops turning.
Mine does at least.
I was hoping this day would never come, but here it is.
I flick my gaze over to Cash. As soon as he sees Lily, he knows.
The realization spreads across his face. He’s doing the math in his head, but he doesn’t need to. He knows already.
Lily looks exactly like him. Same perfect mouth. Dark hair. Fair skin. Otherworldly gray-blue eyes. Everyone comments on her eyes. Where did she get them? She looks nothing like me. Must be her father.
His eyes cut to mine. There’s an unmistakable expression on his face - betrayal. Seeing the pain in his eyes crushes me. Years ago, in the beginning, I would never have imagined we’d be here.
Never.
Juliette has not picked up on the tension between us. I’m not sure she’s even noticed Cash. He’s standing so still. She’s too preoccupied with Lily anyway.
“I’m sorry I came back early,” she says, walking toward me. “This little fussy pants is hungry. She wants Mom.”
She hands Lily to me. Lily squeals when I take her. Juliette leans forward, tickles Lily’s tummy, and says, “My boobs are no use to you.”
Juliette looks over at Cash like she’s just now seeing him.
“Hi.” It sounds more like a question. “I’m Juliette.”
“Cash.” His tone is clipped.
Her eyebrow shoots up. She knows who he is. She’s pretending she doesn’t. God, she’s a terrible liar.
“You okay?” she whispers to me under her breath.
“Yes, fine,” I answer, sitting down on the sofa and whipping out my boob.
Lily takes it greedily. I pull a blanket from the sofa over my shoulder to cover us.
Lily isn’t having it. She pulls it down with her little hand and continues eating, making the sweetest baby noises in the world.
The kind of noises that normally make me melt.
“Well, okay then, I’ll just...I’ll just go to my room and finish packing. Unless you need me for something?”
“That’s fine. Go.”
“Holler if you need me,” she calls over her shoulder.
“I will.”
Cash is pacing the room. He looks like a predator about to attack or a prey about to be eaten. I can’t decide which.
He stops and stares at Lily. At my breast.
I’m not weird about public breastfeeding.
It’s feeding a baby, you know. Get over it.
I’m not trying to be the center of attention, but if you feel uncomfortable, you can look somewhere else.
Cash is not looking somewhere else, and I don’t blame him.
Five minutes ago, he was just a man. Now, he’s a father. He’s trying to wrap his head around it.
He leans his head back to the ceiling and takes two slow breaths.
Here it comes. I brace myself.
“Averie, when the fuck were you going to tell me?” he says, through clenched teeth. I can tell he’s trying to remain calm; emotionless. He’s not really succeeding.
“I wasn’t going to tell you.” Our eyes lock. He’s daring me to look away, but I’m not flinching.
“The fuck you weren’t,” he fires back. He’s pacing again.
“How do you even know she’s yours?” I respond. As soon as I say it, I regret it.
“What the hell, Averie? Look at her,” he says, his voice rising. The vein in his neck is popping out.
I don’t respond. I’m not sure what I want to say.
Of course, I’ve thought about this moment a million times, but there was a part of me that thought I could keep this secret forever.
I feel unprepared. He’s cursing all kinds of creative words under his breath.
I’m learning a few new phrases. I almost want to write it down.
Lily pulls away and smiles at me. A big, nearly toothless smile that lights up her whole face. I smile back and then move her to my other breast.
“She would never have forgiven you,” he says, bitterly.
I jerk my head up.
“If you hadn’t told her,” he continues. He is glaring at me. “She would never have forgiven you if you’d kept her from me forever.”
“Maybe.” He’s probably right. I had my reasons though. He knows all of them.
Neither of us speaks. I know he’s reeling. So am I. This changes everything - for both of us.
Juliette walks back into the room just as Lily is finished eating.
“Chloe just texted. She has the flu. She can’t come,” she says, staring at her phone.
“Oh, no. Is Graham still coming?”
“Yeah, he’s almost here.”
I nod. That’s good. I hate that Chloe won’t be with us though.
Cash is still glowering at me. Juliette shifts uncomfortably.
“Will you change Lily before we leave?” I ask. “Cash and I need to finish talking before we head out.”
She takes Lily and leaves the room. Cash watches them all the way down the hall.
“We’ll talk about it when I get back.” I’m gathering Lily’s gear and placing it by the door.
“The hell we will,” Cash growls.
“Cash, be reasonable,” I say. “This trip has been planned for a long time.”
“You be reasonable.” He’s pointing a finger wildly in my direction. “You lied to me.”
I didn’t lie,” I interrupt.
He rolls his eyes.
“You didn’t tell me about my daughter. Averie, how could you?”
“You know why.”
“That’s not fair.”
“Isn’t it?”
“No. It isn’t, and if you have spoken to me, you’d know that.”
“We’ve had this conversation before,” I say softly. “I’ve heard your promises over and over.”
“That was then.”
“Maybe.” I check my watch. Graham will be here any moment.
“You can’t go,” he says.
“What?”
“You’re not leaving and taking my daughter anywhere.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. Cash, I told you, I've been planning this trip for ages.” He actually has no idea what this trip is and why it’s so important to me. I’m not the one who planned this trip, and I’m not missing it for anything.
“I’m going with you.” He’s stepped in front of me, blocking my path to the door. My mouth drops open. I have no words.
“You can’t. There’s no room,” I stammer.
“There is room. I just heard your friend isn’t coming now.”
Dammit. He’s right.
“This is insane.”
“Not as insane as keeping my daughter a secret from me.” He closes his mouth into a hard line. I hate that I’ve hurt him so much. I really do, but I didn’t have any other choice.
“You aren’t going,” I counter. “That’s final. We can talk when we return.”
“You don’t get to call the shots anymore. We are both her parents.”
My stomach drops.
He steps closer to me until he’s just inches from my face. He’s trying to intimidate me. It’s working.
“I don’t want to play dirty, but you’ve left me no choice.”
I suck in a quick breath. I have an idea what’s coming, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.
“If you leave with my daughter right now, I will hire the most expensive lawyers, and I will sue you not for joint custody but for full custody.”
I feel bile rising in my throat. Tears burning my eyes.
“And I will win,” he continues.
“You wouldn’t,” I say, my voice raspy.
“I would, and I will if I'm not in that car with you. Averie, you know I can afford the best lawyers. I can spend millions if I need to. You don’t have that kind of money. You’ll never be able to fight me in court.”
“They don’t normally take sole custody away...” I start to say weakly.
He interrupts. “I can make your life a living hell.”
He can. I know that. Since we broke up, Cash’s career has skyrocketed. His company is worth billions. He’s one of the richest men in the world. Powerful. Famous.
I can barely afford rent some months. He’s got me. He knows it. I have to play nice.
“Fine,” I say, stepping to the side and squeezing by him. “But you don’t even have any clothes or anything.”
“Don’t worry about me. I can take care of myself.”