Chapter Three
Now
Graham walks in the door without knocking. An idea pops into my head, and I run with it.
I rush over to him and wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him on the lips. I can feel his entire body tense.
I know Cash is watching us from the other side of the room. I lean close to Graham’s ear and whisper, “You’re my boyfriend. Just go with it.”
He looks at me like I’ve lost my mind, and then his eyes scan the room. As soon as he sees Cash, his eyes light up with recognition and maybe even admiration.
“Cash,” I say, turning around. “This is my boyfriend, Graham. Graham, this is Cash.”
“Boyfriend,” Cash repeats. It’s not really a question, but not a statement either.
“Yes.”
“Nice to meet you,” Graham says. He’s beaming like an idiot. “I’m actually a huge fan. I’ve been following your...”
I pull his arm hard toward the kitchen. “Now is not a good time,” I seethe, under my breath.
He stumbles into the kitchen behind me.
“Why the hell didn’t you tell me you know Cash Nelson?” he asks. I find it interesting that he leads with this, and not why I’m kissing him and demanding he act like my boyfriend.
“He’s my ex.”
“Cash Nelson is your ex?”
I nod.
“The ex?” he says, his eyes wide.
“The one.”
“Shit,” he says, blowing out a deep rush of air. “This is why we’re fake dating?”
I nod again.
“Sorry,” I whisper. I haven’t thought this through. It’s going to backfire. I’m sure of it.
“How thick do you want me to lay it on?” Graham smirks. “I’m an excellent boyfriend.”
Good god. What have I done?
“Not thick at all,” I say, turning to go back into the living room.
He smacks my ass as I walk away. I deserve that. I really do. I pause for a second and then turn back.
“He’s Lily’s father, and he’s going on the road trip with us.”
Graham’s jaw literally drops.
—
We do an awkward dance getting everyone out to the car. Cash carries out baby gear, and he and Graham arrange and rearrange everything in the trunk several times.
God, I’m not going to survive this. No one could survive this. I should just call off the whole thing.
No. No. I won’t let Cash take this from me. It’s important, and I’m doing it.
Graham offers to drive, and I happily throw him the keys. I’m not sticking Juliette in the back with Cash, who is visibly fuming, so I guess it’s just me and him - and Lily, of course.
We settle into the back seat on either side of Lily. She’s babbling and smiling. I smile back at her as I buckle her into the car seat.
Once everyone is settled, Graham pulls the car onto the road. Juliette declares herself the navigator.
I glance over at Cash. He’s just staring at Lily. He reaches his hand toward her. I hold my breath watching him. She reaches up and grabs his hand, her tiny fingers wrapped around his.
It sends shivers racing down my spine.
Fucking shivers.
My brain flashes through a whole series of “what ifs.”
What if things hadn’t fallen apart...
What if I hadn’t kept this secret...
What if Cash and I were together, happy...
What if we were heading out on this road trip as a family instead of as enemies...
I shake my head. It’s a future that was never meant to be and never will be.
If I don’t want to focus on the future that would never be, this isn’t the way to do it. My heart literally aches. I can’t watch anymore, so I look out the window.
“Averie,” Cash asks, softly. “What’s her middle name?”
“Mae,” I answer, even softer.
I feel his eyes on me, so I turn to face him. For the first time today, he softens.
“Your mom...”
“Yes, after my mom.” I shut my mouth tight. I don’t say: Yes, after my mom because she gave me Lily. She died and left me alone. I had her funeral, and I got pregnant with Lily the same day. I don’t believe in coincidences. It was a gift. A life-saving gift. I know my Mom is looking after me.
I can feel it.
Every day.
After her funeral, I just stumbled through the next few weeks. It’s a blur, really. I started to feel sick, but I didn’t think much of it since I was depressed. But something felt...different.
And then I was late.
And then I was really late.
I knew.
I knew even before I took a pregnancy test.
I knew Cash was the father without a doubt because I hadn’t been with anyone else.
I wasn’t scared or angry though. As soon as I saw the test, I felt a light return to my soul. I hadn’t planned it. I would never have planned it this way, but Lily was exactly what I needed.
I started eating more, moving more, taking care of myself.
I had to - not for me, I didn’t care about myself, but for her.
I wanted - no, I needed - to be the sort of mom for her that my mom was for me.
I hated that they’d never meet, but I wanted Lily to carry her name everywhere.
She’d get to have a piece of Mom forever.
“I like it,” Cash says, pulling me out of my thoughts.
I just nod.
His face darkens again like he’s just remembered everything I’ve done to him. I don’t say anything but turn and face the window again.
It’s going to be a long trip.