13. More bulgy
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
more bulgy
LINNEA
The dinner has turned to dancing and digestifs under the pleasant hue of the golden hour. The stubborn summer sun fights its way through the many plants, hitting the chandeliers from its low angle in the sky, making the room sparkle.
With the diverse group of this party, I’ve listened to lively conversation, received cheek kisses and dodged gesticulations, and not for a single moment did I want to disappear into a hole—my go-to emotion after hours of socialising.
Amara and Aiden talked loud enough to reach far down the table, captivating everyone with their stories and taking turns making each other howl with laughter. Mum and son carry themselves with the same ease, and I wonder: is she a bit of a charmer too, or is this simply how Aiden is?
Now, I watch them dancing. Amara laughs as Aiden twirls her effortlessly. He moves with such ease through the small space. Knows exactly where his body is, where his feet step. That’s how he is in everything, isn’t it?
Every step he takes is calibrated. He might not see in advance where he’s about to step but once he’s landed, he owns it, moves with it, makes it work.
So why did he land on me as his fake date?
I’m having fun. But why would he want me here with his family? Ugh, I hate this creeping back into me.
I should ask him again—why me?
Although he wouldn’t admit it’s because he assumed I’d relent, that I’d do what he wants … because he knows I need him.
In the heat of the occasion and conversation I accepted Amara’s invitation to brunch tomorrow and I have to sit with this question burning a hole in me.
And I’ll need to learn how to play bridge overnight. All I know about the game is that it’s played with cards.
A shape I recognise as Mark’s appears in my periphery, and I turn to greet him. He gestures to the seat next to me, and I nod, pushing it out for him to sit on.
“Hey,” he says. I’ve seen Mark around The Orion with Aiden, and he’s always seemed such a surly man, compared to smiley Aiden.
Maybe he used to be, but I’ve had the pleasure of properly meeting him together with his parents and Rey today, and they’re all remarkable and joyful people, Mark included. When he wants to.
“Hello.”
He faces the dance floor, and Aiden waves over to us, now dancing with both his mother and his aunt. I sat next to Aunt Giulia during the meal and now I’ve learned pretty much everything I’d ever need to know about her. Even her favourite brand of tampons, so that’s quite the dinner conversation.
“Aiden told me,” Mark says.
“Oh.”
My stomach lurches. Sure, I trust Aiden won’t risk my reputation, and I’m sure I meant it, but sitting next to someone who might consider me a terrible person now makes me uncomfortable. Was it the right move?
“I didn’t want to.” I pick at a cuticle. “Lie, I mean.”
“I know. He told me everything.” Mark leans his elbow on the table between us, and I meet his gaze. His expression is hard to read because he’s got this line between his eyebrows that makes him appear to be thinking hard all the time. What does he mean by everything?
“Look, Linnea,” he says, and sighs, glancing quickly over to Aiden and back at me. “I didn’t say this earlier, but to me, something seemed off between you. And if I can sense it, Amara can.”
Oh, fuck.
“I said this to Aiden,” he continues. “And I’ll say it to you. You need to get more familiar if you want this to work. And it’s a bit weird that you’re never touching or kissing.”
“Is it?”
“Yeah. Aiden is a cuddly man,” Mark says and huffs. “And look around. All the couples here are showing affection. Even I do, and I’m not normally a PDA kind of guy. I just can’t keep my hands off Rey.” He flashes a smile that he quickly stifles.
“Hm,” is all I say, crossing one leg over the other. A jolt of defensiveness hits me, but I bite my tongue. Who’s he to say how I get to be a girlfriend? I didn’t touch any boyfriend like that at all times.
“Aiden would never make you do anything you’re not comfortable with, I’m well aware. I just wanted to give you my advice, because I’m not a very perceptive person in general, but I do know Aiden. And so does his mum. And Venetia.”
Mark holds my gaze for a beat, and I nod.
“And I didn’t believe he’d told you about his dad.”
“Why?”
“Aiden has been one of my closest friends my entire life, and since his late teens—or I can’t recall exactly when, early university years perhaps—he hasn’t mentioned him once. I’ve tried, but he doesn’t want to talk about it. So I guess I found it odd he’d already opened up to you.”
I nod.
“Thanks for telling me.”
“Yeah.” He stares into his glass, and I sense there’s more on his mind. Do I want to hear it?
“Was there anything else, Mark?”
He exhales and takes a sip of his amber drink, then he leans towards me again, and I shift closer, sensing he’s about to say something important.
“I didn’t realise Aiden had given up so thoroughly on finding someone that he resorted to lying to his mum.”
“What do you mean?”
Mark shakes his head. “What do you mean, what do I mean?”
“Aiden’s looking for someone?”
He scoffs, his eyes searching mine. “You’re not joking. Yes, Aiden’s relentless pursuit of the love of his life. It seems he’s given up.”
I blink at him. “Is that what all his dating is about?”
Mark shrugs. “Yep.”
“Even Katrina Starre?” I ask, wrinkling my nose, and Mark chuckles.
“Desperate times, I guess.”
“Huh.”
He glances back at me again. “Seems you two should talk a bit more, don’t you think?”
“I guess.”
The music changes, and a slow tune comes on. Aiden twirls his mother into Will’s arms and bows. Then he turns towards me, fanning his shirt and blowing out his cheeks, and I laugh in response.
He’s been dancing through at least three songs, no wonder he’s huffing. He’s opened two buttons on his shirt and there’s still a sheen of sweat on his forehead. When he lifts his arm to wipe his brow, his white shirt strains against his bulging biceps.
Can I pretend I’m attracted to him and make it convincing? He’s definitely not hard on the eyes, and he’s growing on me as a person as much as I hate to admit it. Maybe that’ll help me be less awkward with the lie.
“May I have this dance?” Aiden holds out a hand to me. No time like the present to test myself.
“Of course.” I put my glass down on the table behind me and turn to Mark. “Thank you for your words of wisdom,” I say, so only he can hear. He nods, and I turn to Aiden. “Shall we?”
Aiden leads me onto the dance floor, and I look around at the others.
The couples. Amara and Will are dancing cheek to chest, her arms tight around his torso, his chin on her head.
There are two younger guys who are whispering, kissing gently in between.
Mark and Rey move onto the dance floor, her arms quickly wrapping around his neck.
And now they’re already staring lovingly at each other. Ugh. I wouldn’t say he was entirely right, but okay, there’s a general level of PDA-ing I guess I need to get comfortable with. Pretty quickly.
Aiden’s heavy hand rests in the dip of my waist, but he doesn’t pull me flush against him.
He’s respectful, which I appreciate. With one hand in his, I run the other over his shoulder, up to his neck, and press myself close to him, resting my cheekbone on his stubbled cheek.
With my high heels, I’m almost his height.
“You okay?” His voice rumbles in my ear, his breath tickling my hair, and heat spreads up my neck, making my hairs stand. What is it about the ear-talking? I never realised that was a thing. Is it a thing? No, it’s just a sensitive spot, is all.
“Mhm,” I say, trying to relax into him and enjoy the song.
A woman with a sultry voice purr out a beautiful version of Presley’s ‘Can’t Help Falling in Love’.
I close my eyes, and wonder what it would be like to have someone fall so surely for you as the song goes.
A wave of sadness for Aiden hits me—has he really been looking for this kind of love and just never found it?
The thought makes me squeeze his hand, as if to say, ‘don’t worry’.
Aiden’s body is warm from dancing, almost damp through his shirt, but it doesn’t bother me. The mild spicy cologne I smelled on him earlier is now mixed with a light saltiness, and it’s a welcome scent.
He’s quite muscular. There’s nothing soft against my front.
Speaking of hard things.
No, he’s not hard, but he’s bulky and he’s brushing against my … bits. Close to, anyway, and it’s very distracting. With every sway of my hips and every shift of his feet, we’re chafing against each other.
I shouldn’t be getting turned on by this.
And I’m not, of course not.
It’s the alcohol and the beautiful song, his manly scent. This proximity. The fact that I’ve not been with a man, or even touched myself, in months. That’s what’s going on.
If he knew, I’d be mortified. Being horny for him is a whole other level of neediness I do not need to reach.
Aiden guides my hand up to his shoulder and moves his down to my waist. The heat of his palms makes its way through my dress as he moves them further around to my back.
With both my arms around his neck, it feels natural to lean closer, wrapping around him more tightly, my face cradled into the side of his neck.
He’s getting into the act as well, his face deep into my hair, his hands grasping my back.
Through my eyelashes, Amara is visible, she’s glancing towards us. We turn, and there’s Venetia. Mark’s words ring in my head, and on a whim I lift my head and face Aiden. His eyes are on mine and I raise an eyebrow quickly to signal him to play along, and then…
I brush my lips to his.
It’s meant to be a gentle kiss, just in case Amara or the others are watching. At least we’ll come across as a real couple.
But it’s turning into … something else. I press my mouth harder against his and to my absolute horror, I think a sigh escapes me. His lips are so pillowy.
Aiden’s hand finds its way to the nape of my neck, tilting my head, and I open for him, allowing his tongue to sweep through my mouth. He lets out a low groan, and my tongue responds, my lips ache for more and I let out a small moan this time.
But I don’t care.
Right now, I just need more of his full, soft lips, more of the tongue against mine. More of everything. The scent in my nose as I breathe him in, his strong, powerful arms around me, the press of his hard torso against my soft front. More of—oh, he’s more … bulgy.
I pull back to get some space and put a hand on his cheek. His eyes are hazy, and he bites his lower lip, his gaze dipping to my mouth again.
Fuck.
That went a bit too far.
I drop my hand to his. “Come, let’s get some fresh air,” I say, nodding towards the door and the welcome quiet darkness that awaits us.
Once outside, I take a deep breath. It smells of wet grass and a hint of wood fire here now. The air is cool and refreshing.
“Are you okay?” he asks tentatively.
“Yes,” I answer without turning to him. Okay, be a grown-up and just tell him. I kick my toe into the gravel. “I just thought it was getting a bit too intimate in there. I’m sorry.”
The sound of him exhaling comes from my left, and I swivel to see his reaction. He’s rubbing his neck, his gaze on the ground.
Cute.
“I’m sorry,” I say again. “I saw your mum looking at us, and Venetia was right there, and Mark said we didn’t seem real, so I kind of panicked.”
He exhales again. “Linnea?”
“Yes?”
“Are you…”
His pause makes me turn to him. His hand drops from his neck.
“You’re not attracted to me, are you?” he asks, straightening up again, meeting my eyes. “That was just part of the act, is that what you’re saying?” His eyes narrow as if he’s trying to read my mind.
Is he offended?
Surely, Aiden, Italian God and charmer of all women, is not insecure.
“Yes, that’s what I’m saying.” I shift my weight to my other foot. “I mean, you’re clearly good looking,” I say, waving a hand. “But I’m not in the headspace to feel anything about it.”
He huffs out of his nose, sticking his hands in his pockets. “It’s not me, it’s you, is that what you’re saying?”
“Sure,” I say. “I’ll never mix business and pleasure again, so if I was worried I’d fall for you, I would’ve found a way out of this.”
“Right.”
“Aiden, if I was worried about you falling, I wouldn’t have done this either.” I laugh. It’s the silliest thing I’ve said all night.
He stares at me for a beat. His expression blank.
What’s on his mind now?
“Don’t get arrogant, Linny,” he says finally, smirking as he relaxes his stance, and I can’t help but roll my eyes.
“Good, so we agree.”
“Hm.” There’s that little grunt again. “Sorry about the … physical response in there. But you’re a bloody good kisser.”
The words catch me off guard and I freeze. Only a strange sound comes out.
“Uh.”
Aiden thinks I’m a good kisser?
No, he’s just joking around. He’s kissed a million people. Snap out of it, Linnea. This is Aiden. Charmer. He knows every step of every dance, and this is just another one.
“What?” he asks, stepping closer, and the move jolts me back. I clear my throat, finding my voice again.
“Mark said I should be more touchy-feely with you if I wanted Amara and Venetia to believe us. I’m sorry I broke our rules.”
Aiden rubs his neck in that cute way again before he puts his hands back in his pockets. “Don’t worry. I don’t want you to do anything you find uncomfortable.”
I shrug.
It wasn’t exactly uncomfortable, which is probably the scariest part of it. I was lost there for a moment.
There’s a swirl of heat in my chest seeing him with his head bent and his hands in his pockets.
“I’ve had a wonderful time tonight,” I say. “You’re quite easy to be around. I’m not drained like I’d be with most people.”
I do, however, feel confused as hell most of the time, but that’s too much to share.
Aiden nods. “Same.”
“Really? You seem to thrive on this kind of energy. That’s why you’re so good at what you do, right?”
“Perhaps, but pretty much every woman I’ve dated has been like an energy vampire. I’ve had fun with you in the past week.”
He flashes me the easy smile of his, and the swirl in me goes wild, sparking in my chest before settling in my stomach like a little flame.
What the fuck.
I need to get past this.
“Maybe we can get to know each other better and make this easier to do naturally. Do you think we could be friends?” I ask.
He sighs, but his smile is still there. “Absolutely.”
I step closer, hit by the urge to hug him. He opens his arms in response, reading my mind, so I step into his embrace, and rest my head on his shoulder.
“Thank you,” I mumble against his shirt and a muscle flexes under my cheek.
“Always,” he says, and I like the sound of that.
As I press my face against his warm body and breathe in his Aiden-y scent, I try to reel myself back in with the memory of Halloween.
The pity he’s treated me with since. But it’s hard to think past the steel-blue of his eyes, and how they crinkle at the corners when he smiles widely.