Chapter 16
The summer kick-off barbecue is always a source of anxiety for me. Even though I know most of the people coming, having everyone here always has my nerves high and my body ready to flee at any moment.
As the person who helps Daddy run the ranch, it’s important for me to make connections, to show we’re a united front. There’s no way to get out of it, even if I’d rather be home.
After waking up to Addison in my art studio, having her run out like she couldn’t get away from me fast enough, and Mama updating me on Briar’s situation, I don’t want to socialize with anyone. I want to lie in bed and not think for a while.
Briar’s friends’ conditions haven’t improved, and she’s facing the difficult choice of whether or not to stop care for them. She still doesn’t want Mama to come out, but Mama is ready to drop everything if she asks.
I wish I could do more to help her. I wish she’d talk to me like she used to, but something about moving away from home changed her, and she’s been more distant. I know she’s an adult, but I miss my big sister.
As I brush Honeysuckle, my mind races with all the things I need to do.
I need to make sure Briggs and Rusty have the tables, chairs, and canopies set up, make sure Oakley and Landry have everything they need, and check the reservations for next week.
Our first group of guests is set to arrive on Monday at ten a.m., and it’s a big one: a family reunion that will take up every empty bed available.
Lots of kids running around. Hopefully, the adults won’t be the kind who expect the ranch hands to be built-in babysitters.
I feel like I need to check in with Addison, too.
Did she not like sleeping in my bed? Did I snore and keep her up all night?
Was the sleepover aspect too much, and she’s decided this is the end?
Or is there something going on outside of our night together that has her acting strange?
She barely looked at me at breakfast. I would know, because I kept looking at her.
I hate not knowing what’s going on in her head. I thought last night was perfect—more than, even. I had an amazing time, and I slept better than I have in a long time.
Usually, sharing a bed with someone keeps me up because I worry that I’m taking too much space or I’ll accidentally kick them in my sleep.
I’ve been known to sleep talk, and I’m anxious about what could come out of my mouth.
With Addison, though, I was more at ease than I have been since my previous relationship.
Maybe I could chalk it up to the orgasms, but I know better.
I feel safe with her. I may not know as much about her as I’d like, but I know that my body can relax around her.
My brain, on the other hand, can’t settle down when she’s there. I don’t want to say the wrong thing and scare her away or make her think I’m getting attached—even if the latter is partially true.
I shake off the need to pick her brain about her feelings. If she wants to tell me something or end it, I have to trust that she will. No need to worry about something outside of my control.
Easier said than done.
I give Honeysuckle a carrot before I exit the barn, heading toward the dining hall to check in with Landry and Oakley.
The smell of smoking brisket greets me when I approach, and my stomach rumbles, reminding me I haven’t eaten since breakfast. I should have a snack before the party, so my anxiety doesn’t get worse due to low blood sugar.
The last thing I need is to have a panic attack in front of everyone.
When I arrive at the kitchen, I find Oakley aggressively chopping cabbage for coleslaw, with her fiery curls tossed up into a messy bun and covered with a net.
“What did that cabbage ever do to you?” I ask, leaning against the wall.
Her chopping stops as she looks at me and rolls her eyes. “This is the third cabbage I’ve chopped today, and I still have two purple ones. My hands are tired. I want to sleep.”
“Addison said you went home with someone from Reclamation Ranch last night. I’m assuming it was a good night since you didn’t get much rest?”
Oakley shakes her head and sniffs like she’s trying to hold back tears.
“Oakley… what happened?”
She sets down the knife and swipes at her eyes.
“It’s stupid, really. I’m just bein’ a baby about it.
He was talking a big game at the bar, so I was expecting to get fucked right, you know?
It’s been so long, and I was so ready, but when we got back to the bunkhouse, he couldn’t get it up.
Started blamin’ me and telling me it was my fault because I wasn’t pretty enough.
Too fat and too sassy.” She scoffs, some of her usual fire blazing back into her green eyes.
“I spent the night on the couch at the bunkhouse, and this morning, your friend, Cillian, offered me a ride home when he found me walking up the dirt road.”
My stomach sinks. I don’t know all of the men who work at the ranch, but the ones I do know wouldn’t disrespect someone like that. Neither the Hayeses nor the McCains would stand for it. “I’m so sorry, Oakley. He sounds like a douchebag. Did you tell Cillian what happened?”
“No. And he didn’t ask. I’ll be fine, I just hope he doesn’t show up today, or I might give him the kick in the balls he deserves.”
“I’ll give him one, too. Can I hug you?”
She nods, so I wrap my arms around her. I swear I feel her body sag against mine.
“He’s wrong, you know. You’re not too anything. You’re stunning, and someday, someone will come along and prove that to you.”
“Thanks, Juni.” She sighs, then steps back from me. “Enough about me. Do you know why Addison has been sneaking in so late this past week?”
I check my non-existent watch. “Oh, look at the time. I need to make sure all the tables are set up. I’ll catch you later. Text me if you need anything.”
I retreat from the building to the sound of Oakley’s cackle. I wish I could tell her all about Addison and my late-night trysts, but they’re both employees, and that would feel like gossiping.
Selfishly, I want to keep Addison to myself. If our time together is going to be so short, I don’t want to share it with anyone. Maybe when summer ends and all I’m left with are the memories, I can tell Oakley about it, but I’ll keep it to myself for now.
The sun creeps behind the mountains as the speakers play Willie Nelson just low enough for people to be able to talk without needing to yell.
Not that the people talking can hear the music. I swear half of Copper Creek is at the ranch. I can hear it because I’ve been sitting by the speaker for the past hour, waiting for a polite amount of time to pass so I can go back home and be left alone.
Landry’s brisket is worth socializing for, though.
It practically melts in my mouth, and his famous barbecue sauce adds a nice kick to the tender meat.
Oakley’s coleslaw is crunchy, has the perfect amount of tanginess, and she made strawberry rhubarb cobbler that’s to die for.
I’m on my second helping because I can’t get enough.
I asked her if the man from last night is here today, and she told me she didn’t see him. Part of me wants to tell Mr. Hayes what happened, but I don’t want Oakley to be mad at me for getting in her business, so I stay out of it.
Shiloh couldn’t make it tonight. I guess some farmer in Gilman had a sheep get pregnant later than usual, and she’s having complications giving birth. Shy didn’t give me much information, but it sounds like she’s got a long evening ahead of her.
Cillian is doing his own networking, even though he’s one of the only farriers in the county.
He keeps busy all year round, between that and helping out with his family’s ranch.
I know he hates these events just as much as I do, so when I see him stuck in a conversation with old man Roy, I decide to throw him a rope and get him out.
I toss my dessert plate in the trash and make my way over to them, placing a hand on Cillian’s shoulder. “Sorry to interrupt, gentlemen, but I need to borrow Cillian for a minute. Problem with one of the horses’ shoes.” I give them my best customer service smile.
“Well, no need to apologize, Juniper. Duty calls.” Roy claps Cillian on the back and walks away.
“Thank you,” Cillian murmurs when he’s out of earshot.
“No problem. We should head to the barn to make our story believable, though.”
“Lead the way.”
Walking in silence, I lead him to the main barn and we close ourselves in. Both of us take a deep breath, relieved to be away from the crowd.
“I’m assuming there’s not actually a problem?”
“No.”
“Good. I didn’t bring any tools with me, and I didn’t want to go all the way back to the ranch.” How long do you think we should stay in here to make the story seem real?”
“I dunno. Fifteen minutes at least.”
“Sounds good to me. Maybe by that time, my dad will be ready to go.” Cillian slides down the stall door and plops himself on the floor. I slide down the stall on the opposite side so we’re facing each other.
The thing with Cillian is, he craves silence. He doesn't like small talk, so he’s content to sit here for fifteen minutes and not say a word. However, with the way my nerves are already shot from the party and stressing about Addison, the silence is only increasing my anxiety.
At least I know Cillian well enough to know he’s not mad at me.
Instead of chatting his ear off, I pick up a few stray strands of hair and start weaving them together. The motion helps to somewhat soothe my nerves, but again, all I’m craving is the familiarity and comfort of my own space.
Fifteen minutes feels like fifteen hours, but eventually we decide it’s been long enough. Cillian leaves first, and I take a minute to steel myself for more socializing. Before I can walk out the door, though, it swings open and Addison appears.
“What are you doing in here?” I ask.
“I overheard one of the guys say there was a problem with the horses and that you came in here. Didn’t know if you needed extra help.”
I don’t know why I was expecting her to say she was coming to check on me. Why would she?
“Oh, no. Everything is fine. Cillian needed an escape, is all.”
Addison nods, shoving her hands in the pockets of her jeans.
She’s looking everywhere but at me, and the tension between us is thick and awkward instead of the usual hum of lust. So many words are on the tip of my tongue.
So many questions buzzing through my brain, but I can’t find it in me to ask them.
I’m not sure I could handle the answers.
I feel like I’m reading too much into her actions. She left a mark on my boob and spent the night in my bed. I shouldn’t be wondering if she likes me. I can’t be wondering if she’s already tired of our situation. If she were, she would have told me.
Unless she thinks you’re a crybaby who can’t handle rejection.
Gah. I can’t do this right now.
“I think I’m going to call it a night, rest up before the crazy starts next week.” I give her a tense smile, heading to the door.
I could swear her face falls a little, but maybe that’s just hope from me. “Oh, yeah. Right. I’ll see you for dinner tomorrow?”
“Of course. Goodnight, Addison.”
“Goodnight, Juniper.”