Chapter 6
six
MERRILY
Since Grayson abandoned me with way too many pancakes, I stress-ate all of them.
Every last one.
It was criminal for a man who looked that good to be that skilled at making pancakes. He hadn't even used a recipe. I'd peeked enough while he was cooking to see that.
I hadn't realized things were so bad in the Shadow District. Or at least, in the demon royals' mansion.
If I'd known Grayson was fighting over and over every day...
Well, I would've gotten involved sooner.
Much, much sooner.
And killed people. More than a few of them, probably.
When I was done gorging myself on pancakes, I finally picked up my phone and sent Grayson a text.
Me
I'm heading back to my side of the city while I decide what to do
Grayson
Be careful
Me
Don't get yourself killed
Grayson
Can't, I have a fae queen to live for
Me
If that was sarcasm, I do not appreciate it
Grayson
I'd like to point out that mating with me would have benefits for you, too
My shadows help a little, but my touch helps a lot more
Me
I'm aware
Grayson
Callum said you only ever get one shot at the fate thing
Me
We do
Grayson
And most fae adore their soulmates
Me
Adore is a strong word
That was a lie. It wasn't a strong word for what most fae felt.
If anything, the descriptor was a weak one.
The adoration was natural.
Darius had been through a worse hell than I had, and he still planned to worship the feet of whoever he was mated to. Liv had been lost to Niall since the moment they met. And Callum had legitimately stalked Kat until he attempted to manipulate her into bonding with him.
None of them had seen the twisted, fucked-up shit that could happen within a mate bond. I sure as hell had never told them it was a risk. Because like Grayson said, most fae adored their soulmates when they finally met them.
But that connection had a price.
Grayson
What else would you call the way Callum looks at that blonde werewolf? Devotion? That's even stronger
Me
Fine, it's adoration
It doesn't happen overnight, though, and it's different for female fae than males because of the power imbalance
Grayson
Liv seems just as devoted to the shapeshifter
How is it different?
Me
It just is
Grayson
Sure
But the power balance between you and I is minuscule if there is one
Me
Liv and I are very different people with very different desires
It's not the same
Grayson
Whatever you say
Gotta go, I'll leave the shadows with you as long as I can
Me
Just keep yourself alive
Grayson
Don't pretend you care, Death
The nickname had never felt like an attack before, but for the moment, it did.
And I did care, even if I fought like hell against the urge to. I had always cared. I was just good at ignoring things that overwhelmed me, and the way I cared about him was absolutely one of those.
I didn't know how long I'd have Grayson's shadows for, so I slipped out of the room and headed to the parking lot while they were still clinging to me.
I needed to talk to Darius. My best friend was the voice of reason when I couldn't handle it myself, and I definitely couldn't handle any of this on my own.
The drive was surprisingly peaceful, with Grayson's shadows dancing over my skin, easing my overwhelm.
The overwhelm was still there, but everything was much simpler than it would've been without his magic.
I tried not to think about how different it would've been if I had already sealed a bond with the demon king.
How much more his shadows would've stuck to me.
How much less overstimulated I would've felt.
The idea was very, very appealing.
Darius was showing a man to his car when I got to his place. He saluted him, and the guy grinned back, waving as he left.
"You didn't tell him you'd call, did you?" I murmured.
“No. He knows I don't do that. Everyone does." Darius slipped his hands in his pockets as I stepped past him, going into his house without an invitation.
I wouldn't be anywhere near as comfortable there as I was at my place, but he'd furnished it in a way that wasn't completely triggering for me.
"What happened with Darke?" he asked, following me in.
"He finally accepted that I'm going to do what I want, but things are worse than I realized for the demons right now."
"Guess the abduction is officially over. It was a stupid idea, anyway. It's much more effective to shove your way into your mate's life than try to drag them into yours."
"Are you speaking from experience?"
"Theoretic experience. I watched Callum and Liv and their mates, and I've had a damn long time to come up with a plan. Assuming I ever find my mate, which looks less likely by the day." He dragged a hand through his hair. "Want coffee?"
"Sure."
I sat down at his kitchen island, pulling my knees up to my chest and resting my chin on them lightly. Grayson's shadows moved slowly over my skin.
Darius eyed the magic. "You do know you've caught some sort of disease, right?"
I bit back a smile. "I noticed."
"Is it sexually transmitted?"
"If it was, you'd be in bed with a demon right now. It eases the price of my magic."
Dare's eyebrows shot upward. "How did he give them to you?"
"Some of them cling to me because we're partially mated, but he sort of assigned them to me? I don't know how it works. I feel like I don't know much of anything right now."
"We have that in common." He turned to the espresso machine on his countertop. Kat had given it to him a few months ago, after they bonded over the bitter bean juice. Dare was probably one of the only people who drank more coffee than Callum's little werewolf.
He made me a shot of decaf espresso and whipped up a latte before sliding it over to me. He didn't have to ask why I'd shown up. He knew I got lonely sometimes. Now that I wasn't homebound, I could go to him instead of always having him come to me.
"You're being quiet," I said, sipping the drink.
"I'm always quiet."
I rolled my eyes.
"I'm fine," he said easily.
"You only say that when you're not fine."
"I'm fine," He repeated, starting his own shot of espresso. I was pretty sure he bought some enhanced coffee beans with extra caffeine in them, courtesy of the dryads or the nymphs. "I'm just... happy for you."
"Don't lie to me, and don't pretend to be happy for me."
"I am. I'm happy that you're not suffering as much anymore," he insisted, his back still turned to me. "I'm glad your STD is working out for you."
"STD?"
"Shadow Transmission… Delight? I don't know. I was playing off the sexually transmitted thing. We can both agree it was a shitty joke."
"You can be happy for me and sad for yourself, Dare."
"I can't be sad for myself. If I was, there'd be no recovering. It wouldn't be sadness. It would be mother-fucking devastation."
My throat swelled. My overwhelm grew a little more intense, but I managed to ignore it.
"So yeah. I'm fine. Superb. Fantastic, even."
He was lying to both of us, apparently.
"Maybe your mate is in the Shadow District. You don't go to the clubs there very often, do you?"
"I rotate weeks. One there. One here. If my mate was in any of the nightclubs, I would've found them by now." He turned around, leaning back against the cabinets. His shoulders were low, and the expression he wore was bleak. "I'm tired, Mer. So fucking tired."
"We'll come up with an alternative. A thousand dollars to every person who makes a bargain with you, or something.
We'd get at least a few takers. Kat only found Callum because she needed money.
Maybe it could work for you too. It's a little desperate, but there are worse things to be than desperate. "
"Kat thinks I should change my reputation.
Make a statement about being a new man, and start meeting people at coffee shops instead of clubs.
Stop fucking all of them. She thinks it's a different crowd, and she wants me to start trying to trade coffee for bargains, or some shit like that. I don't think I could sell it."
"You do know more about coffee than most people. It could work."
"You just don't want me to be depressed."
"Maybe." I lifted my coffee cup to my lips and took a sip. "It's worth a try."
"I know. I'm supposed to start tomorrow."
"What? You didn't tell me!"
"I just agreed to it this morning. Statement goes out tonight. Everyone thinks I'm going to lose my shit over your mate bond."
"Are you?"
He shrugged. "Hard to say."
"Not if you have a coffee shop job to distract you, and all the cute coffee nerds there to be potential mates. That'll be fun."
"Have you ever been in a coffee shop?"
"Not really."
"Then you have no idea."
"Kat's a coffee nerd, and she's cute. You're..." I gestured to all of him.
"You. Cute probably isn't the right word, but you're something.
" I'd never been attracted to him, but most of the city was.
I'd really never been attracted to anyone but Grayson, which most likely said something about me that I didn't want to hear.
He snorted. "That was a solid effort at pretending you think I'm hot."
"It was worth a try."
"Tell me what it's like, not having everything revolve around the price of your magic."
"When he touched me, everything felt easy," I admitted. "You know what it's like for me. Nothing is easy. But it was. And then he let go, and it just... it's a lot. Life. The magic. Trying to make a decision. All of it is a lot, and he wants me to seal the bond."
"So seal the bond."
"It's not that simple, Dare."
"Why not?"
"I'd be living away from all of you. My life would revolve around him."
"So?"
"So, you need me."
"I'll break into his mansion and snuggle with both of you when I need you, Mer. You know that. This isn't about me. It's about you."
"How is it about me?"
He snorted. "You really want to get into it?"
"I don't know." I looked down at my latte. "Maybe it's a little about me. I just... I don't think I could handle it. Him. He's a lot, you know? Even more than everything else."