Chapter 15
fifteen
. . .
Eden
It’s day three of waking up alone, and today feels worse than all the others combined.
I stare at the ceiling and rub at the sharp ache over my heart.
It has finally hit me that my parents are gone.
They aren’t just away on vacation in their RV or out to dinner with friends… no, they are never coming home.
Everything feels mechanical. Toss off the blankets, slip my legs over the side of the bed, try to stand without falling. I’m going through the motions.
Getting ready is still a slow process, one miniature battle at a time. If it’s not my side twinging when I move too fast or twist too far, then it’s my arm getting stuck in my sweater, or I step too hard, and my ankle screams. Everything I do is a struggle.
Grabbing my cane and phone, I hobble out of the room. There are still no messages from Felix. Shit. I told him I needed space, but the look in his eyes plays on repeat in my mind. I never meant to hurt him, and now he hasn’t been in touch at all.
I’m not even sure I should listen to Kris when Felix has been nothing but good to me. She called me early Sunday, blaming Felix for a rat being left in her room and one in Kyle’s bed.
The ringing is non-stop, pulling me out of sleep. Blinking, I fumble for the phone. My eyes struggle to adjust, making the words fuzzy on the screen, so I give up and just hit talk.
“Hello?” My voice is groggy.
“Eden, he’s a fucking psycho!”
I pull the phone away from my ear when Kris shrieks into it. Who and what the hell is she talking about?
“What?”
“Felix. He’s insane. He left a rat on my desk and put one in bed with Kyle. He’s been throwing up all morning.”
She’s hysterical. My side bites, but I manage to sit up in bed, mind racing.
“How do you know it’s Felix?”
I can’t even picture the guy who’s been taking care of me putting a rat in someone’s bed. It’s completely absurd.
There’s a long pause, but I can still hear Kris breathing.
“I don’t have any proof. I just know it was him.”
A headache is starting to form from her shrill tone and the insanity of this conversation so early in the morning. I pinch the bridge of my nose.
“That makes no sense. Why do you think Felix did this?”
“Because he’s nuts and he doesn’t like Kyle or me,” she says, and anger stirs inside of me.
“Stop right there. First, don’t call Felix nuts.
You know nothing about him. Second…you’re accusing the person who practically saved my life, but you have no proof other than a feeling that he doesn’t like you.
How about all the stupid pranks that Kyle’s friends are always playing on each other?
Do I have to remind you of the fake tarantula left in your sink?
You were screaming and jumping if so much as a hair touched you for days.
Those guys are horrible, but you want to blame Felix? How would he even know where you live?”
“Um—”
“I don’t want to hear it, Kris,” I say, cutting her off.
“I lost my family. I am barely holding it together. And now, you call me at six in the morning screaming like a lunatic. You have zero proof. Felix has been amazing to me, so unless you have concrete evidence, then don’t mention this to me again unless it’s to apologize. ”
“Shit…Eden…I’m sorry. Really, I overreacted.”
“I’m going back to bed,” I say, not acknowledging her apology.
“Eden, please…”
“We’ll talk later.”
Hanging up, I check for a call or message from Felix, but there is nothing and my heart sinks.
Placing the phone back on the nightstand, I slide under the covers, roll onto my side, and let the tears silently fall.
Yes, what happened to them is certainly fucked up, but Kris never found anything linking Felix to what happened and I’m not going to jump on the train just because she’s wanting to be dramatic.
Why would Felix even do something like that? Is it just because she doesn’t want me near him? Could she actually be jealous of all the time we were spending together?
Now, here I am secretly terrified that I’ve pushed him away for good.
Felix is…more than just my friend. He’s been someone to lean on, count on, talk to, and he understands what I’m going through.
I let Kris and even Kyle talk me into pushing him aside.
Guilt races through me, making me feel sick to my stomach.
“Fuck, I’m an awful person,” I whisper, making the slow walk to the kitchen.
Besides…despite me kicking him out, Felix came back and cleaned. Maybe that’s creepy, but who hasn’t asked for a magic maid at some point? He left a cute little note that is now stuck to my fridge.
I know you asked me to leave and give you space, so I’m sorry for coming back and cleaning. I just couldn’t leave your home in a huge mess for you to clean. Make sure to get lots of rest.
Felix
But I can’t exactly tell Kris it couldn’t have been Felix because he broke into my house to clean. She will definitely take that the wrong way.
A ghost of a smile pricks at the corner of my mouth. He just can’t seem to help himself, but I haven’t seen, heard, or felt him around since.
I pour myself some coffee and make a piece of toast with peanut butter, eating in silence before calling for a ride to the lawyer’s office. I don’t want to do this today, but if I don’t, then who will?
Stepping outside, the harsh wind whips around my neck and bites right through my jacket. It’s so strong that the snow is curling off the tops of the banks and making them look like massive waves. I grip the railing for dear life and use the cane to make it down the slippery stairs in one piece.
The car isn’t here yet, so I wait on the curb beside our large wooden mailbox that looks like a birdhouse. Dad was so proud that he’d made it himself.
Dammit. I haven’t checked the mail since the accident. Opening the flap, my heart drops as I stare at a mountain of envelopes stuffed in so tightly it looks like one giant ball.
I open my purse and start pulling it all out, one piece at a time, smoothing each one as I go. By the time I’m done, it looks like I’m carrying a basketball around.
The sound of a car coming down the street makes my heart flip. I look up, hoping to see Felix, but it’s a red sedan—my ride-share.
I take a step, not paying attention to my sprained ankle, and slip on a patch of ice. Nothing hurts like falling on freezing pavement. Pain shoots through my body, and I hold my breath, staying perfectly still despite the icy slush soaking into my clothes.
“Oh my gosh, are you okay?” The woman gets out and rushes over.
Why is everything so hard? Tears prick my eyes, but I blink them back, determined not to cry in front of another stranger who doesn’t need to deal with my trauma.
I don’t bother answering her question and just nod.
“Here, let me help you up.”
She wraps her arm around my side, and her finger presses right over my cracked ribs.
“Ahh…”
“Oh god, I’m sorry.”
She lets go, and I almost fall over again. With my good leg and the cane, I manage to stand.
I look down. Water drips from my clothing. I’m shivering, and there isn’t a part of me that doesn’t hurt.
“Do you want to go back inside?”
Yes!
“No, I have to get to this appointment.”
“Okay, let me put a towel on the seat,” she says, darting away, leaving me to limp over to her vehicle alone.
Why did I tell Felix to give me space? Why was having his help a bad thing?
Once I’m seated in the car, she turns up the heat, helping to quell the shaking. By the time we reach the law office, I’ve learned just about everything I’d ever want to about Shannon and her life. I haven’t said a single word.
I shuffle inside, appearing much older than my eighteen-almost-nineteen years.
“Hi, I’m Eden Hale. I have an appointment with Mr. Davidson.”
The receptionist offers me a warm smile.
“Follow me, please.”
She leads me to a room with a table and two chairs. If it weren’t for the plant in the corner, a framed photo on the wall, and the chairs being leather, I’d say it looks more like an interrogation room.
“Would you like coffee or tea?”
“English Breakfast, with a touch of milk would be great.”
The chair is comfortable when I sit down, and I can’t be bothered trying to get out of my coat. Mr. Davidson walks in a moment later, his face serious as he sits across from me and places a folder down on the table.
“Eden, I’m sorry for your loss.”
“Thank you.”
“There are a few things we must go over today, and then there are other things that you will have to think about and let me know. Are you ready to get started?”
My lips press together in a hard line as I force the building emotion back.
“Yes,” I manage.
“Then let’s begin.”
The entire meeting is a big blur. Mr. Davidson talks to me about assets, insurance, and bank accounts like I should know what he means.
My parents have never talked to me about any of this.
They probably thought they had another thirty years before they even had to worry about it.
I answer as best I can, and luckily, he makes a pile of notes.
Two hours later, he hands me the stack of papers with a sad smile, assuring me that we’ll talk again soon.
Great. Just great.
My body is stiff when I try to stand, my ass numb from sitting still so long, and my tea is left untouched.
I can’t think straight, and the noise of the law office is as annoying as insects buzzing around my head.
People smile, laugh, and joke around me.
They go on about their lives, looking right through me as if I’m not even here.
My pain is invisible, but everything is screaming so loudly in my head that I don’t know how the entire world doesn’t hear me.
I’m in the lobby, fumbling with my phone while trying to figure out what I need to do next when the door opens. I look up, and Felix is standing there with his hands in his pockets.
“Hey,” he says softly, not coming in any further.
“Felix?”
Is this a mirage? My heart races, and my throat runs as dry as if he really is water on the horizon. I don’t dare look away, in case he disappears.
“Yeah…” He takes a small step forward. “I know you said you wanted space, but I couldn’t stay away any longer. I’ll go if you want me to. But I knew today was going to be hard, and I had to see if you were okay.”
I stupidly just stand there.
“I’ll go,” he says, pointing over his shoulder with his thumb.
“No,” I say quickly, as relief rips me open. I’ve been barely holding myself together. I limp toward him as the tears start to fall. “Please don’t go.”
“Hey…it’s okay, don’t cry.” Felix wraps me in his arms, holding me tight as he peppers the top of my head in soft kisses. “I’ve got you.”
He doesn’t rush me or move until I do. When I pull back, his blue eyes are filled with worry.
“Why are you soaking wet? What happened?”
“I fell,” I say, body trembling.
Turning, he presses the automatic door button, then picks me up and marches outside. My body aches, but I don’t care. I wrap my arm around his neck. Any other time, a display of weakness like this would be embarrassing. But not today.
Felix holds my hand during the drive to my house as tears fall unchecked.
He remains silent as he parks and then comes around to pick me up once more.
I bury my face in the crook of his neck and breathe in his smell, the black cherry comforting and the warmth of his body easing the ache in my heart. God, I’ve missed him.
Reaching the landing, he gently puts me on my feet, and I pull out my house key. As soon as the door is unlocked, he steps inside and helps me like we’ve done this a hundred times before. My wet jacket is removed, then my large winter boot is unzipped and gingerly pulled off.
The next thing I know, we are upstairs, and Felix is undressing me like I’m a doll.
“We need to get you dry. Your skin feels like ice, and I bet your body temperature is low,” Felix says. “I promise you’ll be alright.”
He’s much gentler than I am, removing the Aircast and then the rest of my clothes. He throws the wet stuff in the hamper, then opens my drawers. His face is all business as he pulls out a pair of comfy pajamas and walks toward me.
The stupid tears continue to fall, and I can’t seem to stop them no matter how hard I try. He pulls the soft sleep shorts up one leg at a time and then helps me into the matching top. As soon as I’m dressed, I grab Felix’s arm. He stops and stares down at me.
“I’m sorry.” My lip trembles.
“For what?”
“For asking you to leave.” I look away, unable to face the concern in his eyes. “Forgive me?”
Felix tilts my chin and forces me to look at him.
“You have nothing to apologize for, so there is nothing to forgive.”
I gasp as his mouth brushes mine and sparks race through my body. I’m frozen while his tongue traces my lips.
“Sweet and salty,” he whispers, and my body trembles from a whole new reason. “Your tears are mine, Pretty Thing. Say yes.”
“Yes.”
“Good girl.”
My heart races like a scared rabbit in my chest. I’ve never kissed someone, and have it feel like this…warm, electric, so freaking good. His lip ring adds a whole different sensation, cold and hard, compared to his soft lips. All the dark and what I thought were dead parts of my heart light up.
Dear Lord, it seems wrong. I just lost my parents. How can I possibly feel these emotions so strongly? Am I betraying them by wanting something for myself? I grip the front of his shirt, knowing that I’m falling headfirst over a ledge, but don’t want to stop.
Felix palms my butt and lays me on my bed, while still kissing me. Feral need mingles with trepidation, making everything a jumbled mess. He slowly pulls away and touches his forehead to mine.
“Get some rest. I’m going to make us something to eat.”
My tongue runs over my lips, and I can still taste him. I love how his eyes watch me as he plays with his piercing.
“You’re tempting me to do things that we shouldn’t yet.”
“Is that a bad thing?” I press my thighs together, wiggling under his intense stare.
“No…anything with you can never be a bad thing. But today has been emotional, and that is not the reason we should do this for the first time.”
I look away and bite my lip as I try to regain control over the wanton desire gripping me by the throat.
“You’re right,” I agree, but it doesn’t stop the craving.
He covers me with my blanket and cups my cheek, his fingers incredibly tender.
“I’m just downstairs. I’m not going anywhere. Okay?”
“Okay.”
I watch him walk out. As soon as he is gone, my eyes start to close.
Before I know it, darkness creeps in as the heaviness of the day finally pulls me under.
Everything feels right again. It may seem crazy, but Felix has become such an important part of my life.
I know that now, and I won’t let him go again.