Chapter 39 – Vale
CONFESSIONS
VALE
I’ve been sitting in the car silently, fidgeting with my skirt for the last half hour.
I’m full of anxiety. It doesn’t help that we’ve barely spoken to each other since we left the pleasure in the back seat.
Oliver must have noticed something’s wrong.
He’s tried to hold my hand, but I can’t stop fidgeting. I pull away because it’s all too much.
The garage door opens and he drives in. When the car is shifted into Park, I jerk to attention.
I’m freaking out. It’s time. We’re here alone, but I can’t get out of my head.
I’m so worried about what’s going to happen between us.
What if he hates it? What if I do it wrong?
What if he’s bored and he never wants to touch me again?
“Vale, are you alright?” he asks, reaching for my hand again, but I jerk away.
I nod my head and remove the seat belt quickly.
“Of course I’m fine,” I tell him, then I jump out of the car, purse in tow, trying to escape.
I shut the door and he’s around the car in an instant.
He’s not hiding how fast he can move now, not when we’re alone.
I stare up at his beautiful face as he steps forward. He grabs my hand before I can run away.
“I won’t hurt you. I swear it.” He looks so sad right now. He thinks I’m afraid of him. I can’t stand it. He’s wonderful.
“I’m not afraid of you, Oliver. I . . . ” I don’t have the words because I don’t know what’s happening.
I was fearless earlier. I asked him for what I needed.
I want him, but the desire has cooled to a rumble while my anxiety takes over.
Now I can’t stop thinking about everything that could go wrong and how huge this moment is.
“Tell me what it is,” he pleads, stepping closer. He deserves to know.
“I think we’re about to do something that’ll either change the entire world or completely change us.
It’s something so special, and it feels so final.
I think it’s supposed to feel like that, but it makes me anxious.
Then there’s the fact that you have all this experience and I don’t know what I’m doing.
I don’t want to disappoint you, Oliver. I want to make you happy, the way you’ve made me happy.
I want to touch you and make you feel good.
I feel inadequate because I don’t know how to do that. ”
The pad of his thumb slides across the top of my cheek softly. I lean into his warm touch. He looks at me like I’m the most precious thing that’s ever existed. I want to scream that I love him because the way he looks at me, it fills my heart to the brim.
“You will never disappoint me, Vale. Not ever. I understand the fear of not being good enough. I do. I’m afraid of disappointing you too.
When we take that step, I imagine we’ll both be lost to it.
There won't be any control. We’ll both let go and feel it.
We’ll take care of each other. I’ll take care of you. ”
I nod up at him, taking his words as the truth. I don’t think he would ever steer me wrong, not about sex. What surprises me is the fact that he’s worried about disappointing me. How could he ever think that? “I don’t think it’s possible for you to disappoint me, Oliver.” He smiles at my words.
“You and I, we are always. We go on and on. Our flames don’t burn out. They are forever, Vale.” His words are powerful, and I believe them. Oliver feels like forever. Being with him is as natural as breathing.
He wraps his arms around me, and he feels like heaven. Those strong arms were built to hold me close. We were always supposed to be in this moment. It feels right. So why am I still so worried?
“Vale, come with me. Take a chance on being mine. Please, take a chance on me,” he whispers against my ear.
Oliver squeezes my hand, and I nod in agreement.
We link our fingers together and I follow him.
He puts in a code on a keypad next to a metal door.
It unlocks with a click. I follow him down the steps and into a dimly lit tunnel.
There are lights on the walls, leading the way, but they aren’t very bright.
“Taking me to your bat cave.”
Oliver stops. There’s a serious look on his face when he says, “You know I can’t turn into a bat, right? I don’t have rabies if that’s what you’re worried about.” He loses it by the end, and we both start laughing.
“I was just implying you might be Batman, not an actual bat,” I say with a snicker.
“Not Batman either, just making sure no one sees us. Tonight, you’re mine and I don’t want to share you with anyone. I’m making sure of that,” he says, but he doesn’t look back at me when he speaks. He starts walking again, focused on where we’re going.
We walk farther and farther through the tunnel. It opens into a cellar filled with wooden crates and shelves filled with what looks like wine or liquor. Some of the bottles are coated in a fine layer of dust, while some have cobwebs like they’ve been here for ages.
“How long has this tunnel been here?”
“This is part of the original house. It was built a hundred and seventy years ago. It’s been here a while. You’ll have to ask my mother about it. That was back when this was her house.”
“It was her house?”
“She was the original owner. When she left, she willed it to one of her lovers with the intention of coming back one day. There’s magic here, Vale.
More than half of the house is hidden until you’re invited inside.
It’s a spell from a famous Louisiana coven of witches.
People only see an illusion, not the actual house.
It’s rare magic. Powerful stuff to last generations. ”
“I knew it’d gotten bigger. I thought I was crazy at first. I didn’t see it until you invited me for dinner. Suddenly, I could see the turret, the south side, the library. So why did you decide to buy the place?”
“I had too. If they sold the house, then all the knowledge in that library would be in human hands. That can’t be, Vale. Humans can never know about us . . . well, they can’t know the truth.” The word “human” stops me in my tracks.
“I’m human. Why would you show me any of this? Why would you tell me what you are?”
Oliver finally turns to face me. His face is half cast in shadows, the tendrils trying to hide him in their darkness. “You’re different. You’re my mate,” he says, but he doesn’t look into my eyes. He waits for those words to sink in.
“What’s a mate?” I ask even though I have a feeling I’ve known it all along. I knew something was different between us.
He turns his back to me once more, like he can’t bear to look at me when he explains. I hear his deep inhale, the way the air sputters out from his chest when he exhales. He’s nervous. For once it’s not me. Still, I’m on edge waiting.
“When our souls are created, immortals of any kind, we lack half. We’re not complete.
If we live long enough, if we fight long enough, we find them, the one who completes us, our other half.
The only way to complete each other is to be together.
It’s almost a compulsion. That’s who we are, we are beyond lovers.
We are one, separated in the beginning, who now are blessed to come together. ” He says the words like they hurt him.
My heart is pounding. “I knew it!” I yell, my voice echoing in the tunnel.
Why did he hide it from me? I’m shivering as if the temperature has plummeted.
The heart in my chest feels like it cracks, pain spreading through my sternum, stealing my breath.
My lips tremble when I look up at him, but he stands with his back to me.
I drop his hand and step away. I have to.
“I’ve been waiting on you my entire life.
None of it made sense until you showed up.
I never desired anyone. I didn’t want anyone!
That’s the truth. I told you at the bluffs that it was only ever for you.
Do you know what that feels like? Just knowing I wasn’t like other people.
I wasn’t attracted to others. I knew though, when we met.
We found each other and it felt right, but you refused me over and over again.
I knew from the moment I met you. I fucking knew! ” My voice cracks with each word.
“I’m sorry, Vale. I knew there was something, but I never knew I’d have a mate.
I’ve never done anything worthy of you. Lilu aren’t as common as other immortals.
There is only one other Lilu with a mate in the entire world.
My mother. But my father has never accepted their bond.
Many immortals believe Lilu can’t have mates.
They believe we can’t have them because we feed on lust. They think we’re not capable of love and that’s been true my entire life.
So, yeah, it was hard to believe you could be mine.
It felt impossible that I could be so lucky. ”
His shoulders are slumped like gravity is dragging him down. He stands four feet away in those shadows that slither between the lights. The distance between us suddenly feels like it's much larger, an impossible feat to cross.
“I’ve been living in absolute hell,” I cry, tears streaming from my eyes.
His shoulders stiffen. “I didn’t know for certain. Yesterday, when you showed me how you felt, I thought you might be, but I didn’t know for sure. I swear it. Had we not been interrupted, I believe we would’ve figured it out.”
“I knew the night we met. I knew the first time I saw you, that I was yours. I’ve held my emotions back my entire life.
I learned to block it all to survive. I’ve breathed through that suffering.
I’ve stuffed it down until it silenced not only my voice, but also my entire being.
I found the silence within me to survive.