Chapter 19
The evening is beautiful, with a huge moon and still air that's going to make it perfect for the firework display. And most importantly for me, there aren't any other people around to bother me. Though I am expecting one other person to make an appearance, but Nate could never be a bother.
Ember stretches on the marble balustrade that keeps us from falling off the balcony. When her wings are like this, she looks a lot bigger than she does otherwise, but still cute.
She lets out a little screech, which I assume means she wants something to eat.
"Are you going to grow bigger if I feed you too much?
" I ask, putting a small bowl of scraps down in front of her.
Maybe it's not the best idea to feed her where she can knock the bowl off the edge of the balcony, but it's too late for that now, as she rears back her head and lets out a stream of flames, engulfing the meat almost immediately.
I grimace when she starts gulping it down. I really should try to teach her how to eat more quietly, but I'm not really sure how that works with dragons, or how trainable she's going to be.
Footsteps sound behind me, and I turn around to see Nate appear in the doorway.
My heart skips a beat at the sight of him, especially as he seems to have changed out of his chef's clothes and into something smarter. It suits him.
"Hey," he says.
"Hi," I respond. "Thank you for coming."
"I was never going to say no to spending time with you," he says. "Though I am intrigued about what you've invited me here for."
"It's one of our last evenings together," I say. "I thought you might want to watch the fireworks with me."
His eyes light up, but maybe it's just the reflection of the gas lighting pouring out of the windows.
"Do you want some spiced wine?" I ask. "It's still warm."
He nods. "That would be nice."
I head over to where the jug has been left for the two of us as per my instructions and pour him a mug, getting one for myself too.
I hand one to him, trying not to stare at him too much even though I'm kind of entranced by how good he looks.
The light bounces off the planes of his face, making the lines sharper.
I don't think anyone doubts that he's a handsome man, I just feel like I haven't truly seen it before.
"How did the banquet go?" he asks.
"Well," I say. "Everyone seemed to enjoy the food."
"Did you?"
"Of course. And I knew exactly what to eat, which made it even better for me."
"I'm glad you had fun."
"I wouldn't go as far as fun," I respond. "The play was decent, and everyone was mostly quiet through it. I might suggest more of them in the future."
He chuckles. "The advantage of being the one in charge, right?"
"Something like that." I lean against the balustrade and take a sip of my wine. "But this is my favourite part of the evening."
"Even if we're not baking?" He takes a drink and sets his mug down.
"Yes. I was the one who invited you here. I knew we weren't going to be baking," I point out. "I wanted to make the most of the time before you go."
"The day is closer than I want it to be," he admits.
I lean against the railing, my hands cupped around my mug of wine. My thoughts race with all of the things I want to say, and all of the things I feel like I shouldn't.
Nate comes to join me, while Ember continues to eat a feast of her own to my left. Maybe I shouldn't have brought her with me, but I thought she might also want to see the fireworks.
"It's a beautiful night," Nate says.
"It is," I agree. "And clear enough that the fireworks should look good. I was worried that it might be too cloudy."
"Autumn is a tricky season like that."
"It is. I hope your journey back will be a safe one."
"I'm sure it will be," he says. "But I promise I'll write to you the moment I'm back in Wafeland so that you know I'm safe."
A horrible feeling settles within me as I realise that the journey could be dangerous. And there's a slim chance that I'll never see him again. Can I send him off without telling him how I feel?
I look at him, admiring his profile and how the moon illuminates his features.
No. I can't tell him. Doing so will only complicate matters, especially when I have no idea how he feels about me. But there is one thing I can say.
"I wish you could stay." The words come out so softly they're barely above a whisper.
"I wish I could stay," he responds.
"I wanted to ask you to stay five years ago."
"I wanted you to ask me," he says. "But you know that."
I let out a frustrated sigh. "But I don't regret not saying that you should take your apprenticeship. I would never stand in the way of your career."
"I know, Evie."
"But five years is a long time." I look down at my cup of wine, feeling the threat of tears start to bubble up again. "I don't know if I can do that again."
"We won't have to," he promises.
"You don't know that. And even if we can see each other in that time, how much is it going to be for? A week at Yuletide when you come to visit your parents?"
"I can't take Yuletide off," he points out.
"Right, of course not. So maybe a week this time next year, if I can persuade my parents to let me be the one to go to Wafeland. Veronica thinks it might be possible if she comes with me."
"You've spoken to Veronica about this?" There's something in his voice that sounds suspiciously like hope.
"She's been somewhat helpful," I respond.
"I could stay," he whispers.
"How?"
"I don't know. I could find a job in one of the nearby castles. Or I can work at a bakery. I could talk to Chef Martina and see if she'll give me my old job back," he suggests.
"You can't take a demotion just to spend time with me."
"I could."
"No, Nate, you can't," I say firmly. "I'm not going to stand in the way of your career just to see you." My heart hurts as I say the words.
"Maybe you're worth it, Evie."
"No," I say firmly. "I..." The words are there for me to tell him that I think I love him, but I can't make myself say them.
"You?"
I shake my head. "I can't." I look out over the castle courtyard, trying to make sense of the thoughts in my head. "I wish you didn't have to leave, but I can't ask you to stay."
The expression on his face is hard to read, but it breaks my heart all over again.
A whistling sound breaks through my thoughts, followed by a loud bang and a light that fills the air.
"The fireworks," I say.
"I'd completely forgotten," Nate's voice cracks, revealing emotions that I don't dare ask about.
"We should watch them," I say, gesturing to the edge of the balcony.
He nods, watching as the next firework whizzes into the air.
The loud bang causes another shower of sparks and a loud hiss from my dragon in response. Her wings are raised, and she looks as if she's on edge, ready to attack something.
"I think she's scared." Worry worms its way through me, almost chasing away the hurt.
She's shivering, the sight making my heart hurt.
"I'm sorry, I thought you'd like the fireworks," I tell her. "They have them in Shengda." Though now I'm saying that, I realise that she hasn't been there since she was an egg.
Ember looks at me with wide eyes.
"Come on, I can take you back inside," I say, disappointed and relieved that I need to go, especially when there's so much more that needs to be said between me and Nate.
But maybe it's for the best. He's still leaving in a few days, whether I want him to or not.
Ember climbs onto me, her claws clinging so tightly they start to pierce through the fabric of my dress.
"Careful," I tell her, while still wrapping her closer to my body. "I think I need to get her back to my room."
He nods, seeming a little disappointed, but I don't know if that's just how I want him to feel, given the situation. "Will you be down in the kitchens tomorrow?"
"Of course." I meet his gaze so he knows that's the truth. I may be hurting right now, but that doesn't mean I want to ignore him for the rest of the time he's here. I want to make the most of it now more than ever.