7. Killian
Devastation is tragic. I had to devastate and decimate Maricela’s soul. It was what was demanded of me, and I was a good soldier. Good to the point that I became the leader.
I never wanted to be the leader of the kingdom of bloodshed, but I know I’m good at it. I’m good at diplomacy and at seeing the bigger picture, and what I saw in that room scared me.
Fear is something I don’t allow myself to indulge in. It would be a lie to say I don’t feel it at all. An empath like me feels it all. Yet, I learned to ignore the pesky thing called feelings. Now, however, I can’t.
Seeing her, being close enough to touch her, has me feeling everything, and if it weren’t for Julian, I would have caused a scandal in the children’s ward because I would have taken her with me, even if it was kicking and screaming.
“How long have you known where she was?”
Liam demands of Raven. I never saw Raven like she was today. It was hate in her eyes. Loathing directed solely at me. Not at anyone else in the room, just me.
She blames me for the loss of her best friend, but she knew where Maricela was, and if she had told me the truth, I would have fixed it. I would have fixed everything.
“Answer him,” I demand, in a voice that only the men ever hear from me.
The voice of the ruler of the New York Italian mafia. I’ve had this position for two years now. And Raven knows the tone. She heard it often from Franco and, on some occasions, from her father.
“I didn’t know where she was for the first two months. She just disappeared. I was so angry with you. I looked for her. I looked for her everywhere. Finally, she contacted me. I didn’t know where she was at first. She never gave me a location.”
Liam scoffs. “And all that time, almost four damn years, you knew where she was and hid it from your capo?” He barks.
To her credit, Raven doesn’t even flinch. She’s a mafia princess at her finest.
“My loyalty doesn’t belong to you. To any of you. It belongs to her. Mari is my friend, the sister I never had, the only one who was there for me when I needed her, the only fucking one who didn’t hurt me or ignore me being hurt.”
I deserve that.
Liam says, “You’re more blind to what’s going on around you than I thought. Kill, tell her already.” He turns his anger on me, knowing she can’t know the truth. Not now. Maybe never.
I face Raven directly.
“You let your capo down. If you won’t think of me as your cousin, I can accept that. What I won’t accept is your disloyalty to your capo. I’m in charge of your fucking life. I am your god, and you know it. You made a huge mistake, Raven, and you’ll pay for it.”
I see the fear in her eyes, but I don’t fucking care. Maybe I should. Maybe I deserve it.
“Are you threatening me?” she asks, digging her teeth into her lower lip. Hard.
“You said what you had to say, Raven, and now you’ll listen.” She nods once, accepting her fate.
Raven is strong, and for the first time, I don’t care for it.
“You’re going to be punished for what you did. If you were a man, the payment would be collected from you in blood. You took from me, so now I’ll take from you. Starting today, you’ll live in your future husband’s house. You’re not my problem anymore. He can punish you and do whatever he wants with you. I tried to protect you. Maybe I protected you more than I should have. Now you’re going to do what your capo tells you.”
“Kill—”
“No. This is an order. You will live with your future husband starting now. You’ll be married at the end of this year, anyway, so you’re his from now on.
“And you...” I say, turning to Julian. “You’ll move out of this doorway and out of my way. Otherwise—”
“You may be Raven’s capo, but I don’t belong to you. I don’t belong to anyone.” He crosses his arms over his inflated chest and alters his stance.
Julian became even bigger with time. I can see the brutal player he became on the field, but I will fight him if needed. Here and now. “You will not pass, and you will let Maricela grieve as much as she needs to. She came back, but she’s here for them, not you.”
This again.
For them, not for you.
She left because of me. She left me. She came back for them. I don’t fucking care.
All I care about is that she’s here.
I can hate her for the rest of my life. Punish her, make her scream and beg, and fucking listen to me.
Liam says, “She’s in there with Maddox. She won’t run away.”
“She’s not one to run away,” Kai says as if it’s a fact. As if the last four years hadn’t happened, and she was just around the corner.
“She did!”
“Because she had no reason to stay. Now she has two. Use it.” The mute has fucking spoken.
The forty minutes that Maddox has been in that room seem like an eternity to me. She’s here, talking to my fucking brother, no less.
Another secret I kept from her.
She’s here. She’s fucking here.
If I try hard enough, I can smell her, almost feel her on my skin.
I can taste the saltiness I left on her each time I fucked into her. Her screams and begs were left on me like a tattoo, the only tattoo that represented joy.
She was my joy, my elation.
I can even see her rolling her eyes at me, knowing that it will provoke me. Making sure it will. Her tiny body riding mine, scratching my chest, bypassing the scars.
Kissing me. Fuck, I’ve missed kissing her.
“Kill. Mate.” Liam glances at Raven.
I know that my punishment is one for him as well, but I wanted to give him an out of this marriage two years ago. He refused. Now, he will have to take care of her.
Raven, who was screaming until a few minutes ago, stands there as if in shock, like I’ve ruined her life. Her skin is dimmer than her blonde hair now, and she looks defeated.
Maybe I have. Perhaps I really am a monster. The rage that I usually save for the people who deserve it came out in full force. Still, I won’t take my words back. Raven will live with Liam.
“You have a broken flower inside there, Kill,” Maddox says as he lets the door of the room shut, leaving Maricela behind. He looks somber.
The fun brother that returned to me is gone. The man who has seen all kinds of brutality is present. It’s a rare sight nowadays. “She’s completely ruined.”
“What did she tell you?” I demand, needing to know.
“She hardly spoke, just claimed I didn’t know her. Which is true, I’ll give her that. I’ve seen people like her, though. Her fractures are deep. They might be too deep. And you,” Maddox leers at Julian. “I would make you fly with those arms. Are you into some dicking?” Julian smiles, all shy for a moment. Did Maddox just wink at him?
“Maddox, mate. You’re sick. His muscles would break you. Even Killian doesn’t try to move him from the door,” Liam adds un-fucking-necessarily.
“Maddox,” I say, using my don’t-mess-with-me voice, needing him to concentrate.
“She’s a shell, brother. Maybe irredeemably so.”
What he says makes no sense. Maricela Fernandez is not a broken flower. Maricela Fernandez is the force of nature itself. She’s a fighter. Life couldn’t break her. I couldn’t either. He must be wrong.
“You have a lot of work to do,” he continues.
“I’ll talk to her.” I don’t recognize my own voice. Maddox’s words shake me because I hear what he’s saying, and I fear he’s right.
Lila’s insignificant video wouldn’t have broken someone like Maricela. If it did, I’ll ruin Lila more than I already have, business or not.
I step toward the door, just to be stopped again.
“No.” It’s Ronen this time. “Look, Killian. I like you and agree that you should talk to her, but right now, neither she nor you matter. You have two kids to think about. She came back for them.”
When I don’t say anything right away, he adds, “You’re mad at Raven, but you should be angry with me, too. I knew where she was, and even though you helped my sister, I didn’t say a word to you.” He pauses and takes a deep breath.
“And even though I’m not affiliated with the Mafia, I’ll pay the price you think I should pay. But you need to know that my loyalty belongs to Maricela first, last, and always.”
I don’t think this woman who came back here for these kids understands how much her three friends love her. We’ll do anything for her. Risk anything. And right now, the only one who will enter this room is me.”
Ronen is the oldest in this group that my little girl created for herself. Does she realize the trouble she has caused for everyone? I’m the capo now. I have no choice but to punish them. Punish each one of them, but especially her.
“Where are you going?”
Liam’s words have me turning toward Raven. Her eyes are shining. She doesn’t want to show her pain. Like always. For Raven, showing weakness isn’t an option. She’ll cry, but not where anyone can see.
“To the bathroom and to make coffee for Mari. I don’t think she’s slept since she got the news. I was told she didn’t sleep on the plane all the way from Ukraine.”
“Ukraine? Fucking Ukraine?”
The tone in my voice has everyone turning, including the medical staff passing by, who did their best to ignore the group standing in the middle of the hallway arguing.
“She’s a field photographer, usually in war zones. The only reason I know she came from Ukraine is because we met her at the airport, and we had to know her flight number to know when she would be arriving. Are you going to punish me for her career choice as well?”
No. For that, I will punish the woman herself.
“I wish I was brave, like Maricela. Brave enough to run away from this world of yours,” Raven says before continuing down the hallway for the bathroom, no doubt to cry.
I turn back to Julian and warn, “Get away from the door, or I’ll cripple you and ruin your career.”
“You can’t go in. Not now. Give her time. I don’t think she’s internalized that her sister was murdered.”
Julian doesn’t look scared by my words. The fucker.
My brother murdered Serena. If Maricela hadn’t had reasons to hate me before, she has one now.
“Mr. Fierro.”
A man in his forties wearing hospital scrubs approaches with hesitant steps. The look on his face says staff presented him with a task that could cost him his life.
I don’t say a word, waiting for my victim to come to me. If Franco taught me anything in this life, it’s the virtue of patience.
As expected, the man folds under the force of my gaze. “Sir, the police are looking for you.”
I knew this was coming. “I’m right here, aren’t I? Let them come.”
“Come here?”
I lift my hands, and he takes a step back. “For fuck’s sake, bring them here.”
From the corner of my eye, I notice Ronen is no longer here while the doctor nods. The fucker is with her, I presume. I know he wouldn’t have left.
Very well, Little Girl.
Very fucking well.
“Mr. Fierro.” Roger, a dirty cop in his forties with a balding head and beady eyes, stops near me. I nod once, letting him proceed with his show. “I’m sorry about the loss of your family members, but we have to ask you some questions.”
“You can do it here.” Roger’s eyebrows shoot up, and I say again, “You can do it here if it can’t wait. I’m not going to leave the kids unattended.” Or her.
“I’m sorry,” the same squeamish doctor says, “but we’re in a hospital, and this is the children’s ward.”
I thought he’d scurried away with his tail between his legs, but apparently not. I lift an eyebrow in response, just as Roger does. Liam tells me my eyebrows can tell a story, whatever that means. The doctor clears his throat before adding,
“We’d rather you did the questioning somewhere else. Especially in light of the circumstances in which Mrs. Serena passed away.”
Kai steps up and lays a hand on the doctor’s shoulder, who looks like he’s about to piss himself. “Is there an office where we can have the conversation?” Kai intervenes.
“Y–yes, of course. Follow me.”
I nod but don’t move before telling Julian, “If they run away, you’ll be held responsible.” I don’t get a reply, but I didn’t expect one.
The doctor directs us to a nearby room empty of patients, with my men following.
“Speak,” I demand, without preamble, the moment the door shuts behind us.
“Capo,” the nameless moron who came with Roger starts.
“I am not your capo here. I am a person you need to give answers to. Now, speak. How did you find out about Santino?”
“He called us,” the same moron says.
“Will you stop giving me bits and pieces of information? I’m in no mood to force it out of you.”
I’m not yelling anymore, but if the expressions on their faces are anything to go by, they know they’re in trouble. All of them.
“Roger, you are an educated man, aren’t you?”
I don’t think he is, but he nods regardless. “So please tell me what happened. How did you find out that my brother murdered his wife, and what did the moron do before he took the garbage he was out of the world?”
“Capo—”
My look causes him to cringe before he corrects himself and says loudly so that anyone outside the room listening can also hear.
“Mr. Fierro, I’m sorry to inform you of the death of your sister-in-law and brother. Your brother called the police yesterday and informed us that he has murdered his wife. When we arrived at the scene, your brother was also deceased. My sincerest condolences.”
“Rest in pieces, you crazy fuck,” Liam says to the void.
“We had no way to prevent it,” the nameless moron tries. I really need to hit something, but he’s right. It isn’t on them.
“I’ll be speaking with those who could have. In the meantime, you can go. And look sadder the next time you come in to announce someone’s death, even if it’s someone like Santino.” They walk out faster than necessary.
Liam scoffs. “As the well-known phrase goes, mate, we are surrounded by idiots.”
Liam proclaims that the longer he lives on earth, the more he sympathizes with the scarred lion of his favorite children’s movie.
The same movie Madd and he insisted Connie should watch because life is about love, betrayal and loyalty.
“You know you’re going to have to cut some heads off,” Maddox adds as an afterthought.
That’s not what’s important to me right now. Business won’t suffer because we lost someone like Santino. He was never really involved with the people, and besides, I could make an example out of what he did. Suicide to avoid punishment is out of the fucking question.
“What will you do with your children and woman?” Maddox asks.
My woman. Maricela Fernandez.
“Everyone still thinks you’re dating the red-haired bitch.”
Maddox hates Lila. She deliberately struck out at me, so he can’t see past that. Neither do I. Still, I’ve kept her by my side for several reasons. Maricela was one of them.
“I didn’t wait four years for her to return to me,” I state as fact. “I looked for her to punish her for running. Now I will.” Liam, Madd, and even Kai chuckle at the obvious lie.
“Yeah, sure,” Maddox argues.
“You might have fucked some whores during that time, but you haven’t moved on with your life. You left, fucker.”
Not comprehending where he’s going with that statement, I give him a look that lets him know I’m confused.
Maddox runs a hand over his bald head. “Fucker, she yelled at you to leave, ignored you, and you, Killian fucking Fierro, did what she asked of you.”
“It was always like that,” Liam puts in. “Since the moment she came to live in our world, he was obsessed with her. ‘No one touches her. You can humiliate her verbally, but not a single hair can fall out of her head, or you’ll die, fuckers.’ Those were his words, and I’m not paraphrasing.”
Liam tries to sound like me, lowering his voice and giving everyone in the room that same dead, emotional expression as I do. The crazy asshole. Liam shrugs.
“Lila didn’t listen to that warning, so she paid with poison ivy.”
Maddox laughs. “Poison ivy, you say?” Liam nods and then proceeds to tell him everything like an old gossip.
“She needs time.” Madd continues as if he knows my woman because he spent less than an hour with her.
“Maricela needs a lot of things. Time has never been one of them.”
I know with certainty she doesn’t need time. She had four years, and now she’ll have to pay for all she did with the only currency we both understand best: hate, lust, and games.
The queen left her king alone on the chessboard. Now she has to fulfill her fucking role and uphold her fucking promise. She promised to become mine.
We return to the corridor, where Julian still stands as a huge guard next to the door. Raven is nowhere to be seen, probably still off somewhere, crying her eyes out.
“Move,” I order, and he does.
I open the door, determined to get back what had been taken from me, what she took from me. She sits with Amado on her lap. He’s playing with her muddy coral hair, babbling to himself. It’s as if she isn’t mentally in the room. Her eyes are dazed, and her mouth is slightly open. Ronen holds her hand, but she doesn’t react to his touch.
“You need to tell him,” Ronen says quietly to Maricela, probably so as not to scare her away or wake up Connie.
“Need to tell me what?”
Then I see it. Maricela Fernandez cringes. What the hell is going on here? What is she so afraid of? Never in the whole time I have known her has she shown fear in any capacity.
“What do you have to tell me, Little Girl?” I ask again.
“I want the kids.”
You’ve done it now, Little Girl.
A foolish little girl who says whatever is on her mind gives me the power I need. She is so fucked.