Chapter Seven
Zephyr
After our talk, Cypress fell asleep.
I was wide awake again, even though the clock warned me that staying up any later would make it hard to function the next day.
I thought over everything he’d said. He came from a pack where reverse harems were the norm. Brothers and sisters had one mother but multiple fathers, and no one batted an eye.
His pack. His eyes turned soft as he spoke of them. Of his friend, Birch. Another tree name. He told the story of when they were small and made a pact to share a mate. A mate.
At that tender age.
We weren’t living according to what he grew up with.
Our relationship was what most women dreamed of. A man who lived for us. Loved us with their whole heart. Missed us. Showed us love, affection, safety, and care.
One man to love for the rest of our lives.
But one man and one woman was not the way, according to his old pack.
It jarred me and not because I shunned other ways of life. It shook me because the idea of having more than one mate didn’t sound all that bad to me.
Twice the love. Two fathers or more to parent alongside the mother. The more the merrier. Wasn’t that the adage?
I sighed and decided to give up on sleep for a few minutes. Cypress was dead to the world, so I went downstairs and curled up in my robe, turning the TV on. It would’ve been fine to watch in the bedroom, but I needed some physical space from the man I loved to process all of what he’d told me.
And another thing; why hadn’t he told me this in the beginning? Accepting it and maybe searching for Birch would’ve been easier when we were starting out.
Would I have gone for it back then? Would we have found Birch and now had a whole different life because of our choice to have a polyamorous relationship?
Even if I wasn’t willing to be a part of having a reverse harem, he should’ve told me.
It all felt surreal. We had a discussion based on the fact that I saw an ad for a reverse harem, and now, here I was, by myself, watching old movies.
How selfish was I? I had a good marriage. A loving, committed sexy man as my husband, and now that he’d opened the door to having more than one of him, or someone like him but different, I was having a hard time closing the door on thoughts of what-if.
Cypress spoke of Birch in a way that moved me. He missed his friend. He hadn’t found him in the past, but would he try again and succeed?
Because finding Birch would mean their old promise would be brought up.
I watched the well-dressed woman on the TV sing about something silly while dancing, and leaned back, sighing.
I could help him search. But why would I? Would finding his friend give Cypress the idea that I wanted to be in a poly relationship?
The bigger question was…why wasn’t I pushing this notion easily from my mind?
I wondered what it would be like, having two men love me at the same time. In my bed. In our bed. Sharing our life with us.
Fuck! I had no business even thinking about it.
I could get on the app and see if… Did I dare? Get on the app and find another man to be in our relationship? That was what Cypress envisioned our life to be. Even if it wasn’t Birch?
Goddess, my head hurt with all the unanswerable questions.
I gave up after a few hours, no less frustrated or confused. Slipping into bed, I longed to hold my husband and let his warmth make all of this go away. Doubt and uncertainty had been planted in my head, creating a gap between us that felt like a gorge.
Hugging my pillow, I set the alarm for the next day and it generously reminded me that it was only four hours away.
Perfect, I’d be a peach tomorrow. And on top of that, I had a lot to think about.
My partner had withheld some big information.
Information that might’ve changed the course of our entire life.
And now, I couldn’t help but think there was a part of him that was unsatisfied with things as they were.
As I forced my eyes closed, tears of frustration pushed out. Now that all of this was out in the open, there was no way I could forget about it.