Legacy
LEGACY
Standing in front of my massive floor-to-ceiling mirror in my bedroom, I scanned the reflection of my 6'3" frame from head to toe. The mirror was so large that I didn't have to bend down to see every detail of my appearance. I ran the brush over my waves, smoothing them out until they gleamed in the soft light of the room.
I reached for the belt that held the gun I carried for security work. As I secured it around my waist, my eyes scanned the intricate tattoos that adorned my face, neck, and arms. Each one told a story, a piece of my history etched into my umber skin.
Dressed in my all-black security uniform, complete with a bulletproof vest, accomplishment washed over me. I had done it. After all of the years I had struggled with sobriety while losing everything, I was back at home, clean with a thriving business while my kids watched movies in the living room. This was something that had been a dream for so long that it felt unreal that it was now my reality.
As I met my gaze in the mirror, my eyes focused on the tattoo on my cheek. It was a name written in cursive between a pair of lips: Bless … She had kissed a piece of paper so that the artist could trace her exact lip imprint.
Staring at it, my stomach churned. I had always wished that whenever I returned to Chicago that I would be coming home to her. But my therapist had helped me find the appreciation in achieving most of my goals.
As I turned away from the mirror and left out of my bedroom, I reminded myself that getting Bless back couldn’t have been a goal if that desire only existed in my imagination. I had never expressed needing and wanting her back because embarrassment and animosity kept me silent.
Once I exited my bedroom, the intercom’s shrill tone cut through the quiet of the hallway. I made my way down the hall, passing the living room where Eden and Zara were engrossed in their phones. They had asked to watch a movie, but they were more interested in watching other kids on YouTube do what they should have been doing, which was playing .
I glanced over at Riley, who had fallen asleep on the couch, her small form curled up between two large pillows. Her chubby cheeks and the way that her curly hair fell into her face softened my heart. Eden looked a lot like me. Zara was my twin. But Riley had some of Bless’ features like her curly hair and brown skin. Other than that, I assumed she had a mixture of both of us and our ancestry.
When I reached the front door, I pushed the bell that opened the security door downstairs. I knew it was Joy, my sitter for the evening, so I unlocked the front door.
As I waited for her to enter, I went back to the living room.
“Eden and Zara, I’m about to go to work,” I announced.
“You’re leaving?” Zara asked, pouting.
“He’s always leaving, isn’t he?” Eden mumbled.
My head tilted to the side as my scowling glare locked on Eden, who at least had sense enough to avoid my stare by refocusing his attention on his phone.
“Don’t get fucked up, lil’ nigga.” I blamed my mother for the audacity that Eden had to openly disrespect me, but I wasn’t about to walk on eggshells around his little ass.
“I’m just saying, you’re always leaving us,” he whined.
I took a long calming breath, trying to smother my anger. On one hand, Eden was right. I was always leaving them. However, it had been for a valid reason that his immature, eleven-year-old mind couldn’t comprehend.
I had to remind myself of that to keep from hemming him up.
“Well, I’m leaving now because I have to go to work and I’ll be back before you wake up in the morning.”
Eden stubbornly kept his eyes locked on his phone.
“I may have been gone for a long time before, but you stuck with me now. And I’mma be in your face fixing that attitude so much that you gon’ wish I would leave your little ass again.”
Joy opening the door stopped my reprimand. Zara and Eden looked towards the door curiously. Eden relaxed when he saw Joy, and Zara grinned from ear to ear.
“ Heeeey, y’all!” Joy exclaimed, excited as she playfully swayed toward the kids.
They hopped up from the couch, meeting her in the center of the living room floor. I felt a pang of jealousy watching Eden embrace her presence with happiness and open arms.
Joy looked up from hugging the kids, meeting my gaze with a grin. “Hey, cousin.”
“What’s up?”
“Welcome home.”
“Thank you.”
Joy was my little cousin on my father’s side. She was a junior in high school who jumped at the offer to babysit for considerable compensation whenever I had work while I had my kids.
“Y’all ready to have some fun?!” Joy asked the kids. “We’re gonna stay up late, watch movies, play video games, and I’m going to order some pizzas!”
Eden and Zara’s eyes ballooned with excitement.
“But we already had dinner,” Zara snitched, causing Eden’s eyes to narrow towards her with reprimand.
Joy waved nonchalantly. “So. I know you still have room for some pizza.”
“Well, Eden can’t have shit because he has a smart mouth. So, he’s going to bed in an hour.”
Eden threw a fit, pouting and stomping toward the couch where he flung his body down, folding his arms tight across his chest with his cheeks filled with pissed-off air.
“And if you keep acting a fool, I’ll send you to your room right now. Try me.”
Although he unfolded his arms, he continued to pout.
Frustrated, I pulled my threatening glare off of him and gave Joy a warning expression. “And I got cameras all around this motherfucka, so I’ll know if you really make him go to bed or not.”
“ Okaaay ,” Joy drawled, rolling her eyes playfully.
I nodded once in appreciation before giving Zara and Eden my attention. “Y’all be good and listen to Joy.”
“Okay, Daddy,” Zara agreed while returning to the couch.
Eden murmured a disgruntle, “Yes, sir.”
Joy gave me a sympathetic look as I walked towards the front door. Following me down the hall, she assured me, “Things will get better now that you’re back home.”
Unfortunately, my mother and Eden were so verbal with their hate for me that much of the family knew my business.
“Things need to get better real quick before I end up killing his ass.”
Joy giggled as we arrived at the front door.
“Thanks again for watching them. I’m securing a private party that’s supposed to be over at two in the morning, so I’ll be home soon afterwards. But feel free to make yourself comfortable in the guest room.”
“Cool.”
I walked out, allowing Joy to lock up. The lukewarm May weather was a relief. Back in Houston, it was most likely in the nineties even at night. As I walked to my ride, I took a deep breath, feeling accomplishment wash over me once again. But though I had finally returned to Chicago, I still had constant reminders of my mistakes. I was back home, but I had yet to even see my mother’s face. My son despised me. Bless could hardly look at me.
It was painfully obvious that I had a long road ahead before I would fully redeem myself and fix what I had broken.