Bless
BLESS
I sighed with relief as I shut down my computer. It was time for lunch, but regret creeped in. I wasn't ready to face the world outside my cubicle. The chaos of Monday morning had been a good distraction from my worries and stress. I collected my purse and keys from the drawer, trying to push away the thoughts that had been haunting me all weekend.
Monique’s face was lit up with excitement as she leaned against the wall that separated our cubicles. "Rajon just sent me a message. He's outside. He surprised me for lunch!" she exclaimed, practically bouncing on her feet.
I hoped that my forced smile looked genuine. "That's so nice."
"You sure you're okay with that? We can still grab lunch together if you want," she offered. “He won’t care if you come with us.”
I waved a dismissive hand. “Girl, no. We eat lunch together practically every day. Have fun with your boo.”
I preferred to be alone anyway. I was still deep in my feelings about seeing Legacy with that chick. The image of them together had been playing on a loop in my mind, and it was driving me crazy. All weekend, I had been a mess. I hadn't spoken to Legacy at all. Instead, he had been calling the kids directly on their cell phones. Every time I heard their voices chatting with him, it stung a little more. I knew it was petty, but I couldn't help it.
I took a deep breath, trying to steady myself as I left my cubicle and followed Monique out of the call center. She was bubbling over with excitement. “I’m so glad you get to meet my new boo. I’m really starting to like him, girl.”
I nodded absently, lost in my own thoughts. For years, I’d known I wasn’t over Legacy, but now it felt like I would never move on while he was easily doing so. The image of him with that woman was stinging my heart every time it resurfaced. But every time I thought about confessing my feelings to him, I was reminded that I had more to confess than simply my love for him. The mere thought of it kept me and my feelings behind the wall that I’d built between me and Legacy.
Once we exited the building, Monique approached a car, and her cheerful voice broke through my trance. "Rajon, this is my work bestie, . , this is Rajon."
I blinked, snapping back to reality, but I thought I was dreaming when I saw JayShawn. I stepped back, my heart pounding in my chest as I realized it really was him.
"JayShawn?!" I shrieked. Anger and confusion exploded, causing my chest to heave up and down uncontrollably.
Monique laughed, clearly oblivious. "No, , I said his name is Rajon ."
My anger flared. "No, his name is JayShawn , and he is my sister's fiancé!"
Monique's smile faltered, confusion spreading across her face. JayShawn kept a stoic expression. He remained completely cool and silent.
Monique turned to JayShawn, her eyes wide with disbelief. His nonchalant demeanor infuriated me.
“Say something, nigga!” I spat, gaining the attention of other coworkers that were going to lunch as well.
He looked at Monique with an impassive expression. "Are we going to lunch or not?"
“No, you’re not going to lunch with her!" I exploded. "You're engaged to my sister!" I lunged towards him, ready to claw at him through the driver’s side window, but Monique held me back.
“Let me go!” I snapped, tearing out of her grasp. “I’m fucking this nigga up!” I began to recall everything she had said about him, the time they’d spent together, how much they liked each other, and the phenomenal dick.
I lunged towards the car again, but Monique stood in my way. “Are you sure–"
“Girl!” I shrieked. “That is my sister’s fiancé! Yes , I’m sure!”
She looked back towards JayShawn. His ability to remain calm was diabolical. His expression shifted from stoic to dismissive.
Monique desperately sought an explanation from him. But he shrugged nonchalantly, trying to downplay the situation. "Look, ," he said, his tone annoyingly mild and smooth. "You're blowing this way out of proportion. Monique and I are just getting to know each other. There's no need to make a big scene."
My voice rose with disbelief. “Blowing it out of proportion?! You're engaged to my sister! She’s stressing herself out trying to have a baby with you and you’re fucking someone else!"
Monique’s face twisted with confusion and hurt. "Is this true, JayShawn?"
It pissed me off that she had even asked him that. “Yes, it’s true!” I screamed.
JayShawn rolled his eyes, clearly annoyed. "Baby," he addressed Monique.
“ Baby ?!” I snapped.
But he kept speaking directly to Monique, “I’m going to leave before she causes a scene. I don’t want you to lose your job.”
“Tell her the truth!” I growled.
JayShawn looked at me with disgust and disappointment. “She and I are just friends. We just met. I can have friends. Chill out."
"Friends?" I snapped, feeling my blood beginning to boil. "Do you always fuck your friends and lie about your name?"
He shrugged again, deflecting with a smirk. "People use different names all the time. And yeah, I treat my friends well. Nothing wrong with that."
Monique stepped back, tears welling up in her eyes. "I can't believe this."
JayShawn waved his hand dismissively. "You're both being so dramatic. Monique, I enjoyed our time together, but if you’re going to freak out over something so small, maybe it's best we part ways."
I stared at him, utterly stunned by his narcissistic deflection.
"You need help, JayShawn," I said, my voice trembling with anger.
He shrugged one last time, shifting gears.
As he drove off, I turned to Monique who was clearly devastated. "I can’t believe this shit." My eyes blinked slowly and ballooned like a cartoon character as I started to pace the sidewalk. I took my phone from my purse, ready to Facetime my sister.
“So, he’s the guy that your sister has been going through in vitro with?”
“ Yes ,” I insisted. “I promise you I’m not lying. We were just all out together Friday night.”
I unlocked my phone and swiped to my photo album. Standing next to her, I flipped through Friday night’s pics and videos. She cringed when I got to the videos of Jayshawn and Sky lovingly dancing and intimately touching one another. She honed in on the carats on my sister’s ring finger, bringing tears to her eyes.
“Shit,” she cursed with a heavy breath staring into the abyss.
“At least you found out early on.” I was trying to soothe her while thinking of the turmoil that I was about to put my sister through.
With shaky fingers, I Facetimed Sky, praying that she would be in a space during her work day that she could answer.
“Hey, sissy.”
I rushed angrily, “Sky! Oh my God–"
“What’s wrong?” her worry interjected.
“Are you busy?” I could hardly catch my breath.
“I’m on my way into a meeting. What's up?”
“Jayshawn was just up at my job,” I spat, angrily pacing.
Her perfectly shaped brows curled deeply. “Why?”
“He was picking up Monique for lunch.”
Sky’s brow furrowed into worry lines.
“She’s been telling me about this new guy she’s been seeing for the last couple of weeks. He came to surprise her for lunch and introduced him to me. It was Jayshawn !”
She blinked rapidly. “Wait…”
“It was him,” I said, answering the disbelief in her eyes. “We talked to each other. The nigga tried to act like I was overreacting.”
Her eyes watered as her bottom lip began to quiver. “Are they fucking?”
“ Yes . Jayshawn pulled off. Motherfucka tried to act like we were the ones tripping. Do you want to talk to her?”
Her disbelief caused her to stammer. “I-I… I g-gotta go into this meeting. But, yes, I need to talk to her. It will have to be after work, though.”
“We can talk,” Monique finally spoke up.
“Thank you,” Sky replied with a shaky breath.
Hanging up, I took a deep breath, trying to calm down. I looked around, remembering where we were. “C’mon.” I took Monique by the hand and led her towards my car. “We’re going to get a drink.”
Monique and I had spent lunch and the rest of the work day comparing notes. I had gone through my photos, showing her images of Sky and JayShawn’s engagement party and other family outings. Because she and JayShawn hadn’t been dating that long, he only knew that she was a claims representative for an insurance company. He’d had no idea for which one. She hadn’t called her work bestie by name either. So, he hadn’t put it together that she worked with me. Though she and JayShawn had only been dating a little over a month, she was still devastated. He had been feeding her promises of a commitment and future that she had happily and eagerly believed.
Since I couldn’t be on my phone on the floor, I was forced to sneak and answer Sky’s barrage of questions via text message. We decided to all meet up at NaNa’s house after work so that Sky and Monique could talk face to face.
“We’ve never spent the night together, which I didn’t feel was strange since we had just met,” Monique explained, sitting on the couch in NaNa’s house.
I had allowed the kids to play outside while I sat in support of Monique and Sky.
“How many times have you two had sex?” Sky asked Monique.
“Every time we went out, which has been at least twice a week since we met.”
Sky winced as if that had hit her violently in the gut. She threw her weight back on the loveseat she was perched on. “Shit. The motherfucker told me he’s been doing overtime.”
Monique’s eyes darted questionably between me and Sky. “So, is his name Rajon or JayShawn?”
“I’ve seen his ID. His name is JayShawn,” Sky answered. “But hell, now, I’m wondering if that is even real.” Sky shook her head with disgust, staring at nothing in particular. “Where do you guys hook up at?”
“My place or his.”
Sky sat straight up. “His?! We live together! You’ve been in my house?!”
Monique’s body stiffened defensively. “It didn’t appear that anyone lived there with him. It’s a condo in the west loop. It’s not even furnished. He said that he had just moved to Chicago a few months ago.”
“Oh my God!” Sky rushed with devastation.
“This nigga…” I muttered through gritted teeth.
Sky scoffed. “So, there is no telling how many women he gives this script.”
“I told you that nigga wasn’t shit,” Pam slurred, appearing at the top of the stairs.
“Not right now, Pam!” Sky snapped. “I don’t need your shit right now!”
Pam shrugged drunkenly. “Shit, don’t be mad at me because I was right. Y’all gonna start listening to me one day. I told y’all I see things.”
“You don't see shit but the bottom of a liquor bottle and those demons you fighting,” Sky seethed.
Pam stumbled down the stairs, sliding down the last two. She caught herself on the railing. I shook my head shamefully. But luckily, I had already told Monique about my mother’s mental issues and alcoholism.
Gathering what composure she could, my mother managed to stand up, though she was swaying. She stared at Monique for so long that it felt awkward. Then she bursts into laughter so suddenly that we all jumped out of our skin.
“This is the bitch he’s cheating on you with?” she blurted out. “Nigga ain’t got a type, do he?”
I gasped. “Get out, Pam!”
“Niggas fuck anything!” she bellowed.
Suddenly, Monique burst into tears. I hurriedly scooted over, encasing her in my arms. “Girl, don’t listen to her.”
As Monique buried her face into my shoulder, I glared at Pam as she struggled to make it to the front door. Sky jumped to her feet, anger painting her face. She was obviously pissed at JayShawn, but that anger caused her to take my mother by the shoulders and push her towards the front door.
The door was opened so that we could see and hear the kids outside in front of the house. But Sky had nearly thrown Pam through the screen door. She had barely gotten it open before Pam stumbled through the doorway onto the porch.
“And don’t say shit to those kids! Keep walking!” Sky fussed at Pam.
“She’s just drunk,” I told Sky.
Sucking her teeth, Monique lifted her head. “I’m not taking what she said personally. I’m just hurt.” She discreetly peered at Sky. “I’m sorry. I know that he is your fiancé, but… I just… I…”
“I get it,” Sky forced through tight lips.
Monique broke down into uncontrollable sobs. “I-I… I’m sorry. I have to go.” She stood up before I could stop her.
“Monique,” I called out for her as she bolted towards the door, whimpering aloud.
“I’ll call you later,” she said as she tore out of the house.
As I stood to go after her, my sister collapsed into tears, sobbing into her hands with her elbows resting on her shaking knees. I rushed to her side and sat in front of her on the coffee table, pulling her into my embrace. I wanted to tell her it would be okay, to say something that would make her feel better. But I knew the excruciating pain of having your heart broken by the man you’ve given everything to. After five years, I still wasn’t okay, so there were no words I could offer her.