Chapter 9
CHAPTER NINE
Foster didn’t want to give Pen the wrong idea, and he wasn’t doing anything on purpose, but sitting here sharing a meal with her, talking about the future, had his feelings running high. This woman had been through hell, and he didn’t need to take her deeper into the abyss.
He sat back and picked up another fry. “How about after we eat, we go out for a short walk? The sunshine will do you some good.”
Pen nodded and blew out a breath. “Sure. I was thinking about going out to do something.”
“We could go to the beach. There’s an area that has benches, so you won’t have to walk too much. It’s not hot out today, so you’ll probably need a sweatshirt. We can swing by my place to pick one up.”
“Oh, you don’t have to.”
“The wind is blowing, and I don’t want you getting chilled.”
“What about you?”
“I’ll be fine.”
Pen picked up another fry and took a bite. Her eyes went a little unfocused as she chewed. Whatever she was thinking wasn’t any of his business. She had her own life to live and didn’t need him butting into her thoughts.
She picked up another fry then put it down. “I don’t think I can eat more.”
“I’m done with my burger. I’ll put your pizza in the refrigerator.”
“Thank you. You’re being so nice.”
“No, I’m being normal, well how normal should be. People should care about other people. And I know I say that from a weird place being in the military and all, but I believe it. I’m in the military not just to earn a paycheck, or because I had nothing else going on in my life, but because I care.”
Pen stood, blowing out a slow breath. She closed her eyes, not looking so good. He wanted to reach out and touch her shoulder, but he didn’t want to scare her.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I just, maybe I shouldn’t have eaten the pizza and fries.”
“Oh, yeah, that might have been a little hard on your stomach. How about we stop by the pharmacy to pick up something to calm your stomach?”
“Thank you. That would be smart.”
By the time they got to the beach, Pen was feeling better. They walked close to the water’s edge, staying far enough back the larger waves didn’t wash up onto the sand where they were.
Pen wrapped her arms around her body, hugging herself as she stared out at the waves. The urge to put his arm around her had to be fought. She didn’t need his shit. She was dealing with enough stuff on her own.
Seeing the ocean, the vast expanse that stretched out so far it was crazy, made her realize how small she was.
Then she thought about the sun and planets, and all the other suns and possible planets out there and she really felt small.
They were nothing but sand on a beach. Her life was just a blip here on Earth. Nothing, and yet everything to her.
“You good?” Foster asked.
She nodded, trying to pull back from disassociating. “Yeah, just thinking that we’re on this rock floating in space, at the mercy of comets and other space debris out there, and yet we keep doing things like hurting each other.”
He crossed his arms over his chest, his thumb on his lips as he looked deep in thought. It took him a moment to speak. “Yeah, it’s crazy. Again, I’m in the military and we contribute to some of the crazy.”
Panic swept through her. She’d seen enough to know that bad people would keep being bad unless there was someone to stop them. “But you can’t stop. There are too many bad people out there.”
“No, we can’t stop. But some people are just the worst. Then you find people who aren’t bad and it makes you think people are good. But soon enough you’re reminded that bad people are out there doing things to destroy everyone in their path.”
He was right. Before being abducted, she’d known there were bad people out in the world, but she hadn’t experienced it to the degree she lived through while in Kaya’s control. She’d seen things she never wanted to see.
“Do you think it will ever be peaceful again?”
He didn’t say anything for a moment, so she turned to look at him before turning back to the ocean. The waves were lapping up higher on the sand so they both took a step back.
Again, he had to force himself not to reach out and touch her. Pen was healing. Her life was confusing enough without him showing his desire to her. He wanted her to succeed, and for that to happen, she didn’t need to be wrapped up in something with him.
“For you, yes. I think you’ll find a good place for yourself, and you’ll have peace in your life. Overall, I have no idea. There will always be some idiot out there trying to cause problems.”
“Why do you think people do bad things?”
Their conversation was getting very deep. He didn’t mind deep, but he’d hoped this walk, coming to the beach, would be something fun they could do that would help her. Maybe he should try to lighten the mood, but anything he came up with sounded trite.
“I don’t know why people do the things they do. I’ve known people from the same family and one of them is a good person and the other ends up being a serial killer, or something else terrible. It makes no sense why some people in a family are great and others are total shit.”
Pen blew out a breath and turned to face him.
“Thank you for being kind. I don’t know why, but with you I feel safe.
That guy, the one who was going to take me to the hotel, there was something about him that made me feel fear.
Maybe he’s an okay person, but I felt something was off and I couldn’t be alone with him. ”
“I’ve met the guy, but I don’t know him.
I’m not going to do that bro shit where guys are like, ‘but he’s a good guy.
We play pool on Wednesdays.’ That shit is stupid.
I can vouch for the goodness of about two, maybe two hundred and fifty SEALs who I know personally, but everyone else, I don’t know them well enough to know they would never do something terrible. ”
She blinked slowly at him then shook her head. “Wow, that’s a lot of guys, but then not really.”
“There are some guys I went through training with who are total jerks. I would never allow them to be alone with you. I don’t have any proof, but I know how they talk about women and it’s not good.”
She hugged herself tighter and shook her head. “I lived it first-hand.”
“Come on, that bench over there opened up. Let’s go sit.”
Pen followed him over to the bench. Their talk was heavy, but she was enjoying chatting with him. This wasn’t what they probably should be talking about. He must be tired of hearing her whining.
“So what about you? What do you enjoy doing?”
Foster chuckled and her whole body seemed to warm. Maybe it was just the sun, but she didn’t think so. She needed to be careful and not get too invested in this man.
Her life was in upheaval. She had no secure footing.
Everything was a mess. Heck, she didn’t even know where she was going to live.
There was no way Foster was interested in her.
No guy would ever be interested in her if he knew what had happened.
She was broken, maybe beyond repair. Her life had been gone from the moment she’d been taken captive by those assholes.
Nothing would ever be good again, and she just needed to accept it.