Natalie #3
“I know, it’s scary when they fight. They do it often, but it always gets sorted.
” She tucks my hair behind my ear. Bull removes his jacket and places it over my shivering body like a blanket.
It’s warm and smells like a mix of ash and blood.
It brings back memories of the night of the accident. The night my life changed forever.
“So they always threaten each other with weapons and throw knives?” I shiver at the memory of how close the knife came to my ear. I dread to think what would have happened if Dante never stepped to the side. “And try to force others to take a life?”
Pea blinks rapidly. “What?”
“We weren't told any of that, darlin’. We were told by Julian that Dante killed Howard, they argued and you ran.” Of course he would make himself look like the good guy, that's what a narcissist does. Just like Pa. How was I so blind to all of Julian's bad habits before now?
“He missed some bits out.” I tell them everything, from Julian trying to make me slice Howard's throat, to Dante coming to my rescue.
“That ASSHOLE !” Pea jumps up with ease, picks up her flashlight that I see is glittery pink and starts running toward where another light shines. “ Julian I’M GOING TO KILL YOU .”
“No, no, no, no, no.” I try to stand. “No, I didn’t want more violence, not on my account. Stop her. Please.” I plead with Bull when my legs fail me once again. There’s no point in y’all falling out when I’m not even going to be here soon. He holds me close against his warmth.
“I’m not leaving you alone.” He shakes his head. I keep pleading with him for a few minutes when we get interrupted by a light shining over us.
“I’ve got her.” Dante says. “Go stop Pea. Tell her it’s Nat's orders. She’ll listen then.”
“I swear, that woman is going to be the death of me.” He mumbles, stands and is soon out of sight. Fuck, that guy has some speed on him.
“Do you want to go home?” Dante crouches beside me.
“If you tell me where you live I’ll take you back.
” Take me back home to die, yes please. The sooner the fucking better .
Is what I want to say, but instead I nod and allow him to help me to stand.
I go to take a step but am soon swept off my feet, literally, as Dante lifts me into his arms. I guess I can make myself feel some sort of comfort one last time.
An hour later and I am back in my home. Dante dropped me off at the door and left after I changed and handed him back Julian's clothes. He waited outside the door, and when I opened it back up he was sitting on the stairs with his head in his hands. A pained look etched into his gorgeous face. I wanted to comfort him but I couldn’t let him in. I just couldn’t .
Sliding the chain across the door in case Julian tries to come in, I put my phone on charge then make my way to my bedroom.
I grab the pills and storm into the living room.
I’m still pissed and while I’m alone without Julian to stop me.
I can tell him what I think. Checking my phone I see it has a little battery and I turn it on needing it for the next part of my plan.
A plan I made while sitting in the passenger seat of Dante's car.
A car I noticed had a booster seat and children's toys on the back seats.
Noticing the flickering green light on the camera I look straight into the lens. “Julian, I know you can hear me.” I chuckle darkly. My phone starts vibrating. I look at the name and smile. “I guess you're calling because you can see these.” I hold up the pills and shake the bag.
Ding.
Mr Stalker:
Yes
“Do you know what my next move is?” I sniff.
Mr Stalker:
Don’t you dare.
I laugh out loud, sounding like a right lunatic but I don’t give a fuck anymore.
“You have no fucking right to tell me what to do.” I say to the camera in the corner.
He didn’t even think about getting hidden ones like a good stalker would do, instead the bit of equipment sticks out like a sore fucking thumb.
I grab a bottle of wine from the cupboard.
“No-one gets to tell me what to do any more but me. You wanted me to be in control, well guess what. I’m in control now.
” I unscrew the cork and take a sip from the bottle.
Mr Stalker:
Put the pills down.
I’m so sorry, treasure.
“You can take your apology and shove it where the sun doesn’t fucking shine, Julian .
If that is even your real name.” I scoff, sit on the chair beside the table where my phone is and open the bag of mixed pills.
There's painkillers, anti-anxiety drugs and sleeping pills all mixed up together.
I've been saving them for years, wanting to make sure that the next time I do this I don't fail. I shake the cocktail of medication up to the camera again to taunt him some more. He is why I’m doing this.
Julian turned me back to the dark side with his actions.
Julian, Howard, Maand Pa. They can all go and fuck themselves or each other for all I care.
Well, all except Howard now he's dead.
Dead because of me.
I take six pills from the bag and shove them into my mouth before swallowing them down with a swig of the wine. They’re bitter, but the taste is better than living this life. The life where I feel disgusted. Where I feel filthy for the things that happened to me.
The amount of magazines I’ve read saying that it’s not my fault, but the fault of the predators is unreal. And yet, I still feel responsible.
I still feel their hands on my body.
Their breath against my skin.
The smell of their sweat dripping onto me.
Their cocks inside me.
I still hear the screams of my siblings. They echo round my head on repeat as their innocence gets ripped from them.
And it’s all my fault.
Mr Stalker:
Please don’t do this
“Now you’re begging.” I stand after taking some more pills. “I FUCKING BEGGED TOO!” I smack my chest. “I begged you to stop. I told you no. You tried to force me. Dante was right when he said you are just like Howard.”
Mr Stalker:
No