The talk
Nineteen
Grace
A fter getting washed up and throwing on some of Julian's clothes, I sit on the kitchen floor while waiting for the kettle to boil. I can’t believe what just happened, I can’t believe I’m about to do what I’m about to do. I just hope I make the right decision.
Whether you agree with me or not, I have to do this.
“What are you doing?” Julian asks with a bewildered look etched across his beautiful face as he looks down at me from where he stands.
God this man could easily have been a model, unfortunately with how the world is these days, he would have been judged for all his scars.
His gorgeous green eyes are full of confusion, his smile is prideful.
Like he is proud of me for what I just did to my abuser.
To my daughter's abuser. He has also changed from his bloody clothes, now in the attire he used to wear when he slept at mine - some jogging bottoms and a plain tee.
His slippers remind me of what old school grandfathers wear on the sitcoms I sometimes watch.
“I’m making tea.” I point to the cups I have out ready.
“We can see that.” Dante says, walking over and standing beside Julian. He’s wearing similar clothing to Julian and I smile. If it wasn’t for the difference in skin tone, these two really could be brothers.
And this, Grace, is why you have to tell them the decision you’ve made.
“But why are you on the floor?” Dante continues.
I shrug. “Comfortable.”
With heavy sighs, the other two join me, Dante stepping over me to sit on my left while Julian sits on my right, both have their backs on the breakfast bar opposite where I sit.
Their feet touch the cupboards on either side of me, while I can barely scrape the marble between them, even with my toes stretched out. “What’s wrong?” Julian questions.
“Nothing.” I shake my head quickly.
“Then what did you want to talk about?” He pulls my foot onto his lap and starts massaging, I moan slightly and close my eyes. “Grace?” Fuck, why does my heart race at him using my birth name.
“Us.” Dante goes to stand. “ All of us.” I stare at him and he sits back down. Both of them watch me while I think of how to put into words how I feel. Although I love them both. I have to put my focus elsewhere.
I gaze from one man to the next then back again. Fuck why is this so hard. “I can’t be with either of you.” I blurt out.
Dante
Well I wasn’t expecting that. I for sure thought that if she didn’t want to be with me then she would pick Julian.
I love her, but I know he can look after her in ways I can’t.
He can help with her dark side, he can allow her to embrace that side.
And although I’m elated she got her vengeance against Pa, seeing her like that almost broke me.
I’m used to seeing Julian psychotic, I grew up with his craziness.
However, I’ve never seen Grace like that and it scared me so much.
I’m used to the fun side, the side where we dance around hotel rooms and cuddling up on the beach watching the sunset.
Not watching her commit murder.
And watching her take that bastard’s life made me realise how much she needs Julian.
She doesn’t need me.
Yet, I still wanted her to choose me.
“I’m not saying that I don’t love you both,” she continues, keeping her full attention on us, ensuring we’re listening, “because I do, and that’s why this decision is so fucking hard to make.
” She sighs then clears her throat. “I have to focus on my daughter. I have to make sure she is okay first.” She starts to pick at the skin around her nails.
Why is she nervous to tell us this, does she think we won’t understand?
“Of course.” I nod, I see her visibly relax. Julian looks lost in thought. I hope he doesn’t judge her for her decision. She turns to look at him, his fingers move from the bottom of her foot to her ankle and calf, grounding himself by touching her. Just as I used to do . “Ju-”
“Then what?” Julian quips before I finish calling him.
“Then, I,” she closes her eyes and is silent for a few moments. “New year.” She says randomly, her remarkable blue eyes opening slowly to take in our expressions.
“Huh?” Julian and I say together.
“I have to concentrate on Anya and Gustin. I have to heal myself too. I know I won’t be one hundred percent by new years and neither will they. But I’ll make my decision then.”
“Decision about what?” Julian asks out loud my thoughts.
“Decision on who I want to be with. That’s if you still want to be with me too by then.
And yes, I know it’s selfish on my part to ask you both to wait for me.
But it’s so fucking hard.” She doesn’t hold back her tears now.
“I shouldn’t ask, and if you want to tell me where to shove my question I understand.
” She furiously starts wiping at her face with the back of her hands.
“Fuck, I shouldn’t have said that. God, what’s wrong with me?
” Her fingers curl into her hair and she starts tugging slightly.
I lean forward and take her hands in mine.
“Why?” Julian asks.
“Why what?” She sniffs.
“Why would you have to choose?”
“What?” I cough.
Grace
“I mean,” he exhales. “Why should she have to choose? Na - I mean, Grace. You focus on your child. That is the right thing to do. I know I won’t stop doing whatever you need me to do to help you heal, and if I know Dante, neither will he.
We will help you all. Our job is to help those who need it. ” He chuckles.
His job is technically killing people he has been hired to kill, but I guess if he calls that helping people then I’ll let him believe that.
“That’s right. Where exactly are you going with this?” Dante raises an eyebrow, my fingers still twisted with his, as he looks toward his best friend.
Julian leans forward and takes my face in his large, warm hands. I relax into them. My skin heats with both of them touching me.
I just wish they would touch me elsewhere.
WHAT THE FUCK! Where did that thought come from? I blink a few times to help concentrate on what Julian is saying.
“Don’t force yourself to choose. Let yourself naturally gravitate to whomever you feel more love for. I know you say you love us both, but you must feel more love for one of us.” I shake my head. “Do you love us equally?” I nod. “Okay, how about you choose us both?”
I swear my eyes go the size of UFO's. I open them that wide. Did Julian just say both? BOTH ? Dante's jaw almost hits the floor.
“What?”
Both? Both of these ruggedly stunning men could be mine?
Geez, get a fucking grip, Grace. It’s never going to happen.
“I think you heard me.” Julian chuckles. “Why choose? I mean, we all love each other. Granted I love him more like a brother than in a romantic sense.”
But, maybe it could? It would be great not having to choose between them.
“Thank you for clarifying that.” Dante exhales.
After chuckling, Julian continues. “I think it could work. You can be with me when you’re feeling murderous and with Dante when you’re calm.”
“Julian.” I take one of his hands from my face and stroke his knuckles with my thumb, doing the same with Dante.
“No.” I shake my head. “After killing ma, which by the way I’ll be taking Bull with me to do.
I won’t be needing to kill anymore.” I look across to Dante, who has yet to put his two cents in. “What’s your thoughts?”
“I dunno.” He moves his head side to side slowly. “Julian, you can get insane when your jealousy kicks in, look at the first day we brought Grace back here.”
I let my back hit the cupboards again. He has a point, and yet I’m grateful he didn’t agree, not yet anyway. I could easily drag them both to the bedroom and have my way with them. However, disappointment flashes across my emotions.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
“Okay, so new years it is then.” Julian pouts. Probably feeling just as dejected as me.
“Yeah,” I lean forward again, tugging at their hands so they join me in the middle of our little triangle. “But promise me, you won't let my decision affect your friendship.” If choosing one of them results in their friendship ending I will walk away. I will walk away from them both.
“I promise.” They say in unison. No deception sparks in either of their faces. I’m glad they won’t break their friendship for someone like me.
Julian
Why do we have to wait? Why can’t she just make her decision now.
I slide my hand from hers and pull my knees up to my chest, trying to stay relaxed.
I picture her in her mask, covered in her foster dads blood splatter - God that sight will forever stay with me.
I was so glad I was wearing my mask the whole time she was fucking him up, because I know all my smiling would’ve probably creeped her out, that’s if my hard cock uncomfortably pressing against my jeans already didn’t.
Luckily I don’t think she noticed, too busy on her torture spree with Pa.
Dante did though, he notices everything.
Fuck, if only I stayed calm and didn’t fuck everything up with Howard she would have picked me.
Hell, I would’ve gladly accepted her choosing us both, if it means I only get to have half of her that's better than none of her. But I don’t deserve all of her.
I can’t bring her down with me. No, she can’t choose me.
She just can’t . I will infect her with my fucked up life and bring her down even more.
I vow to keep her happy, whether she’s mine or not.
She will never feel alone or unloved again.
I’ll make sure of it.