Chapter Forty-Three
TOREN
I was already up and out of my seat when Kellan attacked Xaden.
I’m halfway to the Raven’s bench when a scream lodges in my throat at the sight of Xaden attacking my brother.
All hell breaks loose when every member of the team jumps into the brawl.
Guys who were sitting on the bench leap over the rail onto the ice to back their team in the fight.
I dart forward and pound my fist against the glass, screaming for them to stop.
It's a frenzy out there. The crowd is split.
Half of them are screaming for the idiots to stop fighting and play, while the other half is egging them on and demanding they draw blood.
Both coaches are on the ice, trying to get their teams under control.
Even the ref is in amongst the chaos, trying to defuse the situation.
Harper slams to a stop beside me, shouting something but I hear nothing over the roaring of my pulse.
I watch Xaden and Masen trade blow for blow, both their faces are bloodied and bruised.
Cas is facing off against Darren and Kellan, who’s now back on the ice, looking to get in on the action.
When my brother screams in pain, a sob bubbles out of me. Xaden doesn’t stop hitting him. I cry as I watch him beat my brother. Masen isn’t even fighting back now.
“Xaden stop! You’ll kill him,” I scream. He doesn’t hear me. I look around to find the gate open to the ice. Without thinking, I run to it and hit the ice. My feet slip and I windmill my arms to try to balance myself.
“Toren!” Harper screams from behind me as I slide my feet along the ice to get to my brother.
“Get back here now, you fool,” I hear my dad shout but I don’t stop.
I flinch when a few players tumble along the ice toward me and pivot out of their way as best as I can.
When I see Masen’s head loll to the side, his eyes are closed and I can tell he’s unconscious.
Xaden lifts his arm ready to hit him again.
I push my legs as fast as they will move along the ice.
I lose my footing and land on my knees, the momentum has me sliding across the ice toward them.
I crash into Xaden’s side with a grunt. He snaps his head to the side but looks right through me.
He’s surrendered to his rage, it’s wrapped him in his clutches and taken control.
He isn’t seeing me right now, all he sees is the enemy.
He switches from wanting to punch my brother to wrapping his hand around my throat.
I gasp in shock, my eyes widening in fear.
Those gray eyes burn with bloodlust. I grip his forearm in my hands and try to pry him off me, but he’s too strong.
“Fucking Kellars,” he screams in my face.
I gasp for air and dig my nails into his arm, trying to pry him off me.
His rage is clear in those eyes but I also see the torment.
I see his loathing, his regret and above all else I see his pain.
Cas appears as I begin to see black spots dancing in the corner of my eyes.
Arms wrap around me from behind as they try to pull me free, but Xaden doesn’t let go.
“X, you need to stop, man,” Cas snaps at his friend but Xaden doesn’t hear him.
All he wants is to make true on his promise, he wants my death.
“Xaden, let her fucking go!” Cas roars. I feel sluggish, I’m losing feeling in all my limbs and my vision begins to swim as I slowly start to fade away into nothing.
I release my hold on his arm and close my eyes.
I surrender to the gift of nothingness he is offering me.
To escape this world of hatred and pain is a prize. I’m not a coward, I’m a realist.
There is nothing for me here.
Just as I feel myself slipping away, the grip on my throat disappears. I slump backward into the person holding me and gasp for air. I cough and splutter as I open my eyes to see Xaden being pulled back by Cas, Brady and two others from his team.
I stare at him through the tears rolling down my cheeks.
He’s the definition of evil. He radiates darkness like a super power, he doesn’t hide from it.
He embraces the call of death and embodies it like it's his armor. He’s the devil in the flesh, yet I’m a moth to his flame, sucked into his orbit, unable to stay away from the misery and pain he offers me daily.
I cling to it because it's what I deserve.
“Toren?” At the sound of my name I turn and look over my shoulder to see it’s Kellan who’s holding me.
He rubs his hand up and down my back. Shouts and screams for all the players to get the fuck off the ice sound out around us.
“Are you okay?” he asks me. I continue coughing and rubbing my throat.
I feel like sandpaper has been dragged through my esophagus, all I can manage is a weak nod.
I look over in time to see two medics drop down beside my brother, then my father appears by him.
He shoots me a scornful look before turning to Kellan.
“Get her off the ice. The game is canceled thanks to that fucking animal,” he spits.
Kellan helps me to my feet but my knees give out.
He lifts me in his arms bridal style and looks down at me with a sorrowful look.
My dad didn’t appear concerned for my wellbeing or even ask me if I was okay.
A year ago I would have given a kidney to be in his arms like this, but now, it just feels wrong.
His chest isn’t firm enough, his arms don’t grip me tight enough, my stomach doesn’t swoop and no heat pulses through me just from him being near.
Kellan skates across the ice and carries me through the crowd toward the locker rooms.
When we enter, a hush falls over the team at the sight of me.
Kellan ignores their stares as he places me down on the bench seat, then drops to a knee in front of me.
The concern in his eyes is sweet but it isn’t needed.
He tentatively reaches out and traces a finger down my bruised cheek, making me wince.
“He do that?” he asks quietly.
I reel back in surprise and shake my head.
“N-” I close my mouth and try to clear my throat, Kellan grabs a water bottle from somewhere and hands it to me.
I take a small sip and cough. I try again and this time I manage to swallow some of it without coughing, but the pain is fucking there reminding me of him.
“No. Not in that way at least.” My voice is brittle and lined with pain.
Kellan purses his lips and nods, but the crestfallen look on his face is like a punch to the gut.
I reach out and cup his cheek, forcing his gaze back to mine.
He looks utterly wrecked and a part of me knows that I’m to blame for that look.
I told him and showed him on multiple occasions that I had feelings for him and he never once told me how he felt.
One night we kissed and then he acted like it never happened, which hurt.
Xaden may be an asshole and heavy handed, but he’s never hidden what he wants or shied away from showing anyone that I’m his.
Am I his?
I push that thought from my mind as I focus back on Kellan. “Come back with me,” he pleads.
My face contorts, regret churns inside me but I can’t lie to him. “It’s too late,” I whisper.
He places his hand over the one I have pressed against his cheek holding it there. “Don’t say that. He isn’t who you think he is.” I’m so tired of everyone telling me what to fucking think about Xaden. He’s been honest about who he is from the start. “He can never give you the life you deserve.”
“I’m the one who gets to decide what type of life I want to live.
Not you. Not my brother and certainly not my father.
” My tone is firm and husky from Xaden bruising my windpipe.
“I begged you.” Kellan winces but I push on.
“I waited for you to see me, to choose me, but you never did. You wanted me to be your dirty little secret—”
“You weren’t a secret!” he defends. “He’s been filling your head with shit and turning you against us.”
I pull my hand back and harden my features. “He hasn’t done anything aside from showing me the truth,” I hiss.
Kellan scoffs in disgust. “He told you what you wanted to hear so he could get in your pants, Toren. I thought you were smarter than that.” The snickers of his team mates only serve to piss me off more.
“Fuck you,” I snap and push to my feet, glaring down at Kellan.
Being the smug bastard he is, he stands so he can tower over me and make me feel meek and small.
He looks down his nose at me with contempt.
I see the truth loud and clear, Kellan never felt the same way I did.
He only led me on in case he needed a backup plan one day.
My last name would have opened so many doors for him.
“If you’re offering, I won’t say no,” he says in an arrogant tone that makes his friends laugh and cheer for their assistant captain.
“Touch her and I’ll tear your fucking face off.
” I snap my head to the door to see Cas standing there seething.
It’s so strange to feel relieved at the sight of him.
I know he’s angry with me and I get it, but the fact he still came to find me means everything to me.
I spot Harper standing behind him. I move away from Kellan.
He tries to reach for me but Cas steps forward and pins him with a look.
“Give me a fucking reason to slaughter you right here in front of your team,” he says in a deathly calm tone.
Kellan vibrates with fury but says nothing.
I slip past Cas and rush to Harper, who wraps me in a hug.
“Are you okay?” She asks when I pull back.
“Yeah, I’ll live.”
“You don’t sound happy about that?” she hedges. I don’t respond as Cas comes to stand beside us.
“Let’s go,” he says, then stalks off. I run to catch up with him and grab his hand, pulling him to a stop. He tugs his hand free and scowls at me.
“Where are you taking me?” I ask.
“Home.”
I shake my head. “I’m not going back to Xaden’s—”
“I never said we were staying there. We need to change. Move your ass, Terror, or I’ll drag you out of here, but either way, you’re coming with me.”