Chapter 5
Kai
Imake it through exactly one shot before escaping.
The team is still gathered around the bar when I slip away. Dante is trying to convince three different people to sing karaoke. One of the assistant coaches has already started regretting every life choice that led him to this hotel. The whole room feels warm and loud and alive.
I should probably stay. That's what normal people do after a win. Instead, I find myself riding the elevator alone. The second the doors close, everything Ash said comes rushing back.
Power play.
Punishment.
Pain and pleasure.
I stare at my reflection in the mirrored wall of the elevator. My face is still warm. Maybe from the alcohol. Maybe from Ash possibly flirting with me. Who could tell?
The problem is that I can't stop thinking about the way he said it. Ash hadn't sounded embarrassed.
Or hesitant. Or apologetic. He'd spoken about those things with complete certainty, like they were just another part of who he was.
The confidence was hot. I can't deny that. Most people spend their lives trying to hide parts of themselves. Ash practically introduces himself with them.
The elevator dings. I walk down the hallway toward my room. The carpet muffles my footsteps. Most of the team is still downstairs celebrating. I let myself into my room and immediately drop onto the edge of the bed.
The silence feels strange after the noise downstairs. For a few minutes, I just sit there.
Then my brain betrays me.
Punishment.
Of all the things Ash mentioned, that's the word that refuses to leave. I don't know much about kink.
Actually, I know almost nothing, but the word keeps circling my thoughts.
Pain.
The concept settles somewhere dangerous inside me, because if there is one thing I understand, it's punishment.
I understand consequences.
I understand guilt.
I understand the desire to suffer for something you've done.
A cold knot forms in my stomach. I think about the balcony.
The pen.
The relief.
My jaw tightens.
No. That isn't what Ash meant. Probably.
Still, the thought lingers. Would it quiet things? Would it make the noise stop for a little while? Would it make me feel something besides guilt? I lean back against the headboard.
The room suddenly feels too small.
I grab my phone. Then set it down. Then pick it up again. Like that's somehow going to help. My mind keeps returning to the bar. To the way Ash looked at me. The way his voice dropped lower when he was explaining things. To the moment he caught my arm before I left.
If you're interested... I'm willing to show you what I meant.
“Shit.”
A sane person would ignore that.
A sane person would go to sleep.
A sane person wouldn't be sitting alone in a hotel room wondering what it would feel like to have Ash Grant's full attention.
Unfortunately, sanity and I have not been particularly close for the last two years.
I stand.
Sit back down.
Stand again.
This is ridiculous!
I am twenty-five years old. A professional athlete. And somehow, I've worked myself into a panic because a handsome man flirted with me. The realization is embarrassing enough to make me laugh. Short. Disbelieving.
Then I walk to the door. Because apparently my body has decided we're doing this. The hallway is empty.
I tell myself I can always turn around. Or I can knock and leave if he answers.
I tell myself a lot of things. Somehow, none of them result in me going back to my room.
Ash's room is three doors down. Not that I've memorized where he's staying. I just happen to know. For completely normal reasons.
The hallway suddenly feels very long.
What if I completely misunderstood?
What if he was joking?
What if—
The sound of voices reaches me from the elevator.
Several players are returning from downstairs. Instinctively, I step back toward my own door. Then I freeze because Ash is one of them.
He's laughing at something Dante says. The sound catches me off guard. I've heard him laugh before. Just not like that. Relaxed.
The group moves down the hallway. One by one they disappear into their rooms. Eventually Ash reaches his own door. For a second, he glances down the hallway. Our eyes meet.
The distance between us isn't large. Maybe twenty feet. Less. Something shifts in his expression. Recognition. Like he already knows why I'm standing here.
The thought sends heat rushing into my face.
“Night, Hayes.” Ash disappears into his room.
The door closes. I stand there for another minute or so. Long enough to become genuinely annoyed with myself. Then I walk forward and knock. The door opens and every coherent thought leaves my body.
Ash is shirtless, revealing his tattooed sleeves I've almost committed to memory now.
His long black hair has been pulled loose from whatever tie he wore during the game.
It falls around his shoulders in slightly messy waves.
A pair of gray sweatpants hangs low on his hips like he put them on purely to spite me.
The man looks unfair. Completely unfair.
His gaze lands on me. Then a slow smile appears.
“Kai.”
The sound of my first name in his voice nearly short-circuits my brain. Nobody on the team calls me that. Not anymore. Most people stick to Hayes. Somehow hearing Kai feels strangely intimate.
“Hi.”
Brilliant. An excellent start.
Ash leans one shoulder against the doorframe. The smile never leaves. “Hi.”
For a moment, neither of us speaks.
I become intensely aware of my own heartbeat.
Of the hallway.
Of the fact that I came here entirely of my own free will.
Ash waits.
Patient.
Like he already knows I'll eventually say what I came to say.
The realization somehow makes me even more nervous.
Finally, I clear my throat. “You said...um.”
Very articulate.
Ash's smile grows. “I say a lot of things.”
I glare at him. The expression only seems to amuse him. At least he's smiling. That's something.
I take a breath. And finally force the words out. “You said you'd show me what you meant.”
The hallway falls quiet. Ash studies me for a second. Then he nods once, the teasing disappears from his expression. In its place comes something calmer.
“Yeah.”
My pulse immediately speeds up.
Ash steps backward. The movement creates space between him and the doorway. An invitation. “If that's what you want.”
The answer should be simple. For some reason it feels enormous. Still.
I find myself nodding. “Okay.”
Ash's eyes soften slightly. Then he moves aside completely. “Come in, Kai.”
The second I step into Ash's room, I regret wearing a pullover.
And jeans.
And, honestly, existing.
The door closes behind me with a soft click that somehow sounds much louder than it should.
Ash's room looks exactly like every other hotel room on the floor. Same furniture. Same artwork. Same generic hotel carpeting. The difference is Ash.
The smile tugging at the corner of his mouth tells me he knows exactly what I'm thinking. My pulse speeds up.
I should leave. Instead, I stay exactly where I am. Ash studies me for a moment... attentively.
Like he's trying to figure me out. The attention makes me feel strangely exposed. As though I've walked into the room and somehow become the most interesting thing in it.
“Kai.”
My name sounds different in his voice.
Warmer.
More personal.
I clear my throat. “Yes?”
His gaze lingers. Then he nods toward the bed. “Sit.”
Simple.
Direct.
No room for confusion.
I can do that.
For some reason, I obey immediately. The mattress dips beneath my weight. Ash's smile grows, pleased.
The realization sends heat flooding into my face.
“Good.”
One word. That's all it takes.
Ash crosses the room. Every instinct tells me to look away. I don't. He stops directly in front of me.
Close enough that I can smell his soap. Close enough that my pulse starts behaving irresponsibly. His fingers settle beneath my chin. The touch is gentle. Almost absurdly gentle considering how large he is.
He tilts my head upward slightly.
My breath catches.
“Kai.”
I swallow.
His eyes remain fixed on mine. “We need to talk first.”
The words immediately cut through some of the tension.
I nod.
Ash seems satisfied. “I don't do anything without communication.”
His tone is calm. Professional, almost. The seriousness surprises me. For some reason, I'd expected this conversation to be awkward. It isn't. Ash clearly knows exactly what he's doing.
“Before we do anything tonight, there are rules.”
I nod again.
His thumb brushes lightly against my jaw. “Let's talk safe words.”
“Okay.”
Ash's eyebrow rises.
I immediately realize I've interrupted. “Sorry.”
His mouth twitches. Then he continues. “We use a stoplight system.”
I listen carefully.
“Red means stop.”
I nod.
“Yellow means slow down.”
Another nod.
“And green means you're okay.”
His gaze sharpens slightly. “If you say red, I stop immediately. No questions. No arguments.”
Something about that eases a tension I hadn't even realized I was carrying.
Ash waits. “Do you understand?”
“Yes.”
One eyebrow rises.
I blink. I don't understand this look.
A smile appears.
Small.
Dangerous.
“When we're in a scene,” Ash says, “I'm sir.”
Heat immediately floods my face. The title sounds ridiculous in my head.
And yet... Not ridiculous. Not really.
“Do you understand?”
I swallow. “Yes, sir.”
The approval in his expression is immediate. “Good.”
My stomach flips. That fucking word again.
Ash steps back slightly. “Repeat the stoplight system.”
The request catches me off guard. For a second, I feel like I'm back in school.
Still, I answer.
“Red means stop.”
His eyes stay on mine.
“Yellow means slow down.”
A slight nod.
“Green means I'm okay.”
Silence settles briefly between us.
Then he smiles, “Good boy.”
The breath leaves my lungs. The words hit me like a physical thing. I hate how much I like hearing them.
Ash notices. Of course he does. The man misses nothing.
His expression softens slightly. “You okay?”
The question surprises me. I nod quickly. “Yes.”
Then remember myself. “Yes, sir.”
My heart is going to give out before this evening is over. I can already tell. Ash's attention shifts. Not away from me but over me. Evaluating. Thinking.