Chapter 18
Chapter Eighteen
Eighteenth encounter
“I think cocoa is the best drink. Sure, coffee has caffeine, but let’s be honest: any drink you have to get used to can’t be the best. Wine gives me a headache. Gin and tonic is, I guess, a close second to cocoa. But…yeah. Cocoa. Sorry, what was your question again?”
Lucas raised his eyebrows. “Would you like some water?”
Anna hadn’t thought her mood could improve that day, but watching Lucas fail at pool made her laugh more than once, mainly because he swore so much that Melody would have covered her ears in shock.
She beat him twice before he invited her to dinner (“You’re welcome to pay for yourself, but do you know how much I made last year? ”) and drove them back to the hotel.
They didn’t speak about her father, or how stupid Anna felt because she’d hoped that her father had changed. She wanted to be happy that he apparently had a job, but the message sounded like an excuse, as if he’d suddenly been afraid of seeing her.
They didn’t talk about that because there was nothing Lucas could have said that would have made it better. He seemed to know that, so he didn’t say much, just warmed her with his mere presence, letting her know that she wasn’t alone. And sometimes that was all someone needed.
Their rooms were on the same floor, which was miraculously deserted when they returned shortly before nine o’clock. Jack and Dax had both texted her, asking where she was. She could stop by their room as long as it was before nine, so no one would break the coach’s curfew.
Lucas apparently didn’t care about the rule.
“So, then…” she mumbled when they arrived at Lucas’ door. “Thanks again. For everything.”
Lucas paid no attention to her. He looked around, glancing carefully to the right and left before opening the door, gently closing his fingers around hers, and in the next moment, pulling her into his hotel room.
Perplexed, she stumbled into his entryway and let him push her inside by the shoulders.
His room looked like hers: pale birchwood furniture, a bulky picture of a cactus above the king-size bed, and a counter with a coffee maker on it.
Of course, her gaze lingered on the bed.
She sighed and glanced anxiously over her shoulder. “Lucas, I don’t feel like…well, you know,” she said. “I…”
“Well, you know?” He looked at her, irritated, as if the thought hadn’t even occurred to him. “We’re not sleeping together, Anna. We’re friends, remember? Friends don’t have sex.”
Astonished, she opened her mouth. “Okay, then what am I doing here?”
He furrowed his eyebrows and took off his shoes. “In the world? I’m a hockey player, not a philosopher. How would I know?”
She snorted in amusement. “In your room.”
He sighed and rubbed his chin. “I thought you might not want to be alone,” he replied softly.
Her stomach twisted sweetly. “No, I don’t want to be alone,” she whispered.
“Good.” He nodded, scratching the back of his neck. “That’s why you’re here.”
“But…didn’t the coach forbid you from bringing anyone back to your rooms tonight?” she asked nervously. “He told everyone, so we’d rat you out if you broke his rules.”
Lucas smiled slightly, making the muscles in her lower abdomen flutter. “Are you going to rat me out, Anna?”
The corners of her mouth twitched. “Hm, if you bribe me, I might keep my mouth shut.”
He nodded as if the demand was more than fair. “I don’t have ice cream, but the coffee machine makes hot chocolate.”
“That’s good enough for me,” she said confidently. “Hot chocolate is the best drink.”
“I know, Anna,” he murmured in amusement, turning his back on her to fiddle with the machine.
He knew that, but had she ever told him? She didn’t remember. “Have you always broken rules so recklessly, Lucas?”
“Never. I hate breaking rules. It usually leads to drama.”
She should have expected that. And yet, here she was sitting on his bed.
“I never broke rules before either. I was too afraid that the school would call my parents and they’d have to go for a meeting.” She kicked off her shoes and slid higher up the mattress.
“Ah, so you slept with me to compensate for your innocent youth?”
“You know I could accuse you of the same thing,” she replied, laughing.
“No, I slept with you because I couldn’t resist you, not because you were forbidden,” he stated matter-of-factly. “And it’s still difficult for me. Which is why I didn’t want to be friends with you.”
As goosebumps crawled down Anna’s back, she pulled a pillow onto her lap and pressed it against her stomach, which had begun to feel queasy. “What changed?”
“Absolutely nothing.”
Anna bit her lip. He was right. She still found it difficult to resist him. Today even more so. What frightened her was that she wasn’t talking about sex at all.
They remained silent for a while. Anna pulled the covers over her knees and stared at Lucas’ back. She could have watched him hanging up his jacket and fiddling with the machine for hours. Man, Lucas was good at pressing buttons… God, she was ridiculous.
“Lucas, thank you.”
“You already said that.”
Yes, but she felt she couldn’t say it enough today. “Still, I…”
“You don’t have to thank me,” he interrupted sharply. “It makes things that should be taken for granted seem special.”
But it was special. He made her feel like everything was okay, even though a few hours ago she’d wanted to cry. Besides, he’d never invited her over before, not to his house or hotel room. Didn’t he realize that?
She didn’t say the words out loud, though. She sank back against the headboard and watched him place a cup under the coffee maker. The way his back tensed and relaxed, his body was speaking to her again.
“Why are you nervous?” she asked, surprised. They’d spent the last five hours together and he hadn’t been nervous for a minute of it. They’d made it clear they weren’t going to sleep together, and they’d just been silent together in relative comfort. There was nothing to worry him.
Anna expected him to contradict her, to claim she was wrong, but for the hundredth time that day, he surprised her.
“I don’t know if I’m doing it right,” he stated harshly.
“The hot chocolate? I’m pretty sure all you have to do is press a button.”
He shook his head. “Comforting you.”
Stunned, she opened her mouth. He was still standing with his back to her, so she could see him restlessly stroking the back of his neck.
“What do you mean?” she asked softly.
He turned, crossed his arms, and leaned against the counter, his gaze fixed on her face like she was a book that was difficult to understand.
“Anna, I’m not good at expressing what I mean clearly,” he murmured, rubbing his forehead.
“What I think, what I…feel. And this shitty day — I can’t make it better with my words.
I know that. Because words don’t do what I want them to.
I can’t give you advice or create a blanket with words to wrap around your shoulders.
..or whatever other people do in these situations.
I can only…be there. Do you understand?” He furrowed his eyebrows.
“And I’m not sure if that’s what you want or need. If it’s…enough.”
Warmth wafted through her chest, seeping into every single bone. It made her eyes burn and her skin tingle. How could Lucas be so smart, understand so much without her saying a word, yet not realize that it wasn’t what he did that mattered but rather his desire to do something?
She didn’t need a pep talk. Someone who listened when she wanted to talk and broke rules for her so she wouldn’t have to be alone was a lot.
“It’s exactly what I want,” she whispered, smiling. “And more than enough. You’re good at comforting me.”
The tension in his shoulders eased slightly and he lowered his gaze. In the blink of an eye, Anna got the feeling that Lucas was…shy. That he might not have the self-assurance that every hockey player projected.
Then he nodded stiffly, turned to the coffee machine, and said, “Good.” The moment was over.
They fell silent again, but silence wasn’t half as bad with Lucas there. His silence didn’t mean there was nothing to say, it simply meant that nothing needed to be said.
“I want to call Melody, is that okay?” he murmured as he placed the cocoa on the nightstand. “She should be asleep by now, but she won’t be.”
Yes, she recalled Melody fighting sleep before Lucas returned.
“Sure. Say hello for me, okay?”
He nodded, pulled his phone out of his pocket, and frowned briefly. His gaze slid toward the hallway.
“Oh, sorry.” Heat gathered in her cheeks and she sat up straighter. “Should I leave for a minute? Do you want to be alone?”
He merely shook his head and sat next to her on the bed, far enough away that their shoulders weren’t touching but close enough that she could clearly feel the warmth of his body and breathe in his honey scent.
Anna sank back into the pillow and closed her eyes. It was nice to sit here and not be alone. To know that Lucas had no expectations of her. That she could stay or go and do no wrong.
“Hi, Mom,” Lucas said in his calm voice, though it sounded duller than usual.
“How are things going?” Anna heard a voice answer him, but she couldn’t make out the words.
“Mom, she doesn’t have to eat spinach if she eats other non-green vegetables instead…
No, I don’t think it’s because of my bad parenting. ”
His voice sounded strained, and intuitively, Anna reached out for him.
She intertwined her fingers with his free hand and squeezed gently.
There was a rustling sound, and she could swear Lucas was looking at her.
But she kept her eyes closed and stroked the back of his hand with her thumb… until he squeezed back.
“Can I speak to her, please? Thank you.”
Anna recognized the exact moment his mother handed the phone to Melody because Lucas instantly relaxed. He slid down the headboard of the bed so that his shoulder brushed hers, and a small, relieved sigh escaped his lips.
Anna smiled. Melody might not have been his biological daughter, but God, he was such a dad!
“Hey,” he said softly. “Are you okay?”
Then he didn’t speak for a while because he was listening.
Melody must have had a lot to say, which occasionally drew a soft chuckle from him and then another sigh.
He was still holding Anna’s hand, and because the touch wasn’t enough for her, because she wanted more closeness, she gently laid her head on his shoulder.
He could push her away if he didn’t want that, but Lucas didn’t move. He just let it happen before whispering, “I don’t know if I can tell you a story, Mel. It’s already late and…”
There was more rustling. He was looking at her, wasn’t he?
She nodded and whispered, “Go ahead, tell her one.”
Because a story sounded nice.
“Okay, fine,” Lucas said quietly. “What should the story be about?”
A flying sofa and ice cream. Butterflies and a knife thrower.
Anna didn’t hear anything else because his voice was so deep, so serene, and so incredibly warm that it enveloped her like a soft blanket.
Or maybe Lucas was actually pulling the blanket over her shoulders, she didn’t know for certain.
She only knew that the last thing on her mind was that she loved his voice.
But it might no longer be what she liked most about him.