Chapter Thirty-Nine Family Ties
RYLEE
When I walk into the house, I instantly hear Taylor Swift banging from upstairs. I grin and shake my head.
Keira’s home.
Making my way through the house, I head to the kitchen, expecting to find Brigid there.
It’s been two weeks since I’ve been in Dublin, and I’ve been having an amazing time getting to know my extended family.
Just like Dad said, we’ve been doing all the festive Christmas things together.
Keira has a literal list she’s been checking off, determined to give me the full Irish Christmas experience.
More than that, I’ve been texting Mom and Zander daily. Things between Mom and me have been great. We’re more open and honest with each other, and I don’t feel so much pressure to meet her expectations anymore.
Things with Zander are less great. Not bad, but he still seems distant. More like an acquaintance than the love of my life.
Which he is. Without a fucking doubt.
Still, I’m grateful he’s at least willing to talk to me at all. I’ll take whatever I can get.
Stepping into the kitchen, I find Brigid sitting at the table with a steaming cup of tea in front of her. She’s wearing a green turtleneck and her short red hair is pushed back from her face with a black headband.
She arches a brow when she sees me. “Home a bit early, aren’t you?”
My cheeks heat and I pull out a chair to sit next to her.
“I left early,” I admit. “It was… awkward.”
My attempt at joining a self-help group did not go how I hoped. I got there and everyone was friendly and welcoming, but when it came time to share, I just felt weird. Talking to a room full of strangers about my deepest darkest secrets was way harder than I anticipated.
Brigid nods. “I’m sure it’s not easy talking to strangers like that. Some people have a natural ability for it, others don’t. You need to find what works best for you.”
I rest my elbow on the table and prop my chin in my hand. “I’ve always journaled. Since high school, I’ve been writing in journals to get out all my frustrations.”
“That’s a good practice,” Brigid replies. “But, tell me this, have you ever written down any solutions to those frustrations? Or journaled any positives in your life?”
I press my lips together and shake my head. “No… not really.”
“Well, maybe that might help you more,” she suggests, her emerald gaze soft. “Turn the negative into a positive and then work through it to find solutions.”
That does sound better than talking to a room of strangers.
“I could try that,” I nod. “That’s a good idea.”
Brigid smiles and claps her hands together. “Wonderful! Now, are you hungry? I’ve got a pasta sauce on the stove.”
She gets up and moves to the stovetop and removes the lid from the stock pot on top. I catch a whiff of the rich smell of tomato sauce, but even though Brigid is an excellent cook, the scent turns my stomach.
“Oh, no, I think I’ll pass, thank you.” I put a hand over my mouth and turn away.
Brigid puts the lid back on and looks at me with a concerned frown.
“Are you okay, dear?” she asks. “You’ve been nauseous off and on for the past week.”
“I’m fine,” I assure her. “I think my stomach is just adjusting to being here or something, I’m not sure.”
At that moment, Keira comes strolling into the kitchen, her short skirt showing off her long legs, and chuckles, “Or maybe it’s because you're pregnant.”
“Oh, you stop that now,” Brigid scolds her, but we all burst out laughing at the suggestion.
Except, once we stop laughing, the thought lingers in my head. That… that can’t be true. I’m not pregnant. Right?
“Oh, by the way,” Brigid says, snapping me out of my moment of panic. “Your father is bringing home a surprise for you, Rylee, so make sure you don’t go anywhere. He should be home any minute.”
“A surprise?” I perk up, feeling a flutter of excitement. “What kind of surprise?”
Brigid chuckles. “Well now, I can’t tell you that. I’d spoil it.”
Moments later, we hear the front door open and Dad calls out, “I’m home!”
Feeling as giddy as a kid, I stand up and run out of the kitchen to go greet him at the front door, eager to see my surprise. Dad sees me coming and grins.
“There she is! I’ve got a surprise for you.”
Before I can reply, he steps aside and a tall figure walks into the house after him. Buzz cut blonde hair… the familial green eyes… slightly bent nose from when he broke it in high school.
I freeze in place and stare at him in shocked silence before I manage to stammer out, “A… Aiden?”
He gives me a hesitant smile and an awkward wave. “Hey, Sis.”
The house is quiet as I tiptoe my way down the stairs to the kitchen. I can’t sleep. Honestly, how could I possibly sleep after the evening I’ve had?
Aiden is here. I haven’t seen him since I went away to college, and he’s just popped up in Ireland out of nowhere?
After my initial shock of seeing him, I wasn’t really sure what to say to him. I let Keira and Brigid dominate our interactions for the rest of the evening, staying quiet myself and just… watching him. Apart from a few words, he didn’t really talk to me either.
Why does it feel harder to reconnect to Aiden than it did Dad?
Shaking my head, I walk into the kitchen. At the sight of someone sitting at the table, I jump and let out a startled shriek.
“Shhh,” Aiden says, giving me a sharp look. “You’ll wake everyone.”
“What are you doing down here?” I demand to know, my cheeks heating with embarrassment at my reaction.
“Jet lagged,” he shrugs. “Couldn’t sleep.”
I register the tea cup in front of him and raise a brow in surprise. “Tea?”
“I like tea.” He takes a sip, as if to emphasize the point.
The teacup looks so tiny and delicate in his large hand, but he handles it with care.
Silence falls between us and it makes me a little twitchy. Grabbing a chair, I pull it from the table and sit down in front of him. Shit… he’s almost as big as Zander is, and I just feel tiny gazing at him.
“So,” I begin, holding his gaze. “Why are you really here?”
He regards me a moment before releasing a long breath. “Mom called me and asked me to come out. She thought you needed me.”
I frown. “What? Why would she think that?”
“Because I understand some of what you’re going through.”
“I don’t understand.”
He licks his lips and takes another sip of tea before diving into his explanation.
“Look, Rylee. I’m sorry that I’ve been such a shitty brother to you all these years.
I let my own problems and avoidance tendencies keep me from being a bigger part of your life.
Honestly, I just couldn’t be in Nashville.
I have more bad memories than good, and they aren’t all about Mom and Dad.
But I supppose, thathat’s neither here nor there. ”
“Okay, I get that,” I tell him. “Not sure how that helps you understand what I’m going through.”
“Mom told you about my drinking, right?”
I nod. “Yeah, she did.”
He tilts his head and gazes at me thoughtfully.
“Look, I know I’m in no position to give you advice.
I’ve been a terrible brother, but I want to fix things, so I hope you listen anyway.
” He pauses, giving me time to object before continuing on, “I used to drink to numb everything I was feeling. I didn’t think I had a problem, and I wasn’t dependent on booze or anything to get me through the day, but I was relying on it way too much.
It started small. I’d maybe drink to numb myself once or twice a month.
Soon, though, it was a weekly occurrence, and eventually daily.
Even if it wasn’t as severe of a problem as it could’ve been, the family history is there and I needed to face it head on, otherwise it would have ruined my life eventually.
I know what it’s like, thinking it’s the only thing that can make it hurt less.
You get drunk and can disappear from your problems… ”
I stare at him. This hits home maybe even more than I want to say aloud.
He sighs. “At least, you think you can, but it really only makes things worse.” He rests his arms on the table and leans toward me.
“There’s no shame in admitting you need help, Rylee.
Joining the military helped me straighten things out.
There’s a way you can do the same, even if it doesn’t involve enlisting. ”
I don’t say anything for several long moments as I let his words sink in. Maybe it’s because he actually knows what it’s like, but hearing all this from Aiden has a bigger impact than hearing it from Mom or a room of strangers.
“What triggered you?” I ask. “What caused you to go down this path until you realized you had a problem?”
Aiden suddenly drops his gaze and his cheeks turn pink. He seems almost shy.
“It was a girl.”
My jaw drops. "Shit, I never imagined my brother having girl problems." To say I’m shocked is an understatement. Aiden’s the type of guy who can get any girl he wants on looks alone.
He shrugs and clears his throat. "Yeah well, let's just say there's a reason I'm still single. But that's a story for another day. The point is, I don't want you to end up like me. And this guy… what's his name? Well, Mom said you love him."
"Zander. Yeah… I do."
"Then if you don't do it for me, or for Mom, get help for yourself. For him. Because he deserves you to fight for him, your relationship, and be the best version of yourself."
I know Aiden’s right. Hell, I know everyone around me is right.
If it wasn’t for the way I drank myself stupid to escape my problems and feelings, I would never have hurt Zander like this.
I would have never thrown up on him, forgot who he was the night of Grace’s wedding, or written that stupid article.
I need help. I really, really need help. There’s no point in denying it or trying to hide the fact when it’s staring me right in the face like this.
“You’re right,” I whisper, my voice breaking. “You’re right… I need help.”