10. Chapter Ten
Chapter Ten
Andre
W here the fuck am I going to find the courage to do this?
Buying the pin, more than a year ago, had been brutally difficult.
Wearing it on rare occasions when no one was likely to recognize it took courage.
Telling Zahir my pup name and calling him Daddy ?
Stratospherically challenging. With one word or look, he could cut me down.
He had the power to hurt me in ways few people did.
And yet I trusted him. Maybe I shouldn’t have…but I did.
So I took his hand as he led me downstairs and tried to assure myself he wasn’t going to murder me. Demetrius knew where I was. So surely Zahir knew he wouldn’t get away with killing me. Oh, seriously? Dramatic much?
Well, that was true. I was trying not to catastrophize…but I was really out of my comfort zone.
As I descended the stairs, the room came into view.
And my heart leapt with joy .
The walls were painted a soft blue—like the sky. Even the ceiling was that color, and there were white puffy clouds. Along the walls were trees—a forest’s worth. With all kinds of animals. Everywhere. Well, that was three walls.
The fourth wall was what appeared to be a dog park with so many dogs.
I moved to that one and reverently held my hand out. Looking—but not touching.
“It’s okay to touch.” For the first time, Zahir spoke. The mural’s tougher than she looks. Touching won’t hurt it.
Slowly, I examined each dog one by one. After a thorough examination of all of them, my hand settled on one. A yellow labrador retriever—close to the biggest dog in the park.
“That’s—” Zahir cleared his throat. “That was Marty.”
I spun.
His eyes glistened. “I don’t know how you know that, though. But yeah, I had him depicted. He always said he was a lab. God knows, he had the heart for it. And the size.”
“I wish I could’ve known him.” Not just because he’d been a pup, and I’d never met one—but because of the clearly close bond he shared with Zahir. His handler. His Daddy.
Zahir moved to my side. “He would’ve loved you. He didn’t play with other pups—he worried about exposure, of course. And…we just sort of kept that part of our relationship all to ourselves.”
“Thank you for sharing it with me now.”
“With pleasure. He’d get a kick out of this.” Zahir reached for my hand.
I gave it willingly.
He smiled and tugged me over toward a toy chest. “So you’re ready? ”
I nodded eagerly.
“Right.” He released my hand to open the lid. Then he knelt and started pulling things out. Ears, paws, and tail came first. “No obligation to dress like a puppy—just here if you want them.”
All the items were the color of a yellow lab.
I cleared my throat. “I would love that. I don’t—” I hesitated. “I don’t know what kind of dog I am.”
He smiled. “Not all pups do. You’ll find a good fit.” He cupped my cheek. “You’re a good boy, Solo.”
My insides warmed. My mom was the only other person on the planet who had called me a good boy .
I’d yearned for that praise—teachers, coaches, my dad…
but it never had come. I just never had been good enough.
Whether because they perceived I was gay or because I had never achieved a level of success they wanted, I didn’t know.
“Am I really a good boy?” I want to believe you — I really do .
Zahir’s dark-brown eyes radiated compassion.
“I’ll endeavor to always be truthful with you.
Okay, Solo? Especially down here. This is a sacred space where you need to know you’ll always be protected.
I can try in the outside world—to the extent that you’ll let me—but here, with your permission, I take on all the burdens of the world.
And you’ll always be my good boy. Unless you’re purposely naughty and playing—but that’s a conversation for another time. Now, would you like scritches?”
I vibrated with excitement as I lowered myself to the ground. I went on all fours and approached Zahir cautiously.
He extended his hand, and I sniffed it. With obvious deliberateness, he moved his hand to my head. He scratched my head and, after a moment, behind the ears.
In bliss, I shut my eyes. This. This. This. This is what I’ve always wanted but hadn’t known how to ask for.
“My sweet, dear boy. Such a good puppy.” Zahir crooned. “Did you want to play? Ears and paws? Or just cuddles?”
The floor was covered with a super soft and squishy carpet, but my knees already ached. I gazed up at him. “Cuddles for now? Play later?”
“Absolutely.” He pointed to a massive fabric sectional in the corner. “That’s a great place where I can hold you.” He extended his hand.
I took it and we rose together. Before we could move, though, I put all of Marty’s things back in the chest. “For safekeeping.”
“Such a good boy.”
I beamed. I’d never tire of hearing that I’d done a good job or that I was a good puppy.
Zahir led me over to the couch. He settled some pillows in the corner, then sat against them. He petted his lap.
I crawled beside him and then angled my body so I could place my head on his lap.
After a moment, he pulled a blanket over me.
I settled even deeper into his embrace as he gently stroked my head.
“Rest now, little one. You’ve had an emotional morning.
Just take it easy, okay? I’ve got you. I’ll always have you. ”
He didn’t really have a right to make that promise.
He couldn’t know what would happen tomorrow when I met Alaina, Keegan, and Jai.
Not to mention the two other dogs. I sighed.
“Thank you…Daddy.” You have no right to call him that.
You haven’t had a discussion about consent, limits, or anything else.
And yet, when he stroked my cheek, the rightness wrapped me like the blanket he’d given me. With that, I drifted off to sleep.
When I awoke, Zahir’s soft snores reached me. Poor man. I’m a lot to handle. He’d also come home from what he’d said was a whirlwind business trip and, although it’d been successful, had also been exhausting .
In truth, I still wasn’t entirely clear what he did for a living—something with computers and teams and…? He’d tell you if you asked. He doesn’t think you’re stupid. He respects you. I honestly believed that.
With no idea how much time had passed, and heeding the demands of my bladder, I slid from his grasp, settled the blanket over him, and went in search of a bathroom.
I wasn’t sure I’d find one on this floor, but I did.
Nice and modern—so possibly it hadn’t come with the house.
Or they’d renovated it. Hard to be certain.
I pissed, washed my hands, then splashed cold water on my face. I glanced in the mirror.
Do I see Demetrius? In the eyes? The chin?
Will others see it? He hadn’t asked for a DNA test. I would’ve done it, but I was grateful he hadn’t asked.
That he trusted me. That he looked at the photograph and believed my story.
Also, I wasn’t keen to put my DNA in a database.
I really didn’t want to know if I had other siblings out there.
Which, in one sense, was illogical. I’d sought out Demetrius, after all.
Why not see if more of us existed? That might bring notice from the family in Texas, though, and—from what I’d gleaned—that would be unwanted attention.
Not that I thought they’d come after me for money.
I had none, so that wasn’t an issue. No, they might try to turn me toward their faith.
Hell, Demetrius might be part of some church, and he could always try to coax me.
Unlike Texas, though, he didn’t have anything in his life indicating as much.
Finally, Demetrius clearly accepted me for who I was—specifically being gay.
He had a gay son—or had at least implied that much—and was bisexual himself.
Those things meant something. I’d had hope.
Well, I’d known about his marriage to Jai.
That Keegan was attending an LGBTQ camp sort of implied the kid was gay as well. Or at least questioning.
After one last look in the mirror, I shut off the light and headed back to the playroom.
As I passed a door, though, curiosity got the best of me.
I cracked it open and light from the hallway behind me spilled in.
Just a bed and dresser. Perhaps another spare bedroom?
Except the guest would have to come down here and see the playroom. So…a bedroom Marty and Zahir used?
You know sex and puppy play can go together. Or maybe they finished the puppy play but were so overcome with lust that they couldn’t make it up two flights of stairs. I sort of liked that idea. And you’re thinking about how damn attractive Zahir is. How you’d be happy if he invited you to his bed.
Sure. But we’d only known each other twenty-four hours, so that was illogical. I’d never felt such strong attraction…but was that actual attraction or just gratitude? That made sense. He’d taken me in—that kindness was powerful.
Except other people have been kind in the past — not many…but a few. You didn’t want to leap into their beds to show your gratitude.
“Solo?”
I shut the door. “Coming.” I hustled into the playroom to find Zahir still cuddled under the blanket. I moved to him. “Don’t get up. You look so peaceful.”
He offered a soft smile. “I guess I am. I haven’t been down here in a very long time—I’d forgotten how soothing it can be.”
“I think this is the nicest room I’ve ever seen. Clearly, a lot of thought went into it.”
He extended his hand.
I grasped it and let him pull me down.
“Rest your head on my shoulder.”
After a moment, I obeyed.
“This was my gift to Marty. Once he found the courage to tell me about his puppy side, I decided to make a safe space for him. Somewhere he could be himself and never worry about discovery. The amount of time we spent down here varied—based on how life was going and how busy we were. We aimed for at least once a week.”
“I’d be down here every day if I could.” I smiled. “Thank you for sharing.”
“My pleasure, pup.” He scratched my scalp. “Are you okay that I call you my pup? At least when we’re down here? That’s very forward of me—and we haven’t discussed this at all.”
I pulled back to meet his gaze. “And I didn’t ask your permission to call you Daddy. That’s a big step. Or at least I’ve always seen it that way.”
“You’re not wrong.” He stroked my cheek again. “Daddy/pup is a big step. Maybe even too big for us—”
My stomach plummeted.
“—but we can do what feels right for us. And this feels right. Like I said—I don’t believe in destiny.
That said, you came across my path for a reason.
I have to believe that. So I’m going to grab every opportunity I have to spend time with you.
Whether we’re down here and playing or upstairs and navigating the treacherous waters you’ve found yourself in. ”
“Treacherous waters?” I was pretty certain I understood, but I wanted to find clarity in this tough situation.
He shrugged. “Well, finding family. You did so well today.” He caressed my cheek. “I want to tell you how proud I am of you—but, again, that seems really forward.”
I nearly bounced in my seat. “You think I did well? You’re proud of me?”
His smile lit the room. “Of course I’m proud of you. For getting on a plane, for calling Demetrius…then being willing to meet him in person. Those are brave steps. You know you’re facing more tough st uff, and I’m honored you’ve asked me to…stand by your side. If you know what I mean.”
“I do. I do know what you mean. Because I need you. I wouldn’t be able to do this alone.
” Well, I would’ve tried…and quite possibly failed.
With Zahir beside me, though, failure didn’t feel possible.
Even if things bombed tomorrow night—I’d have done what I came here to do.
I’d connected with blood relatives. I’d found courage to spend time with people I didn’t know.
Hell, I’d even gotten on a fucking plane. That all had to mean something. Right?
“You could do it on your own, pup.” Another caress to the cheek. “I’m just glad you don’t have to. But I can always fade into the woodwork—if that’s what you wind up wanting.”
I frowned. “Like, not be there?”
“Be less of a presence.” He held my gaze. “I’ll give you space if you feel—”
“I don’t need it. Don’t want it. I want you.” I stuck out my lower lip.
He laughed. “Nice try, pup. Those puppy dog eyes aren’t going to work with me. You’re strong enough to stand on your own if you need to. If you want to.” He eyed me. “I’m saying this is on your terms.”
Finally, I understood. “At least for right now, I want a Daddy. I want to just be Solo and to play.”
After glancing at his watch, he smiled. “One hour of playtime. Then, Daphne needs a walk and we need to settle on dinner. That cheese plate wasn’t meant to be an entire meal.”
“But I truly love cheese. And my tummy was upset anyway. I couldn’t have eaten a full meal.”
“We have leftover Chinese. Or we can order—”
I placed my finger on his lips. “Leftovers are the best ever. I’m looking forward to them. ”
“Sounds good. Now, paws and ears, or just toys?”
“Paw, ears, and toys.” I grinned with a lighter heart than I’d had in a long time.