11. Chapter Eleven
Chapter Eleven
Zahir
A ndre as a man was stunning.
Andre as a pup was a hoot.
He chased the ball, played tug-o-war with a rope using his teeth, and occupied himself with a squeaky toy.
All while wearing ears, paws, and a tail.
He was preciously adorable, and I laughed continuously at his antics.
For someone with so little experience, he certainly knew what he liked.
And I couldn’t find anything he wasn’t game to try.
As for laughter? Continuous and joyful. Along with the yips and barks.
For a brief moment, I worried about Daphne.
She’d never met Marty, of course, and had no context for a human barking.
All was well, and when I checked on her, she was fast asleep on her bed in the kitchen.
She was near the top of the stairs—so she could hear us but, apparently, had no interest in checking out the weird noises. For which I was grateful.
After an hour, when Andre was completely wrung out, I pulled him into my arms for a snuggle on the fabric couch in the playroom. I would’ve preferred to cuddle in bed, but here seemed appropriate. I tucked a fleece blanket around him and held him as he curled against me with his head in my lap.
He sighed. “Thank you, Daddy.”
“My pleasure, pup.” Marty would’ve loved you.
He’d especially love that you’re using his costume and toys.
My former pup would’ve been sad I’d waited over a year—but he also would’ve been happy for me.
I’d known this was what he wanted. In a way, I honored what I shared with him when I played with Andre. A passing of the torch.
Andre’s stomach rumbled.
I chuckled. “Hungry?”
He gripped my thigh. “Just a minute more?”
“Of course. Whatever you need.”
I adjusted to sink farther into the couch and contemplated the state of affairs.
We’d be seeing Demetrius and his family tomorrow. If all went well, then perhaps the two sisters. Then, at some point, Andre would need to decide when to go back to Toronto. As much as I wanted to coax him into staying in Mission City, that wasn’t my place.
Inwardly, I sighed. I would also have to reconcile my feelings for this complex man.
Unsurprisingly, I felt protective. I’d felt the same when Marty was a puppy.
Like the weight of the world was on my shoulders and Andre’s safety was up to me.
The fact I was sexually attracted to him added a layer of complication I wasn’t ready to contemplate.
To deal with. To explore. Such feelings felt…
inappropriate. And yet, as I tried to tamp down the images of Andre naked and in bed with me, I was losing the battle.
Goddamn it. He’s in your protection. You can’t take advantage of the situation. Of him.
Yet my mind acknowledged my body was finally awakening from a deep slumber and, although that was good in some ways, it would be catastrophically bad in others. Marty would be thrilled. I was appalled.
Andre’s stomach rumbled again.
I patted his shoulder. “We need to get you fed, Pup. Leftover Chinese?”
He angled so he could gaze up at me. “Do you promise we can cuddle later?”
I scratched his scalp. “Yes, of course. Whatever you like. We can watch television tonight.”
“Oh, do you have that Canadian streaming service?”
I considered. “I have a number of services—in truth, more than I need. I was actually thinking about canceling some.” That had been Marty’s thing, not mine. I was more inclined to read a book. “Look, if we don’t have what you’d like then I’ll subscribe. We can watch whatever you’d like.”
His eyes lit. “Well, there’s one show in particular…but I’d also like to watch a movie with dogs.”
“A particular movie?”
He nodded.
“Then, as long as we can rent it, we’ll do it. All good, okay?”
Slowly, he bobbed his head again. “I don’t like asking for things. Especially things that cost money.”
I stroked his cheek. “I’m comfortable, Andre.
I have a good job that pays an excellent salary.
Maybe I shouldn’t be telling you this…but my mortgage is paid off, and I still have money from Marty’s life insurance.
He made certain I was well set up. Taken care of.
As he would’ve been, had I passed first.”
Andre blinked. “That was really nice of him.”
“It’s what partners do. At least ones who care about each other. ”
“I’ve never—” He swallowed.
I held his gaze. “Never…?”
“Any of it. I just…yeah…none of it.”
I caressed his cheek again. “Well then, you need to tell me if I’m overstepping. You need to ensure I’m respecting the boundaries we’ve agreed to. I mean, I certainly plan to—” But with you, that’s really tough.
“And if I want you to cross boundaries?”
I swallowed. “Maybe we can open a dialogue. But you’re vulnerable right now, and I have…basically agreed to take care of you. At least when you’re a pup.” I fingered his ears.
“If I want more? Because—” Then he shook his head. “Never mind. I’ll put the toys away.”
“While I prepare dinner? That would be best.” Because otherwise I’ll want to kiss and cuddle and even head into the bedroom down here. Which was all kinds of wrong.
When Andre rolled off me, a feeling of being bereft enveloped me—especially where his head had rested on my lap.
It’s for the best. You need a bit of distance. Both of you.
So I left him to organize and put away all the toys while I headed upstairs.
Daphne leapt up from her bed and came barreling over.
I chuckled. “Yes, my sweet. I am very aware it’s dinnertime for you.”
She danced around on her hind legs, which just made me laugh more. Soon enough, she had her dinner of kibble mixed with gravy to munch while I set about reheating leftovers.
By the time the second plate was warm, Andre appeared. He sniffed the air. “Oh God, I love leftovers. ”
I laughed. “Yes, me too. Even though it’s just me, I often cook enough to last me several days. I don’t mind eating the same food over and over.”
Andre got us both glasses of water as I put the plates at our spots.
“I don’t cook as often as I should. Mom taught me—and I inherited all her bakeware and her recipes and—” He drew in a breath. “It’s just not the same without her, you know?”
“Yes, I do know. I enjoy cooking and so was always doing it for Marty. It took a long time before I was able to step foot in the kitchen. Lots of fast food during that time, I must say.” I was pleased when Andre dug into his food, and I left him to it as I relished my meal as well.
As Andre put the dishes in the dishwasher, I watched him. He had a gorgeous body, but that wasn’t what spoke to me. He had a genuineness of spirt that called to my protective nature. He was fully an adult and yet also na?ve to the ways of the world.
He glanced up to meet my gaze when he finished. “Do we take Daphne out now or…might we…”
For the briefest of moments, I thought he was going to say sex or something like that. I cleared my throat. “The show you want to watch? Absolutely we can do that. I walk Daphne as the last thing. She’ll hunker down and sleep on her bed while we watch this show you want to see. How many episodes?”
“Six.”
“Ah. Well, we’re not going to do all tonight.” I considered. “Well, you can if you want.”
He shook his head. “I want to watch them with you.”
“That’s a lovely thought.” And if we only do one or two a night, then you have to stay longer.
I liked that idea. Unless he was overcome with the desire to move in with Demetrius, he needed a safe space to work through his issues.
Here was as good a place as any—if he trusted me to take care of him.
I rose. “Now, do you want to watch as Solo or as Andre? Either is fine with me.”
His eyes lit. “As Solo. Then I can cuddle.”
“You can cuddle anyway, but it’s too soon for that.”
He cocked his head. “What if I don’t want it to be too soon ?”
I offered a measured smile. “Let’s get through tomorrow and then we’ll figure out where we stand, eh? Does that make sense?”
“Yes. And you’re right. I just…don’t want to think about tomorrow right now. I know I should, but—” He bit his lower lip. “It’s too much.”
“I understand. So we’ll watch the show tonight and deal with the rest tomorrow.”
He nodded enthusiastically—his puppy clearly shining through.
We moved into the family room, with my comfortable couch and the recliner I sat on when I watched television. Tonight, obviously, I chose the couch. I sat on one end and patted the spot next to me.
Andre held my gaze as he slowly approached.
“It’s up to you, Solo. How comfortable you are or aren’t.” God, I hate that name. You might feel alone, but I don’t want you to. I want to promise that you’ll never be alone again — even though that’s beyond me to promise.
He sat beside me, shifted himself, and put his head on my lap.
I was running the ceiling fan, and the room held a slight chill. “Do you want me to turn the fan off?”
He shook his head.
“Would you like a blanket to cuddle under?”
He nodded.
I grabbed a blanket my grandmother had crocheted for me and tugged it over Andre.
I was a little chilled myself, but soon his warmth, where he pressed against me, seeped through my pants and a sense of rightness permeated.
I picked up the remote with my right hand as I gently scratched his scalp with my left
Within just a moment, I had the show up and running.
He sighed.
I gripped him a little tighter. Then I settled in and worked very hard to pay attention to what was before me instead of the incredible man whose heat warmed me.
Soon, though, he was snoring gently. Possibly he was still on eastern time.
Possibly he’d had a rough night’s sleep.
Just as likely, he was overwhelmed by everything today—from meeting his brother to puppy play to just…
being able to be his authentic self. That could be overwhelming at times.