11. Chapter Eleven #2
I turned off the show and selected a music station with soft jazz. I lamented, for a moment, that my phone was attached to the charger in the kitchen. You have an amazing man in your arms…sort of. Why do you need your fricking phone? In truth, I didn’t.
I glanced over at Daphne, who lay quietly sleeping with her chin on her paws.
Sometimes she joined me on the couch. I wasn’t a stickler and Torah, our trainer, said sometimes letting the dog on furniture was acceptable.
Since Daphne slept on the bed with me all night, I sort of figured the couch was okay as well.
Tonight, though, she was clearly happy in her bed.
Andre shifted. And then groaned.
I willed myself not to react. Because, really, after more time than I cared to remember, my body was finally waking up and saying hello, still here. Still wanting attention. Maybe even sex — I shut that thought down. Instead, I stroked his cheek. “You okay?”
“Mmm. I didn’t mean to fall asleep. Sorry.”
“You obviously needed it. Will you be able to sleep tonight? ”
“Yeah. I can sleep anytime and anywhere. After we walk Daphne, I’ll fall right asleep, especially—” He cut off.
“Especially…?
He sat up and rubbed his face. “I didn’t mean to say anything. I didn’t mean anything by it.”
“By what?” With his distress evident, I caressed his cheek. “Safe space, okay?”
Slowly, he nodded.
“Just say it. I don’t know whether to call you Andre or Solo right now.”
“Both?” He scratched his nose. “I mean… you pick. Because I just don’t know what to do.”
“Well, let’s start with what you wanted to say. Just blurt it out, okay? I think you’ll feel better for it.”
“Okay. Well, I slept in Marty’s bed last night.” He winced. “And it was the best night’s sleep I’ve had a in a really long time.”
He could have knocked me over with a feather. I would never, not in a million years, have thought he might find Marty’s bed and sleep in it. I scratched my cheek. “Did you think I’d be angry?”
“Yes.”
I grasped his hand. “I told you to make yourself at home. I didn’t put any restrictions on your because there’s nothing you could do that would upset me.
I’m happy you found Marty’s bed. If that helped you sleep then I’m thrilled.
I keep thinking how much Marty would have loved you.
How much he would’ve wanted to play with you and snuggle and wrap you up in a blanket.
He was a pup, for certain, but he also had a caring side toward others.
I was the nurturer, but he still cared in his own way.
So you’re free to sleep in his bed.” I eyed Andre.
“Is there something else?” I squeezed his hand.
“You can ask me anything. And I’m free to say no . ”
He swallowed. “I just…feel more safe when you’re around. Does that make sense?”
“It makes all the sense in the world. I’ve offered to be your safe space and I’m glad you see me that way. So, what do you need from me?” I think I know and I’m terrified, but I’ll do my best.
“If—” He swallowed. “If you could sleep near me? I mean, I know what I’m asking is—”
“Perfectly reasonable.” I tried to work the logistics in my mind.
In truth, only one room upstairs had space for both a human bed and the dog bed.
Time to face the music. “We’ll pull out your dog bed tonight and you can sleep in it and I’ll sleep in my old bed. I suspect Daphne will keep me company.”
“But—”
I pressed a finger to his lips. “But nothing. You’ve made a simple request, and it’s something I’m able to do, so it’ll be done. Now, Daphne really needs to go out, and we can do that for her. Then we’ll settle for the night and all will be well.” Because it has to be — for both our sakes.
Andre leashed Daphne and we headed out into the beautiful evening air. The sun was setting to the west, so we headed east along Fourth Avenue. We headed up the hill toward Fifth and then on to Sixth.
“I went to Heritage Park this morning. Do you mind if I go that way tomorrow? Maybe with Daphne? I won’t run, obviously.” Andre met my gaze.
“Of course you can take Daphne. Just remember the poop bags. And take more than one. “
Then, as if sensing the moment, Daphne squatted.
Andre laughed. A deep, resonant sound. “She’s smart that way, right? ”
“She wants to make certain you know how to scoop her poop.” I laughed. “These are the essential things in life.”
“She’s such a lovely dog.” Andre prepared the bag. “And you’re such a lovely man,”
My cheeks headed a little. Nothing Andre would be able to see, I hoped, under my tanned skin. “Thank you. Compliments are appreciated—but not necessary.”
“I know.” He scooped the poop and tied off the bag. “But it’s nice to have pleasant things said about you, right? When they’re sincere. I’m not about false flattery. I’m not about lying—”
“I would never ask that of you.”
“Well, that’s good because I would never lie to you.” Andre spoke the words earnestly. “My mother taught me never to lie. I mean unless you’re really going to hurt someone’s feelings or, like, you know—” He flailed the hand not holding Daphne’s leash.
I’d given him the responsibility to see how he handled her. And he was taking care of her perfectly.
She gazed up at him as if asking hey, dude, why did we stop walking ?
“I think I know.” I grabbed the poop bag. “Sometimes we really don’t have a choice. We do what has to be done.”
“Like when I tell you I’m fine and I’m really not.” He let out a breath. “Shit.”
My neighbor had put out their garbage bin tonight for tomorrow’s pickup and since I knew them, I snagged the bag from Andre and put it in her container.
Then I grasped his hand. “It’s okay for you to not be okay.
And I don’t mind if you’re honest with me about how you’re doing.
I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t want to know.
I’m sorry you’re freaking out—completely legitimately, if you ask me. Tell me what I can do to help.”
“This.” He squeezed my hand. “This helps. ”
“Hi, Zahir.”
A voice called from down the street and I instantly recognized Loriana.
The vivacious redhead was the librarian in charge and fancied herself a matchmaker.
Not always a good one…but her heart was in the right place.
She’d tried setting me up last month. Possibly figuring a year of mourning had been enough.
She hadn’t appreciated I wasn’t going to ever get over Marty’s death.
Except you’re holding another man’s hand right now.
In support.
Or so you tell yourself.
Sometimes I hated arguing with my inner voice. “Hey, Loriana. Mitch.” Loriana’s husband was a tall, distinguished Black man who was the epitome of quiet restraint. But he loved his wife with a fierceness I recognized and admired. They loved each other much as Marty and I had.
Andre didn’t drop my hand.
Daphne started straining on her leash. In response, Andre followed her. Likely he assumed if I had a problem with this, then I would speak up.
Loriana crouched and held out her hand. “Hello, Miss Daphne. Such a good girl. Are you sniffing me? Do I get kisses? You know I love kisses.” She used that singsongy voice that drove some dog owners to distraction but that I loved.
Daphne always responded positively to that voice.
I smiled. “She’s very happy to see you.”
“She’ll be even happier to see me.” Mitch produced a dog treat from his pocket. Interesting he did this because they only had Loriana’s rescue cat, Plato .
I nodded and Mitch held the treat for Daphne. Who accepted with great gusto.
Mitch straightened. He held out his hand to Andre. “Mitch Alexander. And my lovely wife, Loriana.”
On cue, Loriana waved. Even as she continued to lavish my dog with tons of attention and praise.
Andre released my hand to shake Mitch’s. “Andre.” Again, no last name.
“Nice to meet you, Andre.” Mitch’s smile was wide. “Do you live in Mission City? Or visiting? Or newcomer?”
Loriana nudged his shin. “That’s my job.”
Mitch laughed.
“What job is that?” Andre’s brow furrowed.
Loriana scratched Daphne behind the ears. “Interrogator in chief.” She rose. “But I see you and Zahir are walking together, and I didn’t want to stick my nose—”
Mitch snorted.
I chuckled.
Loriana looked between the two of us. “I try to give people a moment to settle before I start asking them questions.”
Andre’s brow furrowed. “Uh, what questions?”
“You really don’t want to know.” I continued to smile. “Andre is my guest for the next little while and is not, to the best of my knowledge, looking to be matched with anyone. Should that situation change, I will encourage him to speak to you.”
Loriana beamed. “See that you do. I know several unattached and interested men and women in town. If you’re looking—” She gave Andre a once-over .
Mitch wrapped his arm around her shoulder. “Leave the poor man alone. He’s barely in town. Let him get his bearings.” He caught my gaze.
I gave him a subtle nod. I wasn’t in a position to say how long Andre was staying. Or if he would be interested in being set up. Hell, was I even aware if he was gay or bi?
Andre offered a small smile. “Thank you. Just…not right now.” He grasped my hand.
Tight.
“I’m not sure how long I’m going to be here. And I’m in a good place.” He turned toward me. “Zahir is a gracious host, and Daphne is the best dog ever.”
“Oh, that’s so true.” Loriana bent to give my girl more scritches. “She’s so darn happy.”
“On that note, we might consider letting them go.” Mitch gave me a knowing look. Go now while the going’s good.
“Yes, it’s getting late, and Daphne needs her beauty sleep. Lovely to see you again. Goodnight.” I guided us away.
Andre gave a little wave as we walked past the couple and headed down the street.
Murmuring reached me, but nothing I could make out.
“That was—” Andre let out a long breath. “—intense.”