Chapter 21
~Riley~
Having fully accepted my apology, Hudson goes right back to being my friend as if nothing uncomfortable happened between us.
My coaches are delighted with my result at the competition, and since I’m not taking part in the Grand Prix Final, we turn our focus towards the US Figure Skating Championships in early January.
Evelyn is the defending champion, but if I can match the score I got in Finland, I have a chance of beating her.
All I need to do is skate as well as I did then and not let any of the pressure get to me.
Simple, right?
After talking it over with Hudson and reading through all the messages again, I decide not to respond to Evelyn at all. Nothing in her texts suggests that she’s legitimately concerned about me, and it leaves me wondering if we were ever as good of friends as I thought we were.
She doesn’t deserve any more of my time.
Trevor is a bit tricker. What I told Hudson remains true: cheating is a dealbreaker for me, no matter the circumstances, but disappearing without a word after two years together probably wasn’t the best way for me to handle things.
With that in mind, I send him a text a few days after we get back from Helsinki.
Congratulations on making the Grand Prix final. I’ll be there with some of the other skaters at Riverbend to watch. If you want to talk, we can meet up for a coffee.
Part of me hopes he’ll say that he’s too busy or there’s no point, but his answer comes back quickly.
I’ll text you when I get there.
After that, he doesn’t message me again, and it makes a nice change.
No more knots in my stomach when my phone buzzes, no more creeping dread when I see his name on the screen.
Looks like Hudson was right: dealing with things head-on is better than avoiding them, at least in this scenario.
By the time we all pile onto the bus that’ll take us to Calgary, ten days after returning from Finland, I’m almost looking forward to seeing Trevor.
If just agreeing to talk to him helped me relax, imagine how amazing I’ll feel once we end things properly.
All the skaters competing over the weekend sit together at the front of the bus with the club’s therapist to go over their game plan for the weekend, and Hudson gives me an enthusiastic wave as I walk past on the way to my seat in the back with the other members of the non-competing cheering section.
I’m a little disappointed we can’t sit together for the three-hour drive, but it gives me a chance to get to know some of the other members of the club better.
I already feel more comfortable around Natalie and Christian after our time together in Helsinki, and this will be a chance to bond with even more of them.
“Grab those seats,” Hannah instructs from behind me, pointing at an empty pair of seats across from James and Jeremy, one of the club’s longest-standing couples. Natasha and Lydia are in the row ahead, while Victoria and Blake sit just behind the open row.
Victoria’s on her phone, as usual. She’s barely said two words to me in the month I’ve been at the club, but I’ve noticed that she’s pretty stand-offish with everyone so I’m trying not to take it personally.
Blake, on the other hand, glares at me like she’d happily throw me out the window if she could.
“What did you do to Blake?” Hannah whispers as we settle in. Apparently, I’m not the only one who noticed the death stare.
“Nothing, as far as I know.” I lower my voice even further, leaning over to whisper in her ear. “She was coming onto Hudson in Helsinki, but he didn’t respond. Maybe she blames me for it.”
“Did you have anything to do with it?” Hannah asks. “You two have been spending a lot of time together.”
“You and Lewis spend a lot of time together too,” I remind her. “Hudson and I are just friends.”
“If you say so,” is her ambiguous reply.
As the bus maneuvers out of the city, heading to the highway that will take us south to Calgary, we chat about the hotel we’ll be staying at and places we can visit nearby.
Snow covers the fields on either side of the highway but it’s so warm inside the bus, I’m soon wishing I wore short sleeves instead of a sweater.
Eventually, the individual conversations meld into a larger group one, and James gives us all a mischievous smile. “So, who does everyone have their eye on this weekend? I never get to pick up anyone anymore, so I’ll live vicariously through all of you.”
“Alexei Razin’s going to be there,” Victoria pipes up from behind me, entering the conversation for the first time. Her tone implies she doesn’t think it’s worth her time, but she’s clearly been paying attention. “Maybe Natasha can try throwing herself at him again.”
“Maybe you can try throwing yourself under the bus,” Natasha snaps back from the row in front of us.
A couple of people awkwardly laugh, though it didn’t sound like Natasha meant it as a joke.
Lydia jumps in to change the subject. “Your boyfriend will be there, right, Riley? Trevor McDavis?”
Shit. I forgot that not everyone knows about our break-up, but I try to keep my tone light as I correct her. “We’re not seeing each other anymore. We broke up before I moved here.”
A murmur of understanding passes through the group, as if my sudden appearance at Riverbend finally makes sense.
“Does that mean he’s available?” Victoria asks, her tone still completely uninterested.
I can’t tell if she’s sincere or asking as some sort of test, but I answer honestly. “As far as I know, yeah.”
“And are you seeing anyone else?” Blake asks pointedly, like she’s trying to catch me in a lie.
Again, I tell the truth. “I’m just focusing on skating right now.”
“That’s what people always say right before they fall for someone,” Jeremy says, giving James a wink.
Hannah comes to my aid by changing the subject. “Did you guys hear about Keaton’s latest stalker? Apparently, she left a whole envelope of nude photos of herself on the windshield of his car.”
“At the club?” Lydia squeaks.
Hannah shakes her head dramatically. “Even worse: when he was at his mom’s house.”
That leads into a long discussion of the benefits versus the drawbacks of Keaton’s level of fame, and the topic of who’s planning to hook up with whom is thankfully dropped.
Hannah and I are sharing a room at the downtown hotel, so once we arrive, we head up to our room to get settled.
Again, Hudson is taken somewhere else with the other competitors, and I’m starting to get the feeling I won’t see him very much this weekend.
The disappointment I feel about that is a little stronger than it probably should be.
“I’m going to hit the gym before supper,” Hannah announces when we’ve finished unpacking. “After sitting on that bus all afternoon, I need to move. Do you want to come?”
“Yeah, that sounds good. We can…”
My words die off as my phone buzzes and I see the message that appears on the screen from Trevor.
Just finished my press for the day. Are you here yet?
Nerves immediately twist in my stomach as it hits me that we’re actually in the same city again. The same building. My flight instinct tries to take over, but remembering Hudson’s advice, I force myself to respond to Trevor instead.
Yeah, we just arrived.
Three dots immediately pop up, letting me know he’s typing back.
Do you want to meet now?
No, my inner voice screams, but I grit my teeth and send the more responsible answer.
Sure. Hotel restaurant in ten minutes?
See you there.
This is it: the confrontation I’ve put off for way too long.
I have no idea what to expect. Would it help if Trevor begged for forgiveness or admitted how badly he fucked up?
Maybe a little, but deep down, I know the truth: there’s no magic word or apology that will undo the past. The closure I need won’t come from him. It has to come from me.
“Change of plan,” I apologize to Hannah. “I need to do something else first. Go ahead without me and we’ll meet up for supper later.”
She doesn’t argue, grabbing her gym bag and heading for the door while I go into the bathroom to freshen up. Staring at myself in the mirror, I tell the girl staring back at me the same thing I know Hudson would say if he were there.
“You can do this. Go and see him and put this all behind you. Then you can move on.”
At that thought, an image of Hudson’s charming smile flashes through my mind, but I quickly shake it away. Makeup touched up and purse in hand, I head downstairs to finally, officially, break up with my boyfriend.