Chapter 11
Chapter Eleven
Lukas
THE WEEK PASSED IN A BLUR.
They spent their second day bouldering, leaving behind a lot of the heavy equipment they needed for roped climbing. They threw their crash pads down before hulking rocks that sat amid the trees like clenched fists grasping at spiky hairs. On these gnarled stone hands, they found chips of rock just large enough for a toe, seams they could squeeze their fingers into, protrusions like basketballs that they could slap their hands on. It was blunt and short and strong — and Lukas loved it. He spent a lot of the competitive season focusing on both lead climbing and bouldering, so getting an entire day to test his strength against the brief, brutal challenges presented by the boulders was a special thrill.
Besides, it meant they got to travel lighter and climb a little faster. The boulders were typically five meters or less, safe to fall from without the help of a rope or carabiners or any of that extra gear they needed for lead climbing. Instead, one or two people would stand beside the crash pads, ensuring whoever was climbing fell on the soft foam and didn’t accidentally hit the ground.
Elijah slipped into the role of the leader that day, and the rest of their bouldering days. Lukas was more than content to follow the cool-headed veteran. He knew where to find the right kinds of rocks with the right kinds of challenges.
“You’ll like this one,” he said to Lukas. “It’s pretty straightforward, but really powerful. I think that suits you.”
Lukas couldn’t deny it. There was something about pushing his strength to its limit that challenged him like nothing else.
But there was always more than one way to climb a boulder. Lukas pushed and grunted and muscled his way through the climb, enjoying it just like Elijah predicted he would, but when it came time for Finn to try it, they found a completely different path up the boulder. Their lighter frame and better flexibility opened up options Lukas would never have considered. If Lukas’s path had been a battering ram, Finn’s was a dance.
“Nice,” Lukas said when they returned to the ground.
“Thanks,” Finn said. They were still out of breath, but offered him an exhausted smile nonetheless. “That’s a hell of a hard climb.”
“You made it seem very easy,” Lukas said.
“Did I? Well, it definitely didn’t feel that way.”
They glanced over their shoulder at the rock, which Ty was now attempting to scale, and Lukas considered them a moment. Finn was never someone Lukas would have bothered talking to. He’d always kept to himself on the competitive scene, and Finn was so different from him. It wasn’t just their climbing style, either. Everything about them seemed the inverse of Lukas. At least, that’s what Lukas had always figured.
Out here, though, those distinctions didn’t seem to matter. The differences shrank until they were even smaller than some of the nasty little fingertip holds on the boulder. In the end, they were both climbers, both people trying to find their place in the sport, both young and hungry for victories.
It wasn’t just Finn, either. As the days wore on, Lukas found things he had in common with every person on this strange camping trip. Ty was an amazing person to talk with about the climbing scene. As Lukas’s toughest competition, he shared a lot of Lukas’s anxieties and frustrations. His partner Elijah had a cool head and calm presence that Lukas definitely appreciated. Jude might have seemed like the outlier until they were sitting around the campfire one night and he revealed his love of an old video game Lukas had also put way too many hours into as a kid. The longer Lukas spent around this group, the more they truly became kindred spirits.
It happened slowly over the course of the week. The routine of waking up, eating something, climbing all day, then recounting their victories or failures around the campfire at night slid into place like a key fitting a lock. Lukas didn’t catch himself opening up to the people around him until Mylo pointed it out to him.
“You like them,” Mylo said one night in their tent.
Lukas had refused to respond and pretended to be asleep. Mylo, lying against him, had chuckled but let the matter drop. But all the next day those words churned and churned in Lukas’s head. They’d split into two groups to try out some longer climbs. Each group of three had to navigate their way up multiple “pitches” of climbing, which basically meant climbing until you ran out of rope then waiting for your companions to climb up to you to do it all again. This game of high-stakes leap frog would get them up far more wall than they could reach otherwise, and it was one of Lukas’s favorite ways of climbing.
A hush settled over him as he climbed higher with his partners Finn and Elijah. They’d decided deliberately to break up the couples in the group, but Lukas was more than happy with his companions for this climb. Elijah was steady and experienced, and Lukas had learned to see a depth in Finn he wouldn’t have suspected before. The three of them talked only about as much as necessary, in contrast to the conversation bubbling up to them from the group of Ty, Jude and Mylo below. Lukas’s group worked steadily and silently, climbing the wall with smooth efficiency while the group below them, climbing on a route just off to the side of theirs, joked around and goofed off.
That meant Lukas, Elijah and Finn reached the top first, and with plenty of time to sit back and relax while waiting on their friends.
“It’s pretty up here,” Finn said. They’d peeled off their tight climbing shoes to stand barefoot on top of the massive wall they’d just climbed and survey the rocky, tree-speckled landscape unfurling all around them.
Lukas stood to take in the view as well. It was like looking at the world with a fish-eye camera lens. The sun settled a drowsy heat over the whole region. The trees rustled as a breeze combed through their tops. A haze smeared the horizon where trees and sky met, so far away it turned fuzzy.
This was what climbing was about to Lukas. This view, standing in this place he’d had to sweat and work to reach, looking at the world from vantages few others got to enjoy. There was nothing like it in the world. He’d broken his hands against unyielding rock for hours. His muscles quivered with exhaustion. His feet were cramped. Dirt smudged his arms and face. And Lukas felt incredible.
“I love this sport.”
He hadn’t realized he’d uttered the words aloud until Finn grinned at him. “Yeah, me too. What a crazy thing to do. It’s the best.”
“I’ll never get sick of it,” Elijah added. “I might be retired from competitions, but I’ll never retire from this. They’ll have to drag me off the wall.”
Finn chuckled. “Old man Elijah throwing aside his cane to climb boulders. I could see it.”
“Hey, one day you’ll all be old too,” Elijah warned.
“And we’ll all be throwing down our canes to keep on climbing,” Finn said.
All three of them shared a laugh at that image, but it was only partially a joke. Lukas had no doubt the six of them who’d embarked on this trip would climb until they physically couldn’t. The rock was part of them, and something like age wasn’t going to completely take it away from them.
His quiet companions said no more. Lukas was happy to settle there on the top of the wall with them and dig some protein bars and water out of his pack. The wind whispered to them as they enjoyed the serenity of the wall and waited for their companions, the chatter of the treetops and small animals the only conversation worth having for the moment.
When had it gotten so easy to sit in total silence with these people?
It was something Lukas knew he personally enjoyed, but something he also counted on other people hating. He and Mylo could sit silently, legs draped over each other on the couch while they were both absorbed in their separate tasks, but Mylo was his partner, his companion, someone who would be with him forever, if Lukas had any say in the matter. Finn and Elijah were … they were friends, Lukas realized. Friends who made it so effortless to be together that he could enjoy that same comfortable silence with them after a hard day’s climbing.
“I do like them,” Lukas said that night when he and Mylo were back in their tent.
Mylo had made the accusation days ago, but he picked the conversation right back up as though no time at all had passed. It was one of the many things Lukas loved about him. Mylo understood that sometimes Lukas needed to mull over his words for a very, very long time before rejoining the conversation. Mylo never pushed, displaying boundless patience with Lukas’s careful, deliberate way of thinking and speaking.
Now, he snuggled up against Lukas, resting his head on Lukas’s chest and curling against him as they lay in their tent.
They were both utterly exhausted. Tomorrow morning, they would wake up, pack their things, and head home to Germany. It had taken Lukas until the very end to admit something that had probably been obvious since day one.
“They’re really good people,” Lukas said.
“I know,” Mylo said. “I’m glad you know too. They really are good folks. I’m sad it took me so long to actually open up to them. I should have at least known Jude and Ty a bit better before this trip.”
Lukas rubbed a hand on Mylo’s back. “You needed time.”
It was true. Mylo had had a lot to deal with when he’d suddenly burst back onto the competitive scene. That first season back, he was a wildcard, known in the climbing world but totally unpredictable. It was more like he was running away than actually competing.
But those harrowing days were behind them. They both got to be here now. Maybe it had taken Mylo and Lukas a little longer than the others to fit in, but their friends had still welcomed them with open arms. Throughout this trip, no one had made them feel like outcasts or loners. They were just two queer climbers like everyone else here.
“They should come to Germany next time,” Mylo said. “We can show them your favorite wall.”
“Already a next time,” Lukas said.
“Duh. We aren’t going to ‘one and done’ this group. No way.”
“I do not want to … ‘one and done’ them,” Lukas said. “They’re good people. Very good people. I wish I had known before. I was too busy competing to meet the people around me.”
“I know,” Mylo said. “But you’re here, and you’ve met them, and you can’t un-meet them. We’re a family, a weird little queer family. That is never going away.”
“I hope not.”
“I’m sure of it,” Mylo said. “Groups like this, they don’t break up just because of a little distance or time. How many other professional queer climbers are on the circuit? This group has a bond that goes deeper than climbing together. And it’s going to stay that way for our whole lives. We have a long, happy future ahead of us, every single one of us, and we’re going to experience all of those things together.”
Lukas swallowed the emotion that clogged up his throat. He could see it so clearly it was like he was standing at the top of the wall again, his vision stretching onward and onward until the horizon turned fuzzy. And what he saw was more climbing with these people, more happy days, more good times, all the moments big and small that you shared with the people in your life you loved the most.
“Germany next time,” Lukas said.
He suspected it wouldn’t take long, but already he couldn’t wait.