Chapter 12
Chapter Twelve
Jude
PACKING UP ON THE LAST morning of the trip was bittersweet. Jude deflated and rolled up his sleeping pad as slowly as he could get away with, trying to ignore the sounds of the rest of the campsite getting packed away.
It was done. One magical week spent climbing and swapping stories had arrived all too slowly and vanished in a flash. Jude had tried to savor every moment, to stay mindful and intentional each day, but the end had still arrived all too soon.
A car trunk slammed shut. “That’ll be us,” Mylo said.
Jude jerked to his feet. His attempt at cleaning up his tent slowly hadn’t delayed the others, especially Mylo and Lukas, who had a flight back to Germany to catch.
Finn and Elijah were already hugging them goodbye. Ty was next, talking a mile a minute about how they would all definitely meet up again. Jude rushed to join in before it was too late.
“You should all come to Germany,” Lukas was saying when Jude arrived.
A week ago, it would have been a surprising invitation. To say Lukas was quiet and reserved was an understatement. Jude wouldn’t have been shocked to barely share a word with the man the entire week. But over the course of the last seven days, Lukas had relaxed and opened up. His warm, genuine request for all of them to come visit no longer surprised anyone.
“We totally will,” Jude said. “I don’t know when, but we’ll figure it out.”
“I’ve only done comps in Germany,” Ty said. “I definitely want to check out the rocks. And you guys are experts.”
“Well, Lukas is,” Mylo said. “I’m still learning.”
“You’ll seem like a pro compared to the rest of us,” Ty said.
“I hope so,” Mylo said. “We’ll see you guys then. And at the comps of course.”
This separation won’t last too long. We’ll be together again soon.
Those words hung unspoken between them. They promised each other with hugs that lingered a beat too long. Then Jude had to move his car so Mylo and Lukas could back out of the parking spot at the campsite. Jude stood with the others to wave to them until their car disappeared around a corner.
A hush fell over the campsite. Mylo and Lukas weren’t the loudest voices in the group, but the moment they were gone, the lack of their presence left a void of quiet. It finalized the truth Jude had been dodging all morning: This was really and truly over.
At least he saw Ty a lot at home. They both lived and trained in Salt Lake City, which meant they were close to each other most of the time.
It wasn’t quite the same, as much as Jude tried to comfort himself with that thought as he went back to packing. Ty had Elijah; Jude had Finn. That meant one or the other of them were often out of town. Jude hadn’t realized how much he’d taken Ty’s presence for granted until it was suddenly a rare commodity.
This trip had thrown into sharp relief how much distance had opened between Ty and Jude. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. They both had their own lives. They were both happy. They were both with people they loved and thriving more than ever. But now that Jude felt that distance, he resolved not to let it linger, even when they returned to their routines.
A car trunk opened. Jude flinched, knowing what that sound meant. He turned to find Elijah loading up his and Ty’s car while Ty stood nearby chatting with Finn.
Despite it all, Jude had to smile. Finn was so relaxed, so easy, so themself. A few months ago, they would have been much more tense in this kind of situation, but now Ty was as much a friend to them as to Jude.
Jude and Elijah joined in, forming a tenuous circle. It felt like a soap bubble, beautiful and fragile and about to disperse forever.
No, not forever. This trip was over, but these people would be back together before long. It was inevitable. They’d forged a bond that went deeper than mere friendship. This ragtag group had become a family right before Jude’s eyes, and that wasn’t a relationship that mere distance could break.
“We should get going before traffic picks up,” Elijah said.
“Yeah, I know,” Ty said, but his voice fell.
Finn hugged him and Elijah in turn. “It won’t be too long,” they said. “We’ll all be in Salt Lake City pretty soon, I’m sure. We should meet up.”
“That would depend on you two getting out of bed at any point,” Ty said.
Finn just laughed, but Jude flushed as Ty shot a look at him. It wasn’t an unfair accusation, and Jude could do little but mutter a promise that they’d definitely meet up next time.
Ty punched his shoulder playfully. “I’m just messing with you. Have fun, dude. We’ll see each other.”
“No,” Jude said. “You’re right. We had our honeymoon phase. I miss you, man.”
Surprise flashed across Ty’s face. “I miss you too, to be honest.”
“I didn’t quite realize it until this trip,” Jude said. “We used to hang out a lot more. And I get that we both have our own lives and that Elijah and Finn live far away, but … but I still miss you. I want to hang out, with or without our partners. I want to sit around and play video games or something on a rest day, do all that dumb shit we used to do.”
A slow, warm smile spread across Ty’s lips. “I want that, too. We’ll do that. For sure. I was kind of holding off. You seemed so happy. I didn’t want to somehow get in the way.”
“You could never be in the way,” Jude said. “Never.”
They wrapped each other in a tight hug. Jude squeezed like Ty might disappear out of his arms if he didn’t.
“I’m so sorry,” he said.
“Don’t be,” Ty said, still holding him. “I love seeing you happy. It’s the best. You deserve it.”
Jude swallowed hard. “Thanks. Really. I don’t think I’d have gotten here without you.”
They squeezed each other tightly, hanging on for another beat before slowly drawing apart. Elijah and Finn were watching them with amused smiles.
“It’s like you’re going to opposite ends of the earth and not literally the same city,” Finn said.
“Shh, we shouldn’t interrupt,” Elijah said. “They’re having a moment.”
“Reed, are you seriously trying to give me shit right now?” Ty said.
His tone was light and joking, but the way Elijah instantly backed down left Jude snorting to hold back a laugh. It was clear who was in charge there.
“Anyway, we should hit the road,” Elijah said.
They made their final goodbyes, sharing more hugs and promises before Elijah and Ty got in their car and slowly pulled away from the campsite. Jude kept watching their car until he couldn’t see even the dust kicked up by the tires anymore.
IT DIDN’T TAKE LONG to finish packing their stuff and arranging it in the car. Once they’d finished, Jude surveyed the campsite, pacing through it a couple times to check for anything left behind. By the time he’d made his third circuit, he found Finn reclining against the door of their car.
“Are you done yet?” Finn said. “You know that walking in circles won’t make them all come back?”
“Okay, but I could try, though,” Jude said.
Finn smirked and pushed away from the car, swaying up to Jude and draping their arms over his shoulders. “I know you miss them already, but we do have to go home. I want a shower so freaking bad.”
“I do too,” Jude said. “I just…”
Finn kissed him lightly. “I know. It’ll be okay, baby. We’ll see Ty back at home. And as soon as the comps start up again, we’ll be with Lukas and Mylo most of the time, too. It isn’t over.”
Jude nodded, but an ache lingered in his chest even as he reluctantly trudged to the car and slid into the passenger side. He’d driven them here, so Finn had agreed to drive them back home. Their tires crunched over the gravel of the parking spot at the campsite. Jude watched the site disappear out of his window, then they were bumping along the dirt road leading to the campground.
The smooth pavement of the first real road they hit was startling after so many days spent away from civilization. Cars rushed past them. Power lines tangled overhead instead of treetops. Homes and businesses studded the roadside like boulders scattered through the forest where they’d spent the past week of their lives. It all felt too smooth, too clean, like one perfect, artificial flower among a bouquet of wild roses. Jude would take the real thing every time, even if that meant it was messier and dirtier and rougher.
Finn reached across the gear shaft and scooped up Jude’s hand, giving it a squeeze as they wound down the two-lane road that would eventually intersect with the highway.
“We have a really good group of friends,” Finn said.
“We do,” Jude agreed.
“How did we ever get so lucky? How did we find such good people to have around us, huh?”
Jude knew Finn was just trying to make him feel better, but he answered sincerely anyway. “I think they found us. Ty especially. Before he joined the U.S. team, I had acquaintances, but not really friends. I think he kind of just adopted all of us over time.”
Finn chuckled. “You’re right. He is the type to do that. But I don’t think he’d do this with just anyone. This group is special.”
“It is,” Jude agreed.
It wasn’t just that they were all queer. It wasn’t just that they were all climbers, either. Something more tied these people together, some unspoken bond that went deeper than any of those surface similarities. Ty had found a bunch of misfits and ensured they all had a home – each other. No matter where they came from or what their relationship with their real families was like, they would always be able to find a family with each other.
Jude relaxed, his sadness turning bittersweet the longer he thought about it. They had a lot more climbing ahead of them, and not just on the professional circuit. This group would be throwing themselves at rocks for a long, long time to come. No matter what twists and turns their lives took, they’d always be able to come back to this, to each other, to the rocks, to the bond they’d formed throwing themselves at boulders and walls and encouraging each other along.
“Hey,” Finn said, startling Jude out of his thoughts. They gave his hand a squeeze. “Who do you think will get married first?”
Jude sat up straighter, eyebrows trying to climb into his hairline as the question hit him.
Finn laughed. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to jump scare you. I’m just saying, hypothetically. Who do you think will do it first? It’s going to happen eventually, don’t you think?”
He did think that. And the longer he looked over at Finn, the longer he clasped their hand while they drove, the more likely it seemed.
Maybe it’ll be us , he thought, but he dared not say it out loud. It felt too tenuous, too fragile. If he voiced that thought, who knew where it could lead.
“I’m not sure,” he said instead. “I guess we’ll have to wait and see.”
Finn smiled softly. “Yeah, I guess we will.”