Chapter Forty
By the time I get home, my shirt is damp, my eyes are puffy, and my spirit is broken.
He said he loved me.
I throw myself on my bed and cry. I cry because I know exactly what I’m doing. I’m throwing away possibly the best thing to ever happen to me. But I just… can’t.
When I’m all out of tears, I pad out to the kitchen, start brewing a jumbo batch of coffee, and place a video call to Mom. When her face fills the screen, she cocks her head, and sadness overcomes her.
“Oh, baby,” she signs, “What happened?”
Mom and I have always been close. I tell her almost as much as I tell Beth. I take her through the entire day, leaving out details about making love in the empty house.
“Ellie.” She gives me a look only moms know how to give. “The fact that you’re in the state you’re in and you’re calling me for motherly advice tells me everything I need to know. Sweetie, it’s obvious you belong together. And I’m sorry to have to agree with him over you, but I believe he’s right and you’re making excuses.”
I look away, pouting. It’s the only thing I can do to stop the conversation. She’s my mom. She should be on my side. When I finally look back, she’s waiting patiently. This isn’t the first time, or ever the hundredth, I’ve used my deafness to ignore someone.
“I’ve sat here and heard you out,” she signs. “Now, you’re going to listen to me. Okay?”
I nod.
“When I met your dad, and I mean Kyle, not Grant, I was a poor, pregnant girl from Chicago who walked dogs to make ends meet.” She holds up a hand to stop me from cutting in. “I know you’ve heard some of this before. But it seems you need to hear it again. So listen.”
I sit back and cross my arms.
“He was a doctor, and I was on the run from an abusive husband. We came from totally different worlds, yet we had an instant connection despite all those differences. He had loving parents and a solid support system. At the time, I had no one. And then, when he stepped up, declared his feelings and practically swept me off my feet, newborn and all, I left him for all the wrong reasons. He’s the reason you’re here, Ellie. If it weren’t for him, I’d have probably miscarried in my dirty little apartment. He changed my life. But don’t get me wrong, this wasn’t just a damsel in distress story. I changed his life, too.”
Tears collect in the corners of her eyes as she recalls the story. “Don’t be me, Ellie. I almost lost him because I let my past control my actions. I was a stupid, stupid girl and threw away everything because… well, because I guess he loved me too much.” She shakes her head in disbelief. “And I just didn’t believe that over the course of a few short months, you could ever really know someone well enough to love them.”
Those words physically hurt as if they’d punched me in the gut. I’d forgotten that it was just a short time they’d known each other, all while she was confined to a hospital bed.
She wipes away the tears that now coat her cheeks. “I was lucky. He took me back after I came to my senses. I can’t imagine my life without him. You and I wouldn’t be who we are today without Kyle Stone.
“So, sweetie, you better think long and hard about what you’re doing here. Be honest with yourself. Can you imagine your life without Blake? Will you regret it next month, or next year, if he’s moved on with someone else? And that adorable little girl you’re always texting me pictures of, could you live with yourself if you cut her out of your life? She needs you. He needs you. You need him. That’s why it works, Ellie. You all need each other. You all love each other. What else is there in life? It’s not fair to punish him for things out of his control. So you’re deaf. Who cares? I’m glad you’re deaf, Ellie.”
Surprised to see her say it, I can only stare at her in confusion.
“It took me a long time to admit it. But, yes, I’m glad you’re deaf. You wouldn’t be the amazing woman you are today if you weren’t.”
She’s glad I’m deaf.
No one has ever said that. I mean, I’m good with it. Once I got past all the shit from high school and found my place in the world, I embraced it. But deep down, I guess I always thought everyone else in my life would be happier if I could hear.
But could my new place in the world really be with Blake? A hearing man? It would be a giant leap of faith I’m not sure I’m ready to take. Maybe Blake was right and Grant screwed me up so badly I’m incapable of truly loving anyone.
Mom’s incessant waves get my attention and I look back at the screen. “Do you love him?” she signs.
Being stubborn, I shake my head. Mom just stares. I shrug. She stares some more. I sign, “Maybe.” Then I momentarily close my eyes and sign, “Yes.”
Her expression softens. “Then you need to ask yourself an important question. Would you think differently about all this if Blake were deaf?”
Immediately I know the answer. I know it because I’ve often wished it to be true. Sometimes in my dreams he’s deaf and we have an amazing life and go on to have a gaggle of deaf kids.
“You don’t have to answer,” she signs. “It’s written all over you. Ellie, you’re punishing the man for the simple fact that he can hear. You, if anyone, should know how wrong that is. He loves you. His daughter loves you. Don’t be afraid to be happy just because your idea of happiness ended up coming in a different package. The best things in life can be everything we didn’t expect.”
My eyes dart to the kitchen counter where the tiny slip of fortune cookie paper still sits where he left it. Your heart knows the right answer.
I wipe my eyes. “Mom, I have to go.”
She smiles. She doesn’t have to ask where I’m going. Like mother, like daughter, I guess.
“Go find your happiness, baby. And when you get it—don’t ever let go.”
“Love you, Mom.”
“I love you too, baby.”
The screen goes blank and I can see my pitiful reflection in the glass. Red eyes. Streaked makeup. And I probably smell from the run home. Quickly, I shower and dress and fix my face. I’m contemplating where I can find Blake when a text comes in. Is it him? My heart flutters. Is he coming after me?
But when I look at my phone and see Sierra has been texting me for the last twenty minutes, my world comes to an abrupt halt.
Sierra: Ellie, I really messed up. I need to talk to you.
Sierra: Are you there?
Sierra: I’m at the airport on standby. Please answer me. Oh, God. I have to know you and Mom are okay.
My heart pounds as I respond.
Me: I’m here. What’s wrong?
Sierra: Oh, thank God. You have to go find my mom. She’s not responding. Then you both have to go somewhere safe.
Me: I’ll find her. But what happened?
Sierra: It’s my fault. I made a horrible mistake. I accidentally texted Mom’s old phone instead of her new one. I did it 2 days ago. I didn’t realize it until today when I got concerned that she hadn’t texted me back. Ellie, he knows. I asked how her job was going and if she’d seen you and if she knew any gossip about you and Blake. I’ve put everyone I love in danger. You have to find her, Ellie.
Me: I’ll find her. If you didn’t mention where she worked, I’m sure she’s okay.
Sierra: It’ll take me at least a day to fly back, and that’s assuming I catch a flight out today. I feel so helpless just sitting here. I caused this. I may have messed everything up. And I can’t do a damn thing.
Me: You might be overreacting. It’s been a while. Maybe he’s given up on finding her.
Sierra: He hasn’t. He’s still reading the fake texts I send every week. He responds as if he’s her. And I can see he read the accidental one shortly after I sent it.
Me: Okay. Don’t panic. He’s a long way away.
Sierra: It was 2 days ago. I made it to Chicago in half a day, remember?
Me: I’ll leave right now. I’m sure everything will be fine. Text me when you get a flight. I promise to let you know when I find her.
I stash my phone in my pocket and replace my dress shoes with sneakers. It’ll be faster to run to the school than to wait for an Uber. I open the door and freeze because someone is blocking the way. Relief courses through me when my brain processes that it’s Tara.
Then relief turns to terror as Grant steps behind her, pushes her through my doorway, and locks the door behind them.