CHAPTER 19 #2
Her friend’s kind words brought Anna’s tears back but after watching a familiar rom-com and thrusting everything heavy from her mind, it was time to sleep. She still had race duties tomorrow and Sunday, which meant she would have to face Isaac and apologize for her outburst.
After they were ready for bed and the room was dark, it became easier to talk.
In halting stops and starts, she told Catarina what Spencer had done, starting with Indonesia and ending with Germany—everything she’d been too scared to tell Isaac.
She’d been terrified of what he might do to Spencer.
Of course, Isaac wasn’t like that, it was just her fear.
Now that Anna was thinking more clearly, it became obvious that she’d done what she’d accused him of doing. Kept important information to herself. Maybe she wasn’t meant to be close to anyone. Would she end up alone? Her late-night self-pity wasn’t helping.
“You need to report Spencer,” said Catarina, interrupting Anna’s spiral. “What he’s doing needs to be on record. He’s popular and good looking and keeps getting away with it.”
There was a long pause. Would Catarina continue?
Catarina’s voice was softer when she resumed, almost too quiet for Anna to follow and she strained to listen.
“I left the racing circuit eight years ago because of Spencer and one of his friends. I got sick of the constant harassment and of watching my back. I didn’t report them and he’s still hurting people. ”
“What if no one believes me?” said Anna.
“I do and the other women will believe you. You might not be the only one he’s hurting. Isaac believes you and so will Angel. Think about it. It doesn’t have to be right now, but I don’t want keeping it to yourself to be something you regret.”
“Do you regret it?” Anna’s voice dropped to a whisper.
“Yes. Especially when I hear your story. He’s still taking advantage of his position and his popularity. Who knows how many others he’s hurt? If you want my support, I’ll go with you.”
“I should have said something,” said Anna, her voice hoarse and filled with sadness. She sniffled and reached toward the box of tissues, fumbling until she’d located them. The room grew quiet, the silence broken when she finished wiping her tears and blew her nose.
“I know,” said Catarina. “What are you going to do about Isaac? I don’t agree with what he did. He should have told you. But he’s one of the good guys, and he was trying to look out for you.” She yawned. “Sorry.”
“He’s not just good, he’s amazing. He wants to buy us a house. I love him but I don’t think I can go back unless I tell him everything. It wasn’t right that I was hiding what happened. My past as well as my problems with Spencer.”
“That’s fair,” said Catarina, “If you’re going to expect that Isaac should tell you everything, you should do the same.”
“How do people do that? Just open up and trust?” It was something that Anna had always found difficult. Without her grandmother, she’d had no one. Until Isaac.
“When it’s the right person, you just do. Take a leap of faith,” said Catarina. “You two seem great together and he’s completely besotted with you. But, ask yourself one thing. Could you live without him and be okay? Is he your person?”
Anna didn’t answer. Life without Isaac would be bleak and lonely. “I have to be brave and talk to him. How do I tell him about everything and not wreck his race day after tomorrow?” Anna spun her ring in the dark.
Catarina made a snorting sound. “That’s rubbish. Do you think he’ll be at his best if you aren’t speaking?”
Anna didn’t answer. Her friend was right. Her grandmother would have told her to march downstairs and make up with Isaac.
“My advice? Pull up your socks, girl, and go tell him everything.”
“Thank you for listening,” said Anna.
“That’s what friends do.” Catarina yawned again. “I’m going to get some sleep, and you should too. Talk to Isaac in the morning.” Her breathing changed into deep, even breaths as she fell asleep.
Anna lay staring into the darkened hotel room while Catarina slept, and the night stretched onward. Tears leaked from the corners of her eyes, and her head ached from too many tears recently. She didn’t want to wait until morning.
She didn’t want to lose Isaac over this and let Spencer ruin what she’d built for her life.
If it hadn’t been for Isaac and Catarina, she wouldn’t have anyone.
They were good people, and her life was better for her first gamble, that of coming to Spain.
She needed to keep going, be strong, and talk to Isaac.
Gathering her courage, she slipped out of bed and collected her bag. She used the blue glow of the digital clock, which read 2:15 a.m., to scribble “Thanks,” on the hotel stationery by her bedside lamp and tiptoed out the door, her shoes in hand.
The hotel was quiet at this hour and her footfalls were silent on the blue and white carpet.
The halls were bright after the dark room, and she blinked several times while her eyes adjusted.
Not wanting to chance another unwanted encounter on the elevator, she opened the door to the stairwell and listened.
Inside was dead quiet. She trotted up the two flights of stairs, her steps echoing, and exited on the eleventh floor.
Anna stopped at the door to her hotel room, almost losing her courage. Isaac was probably sleeping. She turned, about to leave, then caught herself. She was still making excuses to keep people at a distance. It had to stop.
She swiped her room card and eased the door open. She closed it behind her, taking pains to remain silent so she didn’t startle him. For all her care, Isaac sat bolt upright as she neared the bed. Maybe he’d been having trouble sleeping too.
“Anna?” His voice was tired and scratchy.
“Yes.” She’d come to talk, but her feet seemed fastened to the floor. What was she waiting for? Isaac clicked on his bedside lamp, flooding the room in an ivory glow. “Did I wake you? I’m sorry. Should I come back another time?”
“Please stay. I’m so sorry, Mi Corazon.”
She sat on the edge of the bed, taking a deep breath, before settling beside Isaac. “I’m sorry I yelled. I was so upset I couldn’t think straight. I lashed out at you, even though you didn’t deserve it. By the time I ran, I wasn’t thinking straight. I was already melting down.”
“I know. It was difficult to see you like that, but it doesn’t change how I feel.”
His words helped her overcome her worry that she’d ruined things between them. “I needed time to think.” She chewed on her lower lip. “You were right. I’ve been keeping difficult things from you too. I’m sorry.”
He scooted closer. “Don’t be sorry about needing time. Unless you’ve come to break up with me.” He swallowed when she didn’t say anything. “Have you come to tell me it’s over?” His voice broke.
She shook her head. Her mouth felt like it was filled with sand, making it hard to speak.
“Never. But I have things to say too. Please don’t interrupt because if I stop, I might chicken out again.
I didn’t tell you because I was scared to talk about what happened.
I wanted to pretend it didn’t happen.” She waited for his nod of acknowledgement.
He took her hand, lacing his fingers into hers, giving her a dose of courage.
She took another breath. “Spencer has been scaring me since the spring. Threatening me. Propositioning me. In Germany, he clamped his hand around my throat and choked me. I should have told you. I should have asked for your help.” A hot wave of guilt swept over her.
“Why didn’t you?” Isaac’s voice was soft. “Why were you so scared to tell me?”
“I’m not sure,” she said, picking at the quilt instead of looking at him.
“I think you know.” His voice was calm and steadying. He slid forward and took her other hand, his touch gentle, making her feel precious.
“I’m not worth making a fuss over.” It wasn’t much more than a whisper, but it was the truth and one of her biggest fears.
“You are worth it to me,” said Isaac. “You’re worth everything to me.”
“You don’t really know me.” Anna trembled all over. “There are things I don’t tell anyone.” About her parents for instance.
“After five months, I know enough.” Isaac wrapped his arms around her, sharing his heat, but more importantly, making her feel wanted.
He kept his voice soft—soothing. She hadn’t realized that she was crying again but everything was a blur when she looked up.
“I’ve never felt like I’ve been worth it.
When I’m with you, I forget sometimes. I left Adam, quit my job, and came to Europe to write.
I wanted to treat myself like someone important.
I’m trying to live up to what I want and work toward making a living doing something that I love.
But it’s hard to break old habits of self-doubt. ”
“You still want to be with me?” Isaac’s voice had become more confident.
“Yes, but I have two conditions.”
“Let me hear them.”
“Ask questions. I’ll tell you the truth about anything you want to know. Not just right now, but from now on. I’m just not good at knowing where to start. Sometimes I’ll be scared of my memories, but I’ll say so, and try.”
“I can do that.” He kissed her temple. “What’s the second?”
“Leave Spencer alone unless he does it again.” Isaac’s body stiffened.
“I’m not ready for the fuss it would make to report him.
I want to avoid him and forget about everything he said and did.
It’s just for a couple of months—for the rest of this racing season.
Then, I’ll report him and we’ll be gone. ”
“I’m going to be upset when I hear what else he did, aren’t I? That’s another reason you kept it from me.”
“Yes. I was afraid to throw you off your season. Do you promise that you will let it go? At least for now.”
“I love you. I don’t agree with this, but if it is what you want, I will. We can avoid him, and I’ll abide by your wishes.”
“Thank you,” she said, turning into his arms while he held her close.
Safe in his arms, she told him everything that Spencer had done.
“I want to hurt him. Or to have him arrested.” Isaac’s words were at odds with his soft voice.
She remained silent. While she wanted Spencer behind bars, she wasn’t ready to accuse him in public.
“We got this.” Isaac held her for several minutes before she undressed and tucked herself into bed, lighter inside than in a long time.
Isaac kissed her, slow and tender, and wrapped his arm around her.
He still radiated warmth and acceptance.
As her head hit the pillow, her last thought was that, with Isaac’s help, she would let him know all of her. The good, the bad, and the insecure.
. . .
The next three weeks flew by in a flash with races each weekend. A whirlwind trip to Austria, Italy, and then back in Spain for Aragon—one of the two races the Vasquez brothers considered home races, and the fans had turned out in droves.
Every couple of days, Anna made a point of sharing something new with Isaac about her life, and they used it as a starting point for more conversations.
She found it difficult to share about her parents, but she was working up to it and told bits of her childhood.
The more she did it, the easier it became to let Isaac in, their connection becoming deeper.
The championship remained up for grabs as Isaac finished second in all three, while Vince won two and finished third in the other. They were both riding more consistently than ever. On race weekends away from the garage and the track, Anna ensured that she was never alone.